Old 11-29-2009, 04:07 PM
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Looking For Myself...Sober
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Thx to smacked who turned me on to this site in my book request thread. I have found some real inspiring stuff there. And todays is so spot on for me. Not so much as envying others for what they have and what I dont. But for judging others for the way they may deal with life differently than I do.
Meaning I have been strugglin with my anger alot lately. And its because I have taken on alot of my cousins BS as my own. And I am just so sick with it and frustrated with the whole situaiton I cant stand it anymore.
I cant judge her I guess for how she deals with things. I am more strait forward and aggressive. She is far from that. Which is why I get so angry because she has let someone totally disrespect her and treat her like **** and thinks its her fault. And I want to slap the crap out of her. But its her life not mine. But I will do whatever I have to to protect her.

Anyway..This is todays meditation...

Today's Quotation:

Believe all the good you can of everyone. Do not measure
others by yourself. If they have advantages which you
have not, let your liberality keep pace with their good
fortune. Envy no one, and you need envy no one.

William Hazlitt

Today's Meditation:

Sometimes we start to think that the way we think of others is somehow justified by their lot in life. After all, we're often surrounded by people who judge others based on their wealth, their lack of wealth, their good fortune, or their bad fortune. But the way we look at others usually is a reflection of how we feel about ourselves, how our own lives are going on the inside, where it truly counts. While believing negative things about others helps some people to justify or rationalize their own bad fortune or lack of success, when those beliefs are founded on untruths they tend to pull us down to levels that we really shouldn't be at if we want to be healthy in our spirits and our hearts.

Some people have been incredibly fortunate in life--let them be fortunate! Allow them their luck without envying them, and focus on improving yourself and your own life. If we all can work on the way we do things ourselves and not worry about what others do or how they do it, we'll all be much happier. If we look at our own lives realistically, we start to realize just how fortunate we are to have the things we have, but once we start to compare ourselves to those who have more, we start to lose the appreciation we could be feeling.

Life is for living, not for comparing. Envy keeps us trapped in the feeling that we're somehow lacking, when in truth we're not. Let's focus on what we have and realize that our lot in life is what we make it--we are not helpless victims of some sort of arbitrary decisions made by God or life. I have wealth in different forms than other people have wealth, and I hope that I always will appreciate all that I have without diminishing it by comparing it to what others have.

Questions to ponder:

1. Why do so many people spend so much time
comparing themselves to others?

2. What purpose do such comparisons serve?

3. How can we focus more strongly on our own good
fortune and less on the good fortune of others
that may seem better than our own?

For further thought:
Jealousy is based on a feeling of inadequacy and
a lack of self-worth. The best way to handle the
jealousy is to concentrate on loving yourself.

Louise L. Hay
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Old 11-29-2009, 07:33 PM
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Thanks for the referral to the livinglifefully website. There is a lot of good stuff there. I especially like the relaxation exercises.
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Old 11-29-2009, 08:00 PM
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Thanks for this today. I have been feeling envious of my exABF today so this posting helped a bit.

I went to a ski event this weekend, but had to go alone since no one was around to go with. I really have started hating going to things by myself as I get older, but that's just the way it is.

My ex's birthday is Tues, and he's having a party and has a whole slew of people coming, including the ex that I hated. I have been feeling really depressed since I got home since I heard that because here I am having to go to something alone because I can't find anyone, and there he is having a huge party at his house with a ton of people. It really makes me feel incredibly alone and like I was hugely lacking somehow. I'm still envying his seemed happiness with his new life and I seem to have been having trouble finding it. I know I have to work on me, but it's just a huge weight on my back I can't seem to get rid of.

