CaseyW

Congrats to you, Croissant!

Croissant

Hey, not 4 years for me. But 4 years since I started the journey. I think I managed about 90 days, then in the first 18 months I had Another 3 relapses that all lasted about a month or so. Finally managed to stay sober since April 1, 2015, so just over 2 years for me.

I do consider the serious attempts to stay sober started back then on 26 July though, I couldn't ignore how big my problem was, nor how great sobriety was, after then.

resolute50

Thanks everybody.
Special call out to my sober twin, Crois!
I can't believe it's been 4 years.
I couldn't have done it without the support of this class and The Sober Recovery forum.
I'm very thankful.

Mags1

Morning Julyers

Time flies the older we get, or as we used to say, when you're having fun.

Croissant, 2 years is brilliant, too!

Leigh, hope you're feeling better.

See you later, gotta get ready for work soon.

Leshar

Hello all.
Dear Leigh, I do hope you are on the mend.

The play officially opened last night and was well received.
I just don't get why the majority of the group don't include me. Seriously, do I give off some scent that repels them? It's lonely, and I got involved in theatre volunteering to try and make connections, but it's just not happening.
Is there anything wrong with being a quiet, reflective person? I don't think so.
My scene partner has forgotten her lines on a number of occasions, and I know the script well, because I do my homework, and I've rescued her by improvising to get her back on track and not once has she acknowledged this. Neither the director, nor stage manager have thanked me.
Last night, the ladies were all going back to the home of one of them, post show, and I wasn't invited. I likely would not have gone anyway, they all like to drink, but would it have hurt them to invite me.
Really, is there something wrong with me? A young woman, a newby to the group is included and I heard her and another woman talking about adding each other on Facebook. I wasn't asked. Really, can I improve how I come across? I really think I make an effort and am personable and ask ppl about themselves, but it's not working. Is it because I'm old? Invisible? I seriously want to know why this keeps happening.
I'm trying not to complain, yes, I know I'm complaining here, sorry. It's just puzzling and frustrating and yes, lonely.
I am really working so hard to battle through and no one sees this. I know you guys do, thanks.
It's been an issue which has led me to drink innumerable times. I really don't want to do this.
I hope all are faring reasonably well. Thanks for letting me get this out. I don't want to go back to drinking.

Leshar

I should add that when I'm on stage, I just love it. I love performing and I'm proud of myself that I can get things back on track when others forget their lines.

Croutie

I too often feel invisible, but I'm much older than you, and I think it's a common problem for older women. I try not to let it bother me, because I can't change the way I look.
You do an amazing job always being prepared and knowing your lines; you are one smart gal! Maybe they are slightly intimidated by your professionalism or jealous even.
Please try not to let it get you down...just smile, and have a kind word for everyone....
all the best,
Croutie

Mags1

Leshar, I've always been swimming against the tide so to speak, and felt the odd one out, many times. It can be niggling but as Croutie says, maybe they're intimidated by you? People like to put us in a pigeon hole and if they can't figure you out they may leave you alone. Only time will tell.
Just read a lovely saying......'A charming woman...doesn't follow the crowd. She is herself'. You seem like a very confident person. Hopefully you will be more comfortable as time goes on. I always like to think I'm one in a crowd not one of a crowd!(think I got that the right way round). I don't belong with them even if I'm amongst them.

Have a good Friday, Julyers

Croissant

Omg, I just lost the longest post ever. Right before bed.

Lord give me patience.

Leshar

Oh dear, Croissant, that is frustrating! I hope you are well.

Croutie and Mags, thank you, lovely ladies, for your care and support and words of wisdom.
I am showing up and carrying on, and that is a good thing. I have limited energy and accept that I can't do as much as other people, and silly nonsense chatter tires me, the constant loud voices and ppl jumping in to others comments, so perhaps the group finds me unfriendly. No matter, I know I'm a good person, and I'm doing the best I can, day by day at the moment.

Mags1

Croissant, so annoying when that happens!

Leshar, it wouldn't do for us all to be the same or we may as well be the stepford wives! Lol. You've got your unique personality and a fantastic job and though I haven't known you long, I find you warm and caring. Don't lose that for nobody. xx

Croissant

Thanks ladies.xx

What I was posting was that if you asked yourself Leshar, is there honestly any of the people there that you respect or seem genuinely kind/nice that you'd want to get to know? If there was, could you ask them for a coffee...and if they are truly kind, perhaps you could be vulnerable and mention you'd hoped theatre would be a social avenue, but as you've struggled to fit in there a bit, any advice? Otherwise, if these people ARE totally irritating, why give a rats? Who cares if they don't "get" you?

