Class of November 2019 Part 10
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Class of November 2019 Part 10
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I felt exactly the same as you last November Willow... but eight months in, it crept back. Hopefully it won’t for you.
I wrote a very similar enthusiastic post back in December when I had about a month under my belt, in another thread. About how this time I was doing it for me, I really wanted to, everything felt different, etc etc.
I certainly hope you maintain that mindset, but for me I found that somehow I still managed to slide back. Once I got some time under my belt and things felt normal again, drinking started to look good again.
I wrote a very similar enthusiastic post back in December when I had about a month under my belt, in another thread. About how this time I was doing it for me, I really wanted to, everything felt different, etc etc.
I certainly hope you maintain that mindset, but for me I found that somehow I still managed to slide back. Once I got some time under my belt and things felt normal again, drinking started to look good again.
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Join Date: May 2017
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Yup. And I sometimes feel it's harder when you're not coming back from the brink of death like many people here are. So it's not this major life overhaul for the better per se. But then you do it enough times and deal with enough cr@p from the fall out and think: this is just a vicious cycle and I have to get off - maybe at some point down the line I'll hit on something else to provide me with deep satisfaction - or at least I'll be more likely to as one big variable is no longer there to take my focus off the wider world - that being drinking / planning to drink / thinking about drinking etc.That's the "leap of faith" stuff Dee has spoken about - you can't see enough tangible benefits right now to want to stay quit, but there are too many reports on here of folk that get past that blah stage into that contentment and fulfillment they describe for it not to be a real thing.
Well, I certainly hope that's what will happen to me!! Either way, the withdrawals are too sh!tty for me to consider drinking as a viable long term option. And eventually I'd get to the stage of having serious health complications. So I either figure out a way of living without booze or I'm pretty much screwed!!
Well, I certainly hope that's what will happen to me!! Either way, the withdrawals are too sh!tty for me to consider drinking as a viable long term option. And eventually I'd get to the stage of having serious health complications. So I either figure out a way of living without booze or I'm pretty much screwed!!
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I totally think it’s a real thing Briansy.
I agree too... I don’t want to say I’m envious of those for whom quitting was a life or death matter, but, I kind of am, in a way. I appear hyper functional to most people around me; nobody except those *very* close to me (like, partners) has ever really understood that I have a problem with drinking. If you told anybody I work with, they’d probably burst out laughing as I’m the butt of office jokes for being super organized, always on top of everything etc. But I know I have a problem, as much as anyone here.
I agree too... I don’t want to say I’m envious of those for whom quitting was a life or death matter, but, I kind of am, in a way. I appear hyper functional to most people around me; nobody except those *very* close to me (like, partners) has ever really understood that I have a problem with drinking. If you told anybody I work with, they’d probably burst out laughing as I’m the butt of office jokes for being super organized, always on top of everything etc. But I know I have a problem, as much as anyone here.
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Join Date: Nov 2012
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I have been thinking about this for hours......
I did have one very bad car accident I was lucky to survive, and I drove drunk a lot of times which is shameful and frightening. And sure, I messed up my career. But I never got arrested and I never had any life or death consequences. Yes.....I was not well and my kidneys hurt like mad. And yes, by the time I got to 49 I was such a wreck mentally that it became desperate for me to stop.
I was in emotional agony. I was in spiritual wasteland.
And it hurt.....it hurt so much that I can still remember clearly, still see myself clearly typing my first posts on SR.
And then it got harder. Much harder. Withdrawal in both 2013 and 2014 was the sickest I have ever been in my life.
The last time was worse than when I had pneumonia. And my vision was so compromised that (I think) Dee suggested I get it checked out.
Which I did. And it was ok although I had so many black shapes running around in my vision I was afraid they would never leave.
It took a full month for me to feel human, to feel well and to feel mentally sound.
All of this because I am an alcoholic who wasted my opportunities to embrace recovery over and over again.
At 30....at 36.....at 39.....again at 45 I got clean and sober.
And every single time I threw it away because I wanted to party.
And every single time it took longer to get my sobriety back.
Those last 5 years of drinking.....I would have sold my grandmother for wine.
And in the end I hated myself so much I wanted to die.
I did have one very bad car accident I was lucky to survive, and I drove drunk a lot of times which is shameful and frightening. And sure, I messed up my career. But I never got arrested and I never had any life or death consequences. Yes.....I was not well and my kidneys hurt like mad. And yes, by the time I got to 49 I was such a wreck mentally that it became desperate for me to stop.
I was in emotional agony. I was in spiritual wasteland.
And it hurt.....it hurt so much that I can still remember clearly, still see myself clearly typing my first posts on SR.
And then it got harder. Much harder. Withdrawal in both 2013 and 2014 was the sickest I have ever been in my life.
The last time was worse than when I had pneumonia. And my vision was so compromised that (I think) Dee suggested I get it checked out.
