((Jules))
I appreciate that you're being honest. doesn't do anyone any good, or let you get the support and help you need if you're lying to yourself and the people who are there to help you through it. and you WILL get through it.
can't count the times I messed up - and now have over 30 days. (after years and years and years and.......) it will get better for you too. you need to believe that. try and have a good night - get some sleep so you can begin the fight again tomorrow.