A Different Path Part 9
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,659
I agree with Willow, Kathy. It should be all about you & what you're comfortable with now. You took care of many things on your list - more than most of us would have attempted. There couldn't be anyone less cynical & callous!
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Ashburn, VA
Posts: 30,196
And a trifle that I had really been counting on got messed up at the grocery store, and I went apoplectic and flung the bad item across the room! Plus I yelled out my vilest oath at the top of my lungs--and the tenant's kid heard it and immediately started crying!
Oh, terrific!
Oh, terrific!
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I think you did well to be honest about how you are and not put your health aside just to "be nice". They can stay in touch by email or cards, and surely they would see that it's not personal, it's all health related.
I am glad you had some energy today, easy does it. Music therapy sounds wonderful!!
I am glad you had some energy today, easy does it. Music therapy sounds wonderful!!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,764
Perhaps you could get one of those wands, Gilly- and cast spells on visitors.
Like the one I know from my childhood 'Digitalis Extractus'- or in crude vernacular- pull your finger out. Not you, third person.
Like the one I know from my childhood 'Digitalis Extractus'- or in crude vernacular- pull your finger out. Not you, third person.
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Ashburn, VA
Posts: 30,196
I did have my visit with the outgoing chaplain yesterday. I will have no problem blending with in the new chaplain, I’m sure—but I found this guy so helpful that I’m glad he made time to see me one last time.
The first thing I asked him if it was normal to withdraw from regular social contact (or was I psychosomatically cooking up some woe-is-me languishing drama).
He said no—declining interest in people is definitely a sign that the illness is progressing.
I asked him his spiritual opinion: by cutting off my church acquaintances, am I cutting off a vital means of God’s grace to me?
He said that as the disease progresses, forced hospitality would probably strain and block whatever grace might otherwise flow to me. He said that it is common for patients to lean more heavily on the hospice chaplains as they fade out of their usual social whirl.
That’s OK by me.
Finally, I told him that I’ve felt a million miles away from God. Not that I doubt—but I don’t seem to seek him or even think about him lately.
He recommended that I resume journaling. Even if my mind is blank, just babble gibberish for as long as it takes—and then hopefully I ‘d get in the zone.
That has been my pattern in the past—I’m hoping I have the discipline (or mental ability) to attack it first thing in the morning.
The first thing I asked him if it was normal to withdraw from regular social contact (or was I psychosomatically cooking up some woe-is-me languishing drama).
He said no—declining interest in people is definitely a sign that the illness is progressing.
I asked him his spiritual opinion: by cutting off my church acquaintances, am I cutting off a vital means of God’s grace to me?
He said that as the disease progresses, forced hospitality would probably strain and block whatever grace might otherwise flow to me. He said that it is common for patients to lean more heavily on the hospice chaplains as they fade out of their usual social whirl.
That’s OK by me.
Finally, I told him that I’ve felt a million miles away from God. Not that I doubt—but I don’t seem to seek him or even think about him lately.
He recommended that I resume journaling. Even if my mind is blank, just babble gibberish for as long as it takes—and then hopefully I ‘d get in the zone.
That has been my pattern in the past—I’m hoping I have the discipline (or mental ability) to attack it first thing in the morning.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: SF Bay Area, CA
Posts: 33,777
That sounds so positive. I'm glad you shared that and that he did come to see you. Sounds like you were comforted by him, and that is wonderful. I'm sure the new chaplain will be excellent too.
PJ's post is right on!
Love you. xxoo
PJ's post is right on!
Love you. xxoo
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Somewhere out there
Posts: 2,249
I am so glad you are feeling ok today and you were able to speak with the chaplain. Sounds like you had a great conversation.
You have to do what you feel most comfortable with. You cannot worry how your not getting together affects others. They will get over it and should be understanding.
God knows your devotion and will be with you always Kathy. Of this I am 100% positive...and so many of us are praying for you...we've got you covered.
Wishing you a peaceful night's sleep. Glad you are still reading Harry Potter.
You have to do what you feel most comfortable with. You cannot worry how your not getting together affects others. They will get over it and should be understanding.
God knows your devotion and will be with you always Kathy. Of this I am 100% positive...and so many of us are praying for you...we've got you covered.
Wishing you a peaceful night's sleep. Glad you are still reading Harry Potter.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2018
Location: Free
Posts: 902
Everything that's happening to you sounds natural to me, Kathy.
