Class of July 2008 Part 4
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: New England
Posts: 660
Hello friends :)
Thanks so much for the return welcomes! :) In reading the responses to my post, I feel I must clarify something very important. Please know that if I had been struggling to NOT DRINK these past few months, I most certainly would have been posting. I wasn't trying AT ALL and for that reason, I did not post. Had I been trying, but struggling, I know I would have been welcome.
Here is where I am at. I get up everyday and go about my usual business. I decide this is the day I am going to get healthy again. Life takes over and even though I don't think about drinking all day long, by about 4-5pm I start to want a drink to unwind. Sometimes I plot going out to dinner so I can order a drink to unwind. This probably happens AT LEAST 5 days out of the week. I will have anywhere from 2-8 drinks. On average 3. Everyday I say I'm not going to and then when I give in, I always tell myself, "This is it." :( :( :( :( UGGGGHHH!!!!
It's 3:25pm and I've already begun thinking about how stressed out I am and how we should go out to dinner. If we do Italian, I'll have a glass of wine. If we do Mexican, it will be a Margherita. American...draft beer. I've gone from ordering one to two. I hate this. Everyday is the same :(
Although there is so much focus on alcohol, somehow I don't really feel like it's all about actually WANTING alcohol. It's more about wanting the escape...the ability to relax and unwind. To make everything STOP and DISAPPEAR. But it's more trouble than it's worth...UGGHHH...
Even though I blew it last time, the month of July (and this group) is still special to me because that was the first time I actually reached out for help and admitted I had a problem...I really need to make an effort this time...a REAL effort to fight off the urges and cravings...I did not do that last time :(
Okay, enough rambling...
Jules, did you find that wand? I'm really needing it...
~Melissa
Thanks so much for the return welcomes! :) In reading the responses to my post, I feel I must clarify something very important. Please know that if I had been struggling to NOT DRINK these past few months, I most certainly would have been posting. I wasn't trying AT ALL and for that reason, I did not post. Had I been trying, but struggling, I know I would have been welcome.
Here is where I am at. I get up everyday and go about my usual business. I decide this is the day I am going to get healthy again. Life takes over and even though I don't think about drinking all day long, by about 4-5pm I start to want a drink to unwind. Sometimes I plot going out to dinner so I can order a drink to unwind. This probably happens AT LEAST 5 days out of the week. I will have anywhere from 2-8 drinks. On average 3. Everyday I say I'm not going to and then when I give in, I always tell myself, "This is it." :( :( :( :( UGGGGHHH!!!!
It's 3:25pm and I've already begun thinking about how stressed out I am and how we should go out to dinner. If we do Italian, I'll have a glass of wine. If we do Mexican, it will be a Margherita. American...draft beer. I've gone from ordering one to two. I hate this. Everyday is the same :(
Although there is so much focus on alcohol, somehow I don't really feel like it's all about actually WANTING alcohol. It's more about wanting the escape...the ability to relax and unwind. To make everything STOP and DISAPPEAR. But it's more trouble than it's worth...UGGHHH...
Even though I blew it last time, the month of July (and this group) is still special to me because that was the first time I actually reached out for help and admitted I had a problem...I really need to make an effort this time...a REAL effort to fight off the urges and cravings...I did not do that last time :(
Okay, enough rambling...
Jules, did you find that wand? I'm really needing it...
~Melissa
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 2,299
Hi Melissa 
You are always welcome in this thread-I understand about wanting somewhere safe to post with people who are familiar with where you've been etc.
Sounds to me like you're on the merry-go-round I used to be on.Full of good intentions in the morning 'I wont drink today!' and yet by 4pm it's all going out the window and you're plotting your own downfall.
For me-in the beginning-I had to change my routines and this also meant mentally breaking the association of drinking = relaxing/winding down from the day.
I just want to suggest to you that perhaps it would be better if you didn't go to restaurants for a while?(too easy to drink there) and cook at home.Dont keep any alcohol in the house either.(I had to make our home alcohol free because when the cravings hit-if it was there, I'd drink it)
Also-if 5 pm is the worst time for you(after work) that's the time to do something different.I used to go walking every day and it helped.Instead of sitting at home and drinking to 'relax' at this time-I'd walk for half an hour or so and this started to not only break the habit/pattern but the exercise also made me eventuially feel a lot better and it became my way of winding down.
I also had a huge probelm of wanting to drink when I was preparing dinner and had to change that too by cooking at a later time or ordering take out for a while.
