PalmerSage

Hi guys, yet another quick post for me, but I'm definitely reading every word and it's making me think a lot - about where we are in our recovery and lives, especially the similarities as NC mentioned. The idea that people hit on our areas of self-doubt and then they become reinforced is a big one. I think that's at the core of my issues with this project team: I have people who are fighting me for control, expressing a need to see the deliverables through from start to finish, and then I'm tempted to express that *I* want to do the same, since I am the lead, but then people drop off completely and I kind of realize that they are better project managers than I am, and I should just let them do it. But then, shouldn't I just let them do the whole thing and skip all the aggravation? NC, your explanation about the annoying riding instructor really helped me to see that.

Numblady, I was pleasantly shocked when I read that you are announcing your intentions to move on from your job - YAY!!!

Sorry to have to run, talk to you guys later!

Dee74

Have a good weekend everyone

D

Numblady

Hi guys. Just saying hello. Very tired (kids kept me up; then the book I finished kept me up thinking about it; then my kid woke me up again; blah blah blah) but otherwise ok. Leaving for vacay in a week. There is a lot of work between me and our departure and I’m already feeling guilty about how much work I’m leaving behind for others. The pace and volume and stakes of the job are really bad/high right now so my deputy is already kind of tired going into it.

did a bike ride yesterday and rode like total crap which makes me mad at myself.

But overall feeling pretty good despite those whines. Just kind of weary.

PS I only told one person (who is himself leaving at end of fiscal year) but it did feel good to admit I really can’t and don’t want to keep living like this.

NC good for you on the weigh loss. Dont go too hard on yourself though!

Scotty if you pass through would love your advice on concrete ways you got through reducing screens. I’ll eventually PM you too!

Have a great Sunday all.

PalmerSage

NewChapter - happy 18 months!!!

I just reread my last post and realized how immature and silly I sounded. I have a bunch of presentations I have to give on Wednesday (which I'm completely unprepared for, so far) and my plan is to get through those so I can hand over control to my eager and super-capable co-lead and head to the beach.

I met with the CFO of our organization about the future of this work, and to express my interest in continuing in some capacity (at the urging of the director who is currently leading the project). We had a good talk, but I resisted the urge to sell him on my ability to lead the whole dang thing. I find myself doing that frequently, convincing people that I have good ideas and should be in charge, then ending up with buyer's remorse? First world problems at best, I know.

I hope all are well, Numblady - I think it's amazing that you put your intentions out there, even if it was only to one person - have to start somewhere, right?

PalmerSage

Good morning me, and everyone! I hope all are well.

NewChapterJan18

PalmerSage

Hi all! Still super busy like everyone else. I'm really looking forward to going to the beach for a week, starting Saturday. I plan to actually disconnect from work, even though there's a ton to do .

I gave a presentation yesterday, and it didn't go very well, but I'm practicing my resilience and trying to move past it - and learn from it - as quickly as possible.

I've started to count sober months again, so forgive my annoying self saying today is 19! Just small milestones that I like to capture.

Have a great day, everyone!

NewChapterJan18

Hi Class,

NL: I think it is so fantastic that you have verbalised your intention to make a change and that you are no longer willing to accept the lifestyle that is enforced upon you in your current job. Just saying it aloud, to one other person (even to yourself, to be honest!) is a massive step towards setting the intention and really acknowledging your true feelings around the situation and your desire not to continue in this way. I am so proud of you and super excited for you! How are the vacation preparations coming along?

Palmer: Your analysis and insight into your current dynamics with your co-lead and team are really interesting. We've started really appraising the current situation within the company across all areas; personnel, operations, product and strategy, 1/3/5 year goals etc. and I am really trying to keep an open mind so that we can identify the best way forward to clear up legacy problems, prevent these issue going forward and improve systems and processes for the future. I'm currently reading 'Simple, Logical, Repeatable' by Marianne Page who was part of the senior management team in McDonald's for 15 or 20 years and I'm finding it so simple yet useful in my mission to troubleshoot, streamline and make changes within our own small company. I know some people find those kinds of books cheesy, so may not be for everyone, but it may be of interest! I'm sorry your presentation didn't go as well as you'd hoped, but I really admire your resilience and growth mindset. Congratulations on 19 months!! You should be super proud

In positive news, I have lost 8lbs now and I am the lowest weight I've been in 2 years! So happy to have finally taken back some control. I'm about 3-5 lbs off my 'happy' weight, so hoping to reach that over the next week or two.

Have a wonderful day everyone!

