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livingINthePast

Old 10-27-2009, 10:30 AM
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livingINthePast

I'm on week 5 and yes, it feels good and I know I'm doing the right thing (had a lot of consequences the last few years).

...but I'm still living in the past. I yearn for better times, but constantly think about what I did wrong. I obsess(sp?) over it.

I think things like "a year ago today, you already lost your job, your girlfriend, BUT, you still had your truck, you weren't arrested yet. If you could have turned it around then, how much better your life would be!".

Sick I know.

I do work AA and understand this will work itself out in the process. Do I just need to be patient? Any advice is appreciated.

Thanks,
Kjell
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Old 10-27-2009, 10:43 AM
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Hi, thanks for the share. I am on day 43. I keep singing that song feeling stronger every day. I focus on not picking up, one day at a time. I remind myself of the consequences. Jail, waste of money, harm to mental and physical health. It will get better, scientific fact. Not a slave to chemicals. I hope that all is well. best regards. Dan.
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Old 10-27-2009, 10:45 AM
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Originally Posted by Kjell View Post

I know I'm doing the right thing (had a lot of consequences the last few years).

...but I'm still living in the past. I yearn for better times, but constantly think about what I did wrong.

If you could have turned it around then, how much better your life would be!".

Sick I know.
Not sick, normal, at least I hope so!! I think the same things... If I had just done such and such back when....

When I get into the replicative thinking... I invoke the second and third steps... it helps me.... I don't know everything, why it happened.... why I let it happen... what will happen....

Just live for today and not fear tomorrow. Give up the "what ifs" of the past. It's too much otherwise... More sobriety, more working a program of recovery.... brings serenity.

Yes be patient, but not passive....

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Old 10-27-2009, 10:49 AM
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Kjell,

Shame, regret and guilt plagued me for a very long time when I stopped drinking. Finally someone suggested journalling to me. I resisted for a long time, because I didn't want to write the words that I felt. Eventually, in desperation, I started to write. Everytime a thought would come to me, I would write it down, and immediately, I could feel it lose its power.
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Old 10-27-2009, 11:24 AM
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Anna, that is great advice.

This passage in the 24 hours a day book is really helpful to me:

... I have learned to live one day at a time. I have finally realized the great fact that all I have is now. This sweeps away all the vain regret and it makes my thoughts of the future free of fear. Now is mine. I can do what I want with it. I own it, for better or for worse, What I do now, in this present moment, is what makes up my life. My whole life is only a succession of nows. I will take this moment, which has been given to me by the grace of God, and I will do something with it. What I do each now, will make me or break me. Am I living in the now?

It really helps me to read that when I am freaking out about stuff.
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Old 10-27-2009, 09:19 PM
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Yes, all very normal feelings. We need to learn from the past, but we can't dwell on it.

I just try to focus on today and the steps I am taking to improve my life and stay sober.
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Old 10-28-2009, 07:00 AM
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I completely understand the shame and guilt that seems to be wrapped around our necks after we get sober. I too am obsessing over things I've done wrong. I try to live in today, but sometimes it's hard to do that.

(((hugs)))
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Old 10-28-2009, 07:21 AM
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When I did AA Steps 4 & 5....I finally forgave myself.
That allowed me to move forward.

I consider Step work shifted me from sobriety
into solid recovery.

Good to know you are sober
Forward we go...side by side
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Old 10-28-2009, 07:22 AM
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I was about 2 months sober when I actually sought to forgive myself for my drunken mistakes. For me, it was another ah ha moment, or spiritual awakening if you will, where I felt an instant physical change. Forgiving myself was one of the more important milestones in my sobriety journey, but it didn't happen right away, and I still have to catch myself now and then and change my thoughts from "regrets over then" to "gratitude for now".
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Old 10-28-2009, 08:15 AM
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Kjell, stay in the day, as already pointed out in reality that is all we have control over!

Keep taking the steps............ be patient, I know not easy to do when things are really digging at one, but take it a day at a time, keep doing the work needed, keep working to progress, even if it is only a baby step, it is progress.

It will come, those awakenings are awesome and when you least expect them sometimes.

Keep in mind that good things take time and work, I can promise you that you keep going and things are going to get better then you ever dreamed, not materially, but being free of the bonds of alcoholism and self are just awesome feelings.
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Old 10-28-2009, 08:23 AM
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So agree with Anna. Rereading my own words not only kept me sober, but let me see how far I'd come....something to be proud of.

Early sobriety is tough....but so worth it. Glad you are at SR.
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