Bottoms Part 77
not a greeter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: padmasana
Posts: 13,927
Nice new contestant RK has 
.
I see I am chopped liver ova heah. Stone.
Going to catch up on some reading and stall on finishing my project some more. Actually the paper was good enough... the thing I've been fretting over is extra over the top just because I am insane anyway. I happen to know for a fact one othe rperson is waiting until Friday afternoon to do all of his homework! And another has one sentence written on her topic. I am gold!
Good night peeps
.
Say hi to the night crew when they get here.
.I see I am chopped liver ova heah. Stone.
Going to catch up on some reading and stall on finishing my project some more. Actually the paper was good enough... the thing I've been fretting over is extra over the top just because I am insane anyway. I happen to know for a fact one othe rperson is waiting until Friday afternoon to do all of his homework! And another has one sentence written on her topic. I am gold!
Good night peeps
. Say hi to the night crew when they get here.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 2,299
Okay-I screwed up last night.
One moment I was here-the next I was in my car driving home with a bottle.I can't and don't want to lie-but I guess I also don't want to start a new thread saying what a miserable failure I am etc.I just want to be free of this.Oh god I do.
I'm sorry.I could've lied-not said anything-pretended to be okay?But I can't.I'm trying so damn hard and it just baffles me how I just can't seem to get it.
I look at all of you-you seem so settled-and I'm so not.I can't type for tears.I just wanted to be honest.
I'm so sorry.
Julesxox
One moment I was here-the next I was in my car driving home with a bottle.I can't and don't want to lie-but I guess I also don't want to start a new thread saying what a miserable failure I am etc.I just want to be free of this.Oh god I do.
I'm sorry.I could've lied-not said anything-pretended to be okay?But I can't.I'm trying so damn hard and it just baffles me how I just can't seem to get it.
I look at all of you-you seem so settled-and I'm so not.I can't type for tears.I just wanted to be honest.
I'm so sorry.
Julesxox
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,473
Jules
it's what we do - it sucks, but we do it, until we find a way to stop.
I'm praying your way comes soon - you're screamingly intelligent, and honest, and brave - if anyone can get this? you will.
And you rock for posting - there's no rule that says you have to, but it lightens your load - who needs guilt? - and it may just help someone else.
As usual - I'm more than a bit proud of you
you'll get this
D
it's what we do - it sucks, but we do it, until we find a way to stop.
I'm praying your way comes soon - you're screamingly intelligent, and honest, and brave - if anyone can get this? you will.
And you rock for posting - there's no rule that says you have to, but it lightens your load - who needs guilt? - and it may just help someone else.
As usual - I'm more than a bit proud of you
you'll get this
D
Member
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Langley, BC
Posts: 1,007
((Jules))
I appreciate that you're being honest. doesn't do anyone any good, or let you get the support and help you need if you're lying to yourself and the people who are there to help you through it. and you WILL get through it.
can't count the times I messed up - and now have over 30 days. (after years and years and years and.......) it will get better for you too. you need to believe that. try and have a good night - get some sleep so you can begin the fight again tomorrow.
I appreciate that you're being honest. doesn't do anyone any good, or let you get the support and help you need if you're lying to yourself and the people who are there to help you through it. and you WILL get through it.
can't count the times I messed up - and now have over 30 days. (after years and years and years and.......) it will get better for you too. you need to believe that. try and have a good night - get some sleep so you can begin the fight again tomorrow.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 2,299
Thank you-Dee and Klynn-oh ****-I can't stop crying.
I have to be honest-hiding is what has killed me.I just-I just so want to not be this person.I'm sorry.I really am trying.I just feel so defeated.
Back to day one eh?I've had months sober before-but it all seems so useless now.Doesn't mean a thing.
Ok-off to slap myself into being better-LOL and growing the hell up.
Thank you though-for being so kind.
I have to be honest-hiding is what has killed me.I just-I just so want to not be this person.I'm sorry.I really am trying.I just feel so defeated.
Back to day one eh?I've had months sober before-but it all seems so useless now.Doesn't mean a thing.
