Cheers for Venuscat Part Two
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 3,550
Originally Posted by venuscat 
You are just so wonderful Bill. 
♥
♥Seriously I well know what a challenge it is for you to make another trip. Sometimes a little laughter helps. But not always. And I was worried. Had two nightmares over it. I'm better after your message. Hope you are feeling stronger and stronger.
I'll always be your devoted friend. You, Nick and Willow!
Bill and Boswell,
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: St. Louis, Mo
Posts: 7,334
Okay guys. Really. True love story. Had the conflict - can't get to the good stuff without the conflict. I love how you guys are working through your issues. Been married for 21 years and may take a page from your book.
Hugs to you both!!!!
Hugs to you both!!!!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 3,550
Hi Goat:
Sorry about the bumps in the road but so glad that the road has now gotten smoother. Do forgive yourself however. Everyone makes mistakes. The late Ernie Kurtz,along with Katherine Ketcham, wrote about the Spirituality of Imperfection. Learning from mistakes, even failure. I have made so many myself in the past.
Believe, now in yourself, the wonderful person who is loved by such another wonderful person. And by all of us!
"He who learns must suffer. And even in our sleep pain that cannot forget falls drop by drop upon the heart, and in our despair, against our own will, comes wisdom to us by the awful grace of God.”
Aeschylus-lines 179-182 of the Agamemnon
Fondly,
Bill
Sorry about the bumps in the road but so glad that the road has now gotten smoother. Do forgive yourself however. Everyone makes mistakes. The late Ernie Kurtz,along with Katherine Ketcham, wrote about the Spirituality of Imperfection. Learning from mistakes, even failure. I have made so many myself in the past.
Believe, now in yourself, the wonderful person who is loved by such another wonderful person. And by all of us!
"He who learns must suffer. And even in our sleep pain that cannot forget falls drop by drop upon the heart, and in our despair, against our own will, comes wisdom to us by the awful grace of God.”
Aeschylus-lines 179-182 of the Agamemnon
Fondly,
Bill
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: milwaukee wi
Posts: 3,574
love you both so much...
https://youtu.be/b8ajkPp75PQ
https://youtu.be/b8ajkPp75PQ
Originally Posted by Goat
Yes, a very good thing... I feel much more myself now, and I am starting to see my Suze coming back to life.
Things have been very difficult between Suze and me, for many reasons.
Nothing was as expected when she arrived. As I was setting up our apartment and our life here, I ran into many unexpected issues (the apartment has many, many problems, for example). I chose to ignore the issues rather than addressing them, and I chose not to tell Suze about the issues. I think I was holding out hope that some miracle would happen and I would be able to magically rectify everything before she got here. Obviously that did not happen.
Once she arrived I was confronted immediately with the reality of the situation. By ignoring issues and not addressing them or talking to Suze about them I gave her a very false impression about what would happen when she got here. At that point I had not just ignored the problems, but I had mislead her. She arrived into a situation that was very different from what she expected, and she arrived to a Nick who was stressed out beyond belief. I was unable to relax and just be myself, which made her unable to settle in and be comfortable after a very difficult move.
From that point forward, rather than simply admitting my mistakes and dealing with them, I started to deflect blame and find fault everywhere but with myself. Inside, however, I was tearing myself apart over what had happened. And, again, instead of finding the strength within myself to stand up and address the issues, I was begging Suze to save me and make me feel like I was not a complete failure.
Through all of this, Suze has been amazingly resilient, and has never given up, though she has quite understandably wanted to on many occasions.
Last night I finally admitted what had happened.... not just to Suze, but also to myself. When I finally allowed myself to fully see and feel what had happened, everything became clear and the stress I had been keeping myself in vanished.
I am no longer resisting the truth. I now know how to move forward. And moreover, I now know how to help Suze move forward into our new life here in America. I am not ready to forgive myself for what I have done, but as I continue to move forward and behave like myself -- like the man I respect -- I can regain my self respect and move on, and Suze will finally be able to be herself and feel at home here in America.
Things have been very difficult between Suze and me, for many reasons.
Nothing was as expected when she arrived. As I was setting up our apartment and our life here, I ran into many unexpected issues (the apartment has many, many problems, for example). I chose to ignore the issues rather than addressing them, and I chose not to tell Suze about the issues. I think I was holding out hope that some miracle would happen and I would be able to magically rectify everything before she got here. Obviously that did not happen.
Once she arrived I was confronted immediately with the reality of the situation. By ignoring issues and not addressing them or talking to Suze about them I gave her a very false impression about what would happen when she got here. At that point I had not just ignored the problems, but I had mislead her. She arrived into a situation that was very different from what she expected, and she arrived to a Nick who was stressed out beyond belief. I was unable to relax and just be myself, which made her unable to settle in and be comfortable after a very difficult move.
