Class of February 2019 Support Thread Pt 1
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 1,443
Well, I think I can relate, because I was trying to moderate for the past 2 years, and also had some "ugly slips". I guess I call mine a relapse because I have remained sober before. Moderation is not an option for me and this time, I GET IT.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2019
Location: The Midwest
Posts: 649
Originally Posted by trudgingagain 
Well, I think I can relate, because I was trying to moderate for the past 2 years, and also had some "ugly slips". I guess I call mine a relapse because I have remained sober before. Moderation is not an option for me and this time, I GET IT.
He/she was rejecting the notion that that relapse is a necessary part of recovery.
Maybe it doesn't have to be ever again
.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2019
Posts: 246
Hi everyone. Checking in on day 8. I didn't end up going to my meeting today because I remembered that I don't really like that particular meeting and need to be in the right frame of mind to tolerate some of the people there. 
The last time I went to it I left half way through and went to a bar! I can't risk that! Tomorrow I will go to my women's meeting in the morning and my Big Book study meeting at night. Both of those meetings are safe and I like them.
I wanted to get some exercise but it won't stop raining! ugh. We have a family gym membership but honestly I would rather clean the bathrooms or stab myself in the eye than workout at a gym. lol. I don't like being in sweaty crowded places. My favorite thing to do is powerwalk or run outside in nature. We have gorgeous parks 1 second away from me.
Anyway...today is another blah day but I am trying to focus on the positives. There's always a positive, right?
I looked up "Kindling" last night because I kept seeing people bring it up. I didn't know what it was but I think I have it! It makes total sense! My drinking pattern for the past 5 years has been get drunk (like REALLY drunk), vomit and/pass out, be super hung over the next day, swear alcohol off forever, stay sober for 1-2 weeks and then RINSE AND REPEAT! So if what I read last night is correct...every time I drink my kindling (aka withdrawal) will be worse! The worst thing about my withdrawal is the DEPRESSION for sure! It seems to last longer and longer after every binge. SOOOOO.....like I said yesterday....Alcohol is enemy #1.
I promise no matter what happens today I will NOT DRINK! I don't want to start this cycle all over again. Im not sure I could make it through again. It's been painful!
Well have a great day everyone. I am going to catch up on the posts.
The last time I went to it I left half way through and went to a bar! I can't risk that! Tomorrow I will go to my women's meeting in the morning and my Big Book study meeting at night. Both of those meetings are safe and I like them. I wanted to get some exercise but it won't stop raining! ugh. We have a family gym membership but honestly I would rather clean the bathrooms or stab myself in the eye than workout at a gym. lol. I don't like being in sweaty crowded places. My favorite thing to do is powerwalk or run outside in nature. We have gorgeous parks 1 second away from me.
Anyway...today is another blah day but I am trying to focus on the positives. There's always a positive, right?
I looked up "Kindling" last night because I kept seeing people bring it up. I didn't know what it was but I think I have it! It makes total sense! My drinking pattern for the past 5 years has been get drunk (like REALLY drunk), vomit and/pass out, be super hung over the next day, swear alcohol off forever, stay sober for 1-2 weeks and then RINSE AND REPEAT! So if what I read last night is correct...every time I drink my kindling (aka withdrawal) will be worse! The worst thing about my withdrawal is the DEPRESSION for sure! It seems to last longer and longer after every binge. SOOOOO.....like I said yesterday....Alcohol is enemy #1.
I promise no matter what happens today I will NOT DRINK! I don't want to start this cycle all over again. Im not sure I could make it through again. It's been painful!
Well have a great day everyone. I am going to catch up on the posts.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2019
Posts: 246
Originally Posted by Canuck76
There is a snow storm here today and I was debating whether to walk the 5 mins to the grocery store. Then it dawned on me that I used to trudge 30 mins through a blizzard to get to the liquor store before it closed at night....
lmao
Member
Join Date: Feb 2019
Posts: 246
Originally Posted by StartingOverNW
Addy - Thank you for your story. Though I didn't bring it up in my intro, I can relate to the early trauma part. Unfortunately I think thats common for a lot of us - stuff that happens in childhood can shape the rest of our lives. I can't relate to the stay at home parent part, but it reminds me a lot of my sister who is in a similar spot in her life. I know you're not alone there. I wonder if there are support groups for parents going through the same thing?
P.S. I am sooo glad you are starting to feel better and I am also so sorry you experienced trauma in your past. :-(
Member
Join Date: Feb 2019
Posts: 246
Originally Posted by OllieOliver
Maybe others can relate or have experience this, but I am actually feeling... almost damn near euphoric. It’s actually to the point where I’m worried I’m on too much of a high over my newfound decision to quit drinking.