Another thing is, if you are forcing a connection, sometimes people pick up on desperation, or a 'forcing' of social interaction? Also, you are a well educated lady, who can speak on many topics....and I could see from what you've said at times, maybe in disguising your vulnerability, they see that as aloofness? (I suffer from this myself, I'm often not perceived as the person I think I really am.) also, some people find that intelligence or opinion, just plain intimidating and avoid socialising, Just some thoughts.

But it did tie in co-incidentally with a decision I made yesterday to seek a more social connection in the recovery community. And if I don't find the right fit first, I'll keep trying and see how it goes. This revealation came while listening to a new podcast on recovery by Russell Brand. Totally brilliant and frank, about our fears, anxieties and how the journey of recovery is ongoing, always. Hence why I'm committed to trying new tools.

Regardless, I 100% throroughly recommend to all here to try listening to this 50min episode, varying guests, 26 years in recovery, and a lady who had 3 years, but relapsed and is at 100 days.....so many relevant issues mentioned here for those committed to long tern sobriety and making changes that show we are living a different life now. Best 50 mins I've invested in recovery for a while.

https://youtu.be/EKTplRV73_0

Leshar

Thanks, Croissant for the link, I will listen to it tomorrow.

Thank you for your feedback, something I will consider overnight, mull it over.
There's really only one kind fellow, he's in his 40s, married, so I'm not going to ask him for coffee. I'm just different and you're right, I should not let the group bother me. But I did point out to my scene partner this evening that she missed a swath of the script and she said, oh, well it didn't really matter, no-one noticed, and I had to say, well, yes, it mattered to me, because my lines were all lost because you missed that bit of script, and well, if looks could kill, I'd be six feet under. I think I've just had it with these divas, big egos, and frankly a couple of bullies. I don't have the energy.
But thanks, I will think about what you said. I always appreciate your considered opinion.

What kind of recovery group in real life are you considering?

Mags1

Morning Julyers

I hope everyone is ok?

I had a lay in this morning 6.30 am, don't feel any better for it.

Have a good day.

Gilmer

I'm sorry your scenemate doesn't take learning the script seriously, Leshar.

Heck, even in our high school plays we all prided ourselves on being as "professional" as possible.

I'm glad you spoke up. It doesn't sound like you were petty or mean; you were simply pointing out the facts.

Greet her warmly today with a clean slate so that she won't feel threatened (which would make her nasty and spiteful).

Croissant

Hi Leshar. Yes, if these people are divas you wouldn't normally socialise with, then you have your answer that it's ok not to socialise with them. They'd probably irritate you! Focus on the quality relationships in your life, or where there are opportunities for real connection, we are running out of time to suffer fools.

That's kind of why I was impressed with that podcast, that all of the guests and Russell, who have long term sobriety were in a support group, and also did acts of service in the recovery community. So that is what I'm looking for, perhaps volunteering at one of the rehab groups here in whatever capacity I can. Reinforcing the connection, but also reinforcing that we are all lucky to have a second chance. It's easy to hear someone talk of a heron addiction, and think, "oh, that's not me"....but when you hear the frailities in character, how the addiction came from anxiety, or need for pleasure or connection, or even a sense of something you can rely on - I think, "yes, that is me".

P.s. I'm so glad you clipped that incompetent actors wings and put her in her place!

resolute50

Truth.

Leshar

What a wonderful piece, Bob, thank you for posting this. Helps me a lot today.

Croissant, that is excellent if you are able to volunteer as you hope. Good for you.
I listened to the podcast which was useful, although I think Russell tends to interrupt a little too much. I really listen to people now, and consider that an asset.
Well, my scene partner missed exactly the same piece of script again last night. Really, the stage manager should point this out to her. There's a screw up jar where you're supposed to put in a dollar anytime you mess up on stage, and well, she hasn't honoured the honour system. I'm so tired of her, but everyone talks to her and likes her. I have to watch because I'm getting crampy abdominal pain and loss of appetite with all the tension. 10 shows to go, I really hope I can keep it together. I will continue to remember my breathing and posture.
Love to all.

Croutie

I can only imagine how difficult it is to work your scene partner. I would be beyond frustrated if it happened to me ( which is highly unlikely as I am practically antisocial!). She doesn't sound very nice to me if she doesn't honor the screw up jar.....perhaps she thinks she is somehow above doing what she is told.
Take care of yourself; don't let her get to you. It will be over soon.
Have you tried any of the meditation videos on YouTube? Just a thought, might be a bit of a stress reliever.
Hang in there Sweetie..
Croutie

Croissant

Maybe that's what Russell needs to work on. I'm still thankful for the podcast.