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My story. need some advice

Old 09-16-2009, 03:51 AM
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My story. need some advice

Hi I am new here and in need of some advice/support.

My story (in short :

I am 28, male and have been drinking (mainly binging) for about 10 years. During these 10 years I have also used quite alot of party drugs but thankfully haven't touched anything to do with drugs for about 2 years.

My drinking started off as social (as i am sure it does with everybody) but slowly progressed into a problem and most recently I ended up making daily trips to the alcohol shop at 6.30 am ..... I would drink for an entire week because something small would upset me....but then have to stop either because my girlfriend would make me (hide all my money, keys and lock me in our bedroom) or else I would wake up in hospital (where it is hard to get a drink - even though I have begged hospital staff to give me "just one beer" to control the shakes CRAZY.....

I quit drinking (This time around) for a number of reasons (family problems, girlfriend was gonna leave me) but mainly because it was messing with my head and it was causing alot of anxiety and some depression. It also robbed me of my character as I used to be such a social person, on top of the world with alot of confidence. Because of alcohol I now have no confidence so I decided to give it a real try at stopping this time for my family, for my girlfriend, but mainly for me to try and get some of my life back !!!!!!

I am now in my 2nd /3rd week and have had a really tough time with the withdrawal symptoms which consisted of:

- Anxiety and Panic (during the first few days)
this was the worst for me and all i did all day was pace up and down and go for long walks which helped a bit, most of the time it was unbearable
- Insomnia
- Bad dreams and sleep paralysis
- shakes
- hallucinations at night (i had to sleep with the light on)
- racing thoughts and worried about everything

....all through this time I would have done anything to get my hands on a bottle of whiskey to relieve the pain... but somehow i got through it.!

Most of the initial withdrawal symptoms have passed now but I am left with horrible DEPRESSION... I cant think clearly, Everything seems like a huge task even speaking, i am so irritated and get worked up very easily.... I am stricken by worry all day long that this will not pass and I would love to hear from someone who had a similar experience to give me some hope that this is a normal symptom and it WILL pass.....

Thanks for listening, good luck to all who are going through this nightmare

Dan
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Old 09-16-2009, 04:00 AM
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Dan,

Welcome to SR. If you ever relapse - I hope you don't - please get medical attention. The acute withdrawal symptoms you listed is pretty severe and can be fatal. A lot of people do not realize that acute alcohol withdrawal is 7 times more deadly than opiate withdrawal, for example.

At any rate welcome and keep posting.
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Old 09-16-2009, 04:04 AM
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Hi Dan....
Welcome

By the end of 2 months I was back in mental and physical balance.

I was ttending AA before work...following an eating plan for hypoglycemia
taking a multi-vitamin + B complex daily....walking a lot.

You may not be awre of PAWS

Post Acute Withdrawl - Relapse Prevention Specialists - TLC The Living Center

Hope your depression lifts soon Sorry to know you are feeling poorly.
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Old 09-16-2009, 04:13 AM
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Hi dan. Are you going to any meetings? Do you have a sponsor, working the Steps? Talking to a counselor?

Congrats on your sober time, that's great!!! However...........

I know for me when it comes to staying sober, it's the tools that I have now that help me maintain my sobriety. I did not just wake up one day and say that's it and here I am.

I'm also asking because you say that you're going through some depression, I know I can relate. I know a lot of others here can relate as well. I believe that maybe seeking some face to face guidance would be great for you right now.

Welcome to SR!! You found a great place here.
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Old 09-16-2009, 04:23 AM
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Hi guys, thanks for the quick response...

dgillz: thanks for the advice, the withdrawal symptoms were/are horrible but i think i'm over the worst and I have no intention to start drinking again as i can NEVER go through them again, too scary though i was losing my mind.

CarolD: thanks for the support, it helps to know that you were feeling better after 2 months, it gives me hope and a goal.

Vegibean: I went to a few meetings in the first days of recovery and met some great people but I wasnt sure if it was for me at the time and I had horrible anxiety/panick at the time (had a full blown attack on the way there which made me feel terrible) - my sponsor keeps calling me to see how I am so I think i will try again now i am over the worst of the withdrawal.

Thanks guys, I appreciate the help
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Old 09-16-2009, 04:28 AM
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as for the depression - i had been to see a psychiatrist a few months back and he advised me to stop drinking for a while and the depression should pass, if not I can try antidepressants - not sure about that!!!!
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Old 09-16-2009, 04:43 AM
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Hi Dan,

If you read any of my posts i can share with your post a lot.

