Class of January Support Thread 2018 Part 7
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Class of January Support Thread 2018 Part 7
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Drive by for me too. This vacay has been awesome so far — put up a long post yesterday but I reckon you saw already. But a lot of on the go. No naps—the horror! And haven’t gotten to do a lot of the life catch up I was hoping and needing to do while here. Not yet anyhow. Well got be up early for taking my son to a fishing camp. What a difference a year makes. This time last year everybody, me included, was drunk and trying to figure out how we would get my son to the camp in time. made a game time decision in part because he didn’t want to go and in part because i just wanted to sleep and not leave my booze soaked cocoon to just skip. I ate a one hundred dollar deposit in the process. Nasty.
Will check in when i can!
Will check in when i can!
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Join Date: Jan 2018
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A fresh thread!
Sorry for my relative absence the last few days everyone, it was kind of a busy few days but in a good way.
@Palmer: I really liked what you said about rewiring our brains to 'relax' rather than to 'win'. I am still struggling at horse riding currently and last week was just 3 days in a row of the same issue (horse's pace accelerating beyond my control, resulting in me simply clinging on trying not to be thrown) and it just felt so humiliating. I realise that I need to start focusing on bringing it back to basics and not being so concerned with how fast I'm progressing or how I look as compared with other riders, but rather just take it slow and try to enjoy the lessons - mistakes and all! At this point, it's a psychological issue I need to break down as I'm now in the situation where I am anxious that the same thing will happen again, which it does because I'm anxious and the horse reads that nervous energy, which in turn validates my anxiety and compounds the whole cycle! I've decided to sit out of group lessons this week and just attend my private lesson to work on my challenges without the added pressure of an audience (even though the Saturday group were SO nice to me when it happened!). Your trail walks sound like the perfect remedy to the hectic demands on your time/energy/brain resources right now! Spending peaceful time in nature is absolutely one of the greatest benefits of sobriety :-) I hear you re: the 'deprivation' mindset and weight loss. I too am struggling with the pace at which I'm losing weight, and then setbacks from eating crap etc., and I'm trying to create a balance of consistency without falling down the rabbit hole of restriction, which inevitably triggers feelings of deprivation as regards alcohol, too. Be sure to keep checking in with your feelings and to be kind to yourself along the way - it is a marathon, not a sprint after all, and we are still very early in sobriety, which can sometimes be easy to forget. Apple watch is a great idea - hubby and I got Fitbits a few years ago and it really helped us to be mindful of our exercise levels and to get in shape. You've given me an idea, actually, I must dust mine off and start wearing it again! Thanks for the motivation!
@Numblady: HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY!! :-) I'm so sorry I haven't been able to give an appropriately attentive response until now. I am so so happy and relieved for you and your friends that their son arrived home safe and sound, relatively speaking. It sounds like you are being the most incredibly supportive friend through all of this. It was so thoughtful to offer to go to a meeting with your friends son, and even if he's not ready now, you never know, he may reach out down the line, or at least you have given the impression that meetings are a solid support, so it may not be as scary if he chooses to go himself. I'm sorry to hear your friends shipped all of the alcohol off to you guys though, that must be really tough, particularly on vacation when the AV can really start to play up to its old tricks. Be sure to mind yourself in being there for others, too. It's a pity you won't get to spend quality time with your friend in the way you had hoped, but as a silver lining, I think it has been a blessing to your friend that you have been there to support her through this and I imagine that will not be forgotten anytime soon. I hope date night and Mexican food was so much fun! (Mmmm, Mexican food..haha). I'm so happy that you are getting the time to relax and unwind with yoga and reading, and NOT WORK haha, you deserve this break so much. I'm sorry that your stuff got stolen though, that is so frustrating! Nice that you have had the chance to reconnect with old friends though :-)
@Chase: sounds like you've been super hectic. I hope all is going well and that the AV hasn't been creeping in as it tends to do when we are under pressure!
@Dee: Hope you are keeping well also!
Good to be back guys - missed y'all!
Sorry for my relative absence the last few days everyone, it was kind of a busy few days but in a good way.
