Class of February 2019 Support Thread Pt 1
Member
Join Date: Feb 2019
Posts: 246
Originally Posted by FoieGras 
Can I just pop in to say that I hate doing income taxes?! Although with all the changes, I’m glad to only owe $136. Not only did they change the tax law, but our son graduated college in 2017 so this was the first year without huge tuition deductions. I think we ended up ok with the tax law changes. Hard to tell because I’m not comparing apples to apples.
In keeping with this thread, I’m happy to report that I did not do my taxes under the influence of anything besides Sanders Dark Chocolate Sea Salt Caramels. In past years I can guarantee there were several adult beverages involved in the process.
In keeping with this thread, I’m happy to report that I did not do my taxes under the influence of anything besides Sanders Dark Chocolate Sea Salt Caramels. In past years I can guarantee there were several adult beverages involved in the process.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 1,443
Well, I just returned from my facial (which was great!) and planned to come home to finish doing my taxes (my husband never does them now that he's retired). BUT....I am in a total funk. All I want to do is drink and smoke. I drove past our neighborhood "little store", but I didn't stop to buy anything. VERY close call.....I have not finished my friend's letter, either (although I don't have all the info for it yet as I thought I did).......Sooooo.....I am feeling unaccomplished and defeated. I know wine would only make it worse, and then I wouldn't get the taxes done tomorrow either! It's only about 1:30pm here, but I am too depressed to start now. I'm a morning person, so maybe I can finish taxes in the morning. My CPA appt. is on Tues. As for my friend's letter....it can wait a few days....I am going to text him. I am going to have some soup and try to feel better. I am also pissed cuz I'm doing all this stuff and my husband is just lying on the couch watching movies (ones that I do not like and that we have watched a million times already!)...UGH!!!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,454
Welcome StartingOverNW 
I smoked weed until it became as problematic as alcohol sis for me later - same escape drive, same obsessive need to be high/drunk. I think I was the problem, much more than the weed or alcohol.
congrats on 2 weeks Notme2pls
I've drunk on autopilot before too Foie Gras but it's a luxury none of us can really afford. I had to be vigilant - when every second of my life had been about drinking, I couldn't afford to take my eyes of the wheel for a second - at least not for a while.
I had to look at that glass of whatever it was as not something I'd probably be ok drinking, or no big deal - but as another nail in my coffin.
Overdone metaphor maybe but it kept me sober?
D
I smoked weed until it became as problematic as alcohol sis for me later - same escape drive, same obsessive need to be high/drunk. I think I was the problem, much more than the weed or alcohol.
congrats on 2 weeks Notme2pls
I've drunk on autopilot before too Foie Gras but it's a luxury none of us can really afford. I had to be vigilant - when every second of my life had been about drinking, I couldn't afford to take my eyes of the wheel for a second - at least not for a while.
I had to look at that glass of whatever it was as not something I'd probably be ok drinking, or no big deal - but as another nail in my coffin.
Overdone metaphor maybe but it kept me sober?
D
Duck Duck Goose!
Join Date: Jan 2019
Posts: 325
Hang in there, trudging! You’ve done well already to skip your store.
When I quit two years ago I made a “woman cave” to give me somewhere to go when his drinking annoyed me. I could watch my shows etc without alcohol fumes. Can you do something like that?
Unfortunately for me now, it was DS’s old room and he’s currently living in it....
ETA - thanks Dee! True words.
When I quit two years ago I made a “woman cave” to give me somewhere to go when his drinking annoyed me. I could watch my shows etc without alcohol fumes. Can you do something like that?
Unfortunately for me now, it was DS’s old room and he’s currently living in it....
ETA - thanks Dee! True words.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2019
Posts: 246
Hang on Trudging! You can do this. Have you eaten something substantial today? That kills my AV immediately...especially something sweet.
Think how good you will feel in the morning after you stay sober!
Can you tell your husband you need help?
Think how good you will feel in the morning after you stay sober!
