Class of January Support Thread 2018 Part 9
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NL, when I read that about the shower leaking through the floor I gasped - nooooo! 
Thinking about your husband's behavior within the context of drinking is interesting, in the sense that I can't believe how differently I'm thinking and communicating after 1.5 years sober - not that I'm doing so great now, but I'm just more careful about what I say and I'm less likely to toss off a comment like that with impunity. In any case, you have my full support and care, because that's some tough s&%# to deal with on top of work stress and the kids. Gotta go now, be back soon!
Thinking about your husband's behavior within the context of drinking is interesting, in the sense that I can't believe how differently I'm thinking and communicating after 1.5 years sober - not that I'm doing so great now, but I'm just more careful about what I say and I'm less likely to toss off a comment like that with impunity. In any case, you have my full support and care, because that's some tough s&%# to deal with on top of work stress and the kids. Gotta go now, be back soon!
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Thanks PS. We really lucked out with the shower repair ending up being something pretty simple, and I think the whole thing was short lived enough we don’t have to worry about structural damage or toxic mold or whatever else might befall a person with a leaking shower.
As for communication, very interesting point about the drinking. My husband likes to say he just has a hot temper but I absolutely notice a correlation between drinking (in this case swilling a martini ... or two.... I’ve come to have such negative associations with that freaking shaker because bad things regularly result when it comes out). We just kind of moved on but if/when we have our regular meeting to talk about stuff I may raise it.
Ok have a good day all!
As for communication, very interesting point about the drinking. My husband likes to say he just has a hot temper but I absolutely notice a correlation between drinking (in this case swilling a martini ... or two.... I’ve come to have such negative associations with that freaking shaker because bad things regularly result when it comes out). We just kind of moved on but if/when we have our regular meeting to talk about stuff I may raise it.
Ok have a good day all!
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Hey Class,
NL: I'm so happy to hear that the shower drama was minor and easily fixed. With that in mind, it's actually such a fun / silly story that you and your daughter will have to look back on for years to come! 'The Smurf Incident'
You (and Palmer) make such a big effort with your kids to give them such fun, happy memories to take from cildhood and it really warms my heart hearing about your family adventures (and misadventures!). I'm sorry that your husband kind of put a dampener on things with his negative comments - I imagine it must be really difficult to try and work through those moments with grace and poise when you probably want to ream him out for his insensitivity. It's a pity that he has been lapsing a little in his commitment to implementing his therapeutic interventions and mindfulness, however at least the fact that he is trying on some level is a positive.
PS: Hope work and co-lead stuff going well!
Hi Dee!
Half way (almost) through the week now...
NL: I'm so happy to hear that the shower drama was minor and easily fixed. With that in mind, it's actually such a fun / silly story that you and your daughter will have to look back on for years to come! 'The Smurf Incident'
You (and Palmer) make such a big effort with your kids to give them such fun, happy memories to take from cildhood and it really warms my heart hearing about your family adventures (and misadventures!). I'm sorry that your husband kind of put a dampener on things with his negative comments - I imagine it must be really difficult to try and work through those moments with grace and poise when you probably want to ream him out for his insensitivity. It's a pity that he has been lapsing a little in his commitment to implementing his therapeutic interventions and mindfulness, however at least the fact that he is trying on some level is a positive.PS: Hope work and co-lead stuff going well!
Hi Dee!
Half way (almost) through the week now...
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Hi All,
Just checking in. A busy week here as we’ve had a consultant in this week to assist with a big internal project, along with client projects and we also have our team quarterly meeting today.
Feeling generally positive though there’s a lot happening. More interviews tomorrow to try and hire for the relationship manager roles though so far unfortunately the candidates we’ve met / applications we’re getting are a far cry from the standard we need. We’re taking our time hiring as it is so vital that we get this right, however looking like we won’t have any new hires lined up by the time the Masters starts, which ups the pressure a bit. Myself and hubby also have to fly for on site client visit at the end of the month which I’d really rather not as it’s a long haul trip and the client is particularly taxing in that they are quite scatterbrained and very prone to stressing out and exacerbating their own freak out by creating mountains out of molehills rather than listening to reason or guidance.
Hope everyone is having a great week so far!
Just checking in. A busy week here as we’ve had a consultant in this week to assist with a big internal project, along with client projects and we also have our team quarterly meeting today.