@Palmer: I really liked what you said about rewiring our brains to 'relax' rather than to 'win'. I am still struggling at horse riding currently and last week was just 3 days in a row of the same issue (horse's pace accelerating beyond my control, resulting in me simply clinging on trying not to be thrown) and it just felt so humiliating. I realise that I need to start focusing on bringing it back to basics and not being so concerned with how fast I'm progressing or how I look as compared with other riders, but rather just take it slow and try to enjoy the lessons - mistakes and all! At this point, it's a psychological issue I need to break down as I'm now in the situation where I am anxious that the same thing will happen again, which it does because I'm anxious and the horse reads that nervous energy, which in turn validates my anxiety and compounds the whole cycle! I've decided to sit out of group lessons this week and just attend my private lesson to work on my challenges without the added pressure of an audience (even though the Saturday group were SO nice to me when it happened!). Your trail walks sound like the perfect remedy to the hectic demands on your time/energy/brain resources right now! Spending peaceful time in nature is absolutely one of the greatest benefits of sobriety :-) I hear you re: the 'deprivation' mindset and weight loss. I too am struggling with the pace at which I'm losing weight, and then setbacks from eating crap etc., and I'm trying to create a balance of consistency without falling down the rabbit hole of restriction, which inevitably triggers feelings of deprivation as regards alcohol, too. Be sure to keep checking in with your feelings and to be kind to yourself along the way - it is a marathon, not a sprint after all, and we are still very early in sobriety, which can sometimes be easy to forget. Apple watch is a great idea - hubby and I got Fitbits a few years ago and it really helped us to be mindful of our exercise levels and to get in shape. You've given me an idea, actually, I must dust mine off and start wearing it again! Thanks for the motivation!
@Numblady: HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY!! :-) I'm so sorry I haven't been able to give an appropriately attentive response until now. I am so so happy and relieved for you and your friends that their son arrived home safe and sound, relatively speaking. It sounds like you are being the most incredibly supportive friend through all of this. It was so thoughtful to offer to go to a meeting with your friends son, and even if he's not ready now, you never know, he may reach out down the line, or at least you have given the impression that meetings are a solid support, so it may not be as scary if he chooses to go himself. I'm sorry to hear your friends shipped all of the alcohol off to you guys though, that must be really tough, particularly on vacation when the AV can really start to play up to its old tricks. Be sure to mind yourself in being there for others, too. It's a pity you won't get to spend quality time with your friend in the way you had hoped, but as a silver lining, I think it has been a blessing to your friend that you have been there to support her through this and I imagine that will not be forgotten anytime soon. I hope date night and Mexican food was so much fun! (Mmmm, Mexican food..haha). I'm so happy that you are getting the time to relax and unwind with yoga and reading, and NOT WORK haha, you deserve this break so much. I'm sorry that your stuff got stolen though, that is so frustrating! Nice that you have had the chance to reconnect with old friends though :-)
@Chase: sounds like you've been super hectic. I hope all is going well and that the AV hasn't been creeping in as it tends to do when we are under pressure!
@Dee: Hope you are keeping well also!
Good to be back guys - missed y'all!
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Hi all! Wow, we graduated to a new page and everything. 
Numblady, I hope you had an awesome birthday dinner, and that you're still enjoying the beach. I know exactly what you mean about skipping kid activities, I'm embarrassed to say that I would pray for sports practices to be cancelled and tried to get out of them every chance I got. After all, they are in the evening, who does that when there is drinking to be done? UGH.
Have you started the Liars Club? I'm still looking for something to read next, I kind of ditched Parched and I'm headed to the beach this weekend, so I need something really good. Funny, in my drinking days I would kind of dread trips because of the logistics of getting enough...I was anxious to return home to my stores and hiding spots. This year, I'm looking forward to a real vacation where I can sleep in, exercise, and spend time with my family.
NC, so glad you're back! How are you doing? I think your idea to stick to private lessons is awesome, it's really about what makes you feel comfortable since riding is supposed to be about enjoyment after all. And I wondered whether an Apple watch or Fitbit would be better, I guess they all have pros and cons, but I have 2 iPhones so I thought the watch would be easiest. In any case, it will be so great to be able to track mileage without relying on trail markers.
Chase, hopefully things slow down enough for you to check in soon!
Numblady, I hope you had an awesome birthday dinner, and that you're still enjoying the beach. I know exactly what you mean about skipping kid activities, I'm embarrassed to say that I would pray for sports practices to be cancelled and tried to get out of them every chance I got. After all, they are in the evening, who does that when there is drinking to be done? UGH.Have you started the Liars Club? I'm still looking for something to read next, I kind of ditched Parched and I'm headed to the beach this weekend, so I need something really good. Funny, in my drinking days I would kind of dread trips because of the logistics of getting enough...I was anxious to return home to my stores and hiding spots. This year, I'm looking forward to a real vacation where I can sleep in, exercise, and spend time with my family.
NC, so glad you're back! How are you doing? I think your idea to stick to private lessons is awesome, it's really about what makes you feel comfortable since riding is supposed to be about enjoyment after all. And I wondered whether an Apple watch or Fitbit would be better, I guess they all have pros and cons, but I have 2 iPhones so I thought the watch would be easiest. In any case, it will be so great to be able to track mileage without relying on trail markers.
Chase, hopefully things slow down enough for you to check in soon!
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Join Date: Jan 2018
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Hi friends.
