Jrock75

Flame Bait:

Flame baiting is setting up a situation for you to get flamed usually on a forum. You don't actually flame, but make it hard to respond without flaming. Its setting people up on the internet so they look like the bad guy. Generally Looked down upon .

IMO that's what you basically did Bam. You made the thread,now deal with it. Peace.

stone

I think Trucker sums it up well.

Some people respond to the 2 by 4 to the head and some people don't, so if a persons approach is to use the 2 by 4 on people because it worked for them then they are assuming everyone is like them .....and they are not.
(I don't mean you do that Taz, I am just using the 2 by 4 metaphor you used ).

I think it is Lbad who has the sig line..."say what you mean and mean what you say, just don't say it mean".

Some just love to judge others and tell them when they are wrong, I guess it makes them feel superior. I really don't think there are many people here who do that though. Most people are trying to help.

Rusty Zipper

dont see anything wrong here maw!,

aint it grand, the wind stop'd blowing...

Fubarcdn

I am trying to learn to be more tolerant and that is why I read this thread.
Almost everyone that posted here has helped me with that as I read your posts and figured out my reactions to them.
I want to thank you all for helping in my quest.

jimhere

Don't hold us hostage by threats of leaving.

Stay or go.

Drink or don't.

Katie09

Hyperbole much? Who is holding anyone hostage? The door is open for anyone who wants to leave this thread, including you.

Stay or go.

Aysha

Just a reminder..

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...413-again.html

michelle01

I can sorta see both sides of this. There are purists on both sides though who can be negative and closed minded and turn me off.

As alcoholics or addicts there are certain things that we need to accept and go along with. True. But if someone needs special help and treatment with mental health issues to feel happy in recovery then that's fine. It's supposed to be part genetic/biological and part environmental, isn't it?

Katie09

Thanks for pointing this out. You are right, feelings run strong on both sides. It's just that I relate to the need for compassion. I've been working with a therapist for a while who does DBT. What this means is to look for the golden nugget in everything. When someone feels attacked (for lack of a better word - it's early here) it can actually be harder to do the deal. Some people are just wired to be sensitive, drinking or not. That is just some people's personality. Therefore, there is not a one size fits all approach. I'd recommend a book called The Highly Sensitive Person. It is part of one's personality not subject to change.

BTW, I am just speaking for myself in this post - not implying that Bam is an HSP.

Tazman53

I totally concur, the longer I am sober and the more alcoholics I work with, the better I can tell when to pull out the 2X4! LOL I always start of with a whisper and if the person really wants help and is still not seeing the reality of what they are doing I will slowly amplify what I am saying, hoping they will be able to see and benefit from.

My head was very dense when I was drinking and actually my skull became thicker in early sobriety, I went through a stage where I thought I knew it all because I had been sober a month or 2, in reality I still had no idea how to stay sober long term....... & to be honest even at 2 1/2 years sober I still have a lot to learn which is one of the very reasons I try and do as those with MANY years of sobriety do.

I have learned a great deal about getting and staying sober, but I still have a lot to learn, I have heard the old timers say that when they start thinking they know it all they are getting close to a drink.

AlkalikeH

*standing ovation*

parentrecovers

Gypsy Feet

“We hardly find any persons of good sense save those who agree with us.”

François de la Rochefoucauld

least

Peace, please.:ghug

IO Storm

What is an OP'er?

I don't like labeling for starters..this is very negative.

flutter

Original poster..

Katie09

It's a way to refer to people who start the thread - not meant to be derogatory. Usually people say the OP, but OPer works too.

IO Storm

Oh! Not too bad then. Thanks.

IO Storm

And this coming from a person with over 12,000 posts!

Katie09

Jrock, we are all responsible for our own reactions. No one can make it hard to respond without flaming. It is our individual choice as to what we say.

I have tried to not flame anyone in this thread and to remain calm in the face of many posts I found to be offensive (and do my best to be compassionate). I have ignored some, as the ignore button is not my style. There was a time on the Net when I too had thin skin, but the more one is criticized, the thicker one's skin grows. Having said this, I am an HSP and to tend to advocate for those in the minority, especially when I find myself in the minority, as I have on several threads. This is why I've moved away from Newcomers. I end up getting all riled up, even though I do try to remain calm.

On this note, I am out of this thread (for now at least) as it's unhealthy for me to read what I perceive to be posts that are less than helpful. And, perception IS my reality, as each person's perception IS their reality.

Katie