Numblady

Just blowing through like a tumbleweed. Had meant to get on to do a more meaningful catch up but those darn kids didn’t go to sleep until well past my bedtime. Anyhow, I like Palmer am beach bound this Sunday—and I’m very much hoping for some slow paced time to post and reflect. I too am leaving behind multiple dumpster fires at work — for TWO weeks. I am feeling really guilty about what a mess I’m leaving my team in but there’s really no good time and the graveyard is full of indispensable people (which is what I should have said in response to a work colleague who expressed disbelief that I was even allowed to take 2 weeks, to which I said it’s probably kind of frowned upon but that I didn’t care).

Hmm seems like I found a bit of time to yammer on about myself. What a dork. Anyhow back soon I hope!

PalmerSage

Hi all! NC, before I forget, that's awesome about the weight loss! Also, thanks for the book rec - I actually love all that organizational theory stuff, and that's one I've never heard of. Maybe I'll add it to my beach reading list, along with other thrillers such as "Suburban Nation - The Rise of Sprawl and the Decline of the American Dream."

It's such a great feeling to get to a point where we're comfortable in our own skin, which is what I'm constantly striving for. For my part, I'm still way above my "happy weight" (at least 10 pounds), BUT as I get ready to leave for the beach in a couple of hours, I'm really trying to think of ways to stay active, but enjoy myself and definitely not bring the scale like I did last year. On my husband's side of the family, all the kids are at or close to the teen years, so we only have so many more summers to bond over baked goods.

Numblady, I'm really happy for you that you're taking 2 weeks! I also love that quote about the graveyard being full of indispensible people, and there's no good time, and you're probably not even going to be in that job at this time next year!

Whoops, gotta start throwing stuff in bags and running out the door - I'll check in later!

Numblady

Okay, I’m back with a bit more time to post and think.

PS, I think co-anything can be a kind of weird structure. Like, who is in charge and who is ultimately responsible if things go wrong? So I don't fault you for having to navigate that. I would sure struggle! Hopefully the beach trip will provide a good break. It’s hard to let go the reins. This is something that is a struggle for me in terms of leadership. I am ultimately responsible for the performance of my team and their actions, but i also can’t know the stuff or do all the stuff ... the two things feel at odds with one another for me. As for the presentation, good for you for looking it as a building opportunity. I try to remember everybody bombs, everybody has a boss they’ve gotten into or may get into trouble with, everyone is scared of something, everyone is in the same spot of wanting to do well but being human and child like in many ways, everyone struggles. Sometimes it helps. And other times I still just beat myself up. But I try to show as much compassion to myself in this mortal coil as I can. Which some days isn’t very much but other days works out ok.

NC, I definitely don’t find books like that cheesy. In fact in light of my post above about leadership challenges I might oughta read it myself! I am happy for you that you all are looking at it systematically like that. I hope it brings you some remove to focus on master’s etc.

Ok off to keep getting ready for the big vacay. I’ll be back again!

NewChapterJan18

Hi Class - Happy Weekend!

NL and PS, I hope you both have a fantastic time at the beach and get to really switch off and relax, at least for the most part of your respective trips! You both so deserve some R&R and some recalibration time.

NL: As for that guilty feeling, I know it is easier said than done, but the reality is that it sounds to be a flurry of chaos and untenable workload whether you are there or not, so in light of that, just think what is an extra little bit on top of an already overflowing task list? It sounds like you spend so much time trying to put out everyone else's fires, to support and assist your colleagues and subordinates - this is simply their turn to pick up some extra slack for you. Plus, much as our now appropriated catch phrase 'graveyard' leveller, if you do not get the chance to detach, switch off and recharge, you will surely burn out entirely and be of no help to yourself, your family or your work colleagues - so try to think of this break as enriching your ability to help others, if that makes it any easier to assuage the misappropriated guilt that you're feeling. You need to mind yourself first, just as we learn in early sobriety. I hope you have a blast and really enjoy the beach!

PS: You should definitely cut yourself some slack and enjoy the beach and some relaxed eating as much as possible. Find some fun ways to stay active and make good choices, but ultimately as you say, this is vacation time and not only does it not come around that often, but the family and dynamics change in the blink of an eye, so it is important to enjoy it while you can and not let anything intrude on that capacity to switch off and enjoy, guilt-free. The scales will always be there when you get back!!

Unfortunately in an overzealous bid to train super hard for tomorrow's competition, I overdid it this week and blew out my back on Thursday night. I hoped a day of rest would help, so I didn't ride yesterday, but today isn't much better so I'm resting up again with sheer hope that I can recover by tomorrow and not have to pull out. It's not looking good though - I am hunched over and my right hip is jutting out to the side severely due to the pain pressure in my lower back so I can barely walk. Lots of rest and stretching for me - sigh. I guess it's all part of it though, injuries are just par for the course! I need to be more mindful of my training and rest schedule in future, and definitely need to reincorporate yoga at least once a week to try and avoid injury as much as possible.