Last night I reminded myself that it won’t all be like this. There will disappointment, grief, anxiety — and I’ll have to power through that.
But right now I feel like I could take on the entire world and nothing can stop me. I walked to work in the cold rain and let it hit my face. I feel excited and overwhelmed and proud that I finally let the people who I love most in on just how deep and dark this addiction went.
Can anyone relate to this? Happy Tuesday, friends.
Last night I reminded myself that it won’t all be like this. There will disappointment, grief, anxiety — and I’ll have to power through that.
But right now I feel like I could take on the entire world and nothing can stop me. I walked to work in the cold rain and let it hit my face. I feel excited and overwhelmed and proud that I finally let the people who I love most in on just how deep and dark this addiction went.
Can anyone relate to this? Happy Tuesday, friends.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2019
Posts: 246
Originally Posted by trudgingagain
I even went a new route to change things up a bit, since I used to walk after a couple of glasses of wine in the morning (hair of the dog?)...ugh....just reading that sounds STUPID....who DOES that except an alcoholic?????
And I will try the meditation thing! I also may try some YOGA. Apparently there is a some great FREE yoga on Youtube called "Yoga with Adriene". I think I will try it when I log off here!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 322
I think my brain is subconciously planning a relapse. Ive started having thoughts pop into my head about having a drink at the weekend and starting again next week. I have pure ocd which is characterised by unwanted intrusive thoughts which is a bit like this. I feel good and the pain of alcohol becoming more distant. I can rationalise why I want to stop and why its better. But Im worried I am already on the road to relapse.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2019
Posts: 246
Hey AwkwardKitty,
I totally know how your feeling. I have done that so many times in the past and I always end up regretting it. I can't remember but do you go to AA? I was thinking if you do maybe you could double up on your meetings through the weekend?
I totally know how your feeling. I have done that so many times in the past and I always end up regretting it. I can't remember but do you go to AA? I was thinking if you do maybe you could double up on your meetings through the weekend?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2019
Posts: 69
Hi everyone,
I’m a newcomer and just wanted to say hello. I’m looking forward to getting to know you and your stories.
I’m going to check in each day and I’m also going to commit to AA meetings. I’m in a very fearful place... somehow I convince myself that I’m “fine” after about 10 days of sobriety and then I meet my slippery slope. I can see that I was relying too much on willpower alone and I have no choice but to solidify a plan. One thing that scares me is that I’m a big self sabotage repeater. I constantly start and stop plans in all areas of my life (exercise, diet, meditation.... and of course recovery). I have to get over this pattern.
Maybe having others involved with my recovery will help this.
I’m a newcomer and just wanted to say hello. I’m looking forward to getting to know you and your stories.
I’m going to check in each day and I’m also going to commit to AA meetings. I’m in a very fearful place... somehow I convince myself that I’m “fine” after about 10 days of sobriety and then I meet my slippery slope. I can see that I was relying too much on willpower alone and I have no choice but to solidify a plan. One thing that scares me is that I’m a big self sabotage repeater. I constantly start and stop plans in all areas of my life (exercise, diet, meditation.... and of course recovery). I have to get over this pattern.
Maybe having others involved with my recovery will help this.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 322
Thank you. Part of the thought today was not to post about it here but i did so thats a good thing at least.
I dont go to AA, I work full time and have a young child so have looked into it before but would really struggle to make a meeting, I just about manage to cook, clean and wash myself each day between mum duties and work lol. I bought the book but didnt read all of it. I've accessed a recovery servoce before but stopped going because the support worker was talking about the laws of attraction as if it was fact, which I have a problem with. I think I am going to see if my brother and his kids want to hang out at the weekend as that will keep me busy.
i think part of it is that i have next monday off so a niggling thought is telling me to drink saturday and i can afford to waste sunday as i will still have monday, like i have a 'free' day. I know how ludicrous this sounds, I really do.
I dont go to AA, I work full time and have a young child so have looked into it before but would really struggle to make a meeting, I just about manage to cook, clean and wash myself each day between mum duties and work lol. I bought the book but didnt read all of it. I've accessed a recovery servoce before but stopped going because the support worker was talking about the laws of attraction as if it was fact, which I have a problem with. I think I am going to see if my brother and his kids want to hang out at the weekend as that will keep me busy.
i think part of it is that i have next monday off so a niggling thought is telling me to drink saturday and i can afford to waste sunday as i will still have monday, like i have a 'free' day. I know how ludicrous this sounds, I really do.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 322
Originally Posted by Liveher
Hi everyone,
I’m a newcomer and just wanted to say hello. I’m looking forward to getting to know you and your stories.