Feeling generally positive though there’s a lot happening. More interviews tomorrow to try and hire for the relationship manager roles though so far unfortunately the candidates we’ve met / applications we’re getting are a far cry from the standard we need. We’re taking our time hiring as it is so vital that we get this right, however looking like we won’t have any new hires lined up by the time the Masters starts, which ups the pressure a bit. Myself and hubby also have to fly for on site client visit at the end of the month which I’d really rather not as it’s a long haul trip and the client is particularly taxing in that they are quite scatterbrained and very prone to stressing out and exacerbating their own freak out by creating mountains out of molehills rather than listening to reason or guidance.
Hope everyone is having a great week so far!
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Hi NC! My week is going okay so far. Getting some of the vacation joy beat out of me by work but that is to be expected. I still overall have the happy glow.But I think part of that is just knowing I can’t stay there too much longer.
That hiring process sounds daunting and long. I hope you find the right candidate not too long after your master’s starts just so some of the pressure is lifted. And sorry re: travel to freak-out clients. I’ve been noticing more and more how much of our agency culture is freak-out driven. Sometimes necessary and justified. Other times just exhausting.
It is so hot here. I keep obsessively checking the weather hooping for a break and a chance of rain but so far no hope. I hate watching all the plants crisp up and look so thirsty. And worry for all the living things. Sigh.
Well look forward to hearing from folks. Hope all is well.
That hiring process sounds daunting and long. I hope you find the right candidate not too long after your master’s starts just so some of the pressure is lifted. And sorry re: travel to freak-out clients. I’ve been noticing more and more how much of our agency culture is freak-out driven. Sometimes necessary and justified. Other times just exhausting.
It is so hot here. I keep obsessively checking the weather hooping for a break and a chance of rain but so far no hope. I hate watching all the plants crisp up and look so thirsty. And worry for all the living things. Sigh.
Well look forward to hearing from folks. Hope all is well.
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Hi all! NL, I'm so happy that your shower incident wasn't that bad! As for work stress, I think your detachment based on the fact that you know you're not going to be there forever is a good thing - like you don't have to fix all the craziness, just stay in your lane and not freak out unnecessarily. As I keep saying at work, "let's be responsive without being reactive" as, much like yours, my organizational culture is definitely prone to full-on panic which is only very rarely justified.
NC, good luck with the interviews! When is your masters program starting? Super exciting overall.
I continue to power-struggle with my co-lead, but the situation has definitely improved. I talked briefly and vaguely to her boss, who is also in the mix and who confirmed that this person struggles quite a bit if she is not the one in charge. She (the boss) actually thanked me for confirming that SHE is not crazy, and she made a comment about the CFO (big boss) being aware of this person's behavior as well. I definitely don't want to throw people under the bus, but at least I can move forward with this knowledge that this is something to be managed rather than something to be simply tolerated?
More later, hi to Dee and anyone else that's out there!
NC, good luck with the interviews! When is your masters program starting? Super exciting overall.
I continue to power-struggle with my co-lead, but the situation has definitely improved. I talked briefly and vaguely to her boss, who is also in the mix and who confirmed that this person struggles quite a bit if she is not the one in charge. She (the boss) actually thanked me for confirming that SHE is not crazy, and she made a comment about the CFO (big boss) being aware of this person's behavior as well. I definitely don't want to throw people under the bus, but at least I can move forward with this knowledge that this is something to be managed rather than something to be simply tolerated?
More later, hi to Dee and anyone else that's out there!
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Hi PS and anyone else lurking or posting! Glad to hear you got some affirmation with respect to what you are experiencing with this co-lead (as did her boss).
Work does feel so strange. not only do I know in the back of my mind I will change jobs, I think several key execs are in same boat. As the world turns...
Okay that is about all. Just strolling through procrastinating my workout as usual.
Work does feel so strange. not only do I know in the back of my mind I will change jobs, I think several key execs are in same boat. As the world turns...
Okay that is about all. Just strolling through procrastinating my workout as usual.
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Hi all, driving through as well. Things are tense at my house right now, my husband and I are not getting along - he thinks I'm cold and unloving and I think he's unreasonable and controlling - fun stuff. It makes me think about how I used to approach these conflicts, which was to drink a lot and wait for them to pass. I do have some guilt because it's me who changed the dynamic, not him, but at the same time I simply can't tolerate his overbearing ways anymore. UGH.
