Viperidae

Because I won’t have it Nichole. I simply won’t have it. You aren’t destined to be a miserable addict and die because of it. You can do something about it. It’s very hard to be a drunk. Painful and torturous. As you express here all the time. You are all wrapped up in it know. You have no perspective on this. That’s not a flaw, that’s just where you’re at.

What help have you turned down? Also, what makes you say you’re looking in the wrong places? If you’ve got an offer of help, you need to take it. We can’t do it by ourselves. What are these wrong places your looking to?

If we had some more specific information, I think the smart folks here might be able to guide you if you’re willing. You’re saying you’re lost. Take a helping hand. The advice might not be easy tasks, or what you want to hear. However, you *could* die like one of your family members and that would suck. Life is precious. Your life is precious. Your specific consciousness on this planet has a purpose. There is a whole world out there, outside that town of 300 people you’re in.

You are, as corny as it sounds, the author of your own story. I can’t remember how old you are, but I think you’re very young. You can start a new life. As a sober person you’d see the changes you need to make in your life, and you can make those changes.

Maybe I’ll do it myself. 😮 I talk the talk pretty well.

Dee74

Hey Nichole
recovery's not about never having problems - it's about not resorting to alcohol or drugs to try and solve those problems

It took me 15 years to get to a point when I quit drink and drugs for good, so don't lose heart - I doubt it will take you that long.

Welcome back Donny - I'm sorry you're still struggling too - what the plan from here?

D

xxxNICHOLExxx

Thanks vipe and Dee
I turned 29 in June okay I’m going to open up from the bottom of my heart and how I feel
So I wonder if I am an alcoholic because I have an amazing life I’m buying a house I have nice vehicles and toys money in the bank so I think I can’t be an alcoholic I love my friends like family and they all drink or smoke pot so when around them I feel like I have to I’m struggling with life itself so many days I wish I was dead instead of living so I drink to try and make myself forget and feel better my husband who I’ve been with for 12 years isn’t a nice man he yells and screams at me everyday for no reason he has laid his hand on me before but I love him sometimes I drink to deal with his attitude my younger days I didn’t have a dad or a mom they was both lock up so I got to run the streets and done things I shouldn’t the lifestyle I’ve lived is what I know I started at 13 and never stop I feel that alcohol is part of me without it I’m lost when I think about not drinking I get worked up and end up drinking I feel if I’m gone nobody would care and my kids would be better off without me I’m a terrible person and mom I just want a normal life but can’t seem to find it alcohol has always been there for me

Donnyb

Nichole, my heart breaks for you dear girl that you feel that way. I think you are right that we get lost with alcohol, but I think we are both tired of being lost, and it’s time we both find a way to true happiness. Only when sober can we really be found. Stay strong 💜

Donnyb

Thanks Vipe, yes it was a real blast waking up with cut and bruises I have no recollection of. I am over it though and time to get on with it. I have a couple of days sober and feels good to be laying in bed and going to sleep sober. Onward together my friend😊

Jewel72

Nichole, I really hope you can get to know you for the special gift you are to this world. I know that sounds corny, but I believe God made us all for a purpose and obviously, one of your great purposes is to be a good mom to those precious kids. Break the dysfunctional cycle. Give your kids what your parents didn’t give you. I know it’s hard when you feel so broken at times, but there is help and healing out there. You’ve got to want it more than drinking. I don’t worry about labeling myself alcoholic or not. What I do know is I’m here posting because I’ve got an unhealthy relationship with wine, and I know it does me more harm than good.

Speaking of my unhealthy relationship, my AV has been loudly telling me to have a few glasses for my anniversary this week. Another last hurrah nudge from the ol’ addict. Help me gang. I’ve almost convinced myself to partake when my husband takes me out. Ugh. Out of the blue again. I had no intention of drinking. When will this bugger die?

