venuscat

Thank you Seren, all of you again.

I just miss Nick so much and love him like crazy.
I don't think he feels the same way anymore and it is kind of killing me.
All of this is just so awful....I don't think that I can do this.
I don't know that I have any more strength or even the desire to go on at this point.

Bobbieka

Stay strong, Suze. You're not alone.

venuscat

I can't. I am falling apart.

SoberLeigh

You can, sweetheart.

You honestly can.

Deep breaths - lots of them.

I will call you tonight.

Croutie

Suze!
My heart aches for you. I wish I had some magic words that would help you Honey. All I have is caring and support.
I can feel you pain and suffering in your post. Please remember you are not alone. I know that doesn't solve anything, but keep in mind you are surrounded by people who sincerely care about you.
Sending hugs and prayers for an outcome that is good for you. You just never know, things can sometimes turn on a dime.
Croutie

Ariesagain

You haven't walked through the fire to give up now.

I don't know the details and it's none of my business anyway, but know that there has never been and never will be a more lovable person than you. Others have demons, others are messed up, but you...to quote one of my favorite songs...you light up the dark.

The world needs people like you now more than ever. We need you here.

And we're here for you.

Seren

Dear Suze,

I know how broken your heart is right now. You love Nick and took that leap of faith that everything would work out. Now you are watching your hopes and plans turn into pain and fear and chaos. I don't know what has happened, but I am just so sorry!! You do not deserve this at all!!

My prayer for you right now is safety and just a little bit of peace.

Duffster

You can get through this and you will. I know it hurts like crazy right now. The thing is, it's not going to hurt forever. I know how you feel right now, I really do. There was a time not long ago that I didn't think I could go on, but I did and it does get better. I promise. xoxo

venuscat

I thought I could....but I don't think I can.
I don't even know that I want to.
What for?

How do I live my life without him?
What's the point....this meant everything to me.
Sure, I was difficult to live with. I know that. I was struggling.
It was hard for him. But I thought we would make it....I never actually had a doubt we would make it.

I was angry and that fueled me for a few days. Now I am not angry anymore.
Now I am just completely broken. Completely.

Duffster

I know, sweet friend, I really do. Here's the thing, you don't know what the future holds, though, so please hang on. I know the pain you're feeling and I know the desire to not go on, only too well. I got through it by feeling it, by allowing myself to experience the pain and the grief and I came out so much stronger and with so much clarity.

I hate saying it because it seems like the thing everyone says at times like this but it's true, better days are ahead. It will NOT always feel this bad. I know the pain seems unbearable but you can get through it, I promise you you can.

Ariesagain

Unless you are 2000% different and I mean diametrically different...like biting the heads off bats different...in real life, you are not difficult to live with. Were you dealing with stuff? Hello? Only health stuff, culture stuff, career stuff, continent-moving stuff, hell, you name it. Life is stuff and whatever your reactions or trepidations, they were perfectly justified.

Nothing you did or didn't do, are or aren't, said or didn't say caused this. Not three days prior he was singing your praises to the skies.

Please hear me...it wasn't you. And you must feel like the bottom has dropped out from underneath you and I would give any organ or limb I have two of to fix this for you, I'm so sorry.

Let's start with the basics...are you able to eat anything?

venuscat

Yeah, I am difficult. I obviously drove him to this.
And it doesn't matter now, because all is lost.
I don't care about food.

Ariesagain

It's human nature to want to believe that we have control over everything, that if we did everything perfectly nothing bad would ever happen.

It's a big fat myth. We all bumble along doing the best we can and sometimes it all just hits the fan anyway. So try to stop second guessing yourself, at least.

Try to eat something, anything. Yogurt, milk, anything. Having low blood sugar will make you feel even worse.

You're in a hotel? Is there room service or even a vending machine down the hall?

Croutie

Suze, I so agree with Aries! He was constantly praising you to the stars...
Things happen; it is not your fault. Is it possible he is taking a break? Maybe he is overwhelmed and cannot handle things as well as you do...

JayPray

nice

venuscat

Guys....I'm sorry....I just lost it this afternoon. I am starting school tomorrow and I just couldn't face all of this without Nick. We had such a beautiful life that we had started....I am here in America because of him. This all just got too hard for me by myself.

God listens doesn't he? I prayed forhelp. And Nick called me.

He has been through just as much hell as I have.
I imagine he will talk to everyone here when he can.

I'm not going to harm myself. I admit I had decided to do that and I am sorry.
I had no right to worry everyone.

Miracles happen. We will see what transpires.

SO so much love. ♥

Leshar

Suze, please do not take on the responsibility for another's choices and actions. You are better than this.

venuscat

I'm home by the way....I came back here Saturday.

Leshar

Please be safe, Suze, whatever you decide.

Dee74

If you're not eating and thinking seriously of hurting yourself it time to call in some help Suze.

if a crisis line is not for you, maybe a Dr or counsellor?

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ease-read.html

Without I hope dimishining your pain, many of us have been where you are.

Bad times give way to good times again. Always.

You need to be there to experience those good times when they come back around

You need to take care of yourself.

D