What a disastrous weekend, from the work standpoint. A few days at home to try to recover. Although, I am already fighting the powers that be because they are trying to short me out of quite a significant amount of pay due to the insanity of the last several days.
Numblady, it sounds as though your vacation has been quite eventful. It is funny how you thought you might be bored and in search of anything to do. It is so nice how you have been able to connect with many friends. I hope you do have some nice relaxing down time.
Palmer, great job on the exercise. I have read that if you do something consistently for 21 days it becomes habit. You should download the runkeeper app. There is a premium version you have to pay for, but the free version is good. It tracks your activities' total time, distance, and elevation change. It draws a nice little map of where you went. It also keeps track of your total cumulative distance, which is fun to see.
Newchapter, it sounds like you have a good plan for your riding. It is so easy to get competitive and feel disappointed when you are not doing as well as you think you can. Try to remember why you are doing it, which is because you enjoy it.
Sunflower, you sure seem to have your hands full. I hope you get a bit of a break and can enjoy the summer a bit.
Thanks for the new thread Dee.
What a disastrous weekend, from the work standpoint. A few days at home to try to recover. Although, I am already fighting the powers that be because they are trying to short me out of quite a significant amount of pay due to the insanity of the last several days.
Numblady, it sounds as though your vacation has been quite eventful. It is funny how you thought you might be bored and in search of anything to do. It is so nice how you have been able to connect with many friends. I hope you do have some nice relaxing down time.
Palmer, great job on the exercise. I have read that if you do something consistently for 21 days it becomes habit. You should download the runkeeper app. There is a premium version you have to pay for, but the free version is good. It tracks your activities' total time, distance, and elevation change. It draws a nice little map of where you went. It also keeps track of your total cumulative distance, which is fun to see.
Newchapter, it sounds like you have a good plan for your riding. It is so easy to get competitive and feel disappointed when you are not doing as well as you think you can. Try to remember why you are doing it, which is because you enjoy it.
Sunflower, you sure seem to have your hands full. I hope you get a bit of a break and can enjoy the summer a bit.
Thanks for the new thread Dee.
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Hi friends. It’s been pretty much a whirlwind. Got up early for fishing camp, came home, worked to try and party plan for a couple hours, had my friend come over (the high school one, not the one who lives here and had the son go missing), hung out with her, which was pretty chill and nice, then had my daughter come home from the sitter’s, went to get our nails done, had the 4 boys come home from fishing camp with a bucket of live crabs, had to go to store and get island friend to come over to help prepare said crabs, cooked for everyone (with help from my friend and one of her sons), walked down to beach and took photos and waited in vain for that darn ice cream truck (always there with the insipid music when you DON’T need ice cream), got kids to bed, now struggling to keep eyes open though I need to try and get back on my work computer to approve a job offer.
It’s been a great day. Don’t know why I’m feeling kind of crabby. maybe all the crabs, ha! I think I’m just super bummed I can’t see my other friend. It was such a big part of why we came down here. I know her son needs her but it’s just still disappointing.
Speaking of disappointing, Chase, sorry about the disastrous weekend, the fight for your money, and so forth. I hope it turns out well and that familiar crutches don’t try to offer themselves too much.
NC, really seems like you are having some great insight on riding and slowing it down to basics. It must be hard to break the patterns of anxiety. You will do it though!
Palmer, I am so glad you brought up Liar’s Club. I am LOVING it! Thank you so much for recommending. I hope you find something that is awesome to read soon.
Miss you guys! Hoping tomorrow will be more of a slow day. We are going to a tourist thingie tomorrow called Moody Gardens. Then I don’t know what. Then two Austin families come down on Friday for the weekend.Should be super fun.
Have a great night!
It’s been a great day. Don’t know why I’m feeling kind of crabby. maybe all the crabs, ha! I think I’m just super bummed I can’t see my other friend. It was such a big part of why we came down here. I know her son needs her but it’s just still disappointing.
Speaking of disappointing, Chase, sorry about the disastrous weekend, the fight for your money, and so forth. I hope it turns out well and that familiar crutches don’t try to offer themselves too much.
NC, really seems like you are having some great insight on riding and slowing it down to basics. It must be hard to break the patterns of anxiety. You will do it though!
Palmer, I am so glad you brought up Liar’s Club. I am LOVING it! Thank you so much for recommending. I hope you find something that is awesome to read soon.
Miss you guys! Hoping tomorrow will be more of a slow day. We are going to a tourist thingie tomorrow called Moody Gardens. Then I don’t know what. Then two Austin families come down on Friday for the weekend.Should be super fun.
Have a great night!