Hope everyone is doing well!
Hope everyone is doing well!
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Hi guys, I fell down the rabbit hole of old posts, in case you want to flash back to one year ago! https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...art-7-a-5.html (Class of January Support Thread 2018 Part 7)
Thinking about folks that have stopped posting in the thread, like Chase, Sunflower, and (mostly) Scotty - really hoping all are well! I'll check in again later.
Thinking about folks that have stopped posting in the thread, like Chase, Sunflower, and (mostly) Scotty - really hoping all are well! I'll check in again later.
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PS must be something in the air. My husband and I are struggling enough that we routinely just stop talking since we can’t talk without fighting. Not really a solution. I do wish I could be a better wife and be more supportive/available for romance, but I also am just so sick of his continual verbal jabs and then outright insults. It just gets old. Sorry I didn’t see your post earlier. Not that I can really do anything to help but I can definitely sympathize!
School starts in a week and a day for us. And the one friend my son had going to this school (our neighbor and car pool buddies) seem to be backing out at the last minute, after I turned down another school based in part on their saying they were a definite at the school my son is going to. I feel so much pressure to not make the wrong decision as it is, like this age is so fraught with challenges already, and if middle school is a terrible experience, it could put him on a bad track — and somehow, deep down, I feel this nagging sense that it will be all my fault. Even if it’s not true. That’s just how I feel. It is overwhelming me but will hopefully pass. No it will pass; I have to remember that.
PS thanks for the trip down memory lane with the old posts. Miss those guys.
School starts in a week and a day for us. And the one friend my son had going to this school (our neighbor and car pool buddies) seem to be backing out at the last minute, after I turned down another school based in part on their saying they were a definite at the school my son is going to. I feel so much pressure to not make the wrong decision as it is, like this age is so fraught with challenges already, and if middle school is a terrible experience, it could put him on a bad track — and somehow, deep down, I feel this nagging sense that it will be all my fault. Even if it’s not true. That’s just how I feel. It is overwhelming me but will hopefully pass. No it will pass; I have to remember that.
PS thanks for the trip down memory lane with the old posts. Miss those guys.
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Just a drive by unfortunately - will hopefully be able to get back for a better post tomorrow, but just wanted to send hugs and positivity to you both NL and PS; negotiating challenging times with your partner is not easy and can be really hurtful and emotionally draining, especially when you’re trying to manage everything else in the mix, too!
Take care everyone, more later.
Take care everyone, more later.
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Hi Class,
Early morning here for yoga before work. I've been getting to yoga about 3-4 times per week along with horse riding, so I'm pretty happy on the exercise front. Mostly doing well on the eating front though the weekends have been challenging, so weight is down over all but generally hopping back up at the weekend and down again during the week, repeat, so still staying pretty static.
Work is a bit crazy as we still haven't settled on a new hire and one of our very small team is now off on vacation leave for two weeks. Hoping we can just rally and pull through these next few weeks.
Hope everyone is doing well and that things are a little better on the home front PS and NL?
Take care, must dash!
Early morning here for yoga before work. I've been getting to yoga about 3-4 times per week along with horse riding, so I'm pretty happy on the exercise front. Mostly doing well on the eating front though the weekends have been challenging, so weight is down over all but generally hopping back up at the weekend and down again during the week, repeat, so still staying pretty static.
Work is a bit crazy as we still haven't settled on a new hire and one of our very small team is now off on vacation leave for two weeks. Hoping we can just rally and pull through these next few weeks.
Hope everyone is doing well and that things are a little better on the home front PS and NL?
Take care, must dash!
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Hi NC way to go on the exercise and eating! I have been failing miserably at both. I managed to hurt my wrist somehow —of all things, sleeping! I can’t really do yoga (at least I need to find chaturhanga free options) and all other workouts are tough. I think it’s getting bette. Idk. It’s hard to eat with a fork still on my right arm. I wish I had time to get it checked out but alas.
I can’t say things are better on my home front but I’m glad I’m not drinking. I think it would be much easier for me to react more negatively if I had a buzz. Doesn’t make our problems go away but at least I know my reactions are genuine instead of booze soaked.
