stumblin'....
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 12,136
I'm proud of you Dee - for reaching out, for facing the fear, and for walking through it.
This isn't about kudos or congrats - just about acknowledging the very real struggle of addiction and how powerful your experience is.
Thank you for sharing. Really.
This isn't about kudos or congrats - just about acknowledging the very real struggle of addiction and how powerful your experience is.
Thank you for sharing. Really.
Today's Muse
Join Date: May 2007
Location: West end
Posts: 1,081
I admire your strength and you truly are an inspiration. You have overcome great challenges and each day face more challenges. Each day that you make the right choice, you help many others make the right choice as well. That choice is to stay sober no matter what. Thank you for showing me that if you can do it, I can do it. We can do this together.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: FL
Posts: 14,246
Well Dee, I appreciate your sharing the process of staying on track with your recovery. Thanks for being an open book with your ESH and reminding us all how great it is to stay the course. 
Because you asked, I won't include any kudos or congrats,
but
as soon as your back is turned,
please know that I'm thinking it.
Because you asked, I won't include any kudos or congrats,
but
as soon as your back is turned,please know that I'm thinking it.
+ 
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
Well, Dee, the timing of this post was amazing. I was outside just now planting flowers, pretending I felt just fine, but all day I've been sorry for myself that I can't enjoy drinks with friends that are coming over. I toyed with the idea of putting a shot of vodka in my diet pepsi, who would know? (My God, how could I even think it after the hell I've been through?) For some reason I took the time to check on SR while I was getting ready for our company. When I read your thread it gave me the courage to reject the idea of sneaking vodka into my drink. It pulled me up out of the depths and gave me strength. I know you're a proud man who wants no parts of pity, but may I just say I've always been in awe of your ability to remain sober with the health issues you have. As we've often said, we "selectively remember" the help our anesthesia has been in the past. It may have seemed like our savior once, took the edge off our problems and pain, but it's poison now and it will take us down, & you're right, this time, we may not rise up again. I love you, Dee
let it grow!
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 15,540
thanks for posting, dee. i'm really glad you didn't drink. i'm sorry that your health is keeping you from doing some of the things you do right now. please stay strong and know how much i love ya. k
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Dee thank you for sharing Stength!!!!
Your share has given stength to those who thought they had none!!!
You demonstrated that as long as one stays in the day it can be persevered.
Your share has given stength to those who thought they had none!!!
You demonstrated that as long as one stays in the day it can be persevered.
CindeRella is proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life!
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Spreading my wings
Posts: 7,163
Dee ….Once again your profound strength shines through ...the art of living life through all you have and are going through has brought inspiration to me and I know so many here at SR!
No sympathy my friend just love to you-you have accomplished living life after despair and that is something to be darn proud of!
And given so much to me-
hang in there my friend-Love you!
One of my favorite quotes….
And you sure do this Dee Dee!
No sympathy my friend just love to you-you have accomplished living life after despair and that is something to be darn proud of!
And given so much to me-
hang in there my friend-Love you! One of my favorite quotes….
The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart.
Helen Keller
Helen Keller
Member
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Langley, BC
Posts: 1,007
Hi Dee,
it's so encouraging to hear your story. and you're right that it doesn't make you forget what's going on.....my story (or my excuse, however you want to look at it) involves my son though - not really me, kinda. confused yet? ugh - it's late. In Oct. of 2005 life as I knew it ceased to exist. On a thursday, my ex had me served with court papers (at work) to fight his c/support order - the next day I got a call from the hospital that my best friend of 20 odd years had a heart attack and I should come to the hospital (sat with her through the night - she didn't make it
she was 32) and 2 weeks almost to the day of that - my son was diagnosed with autism. That was it for me - my desire to disassociate with everything around me led me to the nearest dealer and it's been downhill from there. Just getting on my feet now. but I used that as an excuse as to why I was using - how pathetic - not only has my son gone through more than kids should at his age, I was actually using what he had as the reason for my stupid decisions. But if YOU can go through what you have and make it - there is NO reason that I can't. So I won't throw any sympathy your way, but I will throw a HUGE thank you - motivation is a wonderful gift to give.
you're awesome
Krista
it's so encouraging to hear your story. and you're right that it doesn't make you forget what's going on.....my story (or my excuse, however you want to look at it) involves my son though - not really me, kinda. confused yet? ugh - it's late. In Oct. of 2005 life as I knew it ceased to exist. On a thursday, my ex had me served with court papers (at work) to fight his c/support order - the next day I got a call from the hospital that my best friend of 20 odd years had a heart attack and I should come to the hospital (sat with her through the night - she didn't make it
she was 32) and 2 weeks almost to the day of that - my son was diagnosed with autism. That was it for me - my desire to disassociate with everything around me led me to the nearest dealer and it's been downhill from there. Just getting on my feet now. but I used that as an excuse as to why I was using - how pathetic - not only has my son gone through more than kids should at his age, I was actually using what he had as the reason for my stupid decisions. But if YOU can go through what you have and make it - there is NO reason that I can't. So I won't throw any sympathy your way, but I will throw a HUGE thank you - motivation is a wonderful gift to give.you're awesome
Krista
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Bumpity Bump
excuse the Winnie the Pooh ref, but I feel like I've been dragged down stairs today emotionally LOL
so...the saga continues -
I spoke with my partner - we pretty much figured out that I was probably trying to be all things - the perfect man (how unusual for me)....
at the same time, wanting this but facing my very real physical limitations was sending me into a panic and a place where I wanted to escape - and naturally my thoughts turned subconsciously and impulsively back to a known 'solution'...
