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Old 03-30-2009, 06:57 PM   #1 (permalink)
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New here...worried about daughter


My wife and I are worried about our 24 year old daughter who seems to be going down a path that we fear will lead to alcoholism. Where do we go, what do we do?
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Old 03-30-2009, 07:00 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Hi Poyber,

Welcome!

I am sorry you are worried about your daughter.

Does your daughter think she has a problem? You can offer support to her, but she will need to decide to seek help for herself. For you and your wife, you might check out AlAnon and take a look around our boards. You will find lots of information about alcoholism and lots of support.
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Old 03-30-2009, 07:06 PM   #3 (permalink)
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We're waiting for her to call tonite. We were with her this weekend and she overdid it with her friends. I doubt she'll admit to a problem. She's overweight and can't seem to get that under control either. by under control, we mean just stabilizing - she seems to be getting heavier everytime we see her. Which problem do we start with? I'm sure they are inter-connected, but again, where to start?
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Old 03-30-2009, 07:21 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Yes, I expect the problems are connected.

Many people have addictive personalities and they can tend to go from one addiction to another. That's why stopping drinking/drugs is the first step and then the really hard work begins.

I really believe you have to wait for her to decide that she needs and wants help.

You and your wife should seek help for yourselves.
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Old 03-30-2009, 07:36 PM   #5 (permalink)
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The Friends and Families of Alcoholics forum has lots of support and advice from people in similar situations as yours. Please post your questions there too for any suggestions from people who understand completely what you're feeling.

Welcome to a great place for support!:ghug3
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Old 03-30-2009, 07:41 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Welcome to SR poyber! sorry that you and your wife are going through this.

Please check out our Friends and Family boards Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

And feel free to post anywhere in our forums. There are stickies at the top of each forum
which are filled with a wealth of information.

Al Anon also is a great support outside of the internet.

We are here for you and glad that you have joined our community!

Keep posting
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Old 03-30-2009, 09:03 PM   #7 (permalink)
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I am sorry about your daughter. I struggle with my weight too. And it doesn make me feel very critical of myself.
But I was an addict before I had the weight problem.
If she doesnt think she has a problem. Then theres really nothing anyone can do.
But maybe try talking to her about all of that and see what she says.
I wish you luck and keep posting.
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Old 03-30-2009, 09:55 PM   #8 (permalink)
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I'm 27 and I think the way in which you approach her really depends on what type of relationship you have with her. With my own parents, I always had inklings that I had a problem, but if they had approached me aggressively or in some ways it might have made me go f*** you instead of taking it to heart. But then again I don't have the type of relationship with my parents that is very emotionally close so I don't know.

I think what Anna said is really important: you can talk to her about it but until she wants to help herself there is nothing really you can do. My parents definitely saw me overdo it quite a few times, but remember she is young too, it doesn't necessarily mean she has a problem. I don't think my brother and sister have problems although they have overdone it at times. I personally think that focusing on the drinking initially is wise. There is a wide amount of social pressure already about weight, especially with women, and it is a more cut and dry issue, so she is probably already aware of it. In a way I might have been angry too if my mother had ever come to me and said you should slow down your drinking or I think you have a problem oh and by the way you'll get skinnier, but again that is partly because of my own family dynamics and the fact that I think my mother has sort of warped body-image views.

Maybe you could buy her a book and just hand it over. I think a good first book is Drinking: A Love Story by Caroline Knapp. It is a memoir about a young high-functioning smart journalist alcoholic who gets sober. Although all these suggestions are in the frame of my warped non-communicative family dynamic....
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