Hi and Welcome,
You are not a loser. Addiction is not a character defect, it's a disease.
I'm glad you've decided to live a sober life.
Since you've been trying to stay off cocaine for so many years, I would ask you what else you have done besides not using? Stopping using/drinking is only the first stop. The addiction is a symptom and we need to deal with the underlying problems and we need to learn how to live life without numbing ourselves.