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Old 10-16-2009, 04:53 AM   #1 (permalink)
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newbie alcoholic and drug user


Hi people.
I've joined this forum to hopefully give me the courage to Finally seek some real Help(and stick with it this time). I'm 34 and been battling with Alcoholism and drug abuse since I was 16.Over the years i've been to a few AA meetings, even been in rehab a few times but never taken it really seriously.
Recently my partner left me, taking my daughter with her after finally having enough. The last time i went on a binge which lasted 4days was a couple of days ago. Every one who loves and cares for me are now really worried because they know things will probably get worse now i'm living alone.

I'm willing to give recovery a try but am really worried that i only feel like this cause i'm on a come down. I fear that in a couple of days when i feel better the cycle will begin again....as it always does.

I feel so lost at the moment and so alone. And yet the fear of change is so overwhelming. I'm scarred i have to hit rock bottom before i will actually change.
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Old 10-16-2009, 05:14 AM   #2 (permalink)
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hey Robbie-
i can tell you about me and maybe that will help some. had a rehab for 10days in may, it was a great experience, to me. i felt better than probably ever in my life (drinking for over 20yrs). i have been drinking for a month now (slipped- dont know why....) and found myself back into that sick rut. today is my 'day 1' and from experience i will be not in the best of moods for two days. I wish you the best, life really is better without sneaky alcoholism. Exponentially better.
Best
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Old 10-16-2009, 05:19 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Stick around robbie. This place is great, don't know if you've had a chance to lurk around and read some posts. You are not alone!!!

Welcome to SR!!!
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Old 10-16-2009, 05:44 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Welcome!!!
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Old 10-16-2009, 06:17 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by robbie View Post
I fear that in a couple of days when i feel better the cycle will begin again....as it always does.....

I'm scarred i have to hit rock bottom before i will actually change.
Welcome to SR, first off.

It doesn't have to... and, yeah, I'm one to talk--I'm the prodigal daughter of relapse, I think. But what do you want to do? You gonna let the circumstances of your life dictate how you live? I don't know you yet... I know addiction though.

It's on you, on me, on every one of us, deep down. We can choose to go for it, or not to.

And while you're at it, what's rock bottom? I grew up on Skid Row. Never got near where the "Skid Row Bum" is... and never mean to.

Wish you the best of luck, and stay around some. I never thought I could stay sober, till I came here by accident (I was mad at my roommates), and I haven't been the best example of sobriety, but I've got far more days sober than I ever thought was possible before.

Take care,
-TB
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Old 10-16-2009, 06:23 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Welcome to SR robbie, you say:

Quote:
i've been to a few AA meetings, even been in rehab a few times but never taken it really seriously.
Then you say:

Quote:
I feel so lost at the moment and so alone.
Think about those AA meetings, did you feel alone then?

Reading here at SR do you feel alone?

Why not take it seriously, go back to AA and keep posting here? What do you have to lose.... some possible drinking time?
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Old 10-16-2009, 07:03 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Welcome to SR! This is a great place with lots of help and support for your recovery efforts. You know what the cycle is like. Why do you seem to feel you're destined to stay there. Make a commitment to yourself. You're worth it. Sobriety is Fantastic!
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Old 10-16-2009, 07:15 AM   #8 (permalink)
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I'm willing to give recovery a try but am really worried that i only feel like this cause i'm on a come down. I fear that in a couple of days when i feel better the cycle will begin again....as it always does.
Welcome Robbie,

What you posted is exactly what I see happen with alcoholics all the time. An emotionally tough time, filled with desperation and hopelessness, feel better for a few days or weeks or months, and then the obsession takes over and we drink again.
Quote:
Originally Posted by AA Big Book, 1st Ed. Dr.'s Opinion
Men and women drink essentially because they like the effect produced by alcohol. The sensation is so elusive that, while they admit it is injurious, they cannot after a time differentiate the true from the false. To them, their alcoholic life seems the only normal one. They are restless, irritable and discontented, unless they can again experience the sense of ease and comfort which comes at once by taking a few drinks-drinks which they see others taking with impunity. After they have succumbed to the desire again, as so many do, and the phenomenon of craving develops, they pass through the well-known stages of a spree, emerging remorseful, with a firm resolution not to drink again. This is repeated over and over, and unless this person can experience an entire psychic change there is very little hope of his recovery.
I think that desperation is a very short window of opportunity. I had to latch on to that desperation and get busy doing the things that would bring about that psychic change. I was into taking Step 1 with a sponsor on the very first day I didn't drink. All that was required was a little willingness to make progress.

How much of a bottom do you need? Battling for 18 years, girl and daughter gone. Sounds like a bottom to me.

This is an opportunity, Robbie, to change your life forever. Or it's just another in the long line of repeating the cycle over and over. That choice is yours, right now, today.
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Old 10-16-2009, 07:48 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Hi Robbie,

I know what you mean about how you're feeling right now, and in a couple of days, you'll be feeling better and drinking/drugging again.

I used to do similar in that after a good old binge I'd feel so down and guilty that I'd behave for a short while, then go and do it all again. The thing is, I honestly didn't think life was worth living if I wasn't drinking, so I never really tried to make a serious effort to stop. At the time, suicide seemed like a softer option than giving up!

Eventually, as a last resort I found myself in AA. After my first meeting my wife asked me if it was going to work (my daughter said it wouldn't), and I just shrugged my shoulders and said I will do anything 'they' tell me too.

Funilly enough, no-one told me to do much really; but I listened to lots of suggestions and threw myself into this AA way of life. Well, I'm six months sober now, I help other guys; and although there's still a lot of stuff that needs clearing up (25 years of alcoholic drinking has left its mark); I'm really living life to the full.

I can't say I'm 100% happy, joyous, and free; but I'm pretty chilled these days, I feel useful (too useful sometimes), and my attitude to life has changed beyond recognition.
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Old 10-16-2009, 09:52 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Old 10-16-2009, 09:54 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Usually when words like fear and worry are used in the same paragraph means that the addiction has a stronghold on ya and your gonna have to get tough and make a choice for yourself. I could not tell myself I think I will try, I knew it would never work.
Don't try it alone! Keep coming here and making friends and be honest with yourself. All alone is a ugly road to take.
I sensed the wheels starting to wobble and thats when I got the heck of the train!

Welcome 2 SR

God be with you!
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Old 10-16-2009, 10:37 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Welcome to SR Robbie! YOu've come to a great place for support and understanding. Recovery is possible, but you've got to really want it. And despite the difficulty in staying sober, it really is worth the effort. Sober is better.
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Old 10-16-2009, 01:19 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Hi Robbie
Welcome. You find a lot of support here - and some good advice as you've seen.

I know what you mean about the fear of change - that fear kept me in alcoholism for years, it kept me in hell, it took me right to the wall, and it very nearly killed me.

Think about where you are and where you want to be.
There is a great life on the other side of that fear, if you want it.

SR helped me to get through that fear - maybe we can help you too

I hope to see you around some more
D
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Old 10-16-2009, 05:52 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Thank you

Thanks people for your time and replies.They are most appreciated. Will definitely be sticking around.

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