I guess what I'm saying here is it's not enough to just not drink-that's just the beginning.We have to change our routines to support ourselves. I couldnt let myself be sedentary for the first month or so cos if I sat down for too long I'd automatically start to crave a drink.I had to keep busy.Consequently-my house has never been cleaner-LOL-but it helped.
I'm not saying you will never be able to go to restaurants again-but for the first month or so it's easier if you're not around alcohol at all.
I hope some of what I've said here helps.It's a vicious, self defeating cycle you're in and I'm all too familiar with it too.You can get out of it though Melissa.It just takes a few changes but I know it's possible.
I'm taking the magic wand back btw-it doesn't seem to be working-LOL
Thinking of you,
Julesxox
You are always welcome in this thread-I understand about wanting somewhere safe to post with people who are familiar with where you've been etc.
Sounds to me like you're on the merry-go-round I used to be on.Full of good intentions in the morning 'I wont drink today!' and yet by 4pm it's all going out the window and you're plotting your own downfall.
For me-in the beginning-I had to change my routines and this also meant mentally breaking the association of drinking = relaxing/winding down from the day.
I just want to suggest to you that perhaps it would be better if you didn't go to restaurants for a while?(too easy to drink there) and cook at home.Dont keep any alcohol in the house either.(I had to make our home alcohol free because when the cravings hit-if it was there, I'd drink it)
Also-if 5 pm is the worst time for you(after work) that's the time to do something different.I used to go walking every day and it helped.Instead of sitting at home and drinking to 'relax' at this time-I'd walk for half an hour or so and this started to not only break the habit/pattern but the exercise also made me eventuially feel a lot better and it became my way of winding down.
I also had a huge probelm of wanting to drink when I was preparing dinner and had to change that too by cooking at a later time or ordering take out for a while.
I guess what I'm saying here is it's not enough to just not drink-that's just the beginning.We have to change our routines to support ourselves. I couldnt let myself be sedentary for the first month or so cos if I sat down for too long I'd automatically start to crave a drink.I had to keep busy.Consequently-my house has never been cleaner-LOL-but it helped.
I'm not saying you will never be able to go to restaurants again-but for the first month or so it's easier if you're not around alcohol at all.
I hope some of what I've said here helps.It's a vicious, self defeating cycle you're in and I'm all too familiar with it too.You can get out of it though Melissa.It just takes a few changes but I know it's possible.
I'm taking the magic wand back btw-it doesn't seem to be working-LOL
Thinking of you,
Julesxox
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Eh? :)
Posts: 1,410
Hi BreakFree! I found that the number one reason I drank was to de-stress...I really needed to find different ways to "come down" from my day. I had to switch up my life and find different ways to do it. One way that's helping me right now is to work out in the mornings. I need to literally move my body to let out the rage, the anger, the frustrations, everything that life is throwing at me. I've found it so beneficial that I don't even want to drink in the evenings anymore, as I know I wouldn't be able to hit the gym in the morning hung-over.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: New England
Posts: 660
Hello again :)
Jules...Thank you SO MUCH! :) I am going to work on switching my routines...you are absolutely right. Yes, restaurant visits will have to go. It will be a lot better on our finances too. The cooking IS hard because that is usually around the time I have my first drink :( UGGHHH...I will have to put some thought into a new plan, that's for sure! Thank you so much for your thoughts and words of wisdom...they mean a lot. You have always been an inspiration to me.
dancinggirl...Hi! :) That IS an awesome outlet! You go girl! :) I NEED to start working out again...very much so. I'm know it will help me tremendously. Getting up early to work out requires much discipline...I am SO proud of you! :)
Christin...Way to go on your 125 days! That is AWESOME! :) :) :)
Thanks again everyone! :)
~Melissa
Jules...Thank you SO MUCH! :) I am going to work on switching my routines...you are absolutely right. Yes, restaurant visits will have to go. It will be a lot better on our finances too. The cooking IS hard because that is usually around the time I have my first drink :( UGGHHH...I will have to put some thought into a new plan, that's for sure! Thank you so much for your thoughts and words of wisdom...they mean a lot. You have always been an inspiration to me.
dancinggirl...Hi! :) That IS an awesome outlet! You go girl! :) I NEED to start working out again...very much so. I'm know it will help me tremendously. Getting up early to work out requires much discipline...I am SO proud of you! :)
Christin...Way to go on your 125 days! That is AWESOME! :) :) :)
Thanks again everyone! :)
~Melissa
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Road to recovery
Posts: 866
Melissa,
Lots of great advice from Jules to think about, huh. But don't worry about doing all of what you hear from everyone. Take what you can use and leave the rest, they say.