Jewel72

Hi Donny! Welcome back.

snitch

Morning all.
Awww Donny sorry you had a rough time but good to see you back. You were missed!
Kgirk way to go 100 days!
Blusey, you are absolutely right, we cannot ever forget where alcohol took us and where it still wants us. My alcoholism wants me dead but will settle for jail or the gates of insanity!
Daisy, you are an inspiration as always . But I am ordering you to say No sometimes!
Vipe congrats on 6 days. Well 7 today! A whole week. Using those HOKAS to walk through a day at a time of sobriety and onwards to a better life! Sorry you are feeling bleugh cos of your shots but look on the bright side..at least you won't get rabies!!! Proud of you man!
Quit you are doing so well, remember alcohol is cunning baffling and powerful. The very poison that has been ruining your life is now trying to convince you to celebrate not taking it by taking it! Crazy. Just keep reminding yourself where that 1st drink will take you. Is it worth it?
Nichole, I felt the same as you. I felt I was destined to live my life drinking myself to death or into an insane asylum. The truth is we have to want to live sober more than we want to continue drinking. I am no expert but whatever it is you are doing isn't working so maybe it is time to look at different options? You mentioned rehab before? Perhaps a chat with your doctor would be a good start?
Hi Dee! Thanks for being here for us all!!

I am ok. I do have drinking thoughts daily. The real strong obsession to drink seems to have left me but I do have lots of thoughts throughout the day. It is exhausting but there is not much I can do to stop them popping into my head only how I react to them. I usually say the serenity prayer. God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. Well I cannot change the fact I am an alcoholic and there is no such thing as 1 drink or a safe drink for me. That is a FACT. So let's just move on from that drinking thought! Phew! Hopefully they will dissipate over time the longer I am sober. Afterall I have been drinking for 20 plus years, I need to have a little patience. Something us alcoholics don't have much of lol!!

Anyway am glad to see you all here.



I miss Super5onic and Lovehoops!

Erratic

Morn all x

thanks for sharing nichole it must of been hard to do x u will find that day and own it xx hugs

donny god what a weekend u had x i had something similar happen to me on sunday evening involving drink but i was pushed and ended up smacking my head off something and bruises on shoulder and arm and sore neck. so im here on day 2 myself and working through this week to keep off drink as by sat i am off down to daughters. Keep ur chin up donny x

good to see everyone posts this morn x have a great day today if u can x

Daisybelle

13.15

Good afternoon Aprils

So mad at myself, I just got half way through a post, got up to do something, leant on the mouse and lost it all. Grrrr. So here goes again...

Lovely to see you posting Kelley. I'm another one that never seems to get everything I want to do done, I always feel like I'm 10 steps behind everyone else.
My garden is looking okay thanks, but we've had a bit of rain on top of all that sunshine so the weeds are having a field day. Like you I made a pretty area to sit out in during the evenings but it just never happens, the only time I seem to sit down is when I'm having a rest and a cup of tea, plus all the bugs love me too.

Donny boy, I'm so happy to see you've posted, I missed you. I'm sorry you drank but I do love your honesty and the way that you've come back here. Please stop beating yourself up now, be a bit kinder to yourself. Recovery is not easy, it's like a winding path often filled with as many disappointments as successes, a relapse is just a minor setback on the longer path to a happier life in long term recovery. Stand up, brush yourself down, learn from what happened and move on from it. Think about what you can do to stop this from happening again and take action. xx

Day 7 Viper? that's awesome.
Thank you for the powerful and caring posts you written in reply to Nichole and Donny, I can only re-iterate all you've said.
;If I were you I'd get that 3rd shot out of the way, you're all done and dusted then. Those HOKAS are waiting.
Remember Viper, it's just for today, don't even think about tomorrow. Tomorrow isn't guaranteed. x

Lovely to see you too Bluesey, I look forward to your posts. I hope you're not working too hard. About this boat of yours that we're all on, on good days we row and on bad days we row harder! Right?

Thanks for your input Dee and your honesty, I always appreciate whatever you have to say.

Nichole, big hugs, there is nothing more I can add to what the others have said, I agree with them all. Inside that little girl lost is a strong, warrior woman, you need to find her and let her out. I know you can do this, you just need to start believing in yourself.

Hi Quit, when the A.V is pecking my head I find it helpful to go back to my first posts and read them. I think you'll find you really don't want to go back there. You can do this, play the song to the end, it isn't a good tune. This feeling will pass.

Hi Suze, I love your posts and look forward to them. I am trying to learn how to say no, honestly I really am trying, I'm just not very successful yet. I always feel so guilty. I'm trying to tell myself that if people can do things them selves then let them and only say yes if they need help because they are struggling to do it themselves. I don't know if that makes any sense, but I know what I mean, lol.
I'm sure those drinking thoughts will lessen in time, for me too, we have to remember that we were drinking for many years, those thoughts are not going to just disappear overnight. The serenity prayer, Suzy I must say it at least 40 times a day for various reasons, lol. It's become my mantra.

