Cheers for Venuscat Part Two
capra laeviculus
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: German Village, OH
Posts: 3,427
It was a perfect day and I had to go mess it up at the end.
I have come to realize that I have serious character defects that I was unable... no, unwilling to see in the past. I could pretend that I was always a good person, always considerate, never selfish, and always acted with humility, because the people around me either didn't care enough to tell me, or because I was not ready to listen.
I have grown vastly in the past few months. I have not shed all my old behaviors and defects... But in the past few days I have gone from being aware of the defects to being fully willing to change. I am willing, I am ready, I want to change, to be a better person. I am ready to give this my all without reservations.
I have come to realize that I have serious character defects that I was unable... no, unwilling to see in the past. I could pretend that I was always a good person, always considerate, never selfish, and always acted with humility, because the people around me either didn't care enough to tell me, or because I was not ready to listen.
I have grown vastly in the past few months. I have not shed all my old behaviors and defects... But in the past few days I have gone from being aware of the defects to being fully willing to change. I am willing, I am ready, I want to change, to be a better person. I am ready to give this my all without reservations.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 3,550
We are human, vulnerable, often due to things which have happened to us in the past, things which, when the sun starts to shine again, need courage in making the changes to a happier life. Every good wish to the both of you for working things out. Not only can you do this. I am confident that you will, because you are both strong, courageous and kind. The plant, the tree will grow and Spring will come to your life. 
Fondly,
Bill and Boswell.
Fondly,
Bill and Boswell.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 3,550
P.S. In nearly 62 years there have been stresses and strains in our marriage, particularly due to my drinking off and on. This was the way I chose to deal with stress and it always made things worse. One particular group at AA helped me immensely. I shall never forget them. Where I live locally in Massachusetts I have not been able to find a group like that. All I can say is that marriage takes love and also takes work, hanging in there. I'm confident that you have both and that you are two nice, wonderful, good people.
It won't be long now for either of us, my wife and I. We shall be together for eternity. Love makes all things whole. Happiness comes from caring. You care about one another and we care about you.
Bill.
It won't be long now for either of us, my wife and I. We shall be together for eternity. Love makes all things whole. Happiness comes from caring. You care about one another and we care about you.
Bill.
Velveteen Rabbit
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: San Diego, Cali
Posts: 2,661
Originally Posted by Goat 
It was a perfect day and I had to go mess it up at the end.
I have come to realize that I have serious character defects that I was unable... no, unwilling to see in the past. I could pretend that I was always a good person, always considerate, never selfish, and always acted with humility, because the people around me either didn't care enough to tell me, or because I was not ready to listen.
I have grown vastly in the past few months. I have not shed all my old behaviors and defects... But in the past few days I have gone from being aware of the defects to being fully willing to change. I am willing, I am ready, I want to change, to be a better person. I am ready to give this my all without reservations.
I have come to realize that I have serious character defects that I was unable... no, unwilling to see in the past. I could pretend that I was always a good person, always considerate, never selfish, and always acted with humility, because the people around me either didn't care enough to tell me, or because I was not ready to listen.
I have grown vastly in the past few months. I have not shed all my old behaviors and defects... But in the past few days I have gone from being aware of the defects to being fully willing to change. I am willing, I am ready, I want to change, to be a better person. I am ready to give this my all without reservations.
I'm sorry it's a struggle.Some really wise person told me once that marriage/long term relationship is like a "people growing machine." She meant that marriage usually causes people to change...to grow in their awareness....to become less selfish and more selfless....etc.
Like I tell my daughters, this whole BS about the prince kissing the princess awake and they live happily ever after really is a fairy tale. Most people have to work at a relationship.
It can be a painful process this growth ~ but it's good work. Time, attention, love....shake well.
Be kind to yourself Goat. You are loved here, and likely everywhere. It just takes time to adapt and give yourself permission to do that. You are a great guy and that's why she loves you!
Lillian
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 3,550
Marriage has been an upward path for me. I seem to be hooked (addicted to?) the mountain climbing metaphor, applicable to both recovery from alcohol, etc. and the challenges of marriage. To my dismay becoming a dad was not the glorious, unforgettable experience described by many. Not that I did not grow to love our two sons. My love for them increased over the years. I am so proud of them! But I shall never forget the challenges of dirty diapers on a hot summer day, the restless nights, the necessary shift of my wife's attention to the kids and less to me. And it made me feel guilty. What was wrong with me? Why could I not conform to the image of the great American dad? And, when I drank it made it all worse and the loneliness seemed to increase at times.
But time was my friend. In time I found myself farther up the mountain. more sunlight. It wasn't easy. But nothing worthwhile is ever easy. I ended up believing that we are sent here for a purpose and that is to reach out and help without presuming to "fix" everything to match our own perspective. I'm sorry I drank. Really sorry. But I'm so grateful for the recovery I have had (I always say "thus far"!). I'll be 90 in a little over a month and time tells me that there may not be much more mountain to climb...
Bill.
But time was my friend. In time I found myself farther up the mountain. more sunlight. It wasn't easy. But nothing worthwhile is ever easy. I ended up believing that we are sent here for a purpose and that is to reach out and help without presuming to "fix" everything to match our own perspective. I'm sorry I drank. Really sorry. But I'm so grateful for the recovery I have had (I always say "thus far"!). I'll be 90 in a little over a month and time tells me that there may not be much more mountain to climb...
Bill.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 3,550
Thanks, Gish! As you know I was smitten and fell hopelessly in love with the silent film actress by that name, struggling with the floppy hat she had brought from Virginia to encounter, in Texas, The Wind! If you wear a floppy hat too, don't be frightened of me. I will soon be 90 and am completely harmless. But beware of someone named "Rudolph Valentino", wearing an Arab headdress but actually the long lost son of a snobby, "upper class" British "toff".
Originally Posted by LillianGish
Bill, your most recent post on this thread was very insightful and wonderful. 
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,515
Love you dearest Bill.....thank you so much for sharing this with us.
We have kind of amazed ourselves today.....we rocked so many things.
Going to bed proud and happy tonight.
♥
We have kind of amazed ourselves today.....we rocked so many things.
Going to bed proud and happy tonight.
♥
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,515
Oh.....and I (I mean we, ahem, very possessive about my plants) are the owners of a dozen new GORGEOUS plants.....it is just the beginning. This place is huge....there is lots and lots of room for me to create my jungle. 
Not to mention the courtyard....we bought a fantastic wooden swing....it's divine. We (errrr, I mean Nick) will put it together next weekend. I will watch, and make tea.
There are going to be a lot of plants out there as well.
This place is looking incredibly beautiful....we are an amazing team, and I have found out that I am kind of an awesome decorator. Lucky for me, Nick loves everything I love, which means he has FANTASTIC taste!!
♥
Not to mention the courtyard....we bought a fantastic wooden swing....it's divine. We (errrr, I mean Nick) will put it together next weekend. I will watch, and make tea.
There are going to be a lot of plants out there as well.
This place is looking incredibly beautiful....we are an amazing team, and I have found out that I am kind of an awesome decorator. Lucky for me, Nick loves everything I love, which means he has FANTASTIC taste!!
♥
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