Class of November 2019 Part 10
Member
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 1,602
Hello all,
I'm on day 50 today!! I had maybe not a wobble in the last couple of days but just allowed myself to let thoughts creep in. I got down about a few things and that instinct kinda crept in. But that seems to have lifted - I reminded myself that (a) I'm gonna feel down from time to time, I have all my life and maybe not that much more than anyone else and I just have to deal with it. Also (B) that in reframing how I live a sober life, I will continue to feel loss for the old one and it will take more than just a couple of months to shake that. Granted I am slowly coming to terms with it through a couple of years of practice.
Anyway, am still a wee bit down despite having a couple of days in the amazing Irish countryside but feeling better resolve around not drinking. Have to power through!
I got bad sunburn yesterday hiking on Cape Clear island but it was worth it. Absolute paradise! I will post pics in a bit. Weather is dark and rainy today which is a relief so will chill.
Good to be on day 50. Onwards and upwards.
I'm on day 50 today!! I had maybe not a wobble in the last couple of days but just allowed myself to let thoughts creep in. I got down about a few things and that instinct kinda crept in. But that seems to have lifted - I reminded myself that (a) I'm gonna feel down from time to time, I have all my life and maybe not that much more than anyone else and I just have to deal with it. Also (B) that in reframing how I live a sober life, I will continue to feel loss for the old one and it will take more than just a couple of months to shake that. Granted I am slowly coming to terms with it through a couple of years of practice.
Anyway, am still a wee bit down despite having a couple of days in the amazing Irish countryside but feeling better resolve around not drinking. Have to power through!
I got bad sunburn yesterday hiking on Cape Clear island but it was worth it. Absolute paradise! I will post pics in a bit. Weather is dark and rainy today which is a relief so will chill.
Good to be on day 50. Onwards and upwards.
Member
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 1,602
Really am plagued with the AV today. Spent all day yesterday indoors due to torrential rain and same today. I feel so cooped up! Slowly trudging my way through the day but it's a hard one.
I feel like I get to this point of 50 odd days and always have a wobble and give in to it. So mentally, knowing I'm not far from my record, I pat myself on the back and open that door. Every time I think of drinking I think of how crushing it would be to reset the clock. And best case scenario how grim the next week would be recovering (that is if I didn't go more than one day which is very unlikely).
I know this whole rest of the day is going to be uncomfortable. The rain is not due to stop so I can't get out for a brisk walk to get the endorphins going. But it's OK, one uncomfortable day I should be able to deal with!!
Also a bit down. Feeling a bit rejected by old friends that are drifting. But I know this is to be expected so I stiffen my resolve and ride it out...
I feel like I get to this point of 50 odd days and always have a wobble and give in to it. So mentally, knowing I'm not far from my record, I pat myself on the back and open that door. Every time I think of drinking I think of how crushing it would be to reset the clock. And best case scenario how grim the next week would be recovering (that is if I didn't go more than one day which is very unlikely).
I know this whole rest of the day is going to be uncomfortable. The rain is not due to stop so I can't get out for a brisk walk to get the endorphins going. But it's OK, one uncomfortable day I should be able to deal with!!
Also a bit down. Feeling a bit rejected by old friends that are drifting. But I know this is to be expected so I stiffen my resolve and ride it out...
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,445
I always knew that if I picked up again, next week would no longer be guaranteed. As in to be recovering anyway. Doubtful. Maybe you would see me next year if I could manage to stop again at all.
Maybe you could think about SBTS.....I know I am.
Opening that door again is scary B......how do you know you can close it again?
s xx
Maybe you could think about SBTS.....I know I am.
Opening that door again is scary B......how do you know you can close it again?
s xx
Member
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 1,602
Absolutely, Suze. I seem to have snapped out of it now. There are three states where I know when I'm in them that they won't last and things will get better: cravings, withdrawal and depression. They always lift and life can feel good once again. You just need to remember it. It didn't help that I watched a SUPER grim documentary on alcoholism on Amazon Prime called my name is Bette. Or maybe it did help! Jeez, it was depressing.
Yes, I'm thinking of SBTS. I think we'll hear from her pretty soon. She's too level headed to let this fester too long. I think it may be a case of: damnit, I've broken the seal now, I may as well enjoy it for a week and then go back. With maybe an incident thrown in to seal the deal on the return to sobriety. Let's see.
Yes, I'm thinking of SBTS. I think we'll hear from her pretty soon. She's too level headed to let this fester too long. I think it may be a case of: damnit, I've broken the seal now, I may as well enjoy it for a week and then go back. With maybe an incident thrown in to seal the deal on the return to sobriety. Let's see.
Member
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 1,602
Well I'm pleased to report that the craving has gone and has been replaced with good vibes and plans for getting out and doing some good stuff early tomorrow and having a great day. Can't recall the last time they lifted that quickly but am very pleased indeed!
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 8,762
Briansy I’m so glad the craving has gone and the AV has slunk away. We know it can come back anytime so we have to stay on the alert and keep telling it no. Playing the tape forward to the consequences is a good anti-AV device I think. I’m really anxious today, practicing deep breathing and trying to quell the awful feelings in my stomach. Iggh. I am trying to breathe through it, but I know it won’t go away until I finish work today. I’ll check back this afternoon and make sure I keep the AV at bay.
Hopefully we hear from SBTS soon
Hopefully we hear from SBTS soon
Member
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 1,602
Hey Willow, I read your message early this AM and have been out since. Just back from an amazing hike in Dursey Island. Outrageously beautiful and totally unspoilt.
Great news that you got through it. It'll now be your morning so hope today (my bed time!) is a good one. I had a few more thoughts enter my mind today and this evening. Need to keep riding it out. It's tough when it starts to chip away at you but just have to keep reminding myself the rewards are great if we wade through these challenges now.
I have seen very few people in the last 3 months and it is starting to get to me a little bit. I'm on my own in Ireland and will see my family on Tuesday which will be good although a little claustrophobic. I'm mainly looking forward to going back to the office in August and seeing the guys.
Great news that you got through it. It'll now be your morning so hope today (my bed time!) is a good one. I had a few more thoughts enter my mind today and this evening. Need to keep riding it out. It's tough when it starts to chip away at you but just have to keep reminding myself the rewards are great if we wade through these challenges now.
I have seen very few people in the last 3 months and it is starting to get to me a little bit. I'm on my own in Ireland and will see my family on Tuesday which will be good although a little claustrophobic. I'm mainly looking forward to going back to the office in August and seeing the guys.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