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Hi Class,
@Palmer: Thank you for the supportive words re: riding plan - I have my lesson tomorrow afternoon, so I will fill you in afterwards on how things go. Hopefully I will be reporting positive news! What types of books do you like to read? Are you specifically looking for alcohol/recovery related books and autobiographies/biographies? Looking forward to hear how you get on with the Apple Watch, I've heard good things!
@Chase: I'm really sorry to hear that things are fraught at work. It sounds like one of those really unnecessary challenges where someone is just trying to screw you over, or in this case short you out of well earned remuneration. That kind of behaviour really frustrated me, I can only imagine you must feel pretty irked by the whole saga. I hope it gets resolved in your favour, soon! Thanks for the reminder re: horse-riding, you are absolutely right, I need to remind myself that I am doing it because I love it, not for any other reason!
@Numblady: Sounds like you had an awesome day, i'm so happy you're getting to catch up with your old school friend, especially in light of what's happened with the friend you had intended on spending your time with. I find after long busy days like that I can get a bit crabby too - even if it was a fun filled day, the sheer energy depletion of being on the go all day in the sun can wear you out! I hope you get a good night's rest and enjoy being a tourist and catching up with the joining families!
@Palmer: Thank you for the supportive words re: riding plan - I have my lesson tomorrow afternoon, so I will fill you in afterwards on how things go. Hopefully I will be reporting positive news! What types of books do you like to read? Are you specifically looking for alcohol/recovery related books and autobiographies/biographies? Looking forward to hear how you get on with the Apple Watch, I've heard good things!
@Chase: I'm really sorry to hear that things are fraught at work. It sounds like one of those really unnecessary challenges where someone is just trying to screw you over, or in this case short you out of well earned remuneration. That kind of behaviour really frustrated me, I can only imagine you must feel pretty irked by the whole saga. I hope it gets resolved in your favour, soon! Thanks for the reminder re: horse-riding, you are absolutely right, I need to remind myself that I am doing it because I love it, not for any other reason!
@Numblady: Sounds like you had an awesome day, i'm so happy you're getting to catch up with your old school friend, especially in light of what's happened with the friend you had intended on spending your time with. I find after long busy days like that I can get a bit crabby too - even if it was a fun filled day, the sheer energy depletion of being on the go all day in the sun can wear you out! I hope you get a good night's rest and enjoy being a tourist and catching up with the joining families!
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Hi all! I'm teleworking today, which is great because I have so much to do to get ready for the beach, but I'm also somewhat scattered and sidetracked by too many shiny objects. 
That's one great thing about walking in the evenings, it's a chance to clear my head and organize my thoughts a bit, without anything to distract me. Thankfully, the rain has stopped for the first time in forever, so that's giving me a boost as I go about my day.
Chase, thank you so much for the RunKeeper app rec, I downloaded it and it looks like exactly what I need! Hopefully, I'll be using it for more running and less walking soon. Regarding work, I totally agree with the others, that's so stressful to be flying all over in complete chaos and then to have to haggle over payment! Hopefully it will be resolved very soon.
NewChapter, I'm pretty open when it comes to reading different genres but I don't like anything too trite or overwrought, if that makes sense. I love nonfiction, biographies, etc. rather than romances. I was in a true crime phase a few months ago which led me into a couple of books about serial killers, then I read an autobiography about Janice Dickinson...so a mixed bag!
Numblady, how have you managed to find yourself busier than you are at home?! I guess it's all fun stuff, but hopefully you'll be able to spend some time sleeping (hello naps!) or just relaxing and reading.
That's one great thing about walking in the evenings, it's a chance to clear my head and organize my thoughts a bit, without anything to distract me. Thankfully, the rain has stopped for the first time in forever, so that's giving me a boost as I go about my day.Chase, thank you so much for the RunKeeper app rec, I downloaded it and it looks like exactly what I need! Hopefully, I'll be using it for more running and less walking soon. Regarding work, I totally agree with the others, that's so stressful to be flying all over in complete chaos and then to have to haggle over payment! Hopefully it will be resolved very soon.
NewChapter, I'm pretty open when it comes to reading different genres but I don't like anything too trite or overwrought, if that makes sense. I love nonfiction, biographies, etc. rather than romances. I was in a true crime phase a few months ago which led me into a couple of books about serial killers, then I read an autobiography about Janice Dickinson...so a mixed bag!
Numblady, how have you managed to find yourself busier than you are at home?! I guess it's all fun stuff, but hopefully you'll be able to spend some time sleeping (hello naps!) or just relaxing and reading.
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Join Date: Jan 2018
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hi everyone,
Boy I stay away from here for a few days and here we are on a new page.
@Numblady I am so pleased your vacation is going well. You are right about how different it is when not drinking. I didn’t totally conquer the feeling I was depriving myself of a drink on my recent holiday, but I recognise that is part of breaking a habit. I completely recognise I had such a good break because I was tired from all the active stuff and when I did lie in it was that luxury feeling of doing so rather than the sick, shakey ‘what did I drink last night’ poisonous feeling.