I can’t say things are better on my home front but I’m glad I’m not drinking. I think it would be much easier for me to react more negatively if I had a buzz. Doesn’t make our problems go away but at least I know my reactions are genuine instead of booze soaked.
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Thanks Dee! Yes it’s seeming I may need to make time since it’s not really resolving on its own and I’m finally to a point where I WANT to get back into the workout groove. So that is a motivator.
How is everyone doing? I think NC could be out of town right now. Not sure. I went out of town an impromptu trip with the kids to a friend’s family’s ranch Saturday night. It is so lovely out there, and I feel so lucky to know them and that they like us enough to have us stay over I did not sleep much and neither did the kids so it’s good to be back in my bed without the strange noises of a giant tree scraping the side of the house (it sounded like banging on metal somehow, hard to describe but suffice to say not a very restful night).
Kids start school tomorrow. Very nerve wracking. My son is going to a middle school that just got an F in our state rating system. Which we found out on the same day we went to their orientation only to find it’s totally disorganized (and physically chaotic because of construction, which should pass). And the day we told our son the bad news that the one friend he had going (who assured us they were definitely going when we made our choice) backed out to go to a charter school.
I’m feeling/doing better about it and he is going to get to ride to school with a different friend who is a grade up and that is so reassuring. Plus the program he is in is somewhat separate from the rest of the school so I’m hoping a small upstart program with an emphasis on STEAM will be perfect for him in the long run, or at least not unbearable. We definitely don’t go for perfect around here so not sure why I wrote that! I’m just hopeful it will be a decent fit and not an unmitigated disaster.
Well, hi to all!
How is everyone doing? I think NC could be out of town right now. Not sure. I went out of town an impromptu trip with the kids to a friend’s family’s ranch Saturday night. It is so lovely out there, and I feel so lucky to know them and that they like us enough to have us stay over
I did not sleep much and neither did the kids so it’s good to be back in my bed without the strange noises of a giant tree scraping the side of the house (it sounded like banging on metal somehow, hard to describe but suffice to say not a very restful night). Kids start school tomorrow. Very nerve wracking. My son is going to a middle school that just got an F in our state rating system. Which we found out on the same day we went to their orientation only to find it’s totally disorganized (and physically chaotic because of construction, which should pass). And the day we told our son the bad news that the one friend he had going (who assured us they were definitely going when we made our choice) backed out to go to a charter school.
I’m feeling/doing better about it and he is going to get to ride to school with a different friend who is a grade up and that is so reassuring. Plus the program he is in is somewhat separate from the rest of the school so I’m hoping a small upstart program with an emphasis on STEAM will be perfect for him in the long run, or at least not unbearable. We definitely don’t go for perfect around here so not sure why I wrote that! I’m just hopeful it will be a decent fit and not an unmitigated disaster.
Well, hi to all!
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Hi Class,
Sorry I've been quiet, just busy and not noticing the days go by! Work trip will be coming up next week and trying not to think about it right now as just so much to do before then - not to mention that the particular client we will be visiting is incredibly taxing. Luckily as it is hubby and I going, we will be tacking on a few days at the end for a little beach getaway of our own to decompress after client visit and before my masters starts when we get back.
NL: I'm really sorry that your wrist is hurt and causing such an inconvenience to boot, I know how frustrating injuries can be especially when they keep you from your work outs! Hopefully you can squeeze in some time for a trip to the doctor to have it looked at and that it will be fully recovered soon. I have to say that I really liked how you described the freedom in sobriety to analyse and face our issues in life when you wrote about the contention with your husband 'Doesn't make our problems go away but at least I know my reactions are genuine.' I really admire this and it perfectly captures the truth of sobriety; benefits and limitations. Being sober will not necessarily solve our issues, but rather allow us to perceive them clearly rather than through the drunken prism, so that we can at least be sure of our emotional responses and feelings around those situations which gives us balance in judgment and (hopefully) the ability to fairly appraise and assess how we would like things to change and how we can go about creating that change in a reasonable way and dealing with the situation at present in an honest and controlled manner. Have the weekly meetings with your husband helped to allow you to express any of those feelings? The school stuff sounds really stressful and I can totally understand your apprehension and concerns. It's good that your son now has another friend to commute with at least and I hope that your concerns are allayed in time and that most of these worries will prove to be unfounded. It sounds as though your son is a great kid and I know how much you care and support your kids so I am sure that you will be there every step of the way to help him navigate this new chapter!
