Time2Surrender

I been here a while. All the old timers know me. I come here and post about my ATV riding, BS a little bit, and post a few movie quotes. I pretty much keep private on these boards. Mostly due to my stalkers. All have been banned but still come back. One has been banned a few times. You know who you are. Christina N. Sherrie B. and my newest stalker Jennifer R. I post that so they can all know I know I am being stalked by them. I dont care anymore who comes and reads my stuff. Truth is, last September I went back out after having 2 1/2 yrs. Been using pretty steady since. One night eneded up lasting 9 months. Today I am on the verge of death. Literally. I have lost everything. As one of the many steps in my attempt to finally clean up I am here using this place for what its here for. Support. This is SoberRecovery a great place with lots of support. But, I havent really reached out here in a long time. The last few months I can crash after a binge of being up for days and wake up not knowing what day it is? Is it 8:30 in the AM or 8:30 PM? I actually have to turn on the TV to figure it out. The business and everything else is long gone. I still have one Quad but rarely ride it. I did own 3 Quads. I missed a race last month that I was really looking forward to and missed SandFest this week. Even had a camping spot reserved. Quading is a big part of my life. Or at least it was. All the Quad events I charished so much I no longer attend. People invite to go riding and I dont show. Its time to get real or die. As I am now reaching out. I will post more later. Been sleeping a lot the last couple days, and trying to drink water and eat what I can. If I can do this my new clean date will be 7/13/08. Im gonna go lay down again. I will be back later.

least

PLease try whatever means are necessary to get and stay clean. I hate to think of you getting any worse off than you seem to be right now. I don't know you but I care what happens to you. Please see a doctor if your withdrawal could be difficult. You can get clean again. Please take care of yourself. I care.:ghug

frstnm

best of luck to you man
Always wanted to go out to the northwest and to do some ATV riding....
~frst

Kellye C

Welcome back. I applaud you for the courage I know it must take to come back, come clean and start over and I wish you nothing but good things. The good thing is you had 2.5 years so you already know what to do and what the results can be, just let us help you get the motivation to get started again. Getting started and staying started is the biggest challenge I think. Stay connected despite any "stalkers". This is life and death for you - don't lose sight of that!

Big hugs,
Kellye

Anna

Mike, I can feel your pain as you are slipping lower.

I hope and pray that you will make today a new beginning.

You know you can do it! :praying

four812

what is your drug of choice that lasted for 9 months?....

here's a question you can ask yourself: what am I doing with my life and what do i want to dop with my life and will i do anything before i die besides what i'm doing?

four812

i'm in a similar boat as the one you are in and I'm tired of this sinking old weather beaten ship and am afraid that I will never really learn to live and practice living a beautiful life before i DIE.

Toomutch

(((t2)))

Luckyv2

Hey Mike!

Vic here.

Sad but true that relapse is a part of recovery or at least it has been for me. Guess what Mike! You are never alone. I just relapsed and am so in awe over it. Not only that but I can't post things that I would like to post here right now. But I will tell ya Mike you are a good friend of mine and I wish ya all the luck in the world. The reason that I quoted it up there Mike is that we have shared one clean date together but different in years. The one above Mike will be my new clean date also only IF I CAN DO IT>>>

but to tell ya the truth Mike. I only had three hits which doesn't matter. And it was bunk and never did even catch a buzz...sad really good luck. I don't think that I can even attempt to try this again after having almost 26 months clean this time around. Wish ya and everyone else the best.

laurie6781

(((((Mike)))))

I don't know what all you have been using these past months, however, if you start getting those 'funny' feelings AND YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN, please dial 911 IMMEDIATELY.

This detoxing on your own is not good for you.

As to your going back out, it can happen to the best of us.

Kellye said it:

Obviously you are reaching out. You know you can do this. Keep in contact here. Try and eat 'light' foods, drink water, and when you finally feel up to it, go to a meeting, and then another and then another.

Mike you can do this. Get a male mentor or two, that can be an incredible asset on this Recovery Road.

I am glad you feel you are ready to start 'trudgin' again!!!!!!!!!!!

Feel free to PM me anytime.

I am so glad you are back!!!!!!!

Love and hugs,

CarolD

Mike...
Prayers coming your way

cmc

(((Mike)))
You have my prayers & support.

Time2Surrender

I lived a good life while I was clean. A very good life. Then I threw it all away. If one was to go back and read my posts here prior to September of '07 they would see it. Prior to May 25th 2005 I was 140 lbs (Im usually 190 or so and not an ounce of fat) I had lost everything. My job, my friends, my health, my dignity and pretty much my soul. Nothing unique. Many of us have been there. I had no drivers License and no vehicle. Things seemed beyond hopeless as they do today. Only difference is I still have a Drivers License and a vehicle. Anyway, during my 2 1/2 yrs I got my license back, bought an almost brand new truck, and built a very succesful Painting business making more $ than I ever dreamed possible for a Texas boy with an 8th grade education, bought a few Quads, and other things. I lived very good as far as monry goes. I went to meetings regularly, and sponsored a few guys. Problem was I worked steps 1-3 and never went any farther. For 2 1/2 yrs I keep a lifetime of resentments. The end result was where I am today. My Mother lives over seas. I have been lying to her for 9 months and finally came clean today. Called my Sponsor today for the first time in weeks. A good life is possible for anyone. Including me. I know that. Trust me, things sure seem way beyond hopeless at this moment but I know in my heart I can come back up. I did it once before and can do it again. Im trying to get to a meeting tonight. I am so broke I dont even have the gas to go. Not to mention there is pretty much no food here either. But, I am still alive. Thats all that matters. Im going to be detoxing the next few days and will make meetings my first priority. I will write more later.
Plenty of awesome places to ride here in The Pacific Northwest. LOL. I have a whole thread on it in The Mens Room

Drug of choice? Crack Cocaine.

Time2Surrender

So, today is day one for you too? 7/13/08? Keep that date bro and I will keep mine.

CatsPajamas

((Mike )) ((Vic))

One day at a time guys. You can do this. You know the drill. And know that we are here for you... SR is open 24 hrs a day!

stone

Rooting for you (((Mike))).

Time2Surrender

First video I ever made. And I've made dozens of them. Now my Quad just sits in the garage. YouTube - "Browns Camp" version of "Life is a Highway"

adore79

Its good that you are reaching out again. I'll say a prayer for you.

:praying

Dee74

thinking of you T2, and Vic

D

sct

Good to have you back. Hang in there... you didn't lose the tools, just put them down for a minute.