@Newchapter, your approach to your riding sounds very wise. It’s a good metaphor for us with our sobriety too. I think 6 months in I am just starting to realise how much I tried to just surgically remove alcohol from my busy life without going back to basics and looking at my wellbeing as a whole. I still have not cracked that nut, but even the small things like classical music at bedtime make those small changes that definitely help.
@Chase I am sorry things have been stressful, tension over money is the worst. You are doing so well to check in as you have been despite the battles you have been going through.
@Palmer, how funny I went down a true crime/serial killer non fiction path for a while recently. It started with a Stephen King short story inspired by the true story of the wife BTK Killer who had no idea of the true nature of the man she lived with. That made me want to read more about her and got me on that conveyor belt. I’ve been glued to the second season of ‘The Handmaid’s tale’ on Hulu which has sent me reading Margaret Attwood again, I read her a lot in my 20’s.
On a separate note I really do admire your wisdom here and the way you have coped with what 2018 has thrown your way, you are rather inspiring.
So I did something I have been putting off for ages today. My sober journey started 16th Jan after a visit to my Dr and fessing up about my drinking, I did the blood tests and it was no surprise to either of us that my blood work showed some worrying liver results. I was supposed to retest at 3 months, but didn’t and have been reluctant to do it ever since. I think the fear is twofold, what if things have not changed and also my eating habits have been poor and I’ve gained some weight (as I write this I just ate cake I might add) so what if cholesterol or blood sugar is bad? It is crazy logic because if anything is ‘bad’ it’s going to be whether I know it or not and if it is then hopefully it will give me the incentive/motivation to make changes and get help. So I have a bandaid on my arm and the results will be back next week, I’m sure 6 months sober will show a positive liver change, but that little ‘what if’ voice clearly has been taking lessons from its big brother AV.
Still tomorrow I get my new bed delivered, one of those newfangled adjustable ones with a memory foam mattress, it’s controlled by a remote, I am SO not letting my partner get his hands on that!
Boy I stay away from here for a few days and here we are on a new page.
@Numblady I am so pleased your vacation is going well. You are right about how different it is when not drinking. I didn’t totally conquer the feeling I was depriving myself of a drink on my recent holiday, but I recognise that is part of breaking a habit. I completely recognise I had such a good break because I was tired from all the active stuff and when I did lie in it was that luxury feeling of doing so rather than the sick, shakey ‘what did I drink last night’ poisonous feeling.
@Newchapter, your approach to your riding sounds very wise. It’s a good metaphor for us with our sobriety too. I think 6 months in I am just starting to realise how much I tried to just surgically remove alcohol from my busy life without going back to basics and looking at my wellbeing as a whole. I still have not cracked that nut, but even the small things like classical music at bedtime make those small changes that definitely help.
@Chase I am sorry things have been stressful, tension over money is the worst. You are doing so well to check in as you have been despite the battles you have been going through.
@Palmer, how funny I went down a true crime/serial killer non fiction path for a while recently. It started with a Stephen King short story inspired by the true story of the wife BTK Killer who had no idea of the true nature of the man she lived with. That made me want to read more about her and got me on that conveyor belt. I’ve been glued to the second season of ‘The Handmaid’s tale’ on Hulu which has sent me reading Margaret Attwood again, I read her a lot in my 20’s.
On a separate note I really do admire your wisdom here and the way you have coped with what 2018 has thrown your way, you are rather inspiring.
So I did something I have been putting off for ages today. My sober journey started 16th Jan after a visit to my Dr and fessing up about my drinking, I did the blood tests and it was no surprise to either of us that my blood work showed some worrying liver results. I was supposed to retest at 3 months, but didn’t and have been reluctant to do it ever since. I think the fear is twofold, what if things have not changed and also my eating habits have been poor and I’ve gained some weight (as I write this I just ate cake I might add) so what if cholesterol or blood sugar is bad? It is crazy logic because if anything is ‘bad’ it’s going to be whether I know it or not and if it is then hopefully it will give me the incentive/motivation to make changes and get help. So I have a bandaid on my arm and the results will be back next week, I’m sure 6 months sober will show a positive liver change, but that little ‘what if’ voice clearly has been taking lessons from its big brother AV.
Still tomorrow I get my new bed delivered, one of those newfangled adjustable ones with a memory foam mattress, it’s controlled by a remote, I am SO not letting my partner get his hands on that!
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HI friends!
NC your post made me feel better about being crabby yesterday. It is true that even with fun stuff you can still reach a point where it is just time for bed.
