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Old 04-13-2009, 11:44 AM   #1 (permalink)
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It's time for me to stop drinking.


Today is my first 24 hours. I've gone dry before, and had little or no withdrawal, besides minor 'pink elephants'.

The hardest part is that my wife will not stop drinking with me. She still wants to moderate, while we talk about it, we haven't moderated. If anything, she has started increasing how much she is drinking. But that will have to be her story.

My story starts today, once and for all. The biggest challenge is NOT buying some wine on the way home from work. The second challenge will avoiding my wife's bottles of wine.

So I just found this forum, and will try to use it to help me keep my promise to myself. I'm done being a drunk. I hate the hangovers. The guilt. The stupid things I say drunk, etc.

A new life. Thanks.
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Old 04-13-2009, 11:51 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Welcome to SR Pale.
I am doing it on my own without my wife joining the sober party also.
She doesn't drink much anyways but still.
Good luck you can succeed if you want to regardless.
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Old 04-13-2009, 11:53 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Old 04-13-2009, 11:54 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Welcome! You've come to a great place for support. I am new myself but I can tell you that having the people here at SR to talk to, and who understand exactly what I am going through, has been a huge support. If your wife is still struggling then you can always find someone here to talk to.

Maybe the positive changes you make will inspire her too? But you are right, it is her story and yours is yours.

Best of luck to you!
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Old 04-13-2009, 12:00 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PaleMale View Post
Today is my first 24 hours. I've gone dry before, and had little or no withdrawal, besides minor 'pink elephants'.

The hardest part is that my wife will not stop drinking with me. She still wants to moderate, while we talk about it, we haven't moderated. If anything, she has started increasing how much she is drinking. But that will have to be her story.

My story starts today, once and for all. The biggest challenge is NOT buying some wine on the way home from work. The second challenge will avoiding my wife's bottles of wine.

So I just found this forum, and will try to use it to help me keep my promise to myself. I'm done being a drunk. I hate the hangovers. The guilt. The stupid things I say drunk, etc.

A new life. Thanks.
So glad you found us!

I can tell you I am in the same boat as far as SO not wanting to quit.
Infact after I got my DUI & told him how I needed my life to change, and we both drink to much etc.
His drinking increased! And I cant tell you how many times he has driven after drinking. You think he would learn from my mistake. He was the one that had to bail me out of jail, its cost us tons of $, and I dont get a license back for another month.

I hope you cn do this for you. & stay here for support.

:ghug
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Old 04-13-2009, 12:05 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Glad your here... jump on and start posting and reading anytime you feel the urge. I haven't had a drink in almost 7 months now, mostly because of the help I have gotten on this amazing site! Welcome
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Old 04-13-2009, 12:27 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Welcome to SR and good luck with your journey
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Old 04-13-2009, 12:28 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Old 04-13-2009, 12:46 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Thank you all for the support.

I realize I haven't been over 7 days dry in over 25 years... Sheesh. Something I inherited. My cousin, an MD and a little older than I, is a devotee of Alanon for a few years now

We are "Ice Storm" era kids and our folks and their friends got sloppy drunk a lot in the 70s (drunk and other messed-up wierd-ness us kids didn't understand. We understood booze enough to emulate our folks though.

My parents still "apply the hammer". Actually, when my mother drinks, she's just drinking liquid hostility and rage... Something I don't want to become more than I have.

It's astounding how much people change with booze. It's like a switch. You drink more to feel that "Good point" but when you hit it, it's not enough, and then crippling despair hits. Could be tears or could go to rage.

Either way, it's embarrassing at best, and usually horrendously damaging. Nothing worse than not remembering what you said to land you in the dog-house. And once you realize what you said, the crippling guilt and regret.

Like I said, I'm done with it. I have to take control before things ever get "really, really, really bad." "Really bad" is bad enough... I'm am so grateful I'm not a physically violent person. But what you say, can be violent and horrible as well.

Thanks again for listening.
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Old 04-13-2009, 12:47 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Welcome!

You've made a great decision for yourself, and you can show your wife, by example, the benefits of a sober life.
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Old 04-13-2009, 01:06 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Hi, Pale,

CONGRATULATIONS for doing the right thing! You CAN quit drinking. Millions of people have done so and had very successful lives as a result. Lives filled with love, health and happiness.

