One Year and Under Club Part 64
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: NE Wisconsin USA
Posts: 6,223
I'm active daily in three threads, and wanted to share this with everyone. I've changed it up a bit so that I'm not double posting across forums
23 weeks today...161 days
I feel "genuine and wellful."
I'm not sure if over the past 5 1/2 months I've been this well, even in the span 40 years that I've been in recovery.
This is, well...fantastic because genuine is something I valued but didn't have.
I felt fake and acted fake, during my years of use and abuse and ruined any specific personal identity. I became a chameleon for survival, and glommed on to people. What they were became what I was. Never really pursuing my own dreams, skills, creativity.
Fears and unmanageability have been addressed. They are either lessened, gone, and/or manageable.
I don't declare humility for if I do I've lost it, but I have come from daily humiliation and shame to humbleness and transcendence.
I want to share today with you and hope it may help you with your sobriety too.
23 weeks today...161 days
I feel "genuine and wellful."
I'm not sure if over the past 5 1/2 months I've been this well, even in the span 40 years that I've been in recovery.
This is, well...fantastic because genuine is something I valued but didn't have.
I felt fake and acted fake, during my years of use and abuse and ruined any specific personal identity. I became a chameleon for survival, and glommed on to people. What they were became what I was. Never really pursuing my own dreams, skills, creativity.
Fears and unmanageability have been addressed. They are either lessened, gone, and/or manageable.
I don't declare humility for if I do I've lost it, but I have come from daily humiliation and shame to humbleness and transcendence.
I want to share today with you and hope it may help you with your sobriety too.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: Colorado
Posts: 702
I became a chameleon for survival, and glommed on to people. What they were became what I was. Never really pursuing my own dreams, skills, creativity.
Thank you for sharing that about yourself too, wiscsober. I really hadn’t thought about it in that light. Now that you’re sober, what do you like to do that had been put on the shelf because you were drinking?
Living and Loving Life at Last
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: gods own country
Posts: 12,169
Congratulations Wisc, on your continuing personal development. Don't be too hard on yourselves, it's a human trait to develop traits similar to those we wish to associate with, as a way of fitting in. But I'm glad you are now being true to your own nature, living life as you wish to and learning who you are sober.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2019
Posts: 689
That was an insightful and thoughtful post, wisc, and I appreciated both Daisybelle and toots' responses. Trying to fit in must surely be a huge priority for most people - it certainly was for me from quite a young age - and so it's not surprising if we try and emulate others whom we think actually do fit in or find another way (drinking for example although obviously it a good example) to smooth our path. I'm just ruminating really and not adding much value to this thread(!) but it is interesting to take some time to think about who we 'genuinely' are so thank you for that post
Not much to report here. About to venture out in the rain (again). Waiting for the new storm due in the U.K. this weekend to give us another battering. Spring? Soon? Might just be a case of believe it when I see it.
fk - thank you for your prompt acknowledgement of my membership of the Feel Good Club! That's a club I'm genuninely glad to fit in with.
I wish all Unders a good weekend.
Not much to report here. About to venture out in the rain (again). Waiting for the new storm due in the U.K. this weekend to give us another battering. Spring? Soon? Might just be a case of believe it when I see it.
fk - thank you for your prompt acknowledgement of my membership of the Feel Good Club! That's a club I'm genuninely glad to fit in with.
I wish all Unders a good weekend.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: NC
Posts: 5,161
Good morning unders!
As said, Great post wisc!!
I have always felt out of place and definitely did things and acted like those around me to fit in.
I never really gave it much thought to be honest.
I see know this is what they mean when they say alcohol stunts your emotional growth.
I'm sure just about every child acts this way but grows into their self and goes their own way.
Alcohol impairs your judgement and ability to think clearly so we never see our real self and just keep with what we know, which is nothing really, so we act like others to survive.
Hello daisy and toots!
YW rose!
As said, Great post wisc!!
I have always felt out of place and definitely did things and acted like those around me to fit in.
I never really gave it much thought to be honest.
I see know this is what they mean when they say alcohol stunts your emotional growth.
I'm sure just about every child acts this way but grows into their self and goes their own way.
Alcohol impairs your judgement and ability to think clearly so we never see our real self and just keep with what we know, which is nothing really, so we act like others to survive.
Hello daisy and toots!
YW rose!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: NE Wisconsin USA
Posts: 6,223
Originally Posted by DaisyBelle7 
I can totally relate to that. I’m an introvert by nature. I like to do things that most people find boring. I was considered a “dork” in HS because of that. Alcohol changed all of that - I was extroverted, watching sports (I don’t care for sports but it was an excuse to drink), picked up smoking, hung out with people with whom I had nothing in common except drinking.
Thank you for sharing that about yourself too, wiscsober. I really hadn’t thought about it in that light. Now that you’re sober, what do you like to do that had been put on the shelf because you were drinking?
Thank you for sharing that about yourself too, wiscsober. I really hadn’t thought about it in that light. Now that you’re sober, what do you like to do that had been put on the shelf because you were drinking?
As always I want to get back to my writing and artwork.
Living and Loving Life at Last
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: gods own country
Posts: 12,169
Awww, thanks guys! That is so sweet of you all! I have had a lovely birthday, golfing this morning then a drive up to the highlands in the snow this afternoon, culminating in a lovely meal this evening. Simple pleasures and a sober night. 
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: Colorado
Posts: 702
Morning all! Rough day yesterday, but I stayed sober. Today is marginally better. My son has asperger’s and sometimes I struggle to deal with what comes along with that, and my daughter’s eating disorders and obsession over how she looks... it just all piles up. I used to use alcohol to numb out from the pain. Now I’m crying which I hate to do. I’m just going to ride the wave and get though this without alcohol. Tomorrow is day 50 for me and I won’t mess that up for anything!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: NC
Posts: 5,161
Daisy there is nothing wrong with crying. I am starting to believe it is necessary at times.
I broke down one day a week or so in due to a wave of guilt and shame that hit me from nowhere.
I actually felt better afterwards.
Your are the 1st person I have told this to.
I know your situation is more difficult than mine but you will get through it.
Thanks for pledging to stay sober through this it means a lot to us and the world to you and your children
I broke down one day a week or so in due to a wave of guilt and shame that hit me from nowhere.
I actually felt better afterwards.
Your are the 1st person I have told this to.
I know your situation is more difficult than mine but you will get through it.
Thanks for pledging to stay sober through this it means a lot to us and the world to you and your children
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