From that point forward, rather than simply admitting my mistakes and dealing with them, I started to deflect blame and find fault everywhere but with myself. Inside, however, I was tearing myself apart over what had happened. And, again, instead of finding the strength within myself to stand up and address the issues, I was begging Suze to save me and make me feel like I was not a complete failure.
Through all of this, Suze has been amazingly resilient, and has never given up, though she has quite understandably wanted to on many occasions.
Last night I finally admitted what had happened.... not just to Suze, but also to myself. When I finally allowed myself to fully see and feel what had happened, everything became clear and the stress I had been keeping myself in vanished.
I am no longer resisting the truth. I now know how to move forward. And moreover, I now know how to help Suze move forward into our new life here in America. I am not ready to forgive myself for what I have done, but as I continue to move forward and behave like myself -- like the man I respect -- I can regain my self respect and move on, and Suze will finally be able to be herself and feel at home here in America.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: milwaukee wi
Posts: 3,574
you both can do it why . cause we all love you so much..and you love each other so much...
https://youtu.be/b8ajkPp75PQ
https://youtu.be/b8ajkPp75PQ
Originally Posted by venuscat
Thank you dearest least. ♥
♥
capra laeviculus
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: German Village, OH
Posts: 3,427
Originally Posted by wpainterw
Hi Goat:
Sorry about the bumps in the road but so glad that the road has now gotten smoother. Do forgive yourself however. Everyone makes mistakes. The late Ernie Kurtz,along with Katherine Ketcham, wrote about the Spirituality of Imperfection. Learning from mistakes, even failure. I have made so many myself in the past.
Believe, now in yourself, the wonderful person who is loved by such another wonderful person. And by all of us!
"He who learns must suffer. And even in our sleep pain that cannot forget falls drop by drop upon the heart, and in our despair, against our own will, comes wisdom to us by the awful grace of God.”
Aeschylus-lines 179-182 of the Agamemnon
Fondly,
Bill
Sorry about the bumps in the road but so glad that the road has now gotten smoother. Do forgive yourself however. Everyone makes mistakes. The late Ernie Kurtz,along with Katherine Ketcham, wrote about the Spirituality of Imperfection. Learning from mistakes, even failure. I have made so many myself in the past.
Believe, now in yourself, the wonderful person who is loved by such another wonderful person. And by all of us!
"He who learns must suffer. And even in our sleep pain that cannot forget falls drop by drop upon the heart, and in our despair, against our own will, comes wisdom to us by the awful grace of God.”
Aeschylus-lines 179-182 of the Agamemnon
Fondly,
Bill
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Ashburn, VA
Posts: 30,196
Please, please don't flagellate yourselves. Sure, "mistakes were made;" but it wouldn't have been natural if a few things hadn't gone wrong. This is a gigantic transition. Have either of you ever experienced anything even approaching this magnitude in your lives?
Nick, you've had the weight of Atlas on your shoulders. Cut yourself a break, especially since everything's now out on the table. From this point on, every move you make will be a step in the right direction.
Suze, I encourage you to spend your spare time discovering ways to get to meetings!
I want to commend you publicly, too, for your great discretion. Even in your darkest moments, I have not seen you ever throw Nick under the bus. I have tremendous respect for that (I could certainly take a page from your book).
You are well on the way to being the very finest kind of wife!
Nick, you've had the weight of Atlas on your shoulders. Cut yourself a break, especially since everything's now out on the table. From this point on, every move you make will be a step in the right direction.
Suze, I encourage you to spend your spare time discovering ways to get to meetings!
I want to commend you publicly, too, for your great discretion. Even in your darkest moments, I have not seen you ever throw Nick under the bus. I have tremendous respect for that (I could certainly take a page from your book).
You are well on the way to being the very finest kind of wife!
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Ashburn, VA
Posts: 30,196
Originally Posted by wpainterw
"He who learns must suffer. And even in our sleep pain that cannot forget falls drop by drop upon the heart, and in our despair, against our own will, comes wisdom to us by the awful grace of God.”
Aeschylus-lines 179-182 of the Agamemnon
Fondly,
Bill
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 3,550
Originally Posted by venuscat
Bill, let's organise a time that suits for me to call you.
Just name it
I promise I will do it. ♡♡
Just name it
I promise I will do it. ♡♡
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,509
I know where some meetings are Gilmer love, thank you....and thank you for reminding me that I'm capable of doing that by myself.
Not ready to go to a shelter yet Bill, and not one for zoos and museums....
There is always a chance to make things better if we really care and if we really try....actions are what matter the most. Hopefully we can move forward from here.
The support is greatly appreciated. ♥
Not ready to go to a shelter yet Bill, and not one for zoos and museums....
There is always a chance to make things better if we really care and if we really try....actions are what matter the most. Hopefully we can move forward from here.
The support is greatly appreciated.
♥
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