I drank everyday really for about 10 years between 8/10 pints a night and quit cold turkey a long with the smokes. Like you i had all the withdrawal symptoms. Now however 9 weeks sober today i still have anxiety and i suppose depression i myself have always worrried. However i am constanly thinking of what i have done to my body or that i have some serious illness been back and for the doctors some many times i have lost count. i have had blood tests (liver function) that doctors has said not worry about but still do. Every twitch or ache i think something else is wrong, i now have a bad chest coming on and have automatically think now my lungs are F..... it seems that it never ends at the moment. I have wanted a drink on so many occassions to have at least have a break from these thoughts (thinking if something is wrong then F.... I.) but i havent because people keep saying it gets better, they cant give a time or date but it supposidly does. So keep at it and good luck.

Robbo
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Old 09-16-2009, 04:44 AM
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I suffer from terrible anxiety, and I drank to mask the symptoms every day. I also went through a bad period after quitting at first where the anxiety was unbearable, but I have to say now (on Day 13) that when I get the anxiety it is nowhere near as bad as it used to be. It's just like a mini version now that I can handle.

I would continue to go to meetings if possible. I have met so many positive people in a short amount of time, and just their presence is calming and reassuring. Get as many phone numbers as you can when you feel a connection with people. I have lived with depression/anxiety for years, but now I'm learning tools to deal with them that don't involve recreational drugs or alcohol.
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Old 09-16-2009, 04:52 AM
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Welcome to SR Dan, please listen to what dgillz said about seeing a doctor before you detox if you do relapse. I can tell you this though, you never have to drink again unless you want to!

I can tell you from my experience that in early sobriety I went to great many meetings that I did not want to be at, but I had made a commitment to myself that I was going to do what ever it took to stay sober this time because I knew I was going to lose all and die if I did not. Well in detox they told us that if we wanted a chance at long term sobriety to go to at least 90 AA meetings in 90 days and get a sponsor, I made myself do that because I did not want to drink again and I was willing to do what ever it took.

Like you I found the people friendly and supporting when I spoke with them and my Temporary sponsor was an awesome guy, but in the early days meetings at times were a pain or kind of freaked me out.... but I kept going, I started to look forward to going to meetings.

Make a commitment to going to meetings no matter what for a certain amount of time, get there a bit early and see if you can help set up, great way to make an instant friend! Stay a little late just to ask one on one questions or just to BS.

Try doing 90 in 90, what do you have to lose? Some time drinking or having your GF POed! What do you have to gain? Possibly some life long sober friends and a new and better way of living life one day at a time sober and at peace.
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Old 09-16-2009, 05:42 AM
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robbo: I know exactly what it feels like to be a worrier.... i read some of your posts and I can relate so much. I worry about my health constantly and when I am not worrying about my health I am worrying about something else and when I have nothing to worry about I worry about why I worry so much (am i crazy...lol) I have come to terms that this is normal to worry when I am anxious... and i know this because I always worried alot more after a 5-7day binge when my anxiety was at its highest and this always went away with a few drinks.... every chest pain feels like a heart attack and even a pain in my leg or toe makes me think the worst.....isnt it crazy how alcohol f**** with our minds.

My last visit for a check up my Gamma GT was over 300 .... I know this is very high. The doctors said that it is completely reversible over time so I am just trying not to think about it for now and concentrate on recovery check again in a few months.

Cath: Its true the anxiety is much more manageable over time.... i have had anxiety for as long as I can remember...One thing I know for sure is that alcohol makes it 100% worst.

Tazman: The first few meetings DID freak me out and I had a sense of not belonging there. I didn't even want to speak and share my thoughts..... I was going through the first days of withdrawal however which were very tough for me. I will take your advice and attend a meeting this evening , i need all the support i can get at the moment.

Thanks to all
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Old 09-16-2009, 06:59 AM
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Thumbs up

dan5555,
It does get better. ODAAT my friend.
U R doing the best thing U can do 4 yourself. I didn't really start to abuse alcohol until in my 30's. This depression is a result of the drinking and the shame and guilt about it.
Read, post, sit here. U will find a lot of ES&H, like no other place.
Good 2 hear U R going 2 a meeting tonight. Drink some hot tea, relax prior 2 going, take some deep breaths and fine a seat. U do not have 2 speak. Just listen, U will find that U R not alone.
Stay strong.