Can you tell your husband you need help?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: Washington State
Posts: 591
FoieGras - Your time at the symphony sounds like it was very nice, and thanks about the intro - I'm trying to be more engaged
NotMe - It sounds difficult to have all of that come up. I think despite that stuff you shouldn't beat yourself up so much, as you are putting in the effort to make change in your life so you can stop doing that stuff, which is a very positive thing
Addy - Sorry to hear you're cranky today, and thank you for the welcome. I agree with Canuck - keep the streak going!
Dee - I agree 100% with your assesment that I am the problem, not the weed/alcohol. Therapy the last 2 years has really helped to open my eyes a lot in that area.
And oh yeah taxes bleh that's something I really need to get going on too lol.
NotMe - It sounds difficult to have all of that come up. I think despite that stuff you shouldn't beat yourself up so much, as you are putting in the effort to make change in your life so you can stop doing that stuff, which is a very positive thing
Addy - Sorry to hear you're cranky today, and thank you for the welcome.
I agree with Canuck - keep the streak going!Dee - I agree 100% with your assesment that I am the problem, not the weed/alcohol. Therapy the last 2 years has really helped to open my eyes a lot in that area.
And oh yeah taxes bleh that's something I really need to get going on too lol.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2019
Posts: 988
Originally Posted by StartingOverNW
I'm in my 40s, single, never married, no kids, have been in active addiction most of my life since I was 17 years old, and have essentially wanted to quit & have tried in some form or another to quit for over 20 years now.
.... I've noticed that now that I'm in my 40s this addicted life is getting more and more depressing as I feel like I've lost so much time including kind of my prime adult years in my 20s and 30s, and I think this is making it harder to build up and maintain motivation to live sober - part of me feels like 'whats the point?', but at the same time I know I've possibly got a lot of time left and want to see if I can find happiness in this life with the time I have left.
.... I've noticed that now that I'm in my 40s this addicted life is getting more and more depressing as I feel like I've lost so much time including kind of my prime adult years in my 20s and 30s, and I think this is making it harder to build up and maintain motivation to live sober - part of me feels like 'whats the point?', but at the same time I know I've possibly got a lot of time left and want to see if I can find happiness in this life with the time I have left.
So, I'm glad you shared your story and I'm glad you're here. Keep posting.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 322
Hey to everyone and welcome newbies.
i'll start with the bad news.. day 7 smoke free and I caved. Husband and friend drinking, absolutely awful craving sleepless night, talked myself into smoking.
good news... still day8 still alcohol free. A little worried now ive smoked that it will snowball and the cravings are so bad. But i am in bed abojt to write my nightly journal and im going to write dpwn a plan for how tp manage the next few days.
ive had a productive sunday which is rare as im normally hungover. Laundry and housework done, food prepped for tomorrow, ready for the week ahead. Depression slighty lifting.
trying not to think too much about the smoking, i will deal with it. Im never going to stop trying.
i'll start with the bad news.. day 7 smoke free and I caved. Husband and friend drinking, absolutely awful craving sleepless night, talked myself into smoking.
good news... still day8 still alcohol free. A little worried now ive smoked that it will snowball and the cravings are so bad. But i am in bed abojt to write my nightly journal and im going to write dpwn a plan for how tp manage the next few days.
ive had a productive sunday which is rare as im normally hungover. Laundry and housework done, food prepped for tomorrow, ready for the week ahead. Depression slighty lifting.
trying not to think too much about the smoking, i will deal with it. Im never going to stop trying.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2019
Posts: 246
Originally Posted by AwkwardKitty
Hey to everyone and welcome newbies.
i'll start with the bad news.. day 7 smoke free and I caved. Husband and friend drinking, absolutely awful craving sleepless night, talked myself into smoking.
good news... still day8 still alcohol free. A little worried now ive smoked that it will snowball and the cravings are so bad. But i am in bed abojt to write my nightly journal and im going to write dpwn a plan for how tp manage the next few days.