Palmer, ha! Not busier but definitely far too few naps. I was so tired I feel asleep at 5:30 today but only for a minute because then it was time to go to a family dinner.
speaking of family dinner, I had these thoughts that it would be nice to just have our family and then we could come back and unwind and the kids could watch some screens and I could read/post. Ha! As usual we shouldn’t get too attached to our own little plans. My daughter was in full-throttle mode which is completely exhausting. She does not want to leave my side or body for an instant but she is hard to be close to. For example she had the good idea to talk about ideas for calming her self after she stopped being angry but when we did and I suggested she try to separate herself from what is bothering her she did this whole dramatic bit where she asked me how many pieces she should separate herself into. Then I told her she knew that’s not what I meant and she is a smart girl who knows a lot of words for her age. To which she says she’s not smart. And I say (knowing this is probably taking it too far) that she is smart because I’m in my forties and she spins my mind around the axle all day. Then she ended up screaming and crying because she didn’t know what an axle was. Nor did she like my explanation of figure of speech. And this was how it went for hours.
Scotty, loved hearing how you enjoyed your vacation but also were pretty conscious of how it was all going in your mind. I too still have some pangs of wanting to sit in the sea breeze on the beautiful deck and have a face-sized glass of white wine. But I’ve also had pangs of happiness that I’m not so distracted by when it’s okay to drink again. I’ve been realizing the longer I go on how much shame I carried at all times. Kids throwing a fit at the dinner table? Somewhere in the back of my mind I would think it was because of my drinking. Or that I was an unfit mother because I was such a heavy drinker and if it didn’t cause my kids’ behavior it was still somehow apparent to the rest of the world who saw me. That I was somehow less worthy. Now if my kids act up I can still feel like a lousy parent but I don’t feel so much like a defective human being.
Hi Chase. I hear you on the meltdowns! Good luck.
Tomorrow doesn’t promise to be any less crazy. Our two families from home are coming into town and staying down the road. It should be super fun albeit tiring. And I haven’t done any of the crap on my to-do list. And I’m convinced my husband’s 50th is going to be a flop and it is my fault. Waaa waaa. Poor me.
Hope all are well. Keep hoping to update more on my friend and her son but basically he’s been going to a couple of meetings and they have gone with him. I think part of what was really bumming me out is that I don’t feel like they have wanted to know or hear anything from me about being or getting sober. It’s stupid because it’s not like I did it for some freaking merit badge or something. And he is only days into a serious alcoholism problem so it’s not like some random friend of your mom’s is really like a trusted source of information. But still. Just feels bad somehow. Especially toward the end of the day in the post-sun crabbiness that I seem to experience.
Talk to you all soon.
NC your post made me feel better about being crabby yesterday. It is true that even with fun stuff you can still reach a point where it is just time for bed.
Palmer, ha! Not busier but definitely far too few naps. I was so tired I feel asleep at 5:30 today but only for a minute because then it was time to go to a family dinner.
speaking of family dinner, I had these thoughts that it would be nice to just have our family and then we could come back and unwind and the kids could watch some screens and I could read/post. Ha! As usual we shouldn’t get too attached to our own little plans. My daughter was in full-throttle mode which is completely exhausting. She does not want to leave my side or body for an instant but she is hard to be close to. For example she had the good idea to talk about ideas for calming her self after she stopped being angry but when we did and I suggested she try to separate herself from what is bothering her she did this whole dramatic bit where she asked me how many pieces she should separate herself into. Then I told her she knew that’s not what I meant and she is a smart girl who knows a lot of words for her age. To which she says she’s not smart. And I say (knowing this is probably taking it too far) that she is smart because I’m in my forties and she spins my mind around the axle all day. Then she ended up screaming and crying because she didn’t know what an axle was. Nor did she like my explanation of figure of speech. And this was how it went for hours.
Scotty, loved hearing how you enjoyed your vacation but also were pretty conscious of how it was all going in your mind. I too still have some pangs of wanting to sit in the sea breeze on the beautiful deck and have a face-sized glass of white wine. But I’ve also had pangs of happiness that I’m not so distracted by when it’s okay to drink again. I’ve been realizing the longer I go on how much shame I carried at all times. Kids throwing a fit at the dinner table? Somewhere in the back of my mind I would think it was because of my drinking. Or that I was an unfit mother because I was such a heavy drinker and if it didn’t cause my kids’ behavior it was still somehow apparent to the rest of the world who saw me. That I was somehow less worthy. Now if my kids act up I can still feel like a lousy parent but I don’t feel so much like a defective human being.
Hi Chase. I hear you on the meltdowns! Good luck.
Tomorrow doesn’t promise to be any less crazy. Our two families from home are coming into town and staying down the road. It should be super fun albeit tiring. And I haven’t done any of the crap on my to-do list. And I’m convinced my husband’s 50th is going to be a flop and it is my fault. Waaa waaa. Poor me.