Great to see you posting Erratic, ouch I bet that hurt. I hope you're okay. I bet you're on countdown to Saturday. Don't forget to keep posting.

I'm worried about Lovehoops, Sunshine Love and Rowlands. Can you 3 please check in soon.

This morning when I did my usual mum run and dropped her in town, I drove past 4 men stood on a certain corner, swigging cans of cheap beer, one of them had a bandage round his head and a big eye patch, it was about 9.20 a.m and I presume they were from the nearby homeless hostel, they looked like proper down and outs. I thought to myself 'there but for the grace of God, goes I,' then I thought some more. I own my house, I have a nice car, I have holidays, I have no debts, I'm fortunate. Alcoholism doesn't discriminate, rich or poor, black or white, thin or fat, I am just the same as those 4 men, 5 alcoholics, 1 more fortunate than the others. Just saying.

Thought for the day..... I know you’re tired, I know you feel like giving up, but you’re not going to. You know why? Because you are strong, and when you’ve survived through all the sh!t your alcoholism has put you through, you can survive recovery.

Much love to you all. xxx

Strawberry18

Please pray for Greece it's terrible xx

Donnyb

Just saw the news and stay safe our dear Strawberry 💜🙏🏼🙏🏼

Daisybelle

I've just seen it on the news too. Stay safe Strawberry. X

xxxNICHOLExxx

Keep y’all in my thoughts stay safe

Viperidae

Nichole, I don’t want to speak beyond my beyond my perview, to things that may or may not be my business, but I’d be remiss not to. I’m a pragmatic person, when you say there is money there, you’ve had a twelve year marriage, you have little ones, your husband is abusive (I think you’ve even said physically), and he has forbidden you to attend AA, that tells me you are in a position of power. You hold the upper hand in this situation, big time. With some sobriety behind you, you can flip this situation on its head. I’m sorry to be the have to say it, but this is a toxic situation. The innocent kids don’t need this. It’s a lot to grapple with, but just my humble opinion.

The person that said you need to release the inner warrior inside of you is totally right. I’m sorry I’m not giving credit but I can’t renember. Anyway, there is a badass warrior in there, with a horned helmet and a sword and you are drugging her and keeping her in the basement. Anyone that can deal with this level of drinking is a tough #%^#**%^*!!!!

I am a real tiger. Multitalented and a really INTENSE dude. I’m afraid of the amazing things the tiger can do and become. I have been drugging that tiger for ages. It’s time for me to open up that cage and get him off the oxycodone laced steaks I’ve been throughing him. I’m not exactly sure what he will do, but it won’t be anything bad, and he needs to lord over his section of jungle. I see sheep everywhere I look. I can’t drug the tiger and be one be one of them anymore.

V

Viperidae

Viper will finish day 7. Even if I have to hide in the house all day and watch Netflix. 2nights ago it was Last Jedi, and last night the latest Thor. Both very fun.

I’m tired. I’ll post later.

V��

Strawberry18

Thank you everyone ! It's so sad ... So many family's lost life's . We're safe on the island ... But I have many family around Athens .

Viperidae

Thoughts out to Greece ❤️

Nichole I’m sorry if that was going to far. I can’t tell you what to do with your life. Just thoughts.

Well I made it through day 7. I’m home and have no reason to leave the house. I’m going into a self imposed lock down for the rest of the day to wake up to 8 days. Usually there is a bump up at 8-10 days.

My sister was on me to make career plans and get out of here. She doesn’t know about the booze. She made me feel kind of bad. I have to create my own career. I’m slightly ashamed to say I’ve never had a real job. There’s no hiring me. I need to create something. That’s daunting. However, at this stage I need to just stay sober. She isn’t aware of that battle. I think the daily goal should not be creating my career, but standing against booze.

Anyway, I can talk like a super hero, but all it comes down to is finishing day 7 and working on 8 when I wake tomorrow. Maybe that does include working on creating a career. At least volunteer dog walking for the shelter, is like a job. I need to be there and do stuff. 🤔

V🐍

xxxNICHOLExxx

No worries vipe I can use all the advice and support I can get I’m thankful for each and everyone of you y’all are the only people I can truly open up to because I feel safe and comfortable here on SR

Erratic

sry havent really watched the news, saw that there is fires in Europe but is that u in Greece strawberry?
hope everything is ok in athens x

temps around the world is bad just now, makes u think. if things is dry fires even the spark will cause probs, saw japen itself is having heat wave. we all need to keep together xx