I Prefer Compassion with my "Whine"
Thriving sober since 12/18/08
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Orlando, FL
Posts: 3,115
I can't say anything further than I have really.. or better than has already been so finely stated. I guess my questions to you Bam, is this:
If everything could change and be exactly as you want it to be, what would that look like here? More censorship? Less freedom to express disagreement? More enabling and coddling? Less constructive feedback? Paint us a picture, what would it be like here if it was EXACTLY as you want it, I really do want to know. And then I wouldn't mind knowing, how would that perfect board help you? What type of feedback would you want? Cookie cutter hugs and flowery support? In the end, would that be helpful?
This is serious sh**. And I think sometimes people just take it as life or death, because IT IS... and speak with passion, frustration, strength, hope.. why filter out anything anyone doesn't like? the board would be blank, and I can't imagine how many people that may have been helped by what you dislike.. would be in a much different situation today.
If everything could change and be exactly as you want it to be, what would that look like here? More censorship? Less freedom to express disagreement? More enabling and coddling? Less constructive feedback? Paint us a picture, what would it be like here if it was EXACTLY as you want it, I really do want to know. And then I wouldn't mind knowing, how would that perfect board help you? What type of feedback would you want? Cookie cutter hugs and flowery support? In the end, would that be helpful?
This is serious sh**. And I think sometimes people just take it as life or death, because IT IS... and speak with passion, frustration, strength, hope.. why filter out anything anyone doesn't like? the board would be blank, and I can't imagine how many people that may have been helped by what you dislike.. would be in a much different situation today.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
I'm not going to suggest what it might look like, but I'm interested in what your SR would look like too Bam.
But I'm ducking out of this thread - for the simple reason I think I've contributed all I reasonably can to this discussion
D
But I'm ducking out of this thread - for the simple reason I think I've contributed all I reasonably can to this discussion
D
Psalm 118:24
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: ILLINOIS
Posts: 15,203
Originally Posted by Bamboozle 
Isn't there already enough doodie flying around? There is a reason that they aren't expressing their feelings here. I respect their right to keep quiet about this. I do not want anyone to feel pressured to speak up. I am the one who started this thread, after all, and I knew what I was getting myself into. People can speak whenever they like. I just want them to know they aren't alone, and that it's okay to feel and think this way.
I'd like to point out something
A person told me in a post, they lurked on the boards for a real long time. They said, they just kept reading what was being posted on here. One day, they said, they decided to join cause of some posts I had made
The point is, people join in here for all sorts of reasons. many people have problems the rest of us can't begin to fathom.
I enjoy nothing more then watching people get 30 days, 60 days, etc etc. of clean and sober. I enjoy a thread where a man and woman decide to work out their marriage.
We share in our ups, we share in our downs. We share with people on here that, we'd never share any place else!!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
I've been posting on internet forums since 1996. This problem isn't inherent to SR only. I've belonged to biker forums, body modification forums, pet owner forums, and recovery forums, to mention a few.
The truth is, you can't please 100% of the people 100% of the time.
I'm of the mind if you voice your opinion that you're not particularly pleased with the general direction of the forum, that it's not filling whatever needs you're striving to get met, and then the forum isn't changed because apparently it is filling the needs of the majority, then either go with the flow, or research all the other options out there on the internet.
The truth is, you can't please 100% of the people 100% of the time.
I'm of the mind if you voice your opinion that you're not particularly pleased with the general direction of the forum, that it's not filling whatever needs you're striving to get met, and then the forum isn't changed because apparently it is filling the needs of the majority, then either go with the flow, or research all the other options out there on the internet.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Baghdad
Posts: 2,822
Originally Posted by paulmh
Active alcoholics are bullshitters. Not only that, active alcoholics believe their own ********. We've all of us been there, and now we can't so easily be bullshitted, either by ourselves or others. Should we just pretend that we can be?
God, I hate it when it's pointed out to me, often enough I am very full of sh*t. I am fortunate that I have a few people around me that are willing to bring it to my attention, which makes it a lot easier.
Thriving sober since 12/18/08
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Orlando, FL
Posts: 3,115
Yes, read the original post and this entire thread, if that was a general question to anyone posting here.. I was honestly curious as to what this 'better' or 'perfect' forum would look like.. I don't care about having a 'say', if it weren't for anyone saying anything, again.. it'd be blank, and how's that even conducive to anything..
I got nothin'
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: My house.
Posts: 4,890
Originally Posted by flutter
I can't say anything further than I have really.. or better than has already been so finely stated. I guess my questions to you Bam, is this:
If everything could change and be exactly as you want it to be, what would that look like here? More censorship? Less freedom to express disagreement? More enabling and coddling? Less constructive feedback? Paint us a picture, what would it be like here if it was EXACTLY as you want it, I really do want to know. And then I wouldn't mind knowing, how would that perfect board help you? What type of feedback would you want? Cookie cutter hugs and flowery support? In the end, would that be helpful?