Hope all are well. Keep hoping to update more on my friend and her son but basically he’s been going to a couple of meetings and they have gone with him. I think part of what was really bumming me out is that I don’t feel like they have wanted to know or hear anything from me about being or getting sober. It’s stupid because it’s not like I did it for some freaking merit badge or something. And he is only days into a serious alcoholism problem so it’s not like some random friend of your mom’s is really like a trusted source of information. But still. Just feels bad somehow. Especially toward the end of the day in the post-sun crabbiness that I seem to experience.
Talk to you all soon.
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Hey numblady,
I’m not sure if this helps, but I have encountered many parents of kids with autism who have not wanted to talk to other families with autism, especially in the early months after a diagnosis. There is something of a hunker down mentality that happens and while they are happy to talk to professionals or in the anonymity of the internet, talking to people they either know or are meeting face to face is a step too far.
Even now working as an autism specialist I tend not to mention my son as it generally seems to bring mental shutters down. I now only do it with families of young children who need a bit of hope.
I don’t know if your friends feel something similar, they have been through such a shock when they must have been terrified by their worst fears so they may just be working through a process. You are an amazing and supportive friend, sometimes part of that support is just standing back and letting them ask when they are ready.
That young man has been in my thoughts so much lately.
I’m not sure if this helps, but I have encountered many parents of kids with autism who have not wanted to talk to other families with autism, especially in the early months after a diagnosis. There is something of a hunker down mentality that happens and while they are happy to talk to professionals or in the anonymity of the internet, talking to people they either know or are meeting face to face is a step too far.
Even now working as an autism specialist I tend not to mention my son as it generally seems to bring mental shutters down. I now only do it with families of young children who need a bit of hope.
I don’t know if your friends feel something similar, they have been through such a shock when they must have been terrified by their worst fears so they may just be working through a process. You are an amazing and supportive friend, sometimes part of that support is just standing back and letting them ask when they are ready.
That young man has been in my thoughts so much lately.
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Join Date: Dec 2017
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Hi all! Another early morning trying to debate with my husband what he will do vs. what I will do for the kids. I have a difficult situation that I'm dealing with at work, so while I'm typically always the "primary parent" (as my friends and I say, the one who needs to drop everything when school is cancelled, kids get sick, camp schedules are inadequate, etc.) I need to be in the office today. Every time I bring this up, I feel like it is met with some version of "you're saying I don't do anything" or "my job is more important" (never explicitly stated but since his salary is 3x mine it is kind of understood). Now that I type this, I guess I should explore a 3rd party solution, someone who can help fill in the gaps and back me up in a pinch.
Numblady, you articulated the feeling of the drunk parent so well. I can completely relate to blaming everything on myself and my drinking, and constantly scrambling to compensate in every way possible, but then resenting everything I was doing, and on and on in a vicious cycle. You put it so well when you distinguished how we are as parents from what we are as people..."a defective human being" is such a perfect way to describe it. So I guess the moral of the story is that there's nothing like getting sober to make you look around and say, "what in the world have I been doing?" And trips, even with all the fun stuff, have a way of amplifying the everyday because there is just SO. MUCH.TOGETHERNESS. I find that I often have to detach from my kids so I don't engage with the crazy and spiral down with them.
Scotty, you are so right about the diagnosis. I remember when it seemed that we were headed for an Asperger's diagnosis with one of my kids, and it was the most awful feeling for some reason I can't explain. All I wanted to do was protect my son from the reality of the world, and exist safely in my own denial. As far as your health, be careful not to catastrophize the future and use whatever news you get as a foundation to build on. I'm overweight, and about a month ago I joined Spark People to track my food intake, and it also gives you a daily nutrition report. It can he helpful to focus on something other than just weight, and make sure I'm doing things like taking vitamins, drinking water, and not overdoing it on processed or packaged foods (my downfall whenever I attempt to "diet"). It also gives me parameters for my treat intake.
Chase, sorry about the toddler meltdown, I've definitely been there! However, it made me realize how awesome it is that you are addressing this issue when your kid(s) are very young, hopefully they will have no memory of you as a drinker.
NewChapter, you're so great at responding to everyone else...how are YOU?
Numblady, you articulated the feeling of the drunk parent so well. I can completely relate to blaming everything on myself and my drinking, and constantly scrambling to compensate in every way possible, but then resenting everything I was doing, and on and on in a vicious cycle. You put it so well when you distinguished how we are as parents from what we are as people..."a defective human being" is such a perfect way to describe it. So I guess the moral of the story is that there's nothing like getting sober to make you look around and say, "what in the world have I been doing?" And trips, even with all the fun stuff, have a way of amplifying the everyday because there is just SO. MUCH.TOGETHERNESS. I find that I often have to detach from my kids so I don't engage with the crazy and spiral down with them.
