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Dilemma

Old 11-01-2009, 12:44 PM
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Dilemma

I can't figure out what to do today.

I want to go to church and then to the AA meeting later on--and the timing would be perfect, even with the walking and the pieces of the route that have a bus on them. This pattern seems to be working for me so far this week, and I'm afraid to mess it up.

But I feel half miserable and listless, and I think I'm on the verge of getting sick again. If I could drive, I'd go easily. It's the half hour walk that starts the trip that I'm dreading... just because. A half hour of walking is nothing to me.

On the other hand, if I don't do these things, I'll have to face the week like I am, and I don't think I'm strong enough. Spiritually, or whatever. I want to be around people one last time before I take that deep breath and take on the next three days. The last two have been nothing but internal battles and white-knuckled determination not to succumb to drinking.

Any suggestions?
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Old 11-01-2009, 12:52 PM
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I hear you.....the past few days haven't exactly been the easiest for me either...I did just get back from a meeting and plan to go to church later tonight.....which might seem kinda backward....but I really needed a morning meeting even though my mind tried to convince me to stay home. I am glad I went. Is there someone in the program you can call today---just to talk to before the meeting tonight? Sometimes that helps--talking to others in recovery. I haven't been talking much on here lately---but yes, all those spinning thoughts--the past few days I feel like I have been going mad...or crazy...........this disease is something else......very confusing at times.

Good to see you reaching out. I have enjoyed reading the honesty in your shares/posts. You say what I have been feeling but have a hard time putting it into words. Thanks.
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Old 11-01-2009, 01:25 PM
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Originally Posted by thirtybubba View Post

But I feel half miserable and listless, and I think I'm on the verge of getting sick again...
Now is the time to take some action. Nothing changes if nothing changes.
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Old 11-01-2009, 01:31 PM
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Originally Posted by Boleo View Post
Now is the time to take some action. Nothing changes if nothing changes.
Explain, please?

I guess that means I should go out to the meeting. It's late for church now.
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Old 11-01-2009, 01:45 PM
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I can't tell you how many times I've tried to talk myself into doing nothing (sometimes succeeding), then pushing through it and been grateful I had.

One foot in front of the other.

Peace & Love,
Sugah
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Old 11-01-2009, 02:20 PM
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Bubba, hope you will get some phone numbers at your meeting and possibly ask if there is someone who can give you a ride to your next meeting.
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Old 11-01-2009, 02:45 PM
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You should always go to the meeting, i would say at least one meeting a week i don't want to go to...but it isn't me that doesn't want to go it's the disease or the temporary insanity that subtly says ah i can't be bothered...i start listening to that and i'm back at the bar in no time!

I mean after 20 years of me rationalising drinking with all the obvious problems it was causing me i would have no problem rationalising that i don't need to attend a meeting lol
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Old 11-01-2009, 02:45 PM
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Some people pay monthly dues at a health club in order to walk 30 minutes on a treadmill. I know the walk can be a PITA, but think of it as your free health club. I know a lot of people who try to walk 10,000 steps a day for health and weight loss reasons (google 10,000 steps, you will be surprised by the info you get).
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Old 11-01-2009, 02:47 PM
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I always have a reason not to go, I am always to tired or busy, I never want to go, and I am always glad I did.
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Old 11-01-2009, 02:57 PM
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Originally Posted by yeahgr8 View Post
I mean after 20 years of me rationalising drinking with all the obvious problems it was causing me i would have no problem rationalising that i don't need to attend a meeting lol
Yeah, I can rationalize *anything*. I can argue it well, too... it's what I do these days, argue people into believing I'm right, whether or not I even believe it. I never get caught up in my lies there... but I've become an expert over the years at justifications/rationalizations that actually work on me too.

Imagine if I unleashed those.... :O


Incidentally, I posted this to mention I'm on my way out the door... take care y'all and thank y'all for the patient replies...

I knew this, didn't I?