ive had a productive sunday which is rare as im normally hungover. Laundry and housework done, food prepped for tomorrow, ready for the week ahead. Depression slighty lifting.
trying not to think too much about the smoking, i will deal with it. Im never going to stop trying.
i'll start with the bad news.. day 7 smoke free and I caved. Husband and friend drinking, absolutely awful craving sleepless night, talked myself into smoking.
good news... still day8 still alcohol free. A little worried now ive smoked that it will snowball and the cravings are so bad. But i am in bed abojt to write my nightly journal and im going to write dpwn a plan for how tp manage the next few days.
ive had a productive sunday which is rare as im normally hungover. Laundry and housework done, food prepped for tomorrow, ready for the week ahead. Depression slighty lifting.
trying not to think too much about the smoking, i will deal with it. Im never going to stop trying.
It’s ok AK! You’re doing good! You didn’t drink and that’s all that really matters! If it comes down to drinking or smoking for me...I too will smoke. Cigarettes are better than alcohol. Hang in there!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 322
Starting over, loved reading your intro. I want to do the same, its so interesting learning more about people and the path that led them here...
i am 36 and live in the UK. Ive been married for 5 years and have a 3yo son.
i had a traumatic childhood which would take me days to explain so i'll summarise..
dad was in prison for armed robbery when i was born,mum was just18. Both parents alcoholics and drug users. Mum had mental illness episodes throughout my life. Dad came and went. Grew up in and out of foster care, seperated from siblings. Sexually abused aged 5 by uncle, aged 12-14 by dad including serious physical abuse, he went to prison for it. Left foster care age 18 to live in a hostel, cut off from everyone, got a job. Met boyfriend at age 19, he was40 yo heavy drinker and gradually i started to drink nightly. Dysfunctional and violent relationship that lasted 7 years. Suffered serious depression and ill mental health throughout but held down jobs which was my sanctuary and purpose.
age 27 i met someone new and began an affair, left my bf and sofa surfed. New bf and i became drinking buddies, i was drinking daily at this point. I was aggressive and volatile. Several suicide attempts, many dark days, a tumor on my ovaries. Over the years we survived and became strong. My career took off, my aggression lessened,drinking became less frequent, we married. I had a serious mental lapse after wedding where i became agrophobic. Became pregnant after believing i was infertile. Stopped drinking and smoking immediately, got specialist mental health support, a diagnosis of ocd, became more stable and happier than ever. Had my son at the end of 2015 and was in a v good place. Had a drink a few months later at a wedding, then a few more times over the months. Gradually got to the point where i was binging badly 1-3 times a week, quit many times over the past 3years and only made it to 42 days the longest time. Thats pretty much my story in a nutshell... well that was cathartic!
part of me believes i cant change but i am immensely proud of who i am andwhat ive achieved in so many ways and i dont want to repeat the cycle that adults in my life did. I am so much better than this xx
i am 36 and live in the UK. Ive been married for 5 years and have a 3yo son.
i had a traumatic childhood which would take me days to explain so i'll summarise..
dad was in prison for armed robbery when i was born,mum was just18. Both parents alcoholics and drug users. Mum had mental illness episodes throughout my life. Dad came and went. Grew up in and out of foster care, seperated from siblings. Sexually abused aged 5 by uncle, aged 12-14 by dad including serious physical abuse, he went to prison for it. Left foster care age 18 to live in a hostel, cut off from everyone, got a job. Met boyfriend at age 19, he was40 yo heavy drinker and gradually i started to drink nightly. Dysfunctional and violent relationship that lasted 7 years. Suffered serious depression and ill mental health throughout but held down jobs which was my sanctuary and purpose.