This is serious sh**. And I think sometimes people just take it as life or death, because IT IS... and speak with passion, frustration, strength, hope.. why filter out anything anyone doesn't like? the board would be blank, and I can't imagine how many people that may have been helped by what you dislike.. would be in a much different situation today.
If everything could change and be exactly as you want it to be, what would that look like here? More censorship? Less freedom to express disagreement? More enabling and coddling? Less constructive feedback? Paint us a picture, what would it be like here if it was EXACTLY as you want it, I really do want to know. And then I wouldn't mind knowing, how would that perfect board help you? What type of feedback would you want? Cookie cutter hugs and flowery support? In the end, would that be helpful?
This is serious sh**. And I think sometimes people just take it as life or death, because IT IS... and speak with passion, frustration, strength, hope.. why filter out anything anyone doesn't like? the board would be blank, and I can't imagine how many people that may have been helped by what you dislike.. would be in a much different situation today.
Where did I mention the words enabling and coddling? I believe I mentioned judgments and opinions. I completely resent the sentiment that I am encouraging in any way, shape or form, USING.
Here is the key sentence in my OP: “But one thing I've noticed that's really ticking me off is that when fellow human beings come here to vent, to get something off of their mind, to be honest (maybe for the first time EVER), someone always comes along with their judgments and opinions.” I should have originally placed much emphasis on the word “judgments”. My bad.
I am all for the free exchange of ideas. That being said, posts which are the equivalent of name-calling, contain sweeping generalizations, have veiled insults, promote one way of recovery over all others, assume a behavior/emotion/thought is a character flaw (oh, sorry…that goes under “sweeping generalizations”), and even give misleading advice when it comes to mental health issues, do not contribute to good recovery.
It is entirely possible to give constructive feedback WITHOUT coming across as an @ss.
The bottom line is this, folks. If someone here tells you that your input is unwelcome or OFFENSIVE, then LISTEN. It is not necessary that you comment.
I do consider this to be a matter of life and death. I take this VERY SERIOUSLY. As much as I joke around, this is no laughing matter.
This board would not be blank for what I ask. Instead, people would be pressed to come up with more thoughtful responses.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Originally Posted by allport
Did any one of you actually ready the OP or is it so important to you to have your say!
Psalm 118:24
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: ILLINOIS
Posts: 15,203
Just remember, some times people are having a bed day and they are quick to pull the trigger on their reply's
If, you're you're right with yourself, nothing will faze you with a post. If, you're having a bad day, you can get upset by what a lot of people say.
If, you're you're right with yourself, nothing will faze you with a post. If, you're having a bad day, you can get upset by what a lot of people say.
Psalm 118:24
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: ILLINOIS
Posts: 15,203
one last comment post 90
I want people to tell me, I need to go wipe cause, I'm full of $hit. I do like it best when, they tell me this in a constructive way though.
I have to remember though, it's a lot easier telling people what to do then, it is to do myself!
As far as your post getting side tracked, sometimes, posts have a life of their own after posting them
Another 24 hours
I want people to tell me, I need to go wipe cause, I'm full of $hit. I do like it best when, they tell me this in a constructive way though.
I have to remember though, it's a lot easier telling people what to do then, it is to do myself!
As far as your post getting side tracked, sometimes, posts have a life of their own after posting them
Another 24 hours
I got nothin'
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: My house.
Posts: 4,890
Originally Posted by Freedom1990
Actually I did. So are we to sit around and wait for Bam to let us know if we are just to listen or if we can actually reply to someone?
I am the exalted one.
J/K.
Honestly, is it too much to ask that people THINK before posting?
I used to look forward to coming here. I planned my day around this place (I can't believe I admitted that). On average, I’d say, 3-4 hours everyday for the last 9 months?
The tides have changed, the people have spoken.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Pugetopolis
Posts: 2,384
Given To Me By an Al-Anon Friend
1. I will not help you stay in and wallow in your sickness.
2. I cannot give you dreams or "fix you up," simply because I can't.
3. I cannot give you growth or grow for you. You must grow yourself, by
facing reality, grim as it may be at times.
4. I cannot take away your loneliness or pain.
5. I cannot convine you of the crucial choice of choosing the scary
uncertainty of growing over the safe misery of not growing.
6. I want to know you as friend, yet I cannot get close to you when you
refuse to grow.
7. When I begin to care for you out of pity, when I begin to lose trust in
you, then I am toxic and inhibiting for you and you for me.
8. You must know that my help is conditional. I will walk with you as long as
I get the slightest hint that you are trying to grow.