-TB, who suspects she already knew the answer but honestly posted because she thought she didn't... what the?
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Old 11-01-2009, 07:03 PM
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Probably the walking is actually doing more for you to help you stay sober than either church or the meeting. Think of some things of which you are grateful. Find a scenic route where you can even walk further and skip either church or the meeting and just walk and enjoy nature. There are many that lack the mobility that walking provides. A good portion of the people driving would be so much better off if they had to walk, not to mention how much better off Mother Earth would be.
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Old 11-01-2009, 11:17 PM
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Well, y'all, I went out walking. And I caught the bus--turns out it was an hour away, not a half. And I went to the meeting. And then I started shivering and sneezing, and I was only wearing a dress. So I swallowed my fear and asked if I might get a ride from someone...

My status has been downgraded from "inconvenient" to I live "too far" (5.9 mi from meeting).

I walked home.

So, totfit, I surely hope all this walking is doing more to keep me sober, 'cause I'm sure doing a lot of it.

Although, I guess I don't regret going. The people were otherwise very nice and friendly, and that's pretty good for around here. I guess I can't get it all, I have to learn more humility.

Bee, there is no more phone. I don't know what I'm supposed to do with that, either--this AA stuff is largely based on phones. I get paid again in March or February--or hopefully I can get work after the semester--I'll be able to fit in better I suppose. In the meantime, I guess I'll have to stay on the periphery, just walking to meetings and seeing who I see when I'm there.

Thank y'all for telling me what to do, and take care,
-TB, mighty mighty tired, but possibly cured of whatever was making her sick pre-walk
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Old 11-01-2009, 11:30 PM
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Hi TB,

I think the spring disbursement is the first week of Feb, 2020...... (2010, I couldn't resist, lol.)

Hang in there, glad you went to the meeting and it was ok, and the walking will do you good, no doubt bout that, I've lost 25 lbs over four months by walking, exercising and cutting down on the sweets, but may start eating more sweets since I'm not drinking now, lol. Sorry bout your phone, you could call me, but at least we have SR to touch base and work together at staying off the sauce, one day at a time.

Tomorrow's a new day, we can do this.
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Old 11-02-2009, 02:05 AM
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Originally Posted by thirtybubba View Post
Well, y'all, I went out walking. And I caught the bus--turns out it was an hour away, not a half. And I went to the meeting. And then I started shivering and sneezing, and I was only wearing a dress. So I swallowed my fear and asked if I might get a ride from someone...

My status has been downgraded from "inconvenient" to I live "too far" (5.9 mi from meeting).

I walked home.

So, totfit, I surely hope all this walking is doing more to keep me sober, 'cause I'm sure doing a lot of it.

Although, I guess I don't regret going. The people were otherwise very nice and friendly, and that's pretty good for around here. I guess I can't get it all, I have to learn more humility.

Bee, there is no more phone. I don't know what I'm supposed to do with that, either--this AA stuff is largely based on phones. I get paid again in March or February--or hopefully I can get work after the semester--I'll be able to fit in better I suppose. In the meantime, I guess I'll have to stay on the periphery, just walking to meetings and seeing who I see when I'm there.

Thank y'all for telling me what to do, and take care,
-TB, mighty mighty tired, but possibly cured of whatever was making her sick pre-walk
Just FYI walking does not get an alcoholic sober...it is good exercise though...i know you know this TB:-)
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Old 11-02-2009, 03:05 AM
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Ayup, I know that well... it was walking around that started this whole craving thing over the last few days. Too many liquor stores putting ideas in my head as I pass by...

Having something to do keeps me sober, though, and if I'm real far from home, I somehow have enough common sense not to drink... then. So in the hour or two it takes to get near enough home to buy a bottle, I got a little more resolve.

Heck, it's gonna be he- for me anywhere I go. Liquor is too much like comfort for me for it to be any other way, I know that. I don't have a time or a place... .it's always and everywhere.

But I do like walking. I'd rather walk through nature, too, but I live in an industrial-come-warehouse area, and it's commercial all the way to the meeting, with a few trailer parks thrown in for good measure.

Nine days sober,
TB
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Old 11-02-2009, 05:27 AM
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9 days, good deal, and you are either up early or up late!!!! LOL

Glad to hear you got to that meeting.
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