Scotty, you are so right about the diagnosis. I remember when it seemed that we were headed for an Asperger's diagnosis with one of my kids, and it was the most awful feeling for some reason I can't explain. All I wanted to do was protect my son from the reality of the world, and exist safely in my own denial. As far as your health, be careful not to catastrophize the future and use whatever news you get as a foundation to build on. I'm overweight, and about a month ago I joined Spark People to track my food intake, and it also gives you a daily nutrition report. It can he helpful to focus on something other than just weight, and make sure I'm doing things like taking vitamins, drinking water, and not overdoing it on processed or packaged foods (my downfall whenever I attempt to "diet"). It also gives me parameters for my treat intake.
Chase, sorry about the toddler meltdown, I've definitely been there! However, it made me realize how awesome it is that you are addressing this issue when your kid(s) are very young, hopefully they will have no memory of you as a drinker.
NewChapter, you're so great at responding to everyone else...how are YOU?
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Join Date: Jan 2018
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Scotty, that is a wonderful way to put it. Hunkering down as a family. That is definitely what they are doing and need to do. The husband and grandson met us out yesterday and he (the husband) remarked that it was good to get out after being in isolation mode for almost two weeks, either because they were desperately searching for him or then being at his side while he really detoxed. I guess the disappearance at first was just for a big huge bender so he wasn’t detoxing the whole time until the end of the week. I think I just have to make peace with what NewChapter helped me see—I can feel both things. Love and support for them but genuine sadness that we’re here in large part to see them and we can not do that very much. And if we do it’s surrounded by the intensity, fun and also chaos of children. Oh yes and I am proud of you that you went back to get your blood tests. I am hopeful on your part that it is a lot better than you fear.
Palmer I do not envy you being the primary parent. I am fortunate in that my husband has a more flexible job so even though he makes more than I do he tends to be the drop-everything parent. Of course, I still feel like I carry a lot of my weight considering the insanity of the job (e.g. with doctor appointments, teacher conferences, getting the school supplies, planning the parties, etc.) but that doesn’t always get noticed. Ha. Started to try and comfort you but just ended up whining about myself! I am going to try and do some type of gratitude yoga/mediation today to get myself out of what feels like an overly negative focus on my part. Good luck getting ready for the beach! I’ve forgotten. When do you go? How long do you stay?
And speaking of yoga tomorrow I’m signed up for a 7 a.m. beach yoga class. Never would do that if drinking! Or I might have signed up and blown it off. Or I would have gone morning-sick trying to prove to who knows whom or what that I was handling things and just felt like doo doo the whole time. That feeling of extra bile, creeping headache and like even your sweat is toxic. No thank you!
Have a great day all!
Palmer I do not envy you being the primary parent. I am fortunate in that my husband has a more flexible job so even though he makes more than I do he tends to be the drop-everything parent. Of course, I still feel like I carry a lot of my weight considering the insanity of the job (e.g. with doctor appointments, teacher conferences, getting the school supplies, planning the parties, etc.) but that doesn’t always get noticed. Ha. Started to try and comfort you but just ended up whining about myself! I am going to try and do some type of gratitude yoga/mediation today to get myself out of what feels like an overly negative focus on my part. Good luck getting ready for the beach! I’ve forgotten. When do you go? How long do you stay?
And speaking of yoga tomorrow I’m signed up for a 7 a.m. beach yoga class. Never would do that if drinking! Or I might have signed up and blown it off. Or I would have gone morning-sick trying to prove to who knows whom or what that I was handling things and just felt like doo doo the whole time. That feeling of extra bile, creeping headache and like even your sweat is toxic. No thank you!
Have a great day all!
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Hi all! Time to guzzle this coffee and get ready for a road trip to the beach. We'll be there for a week, and I'm mostly looking forward to it, except for the traveling part. Lots of time to read, sleep, and take long walks with nowhere to be...at least that's what I'm hoping for! I'll be checking in later, have a great day everyone.
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Quiet in here. Grabbing a few quiet moments in between adventures. I am sitting on the upper deck in the ocean breeze listening to music and drinking an iced coffee. What a difference. I haven’t been drinking in the sun all day wondering how to make sure the booze didn’t run out and drinking the way I wanted around a group of normies (and one in recovery but we don’t really talk about it). I’m still tired and I’ll crash hard but it doesn’t feel unhealthy. All those years drinking this would be one of those moments I would think a steady stream of wine would enhance and deepen. What a crock of sh%$, It’s so much better to really be awake and non-deadened to it all. Okay that’s all i’ve Got for now. Well i have more but am enjoying just listening to music and lurking because I’m feeling lazy
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