Class of March 2016 Part 79
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: St. Louis, Mo
Posts: 7,334
I know MITA. They say smoking is as hard to kick as heroin. When my drinking started getting bad, my husband would say, "just don't drink." So I throw that back at him sometimes. (mostly joking - he gets it) Just like with me - it's life or death, I keep telling him to find a support group - but hey - what do I know? (that was pure sarcasm)
Purple - That is fantastic! You are a rockstar!
Good morning, Suze and anyone else that is awake!
Have a great day, guys!
Purple - That is fantastic! You are a rockstar!
Good morning, Suze and anyone else that is awake!
Have a great day, guys!
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Valley of the Sun, AZ
Posts: 3,458
Originally Posted by Bobbieka 
I know MITA. They say smoking is as hard to kick as heroin. When my drinking started getting bad, my husband would say, "just don't drink." So I throw that back at him sometimes. (mostly joking - he gets it) Just like with me - it's life or death, I keep telling him to find a support group - but hey - what do I know? (that was pure sarcasm)
For me, the acute withdrawals from smoking were worse than the w/d's from drinking. Smoking doesn't have the long lasting AV issues that drinking does (IMHO), and is categorically frowned upon by society - def not the case with drinking. Also, the physical benefits of not smoking are so immediate and so compelling. They are both hard habits to break, to be sure (insert Chicago song lyrics here).
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Valley of the Sun, AZ
Posts: 3,458
Originally Posted by PhoenixJ
good stuff MITA...care to share?
I started sliding into that dark place maybe last Thursday - maybe before, it’s hard to tell. By Saturday, it was pretty bad. Even my social golfing group was almost more than I could handle. Played a really nice course on Saturday morning, had a great round and won a fair amount of money
But after, it was all i could do to talk to anyone. That’s when I had my first beer in about 5 1/2 months. It went downhill pretty fast, of course, and by Monday I had mostly righted the ship drinking wise, but I was still in a dark place.I think it’s been a few things really. I’ve been home more, and I’ve mentioned here in the past about my wife’s drinking. I’m at a different place with respect to it, and for a while I thought I could live with it. I think I can live with it and be sober, but I’m not sure I can live with it and be happy. We had a discussion about it a few months back. Things were better for a while, but are now pretty much back to where they were. We are a team, though. I may just have to be less than happy.
I am winding down my current work situation. It’s a month’s long process. I can’t really do something like two-weeks notice. Overall, this is good, but a little stressful. Financially, I’m pretty well set. Mentally, I’m not sure. My plan right now is to find something else, but I have not worked that out. Still, it won’t be the big dog (ok, medium dog) kind of position I have. I’m mostly good with that, too, but I feel like I’m losing part of my identity.
The flip side of the work front. I had quite a few big presentations over the last year or so. I guess I have some ability there, because they keep asking me to give them. But I’ve never been totally comfortable in that setting (hello, alcohol … are you there?). The bigger they are, the hotter my bulb burns and then the darker my room gets when I turn it off. I think I have hit burn out in this regard. I won’t miss this part of it.
Different issue. My son is getting married in a few months. This is a very good thing. His fiancé is wonderful and smart and nice - we are big fans. The wedding planning is bringing out some old family issues and certain people aren’t coming. I’ve always been the guy who was supposed to mediate these things - I’ve done my best, but it is what it is. I am disappointed - the wedding is my son’s his fiancé’s deal, it has nothing to do with the other stuff that people are holding on to.
As I read through this, I think I am just tired of the grind (at home, at work, with family, etc.) but I don’t have a clear direction of where to go next or what to do. The prospect of continuing the grind is both comforting (I’ve been doing it so long, I can do it in my sleep) and depressing. But I’m committed to changing some things up. I just don't want to make a dumb decision - well, other than the one I made on Saturday.