Ok-off to slap myself into being better-LOL and growing the hell up.
Thank you though-for being so kind.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,473
Ok like wooli said I too have learnt women are never wrong...
but every day sober does mean something...it's a day when we proved we can stop. We can change behaviour and beat cravings.
All those days you've racked up are proof you're getting somewhere, even if that's hard to see today.
Trust me....you're more than half way there, Jules...and I know you won't rest until you find the way for you to stay stopped.
D
but every day sober does mean something...it's a day when we proved we can stop. We can change behaviour and beat cravings.
All those days you've racked up are proof you're getting somewhere, even if that's hard to see today.
Trust me....you're more than half way there, Jules...and I know you won't rest until you find the way for you to stay stopped.
D
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 2,299
Well-maybe we just post some pics and it makes it all ok?
I'm sorry.I love bottoms-it can be fun and I don't mean to monopolise it.I guess I have friends here from a year ago-and some newbies who are so kind-like klynn-and-well.....I'll be back tomorrow.
Carry on.
Julesxox
I'm sorry.I love bottoms-it can be fun and I don't mean to monopolise it.I guess I have friends here from a year ago-and some newbies who are so kind-like klynn-and-well.....I'll be back tomorrow.
Carry on.
Julesxox
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,473
oh FFS lol
We're an odd kind of family, but we are family - and you're every bit a part of this as anyone
The fun stuff and the (many many....LOL) pics are great - even necessary as a relief....but I think your kinda posts are what we're really here for, Jules - there's no monopolising when it comes to feeling crappy....
but I will be watching your post count...
LOL
D
We're an odd kind of family, but we are family - and you're every bit a part of this as anyone
The fun stuff and the (many many....LOL) pics are great - even necessary as a relief....but I think your kinda posts are what we're really here for, Jules - there's no monopolising when it comes to feeling crappy....
but I will be watching your post count...
LOL
D
not a greeter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: padmasana
Posts: 13,927
******{Jules}}}
Please re-read everything Dee said and add the :brick from me.
Good God woman! It is a difficult thing this sobriety thing is... you are getting it slowly but surely. I remember well when I knew I had to, needed to, wanted to stop but couldn't. I know how you feel and it sucks on those days. Tears if you must... but when you dry them and come back here and read how much love, support and admiration you have, I am SURE you will muster up another go at it. Everytime does make you stronger.Do not worry about monopolising the board. I never really cared for that game anyway
. How many times and PM's have I rec'd from YOU and the peeps here supporting me through my drivel? SOOOOOOOOOOO many. And look at me now... much better today. Take it day by day hun 
. And DON'T GIVE UP.
Please re-read everything Dee said and add the :brick from me.
Good God woman! It is a difficult thing this sobriety thing is... you are getting it slowly but surely. I remember well when I knew I had to, needed to, wanted to stop but couldn't. I know how you feel and it sucks on those days. Tears if you must... but when you dry them and come back here and read how much love, support and admiration you have, I am SURE you will muster up another go at it. Everytime does make you stronger.Do not worry about monopolising the board. I never really cared for that game anyway
. How many times and PM's have I rec'd from YOU and the peeps here supporting me through my drivel? SOOOOOOOOOOO many. And look at me now... much better today. Take it day by day hun . And DON'T GIVE UP.
not a greeter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: padmasana
Posts: 13,927
Hi Tan . Use the neti pot on your nose. Helps with the breathing troubles. Really!
Hi ananda. Isn't there something alive in that kitchen there that you can ride to work
?
Shower, yoga, chauffer, pool, shower and then 2 more yoga's today. That's what I'm thinking atm.
* yes, I need to shower before yoga. Gotta look/smell good you know
.
. Use the neti pot on your nose. Helps with the breathing troubles. Really!Hi ananda. Isn't there something alive in that kitchen there that you can ride to work
?Shower, yoga, chauffer, pool, shower and then 2 more yoga's today. That's what I'm thinking atm.
* yes, I need to shower before yoga. Gotta look/smell good you know
.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