age 27 i met someone new and began an affair, left my bf and sofa surfed. New bf and i became drinking buddies, i was drinking daily at this point. I was aggressive and volatile. Several suicide attempts, many dark days, a tumor on my ovaries. Over the years we survived and became strong. My career took off, my aggression lessened,drinking became less frequent, we married. I had a serious mental lapse after wedding where i became agrophobic. Became pregnant after believing i was infertile. Stopped drinking and smoking immediately, got specialist mental health support, a diagnosis of ocd, became more stable and happier than ever. Had my son at the end of 2015 and was in a v good place. Had a drink a few months later at a wedding, then a few more times over the months. Gradually got to the point where i was binging badly 1-3 times a week, quit many times over the past 3years and only made it to 42 days the longest time. Thats pretty much my story in a nutshell... well that was cathartic!
part of me believes i cant change but i am immensely proud of who i am andwhat ive achieved in so many ways and i dont want to repeat the cycle that adults in my life did. I am so much better than this xx
Member
Join Date: Feb 2019
Posts: 246
Originally Posted by listae
WELCOME! We have a lot in common. I'm in my late forties and filled with middle-aged regret. Everything you say above in the quote applies to me. I also started drinking heavily after a breakup and feeling of losing "the one." I'm still dealing with a lot of self-blame, regret, and guilt. But the drinking only compounded my sense of hopelessness.
So, I'm glad you shared your story and I'm glad you're here. Keep posting.
So, I'm glad you shared your story and I'm glad you're here. Keep posting.
Hang in there Listae. I also deal with a lot of shame, guilt, regret etc. We will forgive ourselves.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 322
Originally Posted by Addy47
It’s ok AK! You’re doing good! You didn’t drink and that’s all that really matters! If it comes down to drinking or smoking for me...I too will smoke. Cigarettes are better than alcohol. Hang in there!
How are you doing with the double cravings?
Member
Join Date: Oct 2018
Posts: 221
Hi everyone! Hope you’re all good.
I was posting in the January thread but I thought I would pop my head in here. I’ve been doing really well sitting having my sparkling water on a night and tonight I let my guard down ..
I hummed and harred before pouring myself a glass of wine (my OH has a bottle in the fridge) I don’t know why I did it. I didn’t even really want it.. it sat on the table beside me for 15 minutes before I came to my sense and poured it back in the bottle. Phew that was close! It makes me realise I’m not as strong as I probably thought but jeez am I glad that moment of madness passed.
I was posting in the January thread but I thought I would pop my head in here. I’ve been doing really well sitting having my sparkling water on a night and tonight I let my guard down ..
I hummed and harred before pouring myself a glass of wine (my OH has a bottle in the fridge) I don’t know why I did it. I didn’t even really want it.. it sat on the table beside me for 15 minutes before I came to my sense and poured it back in the bottle. Phew that was close! It makes me realise I’m not as strong as I probably thought but jeez am I glad that moment of madness passed.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2019
Posts: 246
Originally Posted by AwkwardKitty
thanks addy... i shall deal with the smoking but my focus is absolutely staying alcohol free.
How are you doing with the double cravings?
How are you doing with the double cravings?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2019
Posts: 246
Originally Posted by noaddedsugar
Hi everyone! Hope you’re all good.
I was posting in the January thread but I thought I would pop my head in here. I’ve been doing really well sitting having my sparkling water on a night and tonight I let my guard down ..
I hummed and harred before pouring myself a glass of wine (my OH has a bottle in the fridge) I don’t know why I did it. I didn’t even really want it.. it sat on the table beside me for 15 minutes before I came to my sense and poured it back in the bottle. Phew that was close! It makes me realise I’m not as strong as I probably thought but jeez am I glad that moment of madness passed.
I was posting in the January thread but I thought I would pop my head in here. I’ve been doing really well sitting having my sparkling water on a night and tonight I let my guard down ..
I hummed and harred before pouring myself a glass of wine (my OH has a bottle in the fridge) I don’t know why I did it. I didn’t even really want it.. it sat on the table beside me for 15 minutes before I came to my sense and poured it back in the bottle. Phew that was close! It makes me realise I’m not as strong as I probably thought but jeez am I glad that moment of madness passed.
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