The thing about feeling guilty about being on this site after relapses, (I'm including myself in this), is that it makes it harder to come back, and we need to come back. Don't feel like you don't deserve to be here or someday you'll convince yourself of that, and stop...and then who knows what will happen. I try to look at SR as a place for friendship and support...and not a place where only those who are "making it" can come. Easier said than done..I get that. Just sayin, cuz I don't wanna see you stop coming here when you're down on yourself...that's when we need it most.
Take care of yourself...we're all in the same boat.