nutcase

hi i am 25 years old and for the past last 6 years i have been battling with staying off cocaine. i don't do it everyday but i would say almost every 2 months i go drinking and i end up coked up to the fullest not caring about anything messing with girls that are not my wife and just drinking to much end up missing a day of work and it really really sucks i hate this feeling and i fell like a super loser that i cant control myself and keep on doing the same sh_t. today is tuesday my last time was this weekend did a little bit on friday after going out drinking and then again sunday after drinking the whole day in festival started drinking at 1:00pm and around 6:00pm i started with the coke and kept doing it till monday morning around 6am. missed work did lots of crazy stuff and i'm tired of this happenin again again and again i've been all these year trying to never do it again but like i said before every 2 months maybe 3 like that i go and fall of the wagon, i get so depressed after i do it and feel so guilty because it makes me do stuff that i really wouldn't do sober i come here because this time has to be the last time and i really need to hear people thaT know about this! please i seek help i've been a month without a single drop of alcohol before. ive tried a couple of things. i hope to get something out of this site right now i'm feeling like i let everyone down and myself mostly and don't know what to do please help me! pleaseee