Everyone is different, for example I kept 6 cold beers I had in the fridge sitting there for about 2 months from the night before my first day of sobriety . Because for me, having it right there was a mental tool in that there is no way on earth you can avoid alcohol except by not drinking it. Let's face it, how far away is the nearest place you can buy? For me, it's the liquor store across the street so it might as well be there in front of me so I can look it in the eye so to speak.
Working out is good too, like DG said. I actually have more muscle now than I've had in longer than I'd care to admit. When I'm frustrated the weights just move around that much easier.
Posting here helps a lot. I just get stuff out of my head that I used to let pile up and get in the way. Just ask the regulars here about how much I've been rambling lately. I might need a time out over in the corner.
Lots of great advice from Jules to think about, huh. But don't worry about doing all of what you hear from everyone. Take what you can use and leave the rest, they say.
Everyone is different, for example I kept 6 cold beers I had in the fridge sitting there for about 2 months from the night before my first day of sobriety . Because for me, having it right there was a mental tool in that there is no way on earth you can avoid alcohol except by not drinking it. Let's face it, how far away is the nearest place you can buy? For me, it's the liquor store across the street so it might as well be there in front of me so I can look it in the eye so to speak.
Working out is good too, like DG said. I actually have more muscle now than I've had in longer than I'd care to admit. When I'm frustrated the weights just move around that much easier.
Posting here helps a lot. I just get stuff out of my head that I used to let pile up and get in the way. Just ask the regulars here about how much I've been rambling lately. I might need a time out over in the corner.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 2,299
Melissa-you're welcome hon. I know you can do this.When I cook now I always have a glass of soda with a slice of lemon in it on hand.I need the 'bite' so to speak.But if cooking is too hard-try take out for a while maybe.Glad I could help!
Christin-way to go on 125 days.How are you doing?I hope you're starting to feel a bit better.I've been thinking of you.
Christin-way to go on 125 days.How are you doing?I hope you're starting to feel a bit better.I've been thinking of you.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,475
Everyone is different, for example I kept 6 cold beers I had in the fridge sitting there for about 2 months from the night before my first day of sobriety . Because for me, having it right there was a mental tool in that there is no way on earth you can avoid alcohol except by not drinking it. Let's face it, how far away is the nearest place you can buy? For me, it's the liquor store across the street so it might as well be there in front of me so I can look it in the eye so to speak.
We do live in a world full of alcohol - but keeping it in the house makes it too easy for some of us.
There have been times the fact it wasn't here stopped me. I know I could go up the road but by the time I'd get there - it's a long walk - I'll have probably talked myself out of it.
I think if you're giving up drinking, it's not a stretch to dump all the booze you have around - not only do I see that as a statement of intent, but I also think otherwise your mental tool can become an escape clause, and we addicts love those.
But that's my opinion
if I've learnt anything this last week, its that what works for me may not necessarily and automatically work for someone else.
I just thought I'd offer my perspective for balance
D
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Road to recovery
Posts: 866
Originally Posted by Dee74 
Everyone is different JIT yep...but just because I live in Croc country doesn't mean I keep one in my apartment...to me, that would be ridiculous.
We do live in a world full of alcohol - but keeping it in the house makes it too easy for some of us.
There have been times the fact it wasn't here stopped me. I know I could go up the road but by the time I'd get there - it's a long walk - I'll have probably talked myself out of it.
I think if you're giving up drinking, it's not a stretch to dump all the booze you have around - not only do I see that as a statement of intent, but I also think otherwise your mental tool can become an escape clause, and we addicts love those.
But that's my opinion
if I've learnt anything this last week, its that what works for me may not necessarily and automatically work for someone else.
I just thought I'd offer my perspective for balance
D
We do live in a world full of alcohol - but keeping it in the house makes it too easy for some of us.
There have been times the fact it wasn't here stopped me. I know I could go up the road but by the time I'd get there - it's a long walk - I'll have probably talked myself out of it.
I think if you're giving up drinking, it's not a stretch to dump all the booze you have around - not only do I see that as a statement of intent, but I also think otherwise your mental tool can become an escape clause, and we addicts love those.
