cali

Hey Pilgrim-
It sounds like you are doing well!
I like how you have really kept this thread alive with bits of your days sprinkled in-keeping us updated on how things are unfolding for you.
This is what it's all about. Sharing with eachother and supporting eachother.
*Bill & Bob are smiling

hope3

Vent all you want pilgram, sometimes while we are

venting, we figure out what we need to do...

It's 10:00pm here in NY. I think it's the middle of the night where

you are, not sure...have a nice Sunday...hope3

nogard

10 pm NY time makes it 2pm NZ time and midday on Sunday Oz time.

((((Steph))))

Pilgrim

Thanks Kevin. It's enough to know the time where I live!! Did you go and check or do you just sort of know these things? You are amazing. How are you doing today hun?

Bill and Bob - who knows where I would be now without them. I went to a BB study tonight. It's my favourite. I am going off the sharing meetings a bit. I like the study ones where we get down to business and learn. I sit there completely confused and smilling but some of it goes in. We did chapter 2. We talked about the difference between us and heavy drinkers who can moderate or stop if there is enough incentive. It was really helpful and also a bit hard to reinforce that I am a true blue alcoholic. No care about consequences after the first mouthful.

Day 20 and I am still sober. I had a close call this afternoon. I was in the supermarket and doing ok. Got through the booze aisle. It seems to be bigger than it used to be. It goes on and on. Then I got to the car and POW. Huge desire to get a bottle of red wine on the way home. I sat in the car for ages afraid to move. I wanted a drink so badly. Late afternoon in the weekends are bad times.

Everything I knew I should do went out the window. I was on some sort of autopilot. Everyone says ring someone but in the middle of it all, I lost all ability to think straight. How I managed to get home without stopping for wine or going to the bar across the road, I have no idea. I got home and started shaking. I got out some sparkling grape juice and smoked about 10 cigarettes. I phoned my temporary sponsor (he is still more like a sponsor to me than my real one).The programme seems to be working ok since I got through the day. What a fright. I am so pleased to be safe and sound and sober. Thank God, AA, SR and my sponsor for getting me through.

I have to go out of town tomorrow for work for one night. My children will be on their own in the care of the eldest. She is 18 and very capable and I have given her numbers to ring if she is worried about anything. I offered to get someone to come and stay the night but the kids thought that would be weird. Ex abf is just down the road but completely unreliable.

I have been thinking about my obsession with him. I think I am angry cos I want him to stop at the same time as me. It's a control and ego thing definitely. It really pisses me off that he is still drinking. He spent the weekend either drinking in a bar - who knows with - or sleeping. The fantasy is definitely on its last legs.

Good night everyone - wherever you are and whatever time it is. Love you guys.
xxx

Steph

Pilgrim

This day....day 21. I have to fly to Auckland. There is supposed to be a massive storm that killed people in Sydney so I am a bit nervous. I hate flying - let alone in storms. I hope to be back safe and sound tomorrow night. Take care.

xx

Dee74

I guess you've already gone, Steph...but don't worry....the storm will have weakened a lot over the Tasman (sea) I reckon...!!

see you when you get back
D

Rusty Zipper

take care steph...

xxoo

hope3

Hope your trip went well, have a great night, hope3

Pilgrim

I am staying the night in a hotel. Going out to dinner later

I am in the room at the moment and there is booze in the mini bar

I forgot to tell them to take it out. I have to remember these sorts of things. Is it normal to ask for a no alcohol room? Isn't that like advertising my problem? I think they should have smoke free and booze free rooms.

I am a bit uptight being away. I feel quite homesick. I hate being out of my comfort zone at the moment. In fact I think I may be in danger of becoming a recluse. I have my little world with meetings on certain days and certain times. I don't feel ready for adventure. I want to go home and be in my own bed.

I can't get to a meeting tonight. It's at 7 and dinner is at 7.15.

Next time I am going to say I can't go.

Dee74

Hang in there Steph...you're tough.
I'm not a hotel kinda guy, so I don't know what's normal or not...

I don't think the minibar will be a problem for you, but if it was, I figure if it's your room, you can have whatever you don't want in there taken out....anyway, the staff are always gonna be too busy with all the other guests and all the other rooms to worry about the whys and wherefores of your request.

I very rarelly get to go anywhere - try and relax and find something to enjoy from the experience of being away !

take care
hugs
D

Dee74

have to go and do some stuff Steph, but I'll check back in case you've posted later...

thinking of you
D

IO Storm

Steph...

No matter what you think..you have made so much progress..

I have seen it in the last 30 days..amazing!

It is cool you called your temp sponsor...who ever is helping you is what's

important through these tough times...

Call away...especially when you feel your arse is about to fall right off!

Love,

IO

Pilgrim

Hi Dee. Thanks. Don't feel tough at all.

I really do feel quite homesick. I wanted to expand my circle slowly and I feel like a fish out of water tonight. I have this icky feeling in my tummy. I want to go to bed and hide but I have to go out to dinner with people I don't care about and they will be drinking.

Gotta go. I'll check in later.

xx

Dee74

I'll check in through the evening !
D

Pilgrim

Hi IO

Thanks for the encouragement. It is nice to know I might be getting somewhere.

Hey Dee. Sounds like you are busy this evening.

I told them my kidneys were not right and my doc told me not to drink. Then I got the third degree about that. I am going to have to swot up about kidneys. There was one of us there. Slamming them back and looking for more. I didn't have a single craving. Maybe a couple of wee pangs but mostly I was fine. I just get bored when dinner has finished. I ate heaps and then as soon as I finished my mind said - ok thanks - time to go now! hehe.

Good night all. I hope your day goes well. See you tomorrow!!

Love

Steph

Dee74

yeah doing some work at the moment...plus I couldn't get on for a while !
not entirely sure about the kidney ruse....hope you don't have dinner with any kidney doctors but I'm very glad everything went OK
sleep well !

D

Rusty Zipper

progress steph, good for you...

xxoo rz

Pilgrim

I am in bed and about to get up and face day 23. Today I may need to fire my xabf. I was out of the office yesterday and I have been told that he had a 3 hour lunch and came back to work half drunk. He wrote emails to my senior managers. I have already written him a warning letter about drinking at lunchtime.

He is an angry drunk and usually takes it out on me. When he is like that, he is impossible to work with and that is most afternoons.

The quandry is that I am only in early recovery myself. I often used to take afternoons off to drink. I would not go back to work and I wasnt an angry drunk. Still - I feel like a two faced cow if I fire him. He is getting away with more than most would. His drinking is having a really bad effect on him since we broke up and he completely moved out two weeks ago. He is doing badly at his job.

I am afraid that without a job, he will drink himself to death quite quickly.

I read the chapter for employers but I can't seem to find the answer there.

He is not willing to stop drinking. I have asked him to get help if he cant control his drinking at work. I have offered to help him myself.

I know I am new to recovery and I should be concentrating on myself. Ths situation needs sorting out before it threatens my sobriety even more than it already has.

Any suggestions for Pilgrim?

Astro

The short answer? Let go, detach, and guard your sobriety at all costs. You know you can't keep him sober. And as far as him being a threat remember that there's only one person responsible for our sobriety: Us.

Dee74

gee Steph, I don't know...and I've learnt that's a good time to shut my mouth!
I am confident you'll do what's right though, for your sobriety and your business
hugs
D

ps I agree with Astro...ya can't 'do' for other people, and nothing can be a threat to us unless we let it be.