Thank you all for the support.
I realize I haven't been over 7 days dry in over 25 years... Sheesh. Something I inherited. My cousin, an MD and a little older than I, is a devotee of Alanon for a few years now
We are "Ice Storm" era kids and our folks and their friends got sloppy drunk a lot in the 70s (drunk and other messed-up wierd-ness us kids didn't understand. We understood booze enough to emulate our folks though.
My parents still "apply the hammer". Actually, when my mother drinks, she's just drinking liquid hostility and rage... Something I don't want to become more than I have.
It's astounding how much people change with booze. It's like a switch. You drink more to feel that "Good point" but when you hit it, it's not enough, and then crippling despair hits. Could be tears or could go to rage.
Either way, it's embarrassing at best, and usually horrendously damaging. Nothing worse than not remembering what you said to land you in the dog-house. And once you realize what you said, the crippling guilt and regret.
Like I said, I'm done with it. I have to take control before things ever get "really, really, really bad." "Really bad" is bad enough... I'm am so grateful I'm not a physically violent person. But what you say, can be violent and horrible as well.
Thanks again for listening.