I’m going to check in each day and I’m also going to commit to AA meetings. I’m in a very fearful place... somehow I convince myself that I’m “fine” after about 10 days of sobriety and then I meet my slippery slope. I can see that I was relying too much on willpower alone and I have no choice but to solidify a plan. One thing that scares me is that I’m a big self sabotage repeater. I constantly start and stop plans in all areas of my life (exercise, diet, meditation.... and of course recovery). I have to get over this pattern.
Maybe having others involved with my recovery will help this.
I’m a newcomer and just wanted to say hello. I’m looking forward to getting to know you and your stories.
I’m going to check in each day and I’m also going to commit to AA meetings. I’m in a very fearful place... somehow I convince myself that I’m “fine” after about 10 days of sobriety and then I meet my slippery slope. I can see that I was relying too much on willpower alone and I have no choice but to solidify a plan. One thing that scares me is that I’m a big self sabotage repeater. I constantly start and stop plans in all areas of my life (exercise, diet, meditation.... and of course recovery). I have to get over this pattern.
Maybe having others involved with my recovery will help this.
welcome to SR and good luck x
Member
Join Date: Feb 2019
Posts: 246
Originally Posted by Liveher
Hi everyone,
I’m a newcomer and just wanted to say hello. I’m looking forward to getting to know you and your stories.
I’m going to check in each day and I’m also going to commit to AA meetings. I’m in a very fearful place... somehow I convince myself that I’m “fine” after about 10 days of sobriety and then I meet my slippery slope. I can see that I was relying too much on willpower alone and I have no choice but to solidify a plan. One thing that scares me is that I’m a big self sabotage repeater. I constantly start and stop plans in all areas of my life (exercise, diet, meditation.... and of course recovery). I have to get over this pattern.
Maybe having others involved with my recovery will help this.
I’m a newcomer and just wanted to say hello. I’m looking forward to getting to know you and your stories.
I’m going to check in each day and I’m also going to commit to AA meetings. I’m in a very fearful place... somehow I convince myself that I’m “fine” after about 10 days of sobriety and then I meet my slippery slope. I can see that I was relying too much on willpower alone and I have no choice but to solidify a plan. One thing that scares me is that I’m a big self sabotage repeater. I constantly start and stop plans in all areas of my life (exercise, diet, meditation.... and of course recovery). I have to get over this pattern.
Maybe having others involved with my recovery will help this.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2019
Posts: 246
Originally Posted by AwkwardKitty
i absolutely could have written this. Im.on day 10now and already sensing the self sabotage habits set in just as you said. And i always try and change everything all at once too.
welcome to SR and good luck x
welcome to SR and good luck x
Member
Join Date: Feb 2019
Posts: 246
Originally Posted by AwkwardKitty
Thank you. Part of the thought today was not to post about it here but i did so thats a good thing at least.
I dont go to AA, I work full time and have a young child so have looked into it before but would really struggle to make a meeting, I just about manage to cook, clean and wash myself each day between mum duties and work lol. I bought the book but didnt read all of it. I've accessed a recovery servoce before but stopped going because the support worker was talking about the laws of attraction as if it was fact, which I have a problem with. I think I am going to see if my brother and his kids want to hang out at the weekend as that will keep me busy.
i think part of it is that i have next monday off so a niggling thought is telling me to drink saturday and i can afford to waste sunday as i will still have monday, like i have a 'free' day. I know how ludicrous this sounds, I really do.
I dont go to AA, I work full time and have a young child so have looked into it before but would really struggle to make a meeting, I just about manage to cook, clean and wash myself each day between mum duties and work lol. I bought the book but didnt read all of it. I've accessed a recovery servoce before but stopped going because the support worker was talking about the laws of attraction as if it was fact, which I have a problem with. I think I am going to see if my brother and his kids want to hang out at the weekend as that will keep me busy.
i think part of it is that i have next monday off so a niggling thought is telling me to drink saturday and i can afford to waste sunday as i will still have monday, like i have a 'free' day. I know how ludicrous this sounds, I really do.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2019
Posts: 69
Originally Posted by Addy47
Great minds think alike AK. lol
Reach out here.
You can do this!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 322
One of the other ridiculous things i have noticed myself doing is reading other posts here, say if someone is long time sober and quit when they were 40, I will think 'i have until im 40 and i can quit then like they did'. I saw an old lady smoking the other day and started rationalising why i can carry on smoking 😂 conveniently filtering out all the information that i know goes against that!! I am thinking out loud to get it out of my head.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 322
Originally Posted by Addy47
Nope...doesnt sound ludicrous at all! Sounds perfectly sane to an alcoholic. Just stay one step ahead of it. Posting here is a great start! Your AV is probably pissed. F-ing AV can go to hell, right?
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