Dee74

Hi NC!

D

Numblady

Hi NC. Glad you fielded the curveballs with aplomb! Hope the weekend is relaxing for you, and thanks for asking about mine. I am hoping it will be fun/relaxing. I still kind of feel like doo doo but it is really just like a cold that wears you out but not sick-sick. I’m going to skip riding because my lungs hurt but will do some working out, just less cardio than I might otherwise make myself do. Starting Monday or sooner I’m unplugging from work and just hanging with my family. I’m so excited, though I’m sure we’ll all be sick of each other about one day in . I hope to sleep a lot and just not be in a hurry.

what else is everyone up to?

NewChapterJan18

NewChapterJan18

Numblady

Well hello! I guess the downtime I’d hoped for was not to be. Yesterday morning started well enough and I took my time getting out the door and doing a fairly easy workout then heading out for food and a pedicure. So nice! ...

and then when I was backing out of my parking space my transmission just decided it couldn’t go on living and I couldn’t shift into any gears. I’m happy that I wasn’t driving in 110 degree heat with two cranky kids or anything. It was just me and it wasn’t too hot. I was able to get an Uber but suffice to say the weekend has been pretty packed with doing the research to find best way to sell and buy cars, getting hooked up with a car buying consultant my friends have used, going to Car Max, taking photos of the dead car to sell for scrap, getting it towed, and now possibly driving a couple hours each way to get the new vehicle.

Oh and in there I also had to go get my kid treated for lice again, went to a pool party, and did some yard work. I am so tired. Hoping to just get a good night of sleep. There’s nothing official on the agenda tomorrow but we may go to San Antonio and back for the new vehicle. It is going to suck a big one to have a car payment because I was already not really making much headway on my credit card debt. But I can’t help but feel pretty excited about having modern features. And doors that work! All luxuries that are upgrades from the dead van.

NC so glad to hear about the nice time with the horse buddies.

Okay daughter calling. Bye!

NewChapterJan18

Hi Class,

NL: I am so sorry to hear about your unfortunate car troubles. I think that's up there in the top most irritating and inconvenient troubles there are in life! It sounds like you've gotten right on top of it though and are sorting the situation like the boss that you are! I really admire your positive focus of looking to the nice new features of the new car though rather than ruminating on the old car breaking down. It will be super nice to have some shiny new features to play with. Was the pool party fun?

Palmer: Hope you get the chance to pop by soon, missing your posts and thinking of you.

Hi Dee (and Scotty, Sunflower if you're reading)!

Yesterday afternoon my husband went to meet friends for a bit of a boozed up day of eating, drinking and restaurant / bar hopping - I chose to be honest and just tell my husband it wasn't how I wanted to spend my Sunday, so instead I went for an early morning trail ride with a friend in the mountains, then had a wonderful jumping lesson and took my time afterwards grooming my horse and giving his tack a thorough cleaning. I the n spent the rest of the day pottering around the house and getting to things that have been on my list for ages - decluttering and throwing things out mostly, with some laundry and other things thrown in there, too! I felt so accomplished going to bed. I have a busy week this week and it felt so nice waking up nice and early, prepared and rested rather than hungover and behind. A perk of sobriety that will never wear off!

Have a great week, all!

Numblady

Hey NC. I sent Palmer a PM just a bit ago actually. I know all come and go as they are able/desiring. Just seems like such a long stretch for her.

As of now the car saga seems mostly wrapped up, well, other than 72 months of paying the darn thing off. But it’s a brand new Toyota so I fully intend to drive it for more like 92 or more . Hoping that works out! It is brand new. I never thought in a million years I would own a new vehicle but the price on this was so close to some of the older models that it was worth a bit of a stretch (and actually we used this wonderful consultant so we stayed in our price range, just closer to the top of it than the bottom). I can’t believe how nice cars are nowadays. So many places to charge things! And back-up cameras and all kinds of crazy stuff. I feel so lucky. I think about all the people who are barely hanging on to a job and if the vehicle goes so goes the job. I just feel lucky that even though I’m probably going to be worse in terms of having this loan and not doing a good job at ALL of paying off my credit card, I’m still able to do this and mostly make it work.

It was another busy day with heading down to the dealership then spending hours there, and then making a random stop by this nearby river where we had lunch and the kids and I went in the river a bit. Now I’ve trapped myself into another river trip tomorrow because they didn’t want to leave . But hey, I’m off work and there are worse things to do with one’s time.

NC sounds like you made the right call by doing those productive endeavors. Happy for you!

It’s our anniversary tomorrow. I’m glad we have a sitter and that we are going out. Just a little worried hubby will end up drunk and slurry and less fun but we shall see. I will probably just ask him outright not to get hammered so I can enjoy his company.

