Hi Everyone! Scared of Reovery?

Old 11-12-2009, 02:06 AM
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 29
Hi Everyone! Scared of Reovery?

Hi everyone, just thought I would pop in and actually step out of my comfort zone and try and get some help outside of my head, because clearly that not doing me very well.

I'm not sure where to start on this site, seems so many sections and things todo, it just seems like there's alot todo and sort out, like my mind I suppose, I dont really know how to begin to recover or to stay on it more importantly.

I'm sure I'm not unique, but I'm not addicted any specific drug (just all of them), I will just take whats ever available to me at the time, weather its opiates, benzos, weed and occasionally booze. (Very rarely on the booze).

I've been thinking alot latley about what constitutes as an addiction; something you continue todo despite it bringing negative effects? I just feel like I want something to elevate my mood, reality kind of sucks, i hate turning up at work and seeing all the cars lined up in the car park, I just sit there in my car, late everyday watching all now empty cars. Why? I just dont want to face whats ahead of my when I get out of my car and walk into work, why cant things just be easier?

I try to think of grand words of wisdom that will strike from the heavens to eleviate my twisted thinking. But i just feel like sometimes I dont want to recover because I hate society, i hate corporations, , I hate so many bloody things in life.

I just want to sit there in my hazzy bubble and just want to think that I dont have to deal with this if I dont want to, I can follow my dreams, quit my job and live in the dam wilderness for the rest of my days. But reality sets in, i'm 40 minutes late again, i turn my engine of and open the door to the silent car park..

I just dont know or think that a sober life will be any better? Will this inner peace come? Is the life of me going to be any better, for isit the mind altering, negative addictions i hold onto shapping what I percieve as a crap reality, or will i just be the same when I have courage to escape my hazzy bubble?

I look forward to proving me wrong with your words of wisdom from the heavens...
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Old 11-12-2009, 02:12 AM
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 52
Welcome. I'm struggling with similar thoughts myself. Listen to the advice here and don't go it alone. I've tried and failed.
Good luck!
Beard82 is offline  
Old 11-12-2009, 04:54 AM
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Toronto, Ontario
Posts: 4,150
I think that you should give straight thinking a chance and quit escaping with drugs and to a lesser extent booze for awhile.
It sounds like you need to take the time to figure out what your passion in life is and what kind of career will make you happy and want to gt up daily to partake in it.
Maybe it has something to do with the outdoors such as a conservation officer or forest fire fighter. I do not know but I do know that as long as you continue you drugging you will not have the motivation to tackle this issue and find the peace and fulfillment that we all deserve.
I hope this helps.
Good luck.
Fubarcdn is offline  
Old 11-12-2009, 04:55 AM
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Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,680
I felt the same way. Why trade one hell for another? Sobriety just looked like a version of my same miserable life, with what little fun I had left taken out of it. I felt like I SHOULD do it, but didn't really want to.

I had to do a lot of reading, writing and contemplating, and hitting bottom before I really started to investigate what sobriety was. When I started to get a handle on what sobriety REALLY is, a full life, with options and choices, that had lots to offer, I realized I wanted it way more than I wanted the cage of addiction.

I used to think sobriety was just going I know better. But I wouldn't do the work to get it, until I knew that it was better than what I had. I can't pinpoint exactly when and how I realized that, it was a process. I began to work a recovery program when I was still unsure, but working the program helped me realize some things, even though I wasn't clean yet.

Reading and getting involved here helped too, and maybe will be a step for you to get a better understanding of what waits for you on the other side of sober.

I really couldn't do it until I wanted it truly, completely and deeply. for myself.
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Old 11-12-2009, 05:04 AM
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Old 11-12-2009, 05:07 AM
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Location: New Jersey
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Well, give the sober life and chance and SEE if it's better. Never know until you try, right?
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