In other words, if you don't care, I can't care. But if you show me that you care just a little bit, I can't help but care.
My sponsor told me that if I wanted to get well that he would walk to the gates of hell with me. But if I wanted to stay sick, I would have to go to hell by myself.
He also told me that he loved me so much that if I needed to go drink myself to death he wouldn't dream of getting in my way. I have had to put this into practice before and it is damn tough.
In short, love isn't always soft and mushy and butterflies and bunnies. Love isn't a feeling, it is action.
Jim
2. I cannot give you dreams or "fix you up," simply because I can't.
3. I cannot give you growth or grow for you. You must grow yourself, by
facing reality, grim as it may be at times.
4. I cannot take away your loneliness or pain.
5. I cannot convine you of the crucial choice of choosing the scary
uncertainty of growing over the safe misery of not growing.
6. I want to know you as friend, yet I cannot get close to you when you
refuse to grow.
7. When I begin to care for you out of pity, when I begin to lose trust in
you, then I am toxic and inhibiting for you and you for me.
8. You must know that my help is conditional. I will walk with you as long as
I get the slightest hint that you are trying to grow.
In other words, if you don't care, I can't care. But if you show me that you care just a little bit, I can't help but care.
My sponsor told me that if I wanted to get well that he would walk to the gates of hell with me. But if I wanted to stay sick, I would have to go to hell by myself.
He also told me that he loved me so much that if I needed to go drink myself to death he wouldn't dream of getting in my way. I have had to put this into practice before and it is damn tough.
In short, love isn't always soft and mushy and butterflies and bunnies. Love isn't a feeling, it is action.
Jim
Last edited by jimhere; 03-24-2009 at 09:50 PM.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 2,299
Wow.I haven't posted for ages because of all this type of crap and I probably won't again after this post.
I could write an essay on all this but all I'm going to say is 'If you can't take the heat-stay out of the kitchen'
It's up to you how you deal with what happens here, but it is not okay to hold an entire board to ransom emotionally because YOU want hugs, kisses whatever.....
This is like real life.You won't always get what you want and it's unfair to ask for people to pander to your needs.Part of being an adult is dealing with that.I don't even do A.A but their phrase 'life on lifes terms' applies here Bam.Stop whining.Make a decision.You don't like it here?Fine.Go.But don't sit here and bring everyone else down with your negativity because people didn't post what you wanted to hear.
Love, rainbows, fluffy bunnies and all that crap,
Jules.
I could write an essay on all this but all I'm going to say is 'If you can't take the heat-stay out of the kitchen'
It's up to you how you deal with what happens here, but it is not okay to hold an entire board to ransom emotionally because YOU want hugs, kisses whatever.....
This is like real life.You won't always get what you want and it's unfair to ask for people to pander to your needs.Part of being an adult is dealing with that.I don't even do A.A but their phrase 'life on lifes terms' applies here Bam.Stop whining.Make a decision.You don't like it here?Fine.Go.But don't sit here and bring everyone else down with your negativity because people didn't post what you wanted to hear.
Love, rainbows, fluffy bunnies and all that crap,
Jules.
I got nothin'
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: My house.
Posts: 4,890
Originally Posted by jimhere
Inj other words, if you don't care, I can't.
I cannot force people to understand my perspective. I cannot understand your perspective, jimhere. I admit that. It does not work for me. If it works for you, that's good. But I cannot be force-fed something that leaves a horrendous taste in my mouth.
Finesse is important to me. I gravitate towards delicate ways, but make no mistake. I do not have any patience for the illogical. It is entirely possible to interweave the logical with a bit of finesse.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Pugetopolis
Posts: 2,384
Boy, you are touchy
Originally Posted by Bamboozle
I do care, a whole f*cking sh!tload. This is my life, and it's really been on the line lately, especially the last few weeks.
I cannot force people to understand my perspective. I cannot understand your perspective, jimhere. I admit that. It does not work for me. If it works for you, that's good. But I cannot be force-fed something that leaves a horrendous taste in my mouth.
Finesse is important to me. I gravitate towards delicate ways, but make no mistake. I do not have any patience for the illogical. It is entirely possible to interweave the logical with a bit of finesse.
I cannot force people to understand my perspective. I cannot understand your perspective, jimhere. I admit that. It does not work for me. If it works for you, that's good. But I cannot be force-fed something that leaves a horrendous taste in my mouth.
Finesse is important to me. I gravitate towards delicate ways, but make no mistake. I do not have any patience for the illogical. It is entirely possible to interweave the logical with a bit of finesse.
No one is forcing any thing on you. You think every post is directed at you don't you? That's called self-centeredness. Taking everything personal. Well, get this-I was merely posting something that had helped me get over being so thin-skinned.
I'm really sorry that you give me so much power over you.
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