That's all very well - and working that out, and the fact I feel better physically, has made the latter part of this week more 'normal'.
so.....why am I still thinking of drinking?
Not obsessively - but more than I have in the past year.
Not agonisingly either - I haven;t bought booze, I haven't loitered outside the wine shop paciing and mumbling to myself....the thoughts are easy to dismiss - I'm finally the man I always wanted to be, I'm productive again, I'm happy, I have a woman (better than I ever dreamed of) with me...
for the first time in adulthood, I love my life...and myself.
I'm not gonna give any of that up, and I know that I do the minute I take that first sip....
but most days this week, the idea's been in my head - 'just one bottle', 'just one night' - so....what gives?
I feel kinda odd even posting again - intellectually I feel I'm not in danger, but the fear of somehow going back there is very real.
Weird.
Just wanted to put it out there I guess - see who salutes?
looking forward to anyone who wants to throw their 2 cents in...even the answers I won't like LOL
thanks again!
D
excuse the Winnie the Pooh ref, but I feel like I've been dragged down stairs today emotionally LOL
so...the saga continues -
I spoke with my partner - we pretty much figured out that I was probably trying to be all things - the perfect man (how unusual for me)....
at the same time, wanting this but facing my very real physical limitations was sending me into a panic and a place where I wanted to escape - and naturally my thoughts turned subconsciously and impulsively back to a known 'solution'...
That's all very well - and working that out, and the fact I feel better physically, has made the latter part of this week more 'normal'.
so.....why am I still thinking of drinking?
Not obsessively - but more than I have in the past year.
Not agonisingly either - I haven;t bought booze, I haven't loitered outside the wine shop paciing and mumbling to myself....the thoughts are easy to dismiss - I'm finally the man I always wanted to be, I'm productive again, I'm happy, I have a woman (better than I ever dreamed of) with me...
for the first time in adulthood, I love my life...and myself.
I'm not gonna give any of that up, and I know that I do the minute I take that first sip....
but most days this week, the idea's been in my head - 'just one bottle', 'just one night' - so....what gives?
I feel kinda odd even posting again - intellectually I feel I'm not in danger, but the fear of somehow going back there is very real.
Weird.
Just wanted to put it out there I guess - see who salutes?
looking forward to anyone who wants to throw their 2 cents in...even the answers I won't like LOL
thanks again!
D
Member
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Boston MA
Posts: 666
Hiya Dee!
I haven't been around much lately but am glad I saw this thread this mornong. Like a couple of others here, you have been a wonderful inspiration to me - now even more so. I'm glad you're hanging in.
As for the what gives question - I don't know. Every once in a while lately. I've found myself thinking about hitting ye olde Kinvara Pub here in Boston. Just one shot of Jameson, ya know? Straight up because I'm a hard guy. Knock it down, watch the Celtics, cuss out some college boys. No harm, right?
Then I remember - my kid brother got sober before me. Stayed that way for twenty one years. Decided one night wouldn't hurt. A few months later he was smoking crack, shooting heroin, and giving his car to gangbangers for drugs. He's back, but its been hard.
But... we know these things happen yet still the siren song persists. The subtle insanity that precedes the first drink seems but a gentle lullaby that will calm the storm in our breasts. I can't figure it out. Neither can I figure out where the preceding corny sentence came from. Hang in there, Dee... and keep those messages coming. and remember - no matter how much you think you drank... I've spilled more! I could wring out a few old ties.....blah.. blah... blah..
I haven't been around much lately but am glad I saw this thread this mornong. Like a couple of others here, you have been a wonderful inspiration to me - now even more so. I'm glad you're hanging in.
As for the what gives question - I don't know. Every once in a while lately. I've found myself thinking about hitting ye olde Kinvara Pub here in Boston. Just one shot of Jameson, ya know? Straight up because I'm a hard guy. Knock it down, watch the Celtics, cuss out some college boys. No harm, right?
Then I remember - my kid brother got sober before me. Stayed that way for twenty one years. Decided one night wouldn't hurt. A few months later he was smoking crack, shooting heroin, and giving his car to gangbangers for drugs. He's back, but its been hard.
But... we know these things happen yet still the siren song persists. The subtle insanity that precedes the first drink seems but a gentle lullaby that will calm the storm in our breasts. I can't figure it out. Neither can I figure out where the preceding corny sentence came from. Hang in there, Dee... and keep those messages coming. and remember - no matter how much you think you drank... I've spilled more! I could wring out a few old ties.....blah.. blah... blah..
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