Last edited by tallcactus; 09-16-2009 at 07:01 AM. Reason: %[email protected]
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Old 09-16-2009, 09:44 AM
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Welcome to the Sober Recovery community.
i hope you stick with your decision to live sober.
Get medical help if needed & keep coming back.
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Old 11-12-2009, 05:45 AM
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Originally Posted by dan5555 View Post
Hi I am new here and in need of some advice/support.

My story (in short :

I am 28, male and have been drinking (mainly binging) for about 10 years. During these 10 years I have also used quite alot of party drugs but thankfully haven't touched anything to do with drugs for about 2 years.

My drinking started off as social (as i am sure it does with everybody) but slowly progressed into a problem and most recently I ended up making daily trips to the alcohol shop at 6.30 am ..... I would drink for an entire week because something small would upset me....but then have to stop either because my girlfriend would make me (hide all my money, keys and lock me in our bedroom) or else I would wake up in hospital (where it is hard to get a drink - even though I have begged hospital staff to give me "just one beer" to control the shakes CRAZY.....

I quit drinking (This time around) for a number of reasons (family problems, girlfriend was gonna leave me) but mainly because it was messing with my head and it was causing alot of anxiety and some depression. It also robbed me of my character as I used to be such a social person, on top of the world with alot of confidence. Because of alcohol I now have no confidence so I decided to give it a real try at stopping this time for my family, for my girlfriend, but mainly for me to try and get some of my life back !!!!!!

I am now in my 2nd /3rd week and have had a really tough time with the withdrawal symptoms which consisted of:

- Anxiety and Panic (during the first few days)
this was the worst for me and all i did all day was pace up and down and go for long walks which helped a bit, most of the time it was unbearable
- Insomnia
- Bad dreams and sleep paralysis
- shakes
- hallucinations at night (i had to sleep with the light on)
- racing thoughts and worried about everything

....all through this time I would have done anything to get my hands on a bottle of whiskey to relieve the pain... but somehow i got through it.!

Most of the initial withdrawal symptoms have passed now but I am left with horrible DEPRESSION... I cant think clearly, Everything seems like a huge task even speaking, i am so irritated and get worked up very easily.... I am stricken by worry all day long that this will not pass and I would love to hear from someone who had a similar experience to give me some hope that this is a normal symptom and it WILL pass.....

Thanks for listening, good luck to all who are going through this nightmare

Dan



Hey Dan! I can relate to your post man - completely! I had panic attacks so frequently, it scared the hell out of me! I was watching the movie FIGHT CLUB! (If you've seen it, you'll know how weird/tripped out it is) and had a huge panic attack while I was watching it on the train. I had nowhere to go, so took deep breaths and just had to deal with it.

I paced around the house heaps too, but it felt like I was floating from room to room. It was such a bizarre feeling.

I had the worst insomnia ever - even sleeping medication didn't work. I was lucky to sleep for an hour a night. Many nights I didn't sleep at all. I still struggle with sleep now (just past 2 months).

I had the shakes on and off for 2 days, in my immediate withdrawal.

I had bad dreams, every night, I used to be paranoid that someone was going to break into the house and kill me, most nights. I had to move my desk in front of my door, just so i could attempt to sleep.

The racing thoughts are the worse! Mine were all to do with health problems, I used to think that I'd overdose on a particular vitamin, or that I was having a heart attack, or had some other type of health problem. I think it's got a lot to do with the obsessive compulsive stuff that goes with PAW's.


*DEPRESSION*
I have this on and off all the time. I don't feel 'sad' as such, just kind of have a really negative outlook on everything in life (i.e. what's the point of living, we just live and die, etc.)

*CAN'T THINK CLEARLY*
It's horrible, it does get better though man... I was absolutely terrible for my first month and a half... It only started to lift just before 2 months for me... But it still is pretty crappy. If i'm trying to focus on something, or multi-task and someone talks to me, I have no idea what they're talking about.

I can relate to the irritation man. Everything is a frustration! Making meals, doing washing, talking to people etc.

Yeah! I worry all the time man! My worry, as stated above, is ALWAYS about health problems!
- I wonder am I ever going to get better... I worry that I'm going crazy! I worry that I'll never sleep properly, I worry that I've permanently damaged my brain! I worry that I'll never be able to multitask again (I can't even send a text message and talk at the same time. *** I didn't drive for the first month!***)


I CAN RELATE to EVERYTHING YOU POSTED MAN! It DOES slowly get better. It took a while for me to get out of the initial part of it all. but I'm on my way up! I found for me, the first month was horrible! But it feels like i'm slowly waking from a really scary nightmare.
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