Palmer: Beach getaway sounds so fun (the work management less so)! I hope you can manage to delegate a bit so that you free up some time to enjoy and unwind at the beach.
Hi Dee!!
Sorry I've been quiet, just busy and not noticing the days go by! Work trip will be coming up next week and trying not to think about it right now as just so much to do before then - not to mention that the particular client we will be visiting is incredibly taxing. Luckily as it is hubby and I going, we will be tacking on a few days at the end for a little beach getaway of our own to decompress after client visit and before my masters starts when we get back.
NL: I'm really sorry that your wrist is hurt and causing such an inconvenience to boot, I know how frustrating injuries can be especially when they keep you from your work outs! Hopefully you can squeeze in some time for a trip to the doctor to have it looked at and that it will be fully recovered soon. I have to say that I really liked how you described the freedom in sobriety to analyse and face our issues in life when you wrote about the contention with your husband 'Doesn't make our problems go away but at least I know my reactions are genuine.' I really admire this and it perfectly captures the truth of sobriety; benefits and limitations. Being sober will not necessarily solve our issues, but rather allow us to perceive them clearly rather than through the drunken prism, so that we can at least be sure of our emotional responses and feelings around those situations which gives us balance in judgment and (hopefully) the ability to fairly appraise and assess how we would like things to change and how we can go about creating that change in a reasonable way and dealing with the situation at present in an honest and controlled manner. Have the weekly meetings with your husband helped to allow you to express any of those feelings? The school stuff sounds really stressful and I can totally understand your apprehension and concerns. It's good that your son now has another friend to commute with at least and I hope that your concerns are allayed in time and that most of these worries will prove to be unfounded. It sounds as though your son is a great kid and I know how much you care and support your kids so I am sure that you will be there every step of the way to help him navigate this new chapter!
Palmer: Beach getaway sounds so fun (the work management less so)! I hope you can manage to delegate a bit so that you free up some time to enjoy and unwind at the beach.
Hi Dee!!
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Hi Class,
We have kind of known for a while that one of our employees has been working on outside projects on company time - he also amasses huge amounts of 'sick' days among other things and more often than not his work is sloppy and either unfinished or causes problems. Another employee has been complaining about him for some time and yesterday that employee sent us a wealth of information he had compiled verifying all his and our concerns - that employee number one is in fact working on other projects with blatant disregard for doing so in the office and that he has tried to enlist employee number two on several occasions to work on projects for him. Additionally, it turns out that he wishes to move away and is currently looking for apartments elsewhere and is hoping to just while away his time here until we make him redundant ad he earns a payout (something he has completely assumed in his head as we haven't considered nor indicated any such thing ever). Sometimes I just want to go and live under a rock and never have to deal with or manage people ever again. I am so angry about this - probably even disproportionately so - not least because we just recently acquiesced to a pay rise for this individual and have made many concessions to allow flexibility for his home life. It just feels as though you can't trust anyone and that loyalty is truly dead in this day and age.
NL I hope your son's first day at school was a success!
PS: Hope you're enjoying the beach
Hi to Dee - I hope all is great with you :-)
We have kind of known for a while that one of our employees has been working on outside projects on company time - he also amasses huge amounts of 'sick' days among other things and more often than not his work is sloppy and either unfinished or causes problems. Another employee has been complaining about him for some time and yesterday that employee sent us a wealth of information he had compiled verifying all his and our concerns - that employee number one is in fact working on other projects with blatant disregard for doing so in the office and that he has tried to enlist employee number two on several occasions to work on projects for him. Additionally, it turns out that he wishes to move away and is currently looking for apartments elsewhere and is hoping to just while away his time here until we make him redundant ad he earns a payout (something he has completely assumed in his head as we haven't considered nor indicated any such thing ever). Sometimes I just want to go and live under a rock and never have to deal with or manage people ever again. I am so angry about this - probably even disproportionately so - not least because we just recently acquiesced to a pay rise for this individual and have made many concessions to allow flexibility for his home life. It just feels as though you can't trust anyone and that loyalty is truly dead in this day and age.
NL I hope your son's first day at school was a success!
PS: Hope you're enjoying the beach
Hi to Dee - I hope all is great with you :-)
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