Which I did. And it was ok although I had so many black shapes running around in my vision I was afraid they would never leave.
It took a full month for me to feel human, to feel well and to feel mentally sound.
All of this because I am an alcoholic who wasted my opportunities to embrace recovery over and over again.
At 30....at 36.....at 39.....again at 45 I got clean and sober.
And every single time I threw it away because I wanted to party.
And every single time it took longer to get my sobriety back.
Those last 5 years of drinking.....I would have sold my grandmother for wine.
And in the end I hated myself so much I wanted to die.
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Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 8,762
I totally hear what you’re saying SBTS.
It’s such an insidious beast this alcohol addiction isn’t it? The AV is relentless and a shapeshifter I think, just when you think you know it’s tricks, it finds new ways to try and get us to drink. I’m staying at a local resort for a couple of days and we have complimentary champagne in our room. My partner doesn’t drink champagne. The AV doesn’t want to waste it. Grrrr. P!ss off AV!!!!!
Suze, that really was a fantastic post
Briansy you seem in great form at the moment which is awesome
It’s such an insidious beast this alcohol addiction isn’t it? The AV is relentless and a shapeshifter I think, just when you think you know it’s tricks, it finds new ways to try and get us to drink. I’m staying at a local resort for a couple of days and we have complimentary champagne in our room. My partner doesn’t drink champagne. The AV doesn’t want to waste it. Grrrr. P!ss off AV!!!!!
Suze, that really was a fantastic post
Briansy you seem in great form at the moment which is awesome
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Join Date: May 2017
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Willow, that stuff with getting offered free alcohol really bugs me I must say. Just this assumption that everyone drinks. I think as the better parts of "woke" culture continue to seep more into society, practices like that will drift away. But not anytime soon unfortunately!
Yeah, I'm on good form at the mo. Have to keep doing what I'm doing: getting plenty of exercise and doing my level best to avoid stressful situations and people! Sounds pretty simple!
SBTS - have a great time this weekend. If the opportunity arises to open the door to a conversation around giving up drinking I would seize it. Them knowing will help. They may be more supportive than you think...
Yeah, I'm on good form at the mo. Have to keep doing what I'm doing: getting plenty of exercise and doing my level best to avoid stressful situations and people! Sounds pretty simple!
SBTS - have a great time this weekend. If the opportunity arises to open the door to a conversation around giving up drinking I would seize it. Them knowing will help. They may be more supportive than you think...
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Join Date: May 2018
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Yeah free booze is a hard one. I haven’t caved in though. It’s packed here with people partying, drunkenly and noisily, which definitely counts as stressful situations and people in my book! Which I could also do with avoiding lol But it’s Saturday night and I’m tucked up in bed and we head home tomorrow so I managed the weekend unscathed
But it’s Saturday night and I’m tucked up in bed and we head home tomorrow so I managed the weekend unscathed Member
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 1,602
First day of pubs back today. Imagine it will be carnage on the streets and undoubtedly there will be an increase in cases on top of the BLM protests. But I'm going to Ireland so I'll worry about what's happening in London in a month! I just don't want stuff locked down again.
On the train to the airport now. Nice and quiet. Hope the airport isn't an utter sh!t show of OTT security guards...but I'm sure it will be...
On the train to the airport now. Nice and quiet. Hope the airport isn't an utter sh!t show of OTT security guards...but I'm sure it will be...
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Join Date: May 2018
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Airports and flights were really hard for me too Briansy. I really struggle to not drink when travelling.
I was thinking about what you said in an earlier post about how sometimes it’s harder AFTER an event full of drinking. How we might get through the actual tempting situation without drinking, but then during the comedown we cave in. It’s interesting, because I made it through the entire weekend without a drink, despite it being rampant all around me, everyone else drinking everywhere I looked, and we’re home now, and the AV is going nuts!!! Sunday afternoon at home and the AV wants me to sneak a bottle of wine out of the wine rack and replace it during the week. It’s a sneaky little **** already!
I was thinking about what you said in an earlier post about how sometimes it’s harder AFTER an event full of drinking. How we might get through the actual tempting situation without drinking, but then during the comedown we cave in. It’s interesting, because I made it through the entire weekend without a drink, despite it being rampant all around me, everyone else drinking everywhere I looked, and we’re home now, and the AV is going nuts!!! Sunday afternoon at home and the AV wants me to sneak a bottle of wine out of the wine rack and replace it during the week. It’s a sneaky little **** already!
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I dunno Willow love. It might just be that the whole weekend was a huge trigger.
And you were on guard for three days, and now maybe you are letting your guard down.
But it's after 10 now I think, so I hope you are tucked up in bed. s ❤️
And you were on guard for three days, and now maybe you are letting your guard down.
But it's after 10 now I think, so I hope you are tucked up in bed.
s ❤️
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