Should I tell my sponsor
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Colorado Prairie
Posts: 1,417
A Sponsor is there to get you through the steps and interpret the book. Nowhere does it say anything about a moral director.
If you think you are being Dishonest, Resentful, Selfish, or Afraid then take it up with your sponsor. Until that happens, you should live your life as you see fit. Not as your Sponsor sees fit.
Sponsors are human just as you are and they make human decisions just as you do.
I'm a "Sponsor"! It doesn't make me right.
As usual, it's my take on the subject and should not be construed as fact.
If you think you are being Dishonest, Resentful, Selfish, or Afraid then take it up with your sponsor. Until that happens, you should live your life as you see fit. Not as your Sponsor sees fit.
Sponsors are human just as you are and they make human decisions just as you do.
I'm a "Sponsor"! It doesn't make me right.
As usual, it's my take on the subject and should not be construed as fact.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 2,299
Originally Posted by cmhcali 
tommyk I would tell her if I felt it was affecting my sobriety I would let her know. But for the time being I feel good about the support.
I know I need to get out of the pattern of hiding and avoidance. That is why I hide to avoid. Because by the time I am ready to confront something I have about 1000 different possible outcomes all negative and so I usually say lets leave that alone and then sit with the guilt...
I know I need to get out of the pattern of hiding and avoidance. That is why I hide to avoid. Because by the time I am ready to confront something I have about 1000 different possible outcomes all negative and so I usually say lets leave that alone and then sit with the guilt...
It sounds to me like your ex is very supportive.I would say-and take it or leave it-tell your sponsor if it's bothering you that you haven't?But also-be aware-their opinion is just that-one opinion.I get the hiding thing-it's not good to hide-but I also appreciate that while we have many good suggestions from those around us?Ultimately my recovery is up to me.
Just my 2 cents worth anyway.
I wish you peace,
Julesxox
Old & Sober Member of AA
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Nursing Home in Brick, New Jersey
Posts: 5,174
I've heard it said that, "We are as sick as our secrets." The very fact that you're wondering whether or not to disclose your past relationship with this man should tell you something.
Look at it this way...it truly is a "small world". Would you rather she hear it from you, or some AA do-gooder? Sadly, there are gossips in the rooms who would delight in blowing the whistle on you. If you have nothing to hide, why hide it?
Look at it this way...it truly is a "small world". Would you rather she hear it from you, or some AA do-gooder? Sadly, there are gossips in the rooms who would delight in blowing the whistle on you. If you have nothing to hide, why hide it?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 729
It is true. I am going to tell her. My sponsor is on vacation this week so we have been playing phone tag. I have not really told her much of my story. Only surface things. I have not told her anything about my drinking.
However I did crack a joke. I have a counselor. Now I only recently said that I am an alcoholic outloud. Before that I knew it but ofcourse denied it. I even told my counselor on many occasions that I was a social drinker. So I told her I was basically paying a man to help me by continually lying to him. I did not want him to judge me???? So I have stopped seeing my counselor for a while. I am not sure if it is going to work for us. I have already lied.
However I did crack a joke. I have a counselor. Now I only recently said that I am an alcoholic outloud. Before that I knew it but ofcourse denied it. I even told my counselor on many occasions that I was a social drinker. So I told her I was basically paying a man to help me by continually lying to him. I did not want him to judge me???? So I have stopped seeing my counselor for a while. I am not sure if it is going to work for us. I have already lied.
Awaiting Email Confirmation
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 2,942
It takes a while to learn what Jersey Nonny said, "We are as sick as our secrets".
It also takes a while to learn the meaning of, "Do the next right thing".
I always hope that people remain clean & sober long enough to experience the joy of knowing these 'principles'. So many people 'go out' because they didn't stay long enough for the miracle to happen.
Cmhcali, I highly applaud your decision to share the 'secret' with your sponsor. I truly hope you experience the GREAT feeling of spiritual cleanliness as you become totally honest with those around you.
Good decision, let me know how it feels when you get the burden off of your mind by sharing it with your sponsor.
It also takes a while to learn the meaning of, "Do the next right thing".
I always hope that people remain clean & sober long enough to experience the joy of knowing these 'principles'. So many people 'go out' because they didn't stay long enough for the miracle to happen.
Cmhcali, I highly applaud your decision to share the 'secret' with your sponsor. I truly hope you experience the GREAT feeling of spiritual cleanliness as you become totally honest with those around you.
Good decision, let me know how it feels when you get the burden off of your mind by sharing it with your sponsor.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 26,425
don't worry about her "firing" you because you lied. My expereince is that lying comes very natural to most of us an will pop up occationally...we are all LEARNING to live a different way of life sober and the main things is to talk through it when it happens.
proud of you for all you are doing for your sobriety today!
proud of you for all you are doing for your sobriety today!
Sober since 9th May 2008
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 2,973
Not in AA so not really my place to comment, however I think you said you've known your ex-now friend for 4.5 years, you've known your sponsor how long ?
While I'd still listen to advice, If you've only known your sponsor a short period I think I'd tell them but still want the support of both of them. I wouldn't want to give up the support of 4.5 years friendship.
While I'd still listen to advice, If you've only known your sponsor a short period I think I'd tell them but still want the support of both of them. I wouldn't want to give up the support of 4.5 years friendship.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 729
Yeah I definitely need all the support again. I did not technically lie. I omitted which is still a lie. I tell white lies all the time about nothing. I was at a meeting the other night and this guy was speaking about white lies and I started laughing because that was me.
He said his wife asked him to get bread from some store and so he was driving home and it hit him he needed to get the bread. SO he stopped and got it. When he got home his wife was amazed and said you remembered the bread and he said "yup"
and she said you went to such and such a store
and he said yes (lie)
and she said did you see so and so how are they
and he said yes I saw her she is good.
So he said I am lying about something stupid because i did not want to tell my wife I went to a different store than directed. I said omg that is me to a tee and I need to stop it. I hate it. I lie about stupid stupid stuff. Nothing serious always stupid stuff
He said his wife asked him to get bread from some store and so he was driving home and it hit him he needed to get the bread. SO he stopped and got it. When he got home his wife was amazed and said you remembered the bread and he said "yup"
and she said you went to such and such a store
and he said yes (lie)
and she said did you see so and so how are they
and he said yes I saw her she is good.
So he said I am lying about something stupid because i did not want to tell my wife I went to a different store than directed. I said omg that is me to a tee and I need to stop it. I hate it. I lie about stupid stupid stuff. Nothing serious always stupid stuff
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