Linners820

Canuck, is there any way you could get to a doctor to explain the situation and perhaps get something to help you through the worst of this?

Canuck76

It's just insomnia. Sleep will come eventually. Way before my doctor will see me. Not an emergency.

SecretBirdy2324

I will join the February Group.

I really want to feel not alone in this anymore. I tried therapy but we didn't focus on drinking. More so on my anxiety management. I want to use this place as a resource to feel connection with other people. I wish I could find someone close to same situation eventually to help support each other. 33 yr old female, married mother with 2 kids. Work professional job & have addiction to wine.

Anyway, here I am & thank you all for being here also.

Be123

You are not alone Secret Birdy. I am not in exactly the same situation as you but the addiction is in common.

I feel really awful today. Anxious doesn't come close! Beside myself. And I am so ashamed about my drinking and my behaviour when drunk. I wish I could spew my life out and start again. I think this is some kind of madness I am in, I can't be wired right to keep doing this to myself.

Agh, I'm going mad. Nothing for it but to try and get through today and then see how I am tomorrow. I really couldn't hate myself anymore

Canuck76

Welcome secretbirdie. My poison is mainly beer. Hard habit to kick

Linners820

Hi SecretBirdy. I'm around your age, also a professional and am a closet binge drinker. I started recently seeing a new therapist that has been helping me with my anxiety/codependency issues but also has experience with addiction. The last therapist I was seeing, well...I tended to gloss over the extent of my drinking and she didn't seem to know what to say about it anyway. I've been honest thus far with my new person and her focus is more on building ME up, working on getting me to the place where I'm feeling fulfilled in other areas so that the desire to drink becomes less and less. I like her approach because I really feel like I've lost myself the last few years in so many ways. Obviously continuing to drink while I'm paying for this therapy is counterproductive, so I'm using this forum for support too.

Glad you're here.

Linners820

Ugh. Anyone have those vivid, disturbing dreams that just tend to stay with you throughout the waking day? Like you're going about your business and you randomly recall bits and pieces and you feel unsettled?? That's where I am this morning :/

Lipstuck

Linners yes yes yee! Had a SUPER weird one at about 4 this morning and I can remember every wackadoodle moment of it vividly.

xxxNICHOLExxx

Morning!!
Red good to see you posting!!!
Not really much to say today other then no matter how I feel, how others act, or any triggers come up today I’ll push through and make sure I go to bed sober...
Wishing everyone a lovely day if your struggling hang in it does get better posting before you drink and having a plan makes things a lot easier

SecretBirdy2324

I think I did the same thing with my therapist as you did with the first one. I sort of glossed over the drinking. I did tell her I was drinking again (after a month or so sober), but told her I was not stressing out over it. That I was not worried about it. Even though I was. It was just so embarrassing to say I was failing at my whole point of going there. At least the other work we did with EMDR was very helpful for me to get past some other issues with anxiety I had. But I would rather be anxious than poisoning my body with alchohol. Ha.


And yes I have very vivid dreams that stay with me. I remember quite a few a week. Last night I dreamed my husband and I were thinking of moving from Ohio to South Carolina. Now today it sounds like such a good idea since I was so happy in the dream about it!

Be123

I've had a terrible day one. Its 5pm here and I'll be glad when its over!!

I tend to post in the evening and the morning, planning my days. But for the next two weeks or so I am really going to hit this site hard. I hope you dont get sick of me posting, its a good way to keep myself focussed.

I think I may be unusual as I love being sober! Genuinely love it...its the sign of an addict I guess to keep doing something I really loathe. Once that first drink goes in all bets are off. I ended up doing a gram of coke over the weekend as well which I haven't done for a while as it sends my anxiety rocketing...and am I feeling that today!

Canuck76

Day 4. 12:45pm. Have no slept since Friday afternoon. Now am getting all itchy. Kindling is real.

Linners820

I had one last night featuring myself, Tommy Lee from Motley Crue, and a past acquaintance whom I dislike but very rarely think of. I am not a Motley Crue fan so it's safe to say I think of Tommy Lee even less than I think of said aqcuaintance, but there you go. Total WTF dream.

Linners820

Yes same with the therapist scenario here. The person I saw didn't have an addiction background and so when I brought up my concerns they were kind of met with "you need to go to AA." She seemed to have no other advice or way to help, so I began feeling silly and downplaying the situation or finding other things to talk about.

I did go to several AA meetings last year. Some were just women only, which I preferred. I can't knock it at all; my neighbor got sober 15 years ago through AA and the people I met at my meetings were so nice. But it didn't feel right for ME, ultimately. Like you said, some of the things you did like EMDR were helpful. I learned a bit of how to stop and challenge my negative thoughts before it could lead to a whole catastrophic thinking spiral. So not a total waste at all, but I did need something different and made that step late last year. 2019 is all about new changes for me, or at least I'm trying to make it that way!

Linners820

Canuck, could you get some herbal tea (I like SleepyTime tea) or chamomile? Or take a bath with Epsom salts to help you relax a bit? Might help the itchy skin too.

Linners820

Post as often as you'd like. I tend to start off gung-ho and then isolate and post less frequently. Also when I crack and fail, I get embarrassed and don't want to come here and admit it. As pleased as I am to see others racking up the days and weeks, I feel ridiculous when I can't seem to get past day 3 or 4.

Be123

Robbie64

Sigh. Back to day 1 for me. I started drinking again over Christmas and into the New Year and then my dad took ill on 2 January so in my panic and worry I just continued drinking through January.

I decided yesterday that enough was enough and that from today I would make an effort to stay sober.

I've felt rough all day but am starting to pull round now and have renewed hope that I can stay off alcohol.

I think this time I need to go to somewhere like AA as I'm forever struggling to stay sober when I'm doing it off my own back with no real support. I have a key worker at the local addictions service but the help she can offer is limited. There is a non-residential rehab service that they run but I would have to commit to 13 weeks of 5 days a week attendance with AA meetings as much as possible on evenings and then the expectation is that at weekends I would go to something like AA on the Saturday and Sunday. I nearly signed up to it a couple of years ago and would like to do so now but my dad is still not in great shape so I couldn't commit to a full 13 weeks. If I was to start missing days I would have to leave the programme.

Again like I posted once before I'm thoroughly fed up of keep failing to stay off alcohol. I can do fine for a few days but then my mind is all over the place and I end up drinking again. I just can't seem to beat the cravings. I need to try a new approach as the one I have now isn't getting me anywhere.

Robbie64

Is the itching totally random and all over the place? I remember years ago giving up smoking and after a few days I had the most terrible insomnia that last for three weeks and I was incredibly itchy with the itch being in totally random places. It would be my arm then my leg then my back then my head and it was like that for hours at a time, usually when I was lying in bed and failing to get to sleep.

In the end I went to see my doctor who said he thought it was down to nerves (by this point I had been off alcohol for 6 weeks with no real problems but trying to stop smoking a few weeks after giving up alcohol was something my body was struggling to cope with). My Doctor recommended joing the local gym and going on the bikes, treadmill, stepper etc as well as going for walks in order for the exercise to wear me out. And it did! A week after starting at the gym I was sleeping properly (13 hours solid one night! I literally just crashed out) and the itching vanished.

WaterOx

Post away, be! I know how you feel. I spend some days here posting like it’s going out of style but like you it keeps me on track.