This post helped me rethink things. I'm still depressed, but I'm working on it.
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Old 11-29-2009, 08:14 PM
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I understand. I pushed everyone away a long time ago when I went nuts in addiction. I look around at my family and reconnect with old friends on FB and I see how their lives have gone. Married, good jobs, kids, just normality. And then I look at my pathetic existance and it depresses me too.
But sometimes I have to look at it like this. I am alive and here to try and at least attempt to have a normal life again. I have been given so many chances to get it right. To start again. Alot of people dont get that chance. I am debt free and in a position where I can take alot of time and work on myself and my recovery.
Alot of people with addictions and alcoholism have alot of obligations where they cant do that. I have nothing. So I am have nothing to lose.
But I have my life. A clean slate. And for once in my life I am going to take advantage of that instead of using it as an excuse to make it worse and pity myself to death.
I get lonely all the time. I miss having someone to spend time with. I have been single for almost 4 yrs now. I miss having friends to hang out with. I miss doing things. But I did that to myself. Now I have to fix it so it doesnt ever happen again.
I am so down lately. Angry and frustrated. But I cant give up.
I have to believe there more than this. I knwo there is because I use to live it before I became an addict.
Everything takes time. And alot of patience. And as addicts, patience is hard to come by. But we learn to have it. Sometimes we have no other choice.
Hang in there.
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Old 11-30-2009, 12:57 PM
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I really needed this one today.I have been so stressed out over really nothing. Mostly other peples BS. But I have always said that my lil cousins keep me grounded and show me how the simple things in life are what matters. They help me in so many ways and have no idea they are doing it. I am grateful everyday that I have such wonderful examples around me.

Today's Quotation:

Children have a remarkable talent for not taking the
adult world with the kind of respect that we are so
confident it ought to be given. To the irritation of authority
figures of all sorts, children expend considerable energy in “clowning around.” They refuse to appreciate the gravity of
our monumental concerns, while we forget that if we were
to become more like children our concerns
might not be so monumental.

Conrad Hyers

Today's Meditation:

It's not such a big deal, I often tell my adult friends as they worry about their jobs, their responsibilities, their homes, and so many other aspects of their lives. I know that these things are very important, but in my experience, I've almost never seen my adult friends not take care of these responsibilities, no matter how much worrying they've done about them. And once the responsibilities are taken care of, then all of the worrying was for naught--just wasted time that could have been spent on something else much more enjoyable than worrying.

Kids know things have to be done, but they aren't as caught up in timetables or deadlines as we are. They aren't as worried about what other people will think of them if they do something a bit late, or if they forget to take care of something. Somehow, the world will go on, they know. I know many people who almost never relax, almost never play, almost never enjoy themselves just by being silly. Their lives have become somehow grey and dim, and their concerns have grown to overpower or overwhelm them.

I firmly believe that adults aren't here to teach kids how to live--kids are here to teach us about life, if only we're willing to take lessons from them. Their perspectives are refreshing and uplifting, and their ability to live life to the fullest can teach us much about life and living. We respect the institutions of the "adult world" because we're supposed to respect them, but the only reason they stick around is because not enough people question the "wisdom" behind them. Are we really more respectable when we wear a suit and tie? Are our most productive hours really between eight and five? Do we really have to be so serious all the time?

Yes, it's important that we somehow respect the institutions of life, but if we take them too seriously, we run the risk of losing a lot of fun in life. And I'm completely convinced that life was meant to be fun, and that we are meant to learn how to have fun by learning from the children who are all around us, and who don't take life too seriously.

Questions to ponder:

1. How seriously do you take life?
Does that allow you to have fun?

2. How do you define fun?

3. Why do our concerns and worries tend
to grow so strong in our lives?

For further thought:
Have you ever watched small children playing alone in a room? They will talk to themselves, and they will answer. They will dress themselves up. They sing and dance. A small child in a room all alone can have a marvelous time entertaining him or herself. Children can do this not only because they have an innocence that helps them to rise above the cares of the world; they don’t mind being alone with their thoughts and dreams. They don’t mind acting out their fantasies. They can live their lives beyond the expectations of others. In a room all alone, children have no inhibitions. They have nothing to prove and no one to satisfy but themselves. They feel free!
They are unencumbered by opinions and directives.
It happens because nobody is watching them.
Live your life like nobody is watching you.

Iyanla Vanzant
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