Well, thinking of you guys.

NewChapterJan18

Hi Class,

Not doing so great on the weight / eating / exercise side this week. I wish I could just summon the motivation to be consistent instead of all the start / stop action. We have a vacation coming up with my hubby's parents in two weeks which will constitute our summer vacation this year and I am feeling less than enthused about the whole affair.

NL: I was going to do the same thing yesterday actually when I read your post - as you say, I understand that we all dip in and out as and when we can, just hoping Palmer gets the chance to pop by soon as I am missing her posts and also hoping that everything is OK. Your new car sounds AMAZING - I love hearing about all the new gadgets and gizmos - my car is almost ten years old, so definitely behind the times on the tech spec! I hope you enjoy your new wheels :-) Happy Anniversary by the way! I hope you have a wonderful night with your husband and that he chooses to either not drink as with the Mother's Day brunch or at least doesn't go overboard so that you two can enjoy each other's company for the night.

Hi Dee!

Dee74

Hi NC and everyone

D

Numblady

Hi Dee and NC and anyone else who pops by.

NC, no word yet. Fingers crossed we’ll hear from our dear old PS (and others) soon. Thanks re: new car. Yeah, my old one was close to 15 years old and to 150k miles when we got it so suffice to say this is a big step up for us! Anniversary was .... meh. He didn’t really go too overboard until maybe the end (and part of that was my fault in a certain sense because i was trying to stay out until the sitter got our kids to sleep so we went to a third spot for one last drink. I mean, not that he had to drink beer there but it was a beer place and I knew that’s what was happening). We are going to do a kind of do-over later in the summer when the kids are at my folks’. Hope your weekend is going well...ha that’s what I just wrote because I keep thinking it’s the weekend since I’m taking off of work and got thrown off by the long weekend somehow. Duh! Okay hope your week is going well.

we are headed for a one-night trip to a crazy kid focused theme park/hotel tomorrow. Will still post if I can though.

NewChapterJan18

Hi Class / NL and Dee!

Hoping to hear from PS soon as definitely starting to worry a little. Hoping that all is going well and it is just a busy period or a conscious decision to take a break. Thinking of you and sending positive vibes your way, Palmer!

Also to any of our other comrades out there, wishing you strength and happiness.

I'm so happy that your hubby was able to / chose to exercise some restraint in terms of the drinking. It sounds to me as though he really is making an effort to respect you and consider you following your honest conversation a few weeks back. A second anniversary date sounds lovely :-)

Haha, I wish it were the weekend - this week is kind of kicking my butt , yet on the bright side I've also had some pretty positive things happen work wise, which is nice. I hope you have a wonderful time at the theme park/hotel and enjoy lots of family time!!

NewChapterJan18

Hi Class,

I had a really good jumping lesson last night which I really enjoyed. I don't know if I've mentioned that I will be entering my first external jumping event this weekend and I am quite nervous! I have only done one other competition since getting back into rising, and that was just a small, informal thing internally at our own stables a few months back. I'll be entering the beginner classes only, but I am still nervous about how it will go as I am quite inconsistent at the moment.

NL: I hope you're enjoying family time at the theme park!

Hi to Dee and hoping Palmer drops by soon (and any other comrades floating through!)

Numblady

NC best of luck at the competition this weekend! Will be good experience regardless it seems. I’m worried about Palmer and now regretting I cleared out my oldest PMs so I don’t think I have any other contact info. I guess I just have to let go of my worrying and keep repeating that there are all kinds of reasons people come and go and take breaks of various duration.

The theme park was fun though exhausting. .I was really surprised by how strong the AV was when we first got there. I’m on vacation. The drive was kind of stressful at times with the kids. For some reason my husband’s statements from our date night about how I was not an alcoholic and I had such a strong will to just give it up kept repeating in my head. And then when we arrived there were bars and drinks everywhere (or so it felt). I checked in and one of the first questions was whether we wanted to have a bottle of wine delivered later that night (the idea being you get your kids to bed and you split a nice bottle of wine to relax....hahaha my kids were up super late and the only relaxing to be done by that point for me was sleep).

But I got through it. I just looked around and reminded myself not every adult was actually drinking — and the person I wanted to be for so long was the person who was having an iced tea and not thinking about how to keep drinking through all the activities. And unlike the people I saw drinking I would just keep drinking and drinking. I’m sure some of them did too. But others probably had a drink or two and called it a day. There were a few people I noticed who stayed in their seats and just drank. That’s definitely not something to envy. How confining, really.

And I was super glad I put my head on the pillow sober because my son was awake from 2-5 a.m. and so was I. All in all it was a good trip. Spent more money than I probably should have but very glad we did it and know we can go back in the winter or again next year.

