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Cheers for Venuscat Part Two

Old 04-05-2017, 08:44 AM
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You are so beautiful ardy love....yes, I will smile with you.
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Old 04-05-2017, 08:45 AM
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Look what I just found hidden under the ivy....

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Old 04-05-2017, 08:48 AM
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Beautiful!!!
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Old 04-05-2017, 08:48 AM
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Gilmer love.....look at the hyacinths now...

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Old 04-05-2017, 08:49 AM
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They look great, Suze.
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Old 04-05-2017, 08:51 AM
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I also want to thank Leigh ~ who tried to call me over and over yesterday after Nick reached out, but I was too depressed to answer.

I need my friends, I really do. I need to answer the phone. And I need to call least and Kris and Gilmer and Dharma....time to try and heal myself. Time to be the person I actually am ~ the one filled with light and hope and passion.

Things were far far too hard for me when I got here...there was a lot that wasn't as it seemed...I know that is a bit cryptic, but it is not all up to me to talk about. Suffice to say that things got very real last night, and Nick and I have a chance to be the couple we actually are now.

Which is a very good thing. ♥
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Old 04-05-2017, 08:55 AM
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Sending so much love to both of you - two very, very good people.

Call me when you are ready.
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Old 04-05-2017, 09:03 AM
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for the Cats the Suzie and for Nick... remember smile...

https://youtu.be/qFk_OxpMm9o
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Old 04-05-2017, 09:54 AM
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And my petunias are going to make it.



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Old 04-05-2017, 10:00 AM
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Originally Posted by venuscat View Post
Things were far far too hard for me when I got here...there was a lot that wasn't as it seemed...I know that is a bit cryptic, but it is not all up to me to talk about. Suffice to say that things got very real last night, and Nick and I have a chance to be the couple we actually are now.

Which is a very good thing. ♥
Yes, a very good thing... I feel much more myself now, and I am starting to see my Suze coming back to life.

Things have been very difficult between Suze and me, for many reasons.

Nothing was as expected when she arrived. As I was setting up our apartment and our life here, I ran into many unexpected issues (the apartment has many, many problems, for example). I chose to ignore the issues rather than addressing them, and I chose not to tell Suze about the issues. I think I was holding out hope that some miracle would happen and I would be able to magically rectify everything before she got here. Obviously that did not happen.

Once she arrived I was confronted immediately with the reality of the situation. By ignoring issues and not addressing them or talking to Suze about them I gave her a very false impression about what would happen when she got here. At that point I had not just ignored the problems, but I had mislead her. She arrived into a situation that was very different from what she expected, and she arrived to a Nick who was stressed out beyond belief. I was unable to relax and just be myself, which made her unable to settle in and be comfortable after a very difficult move.

From that point forward, rather than simply admitting my mistakes and dealing with them, I started to deflect blame and find fault everywhere but with myself. Inside, however, I was tearing myself apart over what had happened. And, again, instead of finding the strength within myself to stand up and address the issues, I was begging Suze to save me and make me feel like I was not a complete failure.

Through all of this, Suze has been amazingly resilient, and has never given up, though she has quite understandably wanted to on many occasions.

Last night I finally admitted what had happened.... not just to Suze, but also to myself. When I finally allowed myself to fully see and feel what had happened, everything became clear and the stress I had been keeping myself in vanished.

I am no longer resisting the truth. I now know how to move forward. And moreover, I now know how to help Suze move forward into our new life here in America. I am not ready to forgive myself for what I have done, but as I continue to move forward and behave like myself -- like the man I respect -- I can regain my self respect and move on, and Suze will finally be able to be herself and feel at home here in America.
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Old 04-05-2017, 10:01 AM
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Old 04-05-2017, 10:03 AM
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Originally Posted by venuscat View Post
And my petunias are going to make it.



Very nice
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Old 04-05-2017, 10:20 AM
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To add to my previous message, I want to explain a bit more about what the actual problems were that Suze faced when she got here. I realize by only mentioning the apartment it looks like the challenges were smaller than they actually were.

As I was setting up our apartment and our life here, I ran into and created many issues. The apartment had a large number of repair needs that I did not address with the landlord, and once Suze arrived it was too late to demand that the repairs should be done by the landlord.

The writing jobs I set up for Suze either fell through or were delayed by a great deal, leaving her with no confidence in her prospects for work here.

The information I had on the college course Suze is planning to take here was very misleading and incomplete, and I did not follow up to get the proper information and find out exactly what the program and procedure is for enrolling in and attending school, leaving her with no confidence in her ability to actually take the course.

Worse than not having those things taken care of before Suze arrived, I then continued to not take care of them after she arrived, leaving her in total limbo. I also did not make any sort of reasonable attempt to integrate Suze into life here -- I did not contact my family, I did not introduce her to my friends... I did not even take her out for walks in the beautiful parks here. She has felt alone and isolated. I am truly amazed by her resilience, and I do not know how she has found the strength to not give up, but I am truly grateful that she has not.
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Old 04-05-2017, 10:34 AM
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Sending more love to both of you.

Keep moving forward.
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Old 04-05-2017, 10:35 AM
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It sounds like you thought you had to do everything Nick.
You didn't love.
I can, and I do. As you know.

But honesty is paramount. Always.
And I know you know that now.

I am seriously proud of this guy..... the one who is real, and not wearing a mask. I did not recognise that guy and I was very confused.

This morning I awoke to the man I love, the man I intend to spend my life with.

Thank you.

Thank you for your honesty and your humility.
Thank you for saving us.

I love you so very much. ♡♡♡♡♡♡♡
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Old 04-05-2017, 10:38 AM
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Keep the love alive- hold hands, comfort each other through the storms, rejoice together through the many good times. Invoke patience and respect.
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Old 04-05-2017, 10:40 AM
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Originally Posted by venuscat View Post
It sounds like you thought you had to