Most of the people who get to this place of joy do so by putting recovery first. The first 90 days are extremely difficult. Old people, places and things make it easy to relapse.

In order to be successful in your recovery, you need to be willing to lose whatever is risking your clean time. People used to say this to me and I wasn't willing to accept it as fact. I thought that they were jealous of me, or lying, or just being drama queens. Only this year have I discovered that they were compassionately and non-judgmentally telling me the truth about my dis-ease.

If your wife is risking your sobriety, then you might need to consider other options for a time. Perhaps indefinitely.

One thing is for sure. If you chase your sobriety like you chased your alcohol, then nothing will stand in the way of you staying sober!!

Keep up the great work!!

Loves,
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Old 04-13-2009, 01:14 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Will you be attending AA or maybe even alanon with the cousin? Couldn't hurt, you know. It was key for my recovery. You will really need the support if your wife will be continuing to drink. Welcome!

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Old 04-13-2009, 01:23 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Welcome Palemale,

I am doing it without my husband. He is the reason I started drinking heavy and he continues to pour the poison into his system. I am almost 9 months sober. It can be done it just makes it alot harder when your SO is still imbibing. Good luck and keep posting. You will get alot of support here.
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Old 04-13-2009, 01:34 PM   #14 (permalink)
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PaleMale... Wow, you referenced "Ice Storm"... ME TOO... My parents' parties, yea, key parties... That movie left me with a real chill... I guess that was it's intent... We weren't upper middle class, though, not by a long shot... actually my upbringing wasn't far off Augusten's "Running With Scissors", really, ...I lived with my real parents though.

Hey, I wanted to welcome you to SR also, awesome place. I'll be seven months tomorrow... My wife still drinks, one tall white wine spritzer before bed... Can't say it's always been easy, but I've managed to separate that from my recovery... She 's not alcoholic.

Yea, really bad is bad enough!

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Old 04-13-2009, 01:34 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Welcome to SR
Congratulations on a wise decision.

You might want to change your usual route
home to avoid the "wine shop stops"

I did that in early sobriety ...took a taxi 6 blocks
so I would not fall in the doors of my usual bars.

Blessings to you and your wife...
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Old 04-13-2009, 01:40 PM   #16 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PaleMale View Post
It's astounding how much people change with booze. It's like a switch. You drink more to feel that "Good point" but when you hit it, it's not enough, and then crippling despair hits. Could be tears or could go to rage.
How true is this!!!
That is the kind of drinker I am. I always feel like, ok I'll have 3-4. Now I feel good. How great can I feel after another 3-4. And continues until I dont remember things I said & did thenight before.
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Old 04-13-2009, 01:58 PM   #17 (permalink)
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Hi PaleMale.

I've quit drinking myself... but my wife continues to drink.

It doesn't really bother me too much anymore, but there have been moments....


I've found she has actually cut back quite a bit, over time. She will go up to a week without a drink.

Maybe it's my own example, that is slowing her down. I'm hoping she eventually quits entirely of course, but that's not up to me.

Regardless, you can't let others behavior (even if it is your spouse) interfere with your own decision to remain sober.

Quit for yourself.
Just for today.

I've quit, just for today, for 80 days now.

I'm here alone right now, and there are wifey's beers in the fridge but you know what?

They don't interest me one bit.

If I can do it, so can you Pale
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Old 04-13-2009, 02:02 PM   #18 (permalink)
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Welcome to SR and congrats on your first day!
Keep posting and reading other people's experiences and advice - definitely helps me!
Also, the chat section of this site is really great, you can get live advice almost 24/7 and sometimes there are online AA meetings, which are also helpful.

Stay safe!

Rachel
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Old 04-13-2009, 02:05 PM   #19 (permalink)
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Hi Pale and welcome to SR. THIS is a most wonderful place to come to for support. I was on for a long time last night, into the wee hours of the morning, because of my desire to do my DOC. I am 70 days clean now, and thanks to NA and SR!
Hope to see you posting more often and I really hope SR helps you with your journey of recovery!
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Old 04-13-2009, 03:35 PM   #20 (permalink)
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