Hope all are well. Miss our classmates, but always glad to hear from NC and of course Dee, all-time classmate and mod extraordinaire.

NewChapterJan18

Hi NL, yes I'm also starting to worry about Palmer. I hope she pops by soon and that all is well. We miss you Palmer - thinking of you and sending you well wishes and thoughts!

I'm so happy that the trip was a success over all, and that you're thinking there may be potential to return later in the year. I'm sure your kids had a wonderful time! Your narrative on the drinking is really interesting and definitely resonates with me. I have been finding over the last couple of months that any time the AV has popped up, it has been so rooted in mental associations from the past. For example, one of our favourite restaurants is a tapas place that has an extensive wine selection, and my hubby and I always used to down several bottles of red there on date nights. Even now when we go there, I still get that twang in the first few minutes of craving a glass of wine with my food. It passes over pretty swiftly usually, but still crazy how it triggers that association every single time, even after this long. I completely get what you're saying about the drinking culture being everywhere - I also notice it a lot more now than before. Champagne to celebrate, cocktail for fun, wine to relax, etc. etc., the messaging is everywhere, and particularly bombarding in a vacation setting. I really like your observation of the people who just sit and drink their way through the day and don't partake in any activities. That definitely used to be me on vacation - forgoing activities in favour of just sitting around drinking, and then missing out on stuff because I was nursing a hangover, then feeling guilty afterwards that I had wasted the whole experience. You should feel really proud that this time, you weren't just wishing you could be the person drinking the ice teas and engaging, now you are that person.

Hi Dee!!

Dee74

D

PalmerSage

Hey guys, so sorry to worry you - I 've been reading here and there, but I guess I haven't signed in (and I obviously haven't posted!) I've been super busy with work and lots of kid stuff, nothing earth shattering but just a lot of small things. I'm going to try to get back in a better routine.

Dee74

Glad all is well PS

D

NewChapterJan18

Numblady

PS, so glad all is well!

Well said NC (not trying to pressure to post but also just wanting to protect our little brood). And thanks very much for the encouraging words about the vacation and not sitting it out to pound drinks.

Well it’s back to work this week but it’s also kind of a vacation because my husband and kids just drove off for almost a full week at his mom’s. It’s so quiet! Then again it’s only 4:30 since they had to get up super early so I guess this is a pretty quiet time even without kids but still.

Feeling somewhat better than I did yesterday about sobriety. I don’t think it’s really urge to drink so much as it is wanting to go deeper in terms of working a program and addressing the defects of personality as they say in AA that cause me pain unnecessarily. Like I have removed drinking but there’s more work to be done in terms of emotional sobriety/health. I think that’s what I’m going through, not sure. As I said to PS in PM, I’m just going to stick close to boards and keep reading my quit lit. May hit up a meeting while family out of town. Maybe try a different one from the one I tried last time. Not sure. I’m not feeling very articulate at this hour, and my husband and I are both becoming worried the coffee is somehow mislabeled when it’s actually decaf . My nightmare! Actually speaking of nightmares had a dream about riding bikes with friends and everyone had a champagne toast after. They expected me to join them and were pressuring me and I had planned to do it but at the last minute I said I just wasn’t going to do it.

Okay, have a great day everyone.

PalmerSage

Hi all, thanks again for the concern - I definitely would have been the same way if one of you suddenly dropped off, I guess I just didn't realize how long my little hiatus had been! Anyway, I need to get back into a better routine of posting and also reading, because I spent some time on the main thread last night, and "refreshed" my thinking about recovery. I've started to think about alcohol so much less than I used to, which is good, but I can also see how the AV could creep back into the room without a sound, if you know what I mean.

I went to a wedding over the weekend, which I was kind of dreading because it was with a bunch of people I haven't seen in a really long time, but it turned out to be OK and mostly fun. It was the first time in a while that I felt a tiny pressure to drink, there was a woman who was asking me to take a sip of her drink and I could have said "I don't drink alcohol" and left it at that, but instead I did a little song and dance about feeling dehydtrated and not liking gin. Ugh, so unnecessary. The event did drag on, mostly because the couple was clearly using it as a business opportunity (the bride owns some magazines) and the amount of staging and photography was so over the top. I was extremely happy to be sober at the end of the night, even though I was utterly exhausted yesterday and it seems to be bleeding in to this morning.

NL, your car sounds awesome! My husband is traveling and I'm going to drive his car while he's gone, because I have to pick up some larger items but also, because it has a back-up camera - which I desperately need! I hope you have a relaxing kid-free week, it will be nice to just worry about yourself for a few days!

NC, your time at the stables sounds amazing, whenever I walk by the horses in our community I think of you!