Thanks for reading.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Valley of the Sun, AZ
Posts: 3,458
I don't really know how to describe the dark place itself. It/I had no energy. I didn't want to talk to anyone - heck, I didn't even want to listen to anyone. I ate whatever was easy, wasn't particularly productive and I'm pretty sure I wasn't any fun to be around. Pretty classic dark place stuff. I know there are people you can talk to for help. I'm very afraid of taking anything for it - obvious reasons.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: St. Louis, Mo
Posts: 7,334
I’ve found that it’s easy to get stuck in the dark place. There’s a weird comfort there. Moving helps me. Music. Diet. Doing a good deed for someone helps you. Sometimes I have to force it, like make myself do a morning meditation but it eventually works. The good news is, it’s usually temporary.
I’m sorry to hear about your wife. You just not being happy makes me sad, MITA. I hope she can turn it around. You have a lot on your shoulders. I’m sure it’s heavy. Lean on us. You’re always there for each of us. We’re here for you.
I’m sorry to hear about your wife. You just not being happy makes me sad, MITA. I hope she can turn it around. You have a lot on your shoulders. I’m sure it’s heavy. Lean on us. You’re always there for each of us. We’re here for you.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Valley of the Sun, AZ
Posts: 3,458
Thanks Bobbie. For the record, I'm not unhappy 100% of the time - actually just a fraction. I know I have a lot to be thankful for, but still, they call them a "significant other" for a reason!! It's not an easy situation - hoping it gets better. The rest of the stuff will work itself out
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
I think for a lot of us there is a correlation between depression and drinking MITA...I had the depression long before I had the drinking...the drinking became my way to deal with it but ended up making everything worse....they became quite entwined over the years.
If you think you need help depression wise - ask for it. See your Dr for example. No shame in that
but yeah, whatever else is bothering you - be it your wife or your son or your job or something else - I think it's better faced sober
D
If you think you need help depression wise - ask for it. See your Dr for example. No shame in that
but yeah, whatever else is bothering you - be it your wife or your son or your job or something else - I think it's better faced sober
D
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Valley of the Sun, AZ
Posts: 3,458
For sure, Dee, and thanks.
Now that I am out of the dark place, it all seems more obvious. I have some things to deal with, and I'll do that. But I look at all of us and, while my situation is my situation, we all have our burdens - some certainly harder than mine. I know that's the benefit of SR - sharing these things with people that have similar perspectives, more experience and that aren't in the dark place when I am. Still, a local professional is a good idea.
I also know that, while my wife's issue impacts me, I can't lay it all on that. Honestly, with my relapses happening every 6 months or so, I don't really set the best example. I don't think that should be my focus anyway - I'm not stopping drinking to be an example for her, although that would be a nice secondary result.
The rest of the stuff is just "stuff" - it kind of snowballed, which happens.
That's all for tonight. You guys are the best
Now that I am out of the dark place, it all seems more obvious. I have some things to deal with, and I'll do that. But I look at all of us and, while my situation is my situation, we all have our burdens - some certainly harder than mine. I know that's the benefit of SR - sharing these things with people that have similar perspectives, more experience and that aren't in the dark place when I am. Still, a local professional is a good idea.
I also know that, while my wife's issue impacts me, I can't lay it all on that. Honestly, with my relapses happening every 6 months or so, I don't really set the best example. I don't think that should be my focus anyway - I'm not stopping drinking to be an example for her, although that would be a nice secondary result.
The rest of the stuff is just "stuff" - it kind of snowballed, which happens.
That's all for tonight. You guys are the best
Velveteen Rabbit
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: San Diego, Cali
Posts: 2,661
Ooooo, I forgot all about my soberversary! Thank you!!
For so long I was white knuckling it hoping to get to the next milestone. Now, just living.
In Nashville this week for a conference. Never been here before and I like this city! Went to the Grand Ole Opry tonight and even though not a huge country music fan....I really enjoyed the show. Lots of beer all around me...didn’t bother me.
In a good place.
For so long I was white knuckling it hoping to get to the next milestone. Now, just living.
In Nashville this week for a conference. Never been here before and I like this city! Went to the Grand Ole Opry tonight and even though not a huge country music fan....I really enjoyed the show. Lots of beer all around me...didn’t bother me.
In a good place.
Velveteen Rabbit
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: San Diego, Cali
Posts: 2,661
Originally Posted by Bobbieka
I’ve found that it’s easy to get stuck in the dark place. There’s a weird comfort there. Moving helps me. Music. Diet. Doing a good deed for someone helps you. Sometimes I have to force it, like make myself do a morning meditation but it eventually works. The good news is, it’s usually temporary.
I’m sorry to hear about your wife. You just not being happy makes me sad, MITA. I hope she can turn it around. You have a lot on your shoulders. I’m sure it’s heavy. Lean on us. You’re always there for each of us. We’re here for you.
I’m sorry to hear about your wife. You just not being happy makes me sad, MITA. I hope she can turn it around. You have a lot on your shoulders. I’m sure it’s heavy. Lean on us. You’re always there for each of us. We’re here for you.
That weird comfort...yes! I resided there often. I will say the antidepressant has helped take the anxiety edge off. Just recently cut the dosage because the drowsiness was turning me into a zombie. It’s better now. The pill has a positive influence on me. Just sharing my experience.
MITA...my husband drank all the time and it was really hard. So, I know a little about what you may be feeling. I've lucked out and he stopped. I like him much better.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: St. Louis, Mo
Posts: 7,334
Good morning.
MITA - just thinking - you may want to try Al anon. In the friends and family section here I saw a comment yesterday that seems like a fit, something like you can only take care of you and your recovery. She's on the other side of the line. Al anon helps you learn to set up boundaries and have a meaningful existence even when living with someone with an addiction. It has helped me. Also, big congratulations on your son's wedding! That is really exciting!
Good morning, Purps, Suze, BBG, 13th, Lillian ('night Dee, Mish and PHX).
Have a great day everyone!
MITA - just thinking - you may want to try Al anon. In the friends and family section here I saw a comment yesterday that seems like a fit, something like you can only take care of you and your recovery. She's on the other side of the line. Al anon helps you learn to set up boundaries and have a meaningful existence even when living with someone with an addiction. It has helped me. Also, big congratulations on your son's wedding! That is really exciting!
Good morning, Purps, Suze, BBG, 13th, Lillian ('night Dee, Mish and PHX).
Have a great day everyone!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,521
Originally Posted by ManInTheArena
I don’t mind sharing - I hope it doesn’t sound like whining.
I started sliding into that dark place maybe last Thursday - maybe before, it’s hard to tell. By Saturday, it was pretty bad. Even my social golfing group was almost more than I could handle. Played a really nice course on Saturday morning, had a great round and won a fair amount of money But after, it was all i could do to talk to anyone. That’s when I had my first beer in about 5 1/2 months. It went downhill pretty fast, of course, and by Monday I had mostly righted the ship drinking wise, but I was still in a dark place.
I think it’s been a few things really. I’ve been home more, and I’ve mentioned here in the past about my wife’s drinking. I’m at a different place with respect to it, and for a while I thought I could live with it. I think I can live with it and be sober, but I’m not sure I can live with it and be happy. We had a discussion about it a few months back. Things were better for a while, but are now pretty much back to where they were. We are a team, though. I may just have to be less than happy.
I am winding down my current work situation. It’s a month’s long process. I can’t really do something like two-weeks notice. Overall, this is good, but a little stressful. Financially, I’m pretty well set. Mentally, I’m not sure. My plan right now is to find something else, but I have not worked that out. Still, it won’t be the big dog (ok, medium dog) kind of position I have. I’m mostly good with that, too, but I feel like I’m losing part of my identity.
The flip side of the work front. I had quite a few big presentations over the last year or so. I guess I have some ability there, because they keep asking me to give them. But I’ve never been totally comfortable in that setting (hello, alcohol … are you there?). The bigger they are, the hotter my bulb burns and then the darker my room gets when I turn it off. I think I have hit burn out in this regard. I won’t miss this part of it.
