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Back to day one, and sick as can be.

Old 11-18-2009, 12:28 PM
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Back to day one, and sick as can be.

I'm really amazed that I'm still a member here. Thanks for not throwing me out on the curb.

I'm so sick inside, I can't find an answer to why I'm slowly killing myself here in full view of you. It's insane.

It's back to AA for me, again.

Gosh, I hope I can get it right this time.

Thanks for letting me stick around. That's a sign of love that I wish I had for myself, so I guess you are all loving me till I learn how to do so myself. That's truly a wonderful gift.
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Old 11-18-2009, 12:30 PM
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Good luck again today. Hope all goes well for you
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Old 11-18-2009, 12:31 PM
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We don't shoot our wounded firestorm. I've never seen anyone kicked to the curb as long as they had the slightest desire for recovery. You'll get this, just don't die trying.
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Old 11-18-2009, 12:34 PM
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Been there, done that. Many times.

Keep trying Firestorm, don't ever give up.
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Old 11-18-2009, 12:34 PM
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fire...it's my day one again as well....I went to a meeting, called my sponsor...and people from work came to check on me when I most needed help getting through a craving.

Like you I don't get why I go back .... but today I realized i've got to stop fighting against sobriety.

Keep us posted....no one has the right to kick you out hon...anyone who is alchoholic will understand the delima...Use whatever tools you can find.
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Old 11-18-2009, 12:40 PM
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Thanks for letting me have another chance at this.

I'm really sick today, my head is buzzing and my nerves are shot, I can hardly type, but I'm here, so I guess that's a good thing. I'm cutting my classes at school today, and I'm trying to just wind down. It really bothers me to see my hands shaking like they are, must be a real sign of damage to my system. My right hand won't stay still.

Thank you all for being here. I always think people really don't care, but you always prove me wrong.
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Old 11-18-2009, 12:41 PM
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Glad you're back ananda. It's a rollercoaster, ain't it? Get off in the middle of the ride and you'll get hurt, or enjoy the ride to the very end, I promise you it can be pretty wild
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Old 11-18-2009, 12:52 PM
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Glad you made it back FS. Be kind to yourself today and drink lots of water. As many wise people say on here time to make a plan on how to stay sober. When you come up with it let me know what it is ok!
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Old 11-18-2009, 01:00 PM
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Originally Posted by firestorm090 View Post
I can't find an answer to why I'm slowly killing myself...
Stop looking for a reason why and accept that fact.

Originally Posted by firestorm090 View Post
Gosh, I hope I can get it right this time.
When I got sober, Dallas, I stopped believing that I would get it right this time. In fact, I knew that I wouldn't get it right. Not ever. I knew that I was just going to keep repeating the same pattern, and life would keep getting worse, and I'd be even more alone than I already was, and that life would be this endless stream of panic filled days.

Oddly enough, in that desperation is where I became willing to do whatever it took. It's where I started saying 'I don't know' instead of thinking I had any good ideas when it came to getting sober. My eyes were filled with fear and my face distorted with panic.

The BB talks about needing the desperation of a drowning man to latch onto this thing.
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Old 11-18-2009, 01:08 PM
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Day one here also

Firestorm, I am feeling your pain. I had 14 years of good sobriety before beginning a bounce that has lasted for 6 years. It has been a struggle. I too will be going to AA and honestly never stopped going, just stopped working it. I have been reading these boards all day and I am not sure I feel better from it. I began this run with percs, a bit of OC and tramadol along with mscontin.
I feel right now like I am on a never ending bounce and will never enjoy quality of life again. I know 12 steps work but only when I work them.
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Old 11-18-2009, 01:09 PM
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The thing about feeling guilty about being on this site after relapses, (I'm including myself in this), is that it makes it harder to come back, and we need to come back. Don't feel like you don't deserve to be here or someday you'll convince yourself of that, and stop...and then who knows what will happen. I try to look at SR as a place for friendship and support...and not a place where only those who are "making it" can come. Easier said than done..I get that. Just sayin, cuz I don't wanna see you stop coming here when you're down on yourself...that's when we need it most.
Take care of yourself...we're all in the same boat.
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Old 11-18-2009, 01:24 PM
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Keep coming back. You're more than welcome here anytime and as someone else said, this just isn't a place for people who are making it, but for those who aren't and are looking for recovery and have that desire to stop using. Like the meetings, the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop using. :ghug3
Just keep coming back. No matter what. Don't use. Stay here and keep your mind busy. Go look up People of Walmart on google. You'll get some laughs at that one! Drink lots of water, gatorade, powerade. Keep yourself warm and keep your mind busy.
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Old 11-18-2009, 01:26 PM
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Day ones..
And everytime you think it will be the last one..
Been there..
Wish you the best.
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Old 11-18-2009, 01:38 PM
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I truly hope this is your last Day 1, Firestorm.

I'm glad you're here.
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Old 11-18-2009, 01:56 PM
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Hi to you too Bozo914
as you see, there's a lot of support here - welcome!

D
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