But that's my opinion
if I've learnt anything this last week, its that what works for me may not necessarily and automatically work for someone else.
I just thought I'd offer my perspective for balance
D
Not that I can too stubborn but.......I had a summer job working at M&M/Mars candy at the same time that I was convinced that chocolate was the cause of my teenage acne, so I had quit chocolate cold turkey about a month before I got the job. Now understand that they let you eat as much as you possibly can while you're working because they know you'll get sick of it soon enough. I didn't have any chocolate there or anywhere else all summer. Did it cure teenage acne? Nope. Not being a teenager cured teenage acne, who knew? BTW, I got the same job the next summer and made up for lost time.
Oh yeah, I did get some use out of the beer after I made it past about 60 days. I gave it to my mechanic in exchange for a ride home when I dropped off my car - a service they don't normally offer. He promised he wouldn't drink and repair.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,475
I don't think it's an issue of strength or of stubborness JIT.
For me it's about stopping fighting, ceasing the struggle, surrendering and admitting I'm an alcoholic.
For me that means I don't have to test my resolve
D
For me it's about stopping fighting, ceasing the struggle, surrendering and admitting I'm an alcoholic.
For me that means I don't have to test my resolve
D
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 2,299
Originally Posted by BeamMeUpScotty
Remember when HBO used to have "free weekends"? (man, did I just date myself--well, at least I upped my dating average). I think Halloween was one of the first movies I remember seeing on TV uncut. As a newly pubescent male, I didn't sleep for weeks, and it wasn't because of the killing.
Speaking of bad Halloween movies, check out this link on CRACKED:
6 Signs You're About to be Attacked by Zombies
If you haven't watched it, check out Shaun of the Dead, great flick.
Happy All-Hallows-Even!
Speaking of bad Halloween movies, check out this link on CRACKED:
6 Signs You're About to be Attacked by Zombies
If you haven't watched it, check out Shaun of the Dead, great flick.
Happy All-Hallows-Even!
I loved 'Shaun of the dead'-hilarious!
I was so into all those spooky movies back then-Halloween, Friday the 13th.Remember 'Evil dead'?Ew!Some rather gory scenes. And 'The Shining'-very good suspense.
You realise we're dating ourselves here?
Jules-old-LOL
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Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Yokohama, Japan
Posts: 487
Originally Posted by Jules62
You realise we're dating ourselves here?
Jules-old-LOL
Jules-old-LOL
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: New England
Posts: 660
Originally Posted by BeamMeUpScotty
As a newly pubescent male, I didn't sleep for weeks, and it wasn't because of the killing.
I've become such a wimp in my older years...I tried to watch I Am Legend a few months ago and just couldn't take it...it really freaked me out! Jason, Michael, Leatherface and Freddie (he was the worst of them all IMO) would be so ashamed! LOST is about the only suspense I can handle these days! LOL
Jules...I keep meaning to tell you how much I love your little "ghost" trick-or-treaters! They are so sweet! I just love 'em! I love your idea of having a special drink while making dinner...mine will be ginger ale with a spash of cranberry juice with a lime...Thank you for the great idea! :)
joinedintime and Dee74...I understand where you are both coming from. I will not be keeping any crocodiles OR alcohol in my house! LOL :) At this point I am extremely undisciplined and lack the willpower to say "no". I am famous for telling myself these lines..."Just one more time", "This will be the last", "I'll begin tomorrow"...those sorts of things, but I look forward to the day of having my temptor in front of me and saying "NO!"! :) :) :) In fact, I can't wait for that day! :)
I should get moving! I have lots of "picking up" to do! :) I hope you all have a wonderful day!
~Melissa
Last edited by BreakFree; 10-21-2008 at 06:08 AM. Reason: OOPS! Typo on screenname!
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Join Date: Jul 2008
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Good morning class! I have just discovered that while I "knew" that I was getting older, my body is now loudly proclaiming it as well! Nothing hotter than a chick working out in the morning...and wincing because of the dang arthritis acting up in her ankle! lol The things I do for halloween..... lol I'm feeling the pressure to make sure I get a good "slutty pirate" pic for you all now! All this lead up...can't have a cottage cheese shot going....BMUS, not gonna let you down! Hahahaha!
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Ananda...I would love to see your costume!!! A sexy slutty candy corn....that's great!! And girl, a little plump is the best there is...at least you'll be able to fill out your costume! I tell ya, there are bras out there in this world that are sheer fakery (thank goodness! lol).
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