Have a great weekend, everyone!

Numblady

NC, thank you for the wise and comforting words re: detaching. Wish words could help with your back but gosh it sounds like you may need a chiropractor or masseuse or something more than words! What a bummer if you have to pull out but just like me resting from work may help me keep working so too may physical rest help you keep competing.

Okay I need to pack! So excited to be leaving town today!! Catch y’all when I’m on the beach

NewChapterJan18

NewChapterJan18

Hi Class,

Just me again :-) Went to a hot yoga class last night to stretch out my back and it seems to have really helped, which is great. The studio has also released a new timetable with early morning classes which means I should be able to commit to at least a class or two a week again, which will hopefully help to prevent future injuries as best possible - let alone help with stress management

Work is the usual, but trying to stay focused on the important things.

I hope you guys are really switching off and enjoying much deserved downtime at the beach!

Hi Dee - and Scotty, Sunflower if you're there!

Dee74

Hey NC

D

NewChapterJan18

PalmerSage

Hi all, checking in from a breezy deck at the beach! For the most part, it's been pretty fun and relaxing, despite some serious AV ideas. I've been able to (kind of) detach from work, it's been great to spend time with my in-laws (even though I expected my husband's parents to come for 2 nights and they are staying for 5 - I totally adore them, but it does kind of mess with the dynamic and while we see them all the time, we hardly ever get to hang out with my SIL and her family). I could also do without some of their political opinions, but they have mostly behaved on that front.

The AV has surfaced, kind of out of nowhere, but kind of not, as I've experienced some nagging thoughts which are compounded by seeing most people with a drink in their hand. My husband and his family are all normal drinkers, and their drinking normally doesn't bother me, but I have to be super conscious of diffusing stress and rewarding myself in other ways. Like food - SO MUCH food! NC, thank you for the reminder that the scale will be waiting for me when I get back, that was helpful, even as I am terrified of what it will tell me!

NL, I hope you're having a great time at the beach with lots of naps and ice cream!!!

Dee74

Keep that AV at bay guys

D

Numblady

Hey gang! Sorry here it is Thursday and I’m just now checking in. It’s been pretty nonstop from the jump — in a good way. But hasn’t left much down time. We have a more relaxed schedule today thank goodness, though I’m sure that when it comes time to actually leave the house it will still be a mad dash with lots of yelling and consternation. I’m kind of now struggling with wondering whether it’s true I don’t know how to relax or I just don’t know how to relax with children. I think it’s probably still the former as I do like to worry but gosh it’s difficult with all the fighting and the yelling and the back talk and making sure they eat so they don’t get too crabby and get to sleep by a certain time so they don’t get too tired which results in bed time battles and on and on. I mean, I’m still very much enjoying the vacation, this is just a thought I’ve been bouncing around. I always blame myself for not being able to relax but there is also a certain component of always being responsible.

NC I have been mostly detaching. I do try to answer calls/texts so I’ve had to deal with several of those but I’m just not reading email. I still go back and forth into and out of paroxysms of guilt but then I keep reminding myself that I really try to honor it when people are out on leave so if others choose to work through their vacations that’s not my fault—and I don’t have to live like they do even if they choose to keep working. Sometimes it helps; other times it doesn’t.

Another thing I’ve been thinking about is how I’m coming back here for a week for a work conference. Apparently my husband thought i wanted just him to come with me (I really meant he and the kids should come at the tail end of the trip) and his vision was him partying all day every day and just having fun. I don’t know what this means about our marriage but that sounds really terrible to me. I like him as a person but I don’t want a stinky drunk/high person in my hotel room while I’m trying to work and could be having solo time. I guess I’ll just have to tell him I really don’t think that would be very fun for me ... or something. It’s one thing when i’m not working and it’s summer and we can do lots of family activities. It’s just another when I’m working doing the conference during the day and probably catching up at night..and he’d just be drunk?? Not fun.

Heard from Sunflower on my bday she is doing very well. So that is good.

PS, that sounds a bit stressful with the in-laws. My parents are coming into town a day early and my husband won’t even let them stay in our house for a single night. It is very stressful for me to be in between my dad in particular whose boundaries are very shall we say porous...and my husband who is extremely protective of his space, his stuff, his boundaries. Sigh.

Sorry for the complaining as it really is beautiful here and it’s been nice having another family from Austin down the road. We’ve already done a ton of cool stuff and there is more on the agenda!

I’ll check back soon.