Different issue. My son is getting married in a few months. This is a very good thing. His fiancé is wonderful and smart and nice - we are big fans. The wedding planning is bringing out some old family issues and certain people aren’t coming. I’ve always been the guy who was supposed to mediate these things - I’ve done my best, but it is what it is. I am disappointed - the wedding is my son’s his fiancé’s deal, it has nothing to do with the other stuff that people are holding on to.
As I read through this, I think I am just tired of the grind (at home, at work, with family, etc.) but I don’t have a clear direction of where to go next or what to do. The prospect of continuing the grind is both comforting (I’ve been doing it so long, I can do it in my sleep) and depressing. But I’m committed to changing some things up. I just don't want to make a dumb decision - well, other than the one I made on Saturday.
Thanks for reading.
I started sliding into that dark place maybe last Thursday - maybe before, it’s hard to tell. By Saturday, it was pretty bad. Even my social golfing group was almost more than I could handle. Played a really nice course on Saturday morning, had a great round and won a fair amount of money
But after, it was all i could do to talk to anyone. That’s when I had my first beer in about 5 1/2 months. It went downhill pretty fast, of course, and by Monday I had mostly righted the ship drinking wise, but I was still in a dark place.I think it’s been a few things really. I’ve been home more, and I’ve mentioned here in the past about my wife’s drinking. I’m at a different place with respect to it, and for a while I thought I could live with it. I think I can live with it and be sober, but I’m not sure I can live with it and be happy. We had a discussion about it a few months back. Things were better for a while, but are now pretty much back to where they were. We are a team, though. I may just have to be less than happy.
I am winding down my current work situation. It’s a month’s long process. I can’t really do something like two-weeks notice. Overall, this is good, but a little stressful. Financially, I’m pretty well set. Mentally, I’m not sure. My plan right now is to find something else, but I have not worked that out. Still, it won’t be the big dog (ok, medium dog) kind of position I have. I’m mostly good with that, too, but I feel like I’m losing part of my identity.
The flip side of the work front. I had quite a few big presentations over the last year or so. I guess I have some ability there, because they keep asking me to give them. But I’ve never been totally comfortable in that setting (hello, alcohol … are you there?). The bigger they are, the hotter my bulb burns and then the darker my room gets when I turn it off. I think I have hit burn out in this regard. I won’t miss this part of it.
Different issue. My son is getting married in a few months. This is a very good thing. His fiancé is wonderful and smart and nice - we are big fans. The wedding planning is bringing out some old family issues and certain people aren’t coming. I’ve always been the guy who was supposed to mediate these things - I’ve done my best, but it is what it is. I am disappointed - the wedding is my son’s his fiancé’s deal, it has nothing to do with the other stuff that people are holding on to.
As I read through this, I think I am just tired of the grind (at home, at work, with family, etc.) but I don’t have a clear direction of where to go next or what to do. The prospect of continuing the grind is both comforting (I’ve been doing it so long, I can do it in my sleep) and depressing. But I’m committed to changing some things up. I just don't want to make a dumb decision - well, other than the one I made on Saturday.
Thanks for reading.
sOne thing stands out for me above all else here: your happiness is very important, and I do not think you have to give up the need for that....I think it should be important to your wife....just my feelings if you don't mind.
xxIt sounds like you are an amazing dad, husband, businessman and obviously a very good golfer.
Maybe you could go semi-professional. There are sober golfers out there.... I am not surprised that you ended up drinking....you have too much to deal with by yourself right now. Let us help.
sI think all you have done re the wedding is wonderful.....forget about the people who are causing issues....their problem, not yours.It is going to be an amazing wedding.
s
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,521
Originally Posted by ManInTheArena
I don't really know how to describe the dark place itself. It/I had no energy. I didn't want to talk to anyone - heck, I didn't even want to listen to anyone. I ate whatever was easy, wasn't particularly productive and I'm pretty sure I wasn't any fun to be around. Pretty classic dark place stuff. I know there are people you can talk to for help. I'm very afraid of taking anything for it - obvious reasons.
I can't take meds....I simply am allergic to everything, and it is worse than the darkness. But there are tons of very good supplements that help, as well as wonderful counsellors and therapists. Finding the right person to talk to is very liberating.
s
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