Even though I am not in your shoes, there is nothing unnatural about what you are feeling. It's like every other journey we have as a human being - first love, sadness, grief, joy, Motherhood, ecstasy, happiness...all of it, we all will experience it all differently.
I hate to think of you upset and wrought up over things, but on the other hand, throw the bloody trifle if you have to. I know that sounds counter-productive, and from what you've written, you at times struggle with the 'current Kathy'...but you are loved, of that I am sure. And you are a good and kind person. A tantrum doesn't cancel out you and who you are.
The withdrawing sounds exactly what I've seen in my own family and friends who have gone through what you are. I'm hoping you get a chance to connect with the cancer support group that was mentioned, but even if not, you have a strong support crew of professionals around you who have seen this all before.
Re God. Well, He just has to get over Himself too, doesn't He? Whatever we believe God to be, we are all connected and did you ever stop loving one of your kids when they got all quiet and wanted some alone time? I'm thinking no.
Finally, I wanted to say, when I read you were cancelling on friends and explaining your stance of not feeling mentally or physically up to it - what a privilege it is to have shared this journey with you. I read this thread every day, and even before this, you have always given your wise counsel or just plain old virtual support and hugs over in my Class thread too. You are a good person. Every. Single. Day.
Love you dear lady.xx
Even though I am not in your shoes, there is nothing unnatural about what you are feeling. It's like every other journey we have as a human being - first love, sadness, grief, joy, Motherhood, ecstasy, happiness...all of it, we all will experience it all differently.
I hate to think of you upset and wrought up over things, but on the other hand, throw the bloody trifle if you have to. I know that sounds counter-productive, and from what you've written, you at times struggle with the 'current Kathy'...but you are loved, of that I am sure. And you are a good and kind person. A tantrum doesn't cancel out you and who you are.
The withdrawing sounds exactly what I've seen in my own family and friends who have gone through what you are. I'm hoping you get a chance to connect with the cancer support group that was mentioned, but even if not, you have a strong support crew of professionals around you who have seen this all before.
Re God. Well, He just has to get over Himself too, doesn't He? Whatever we believe God to be, we are all connected and did you ever stop loving one of your kids when they got all quiet and wanted some alone time? I'm thinking no.
Finally, I wanted to say, when I read you were cancelling on friends and explaining your stance of not feeling mentally or physically up to it - what a privilege it is to have shared this journey with you. I read this thread every day, and even before this, you have always given your wise counsel or just plain old virtual support and hugs over in my Class thread too. You are a good person. Every. Single. Day.
Love you dear lady.xx
Magsie
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 26,799
Hi Kathy,
Just reading your thread brought to mind a poem I read. You may have read it too, but here it is anyway. I hope you love it as much as I do.xxxx
Footprints in the Sand
One night a man had a dream.
He dreamed he was walking along the beach with the LORD.
Across the sky flashed scenes from his life.
For each scene, he noticed two sets of footprints in the sand:
one belonging to him, and the other to the LORD.
When the last scene of his life flashed before him
he looked back, at the footprints in the sand.
He noticed that many times along the path of his life
there was only one set of footprints.
He also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times of his life.
This really bothered him and he questioned the LORD about it:
"LORD, you said that once I decided to follow you,
you'd walk with me all the way.
But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life
there is only one set of footprints.
I don't understand why when I needed you most you would leave me."
The LORD replied:
"My son, My precious child, I love you and I would never leave you,
During your times of trial and suffering,
when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you."
Just reading your thread brought to mind a poem I read. You may have read it too, but here it is anyway. I hope you love it as much as I do.xxxx
Footprints in the Sand
One night a man had a dream.
He dreamed he was walking along the beach with the LORD.
Across the sky flashed scenes from his life.
For each scene, he noticed two sets of footprints in the sand:
one belonging to him, and the other to the LORD.
When the last scene of his life flashed before him
he looked back, at the footprints in the sand.
He noticed that many times along the path of his life
there was only one set of footprints.
He also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times of his life.
This really bothered him and he questioned the LORD about it:
"LORD, you said that once I decided to follow you,
you'd walk with me all the way.
But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life
there is only one set of footprints.
I don't understand why when I needed you most you would leave me."
The LORD replied:
"My son, My precious child, I love you and I would never leave you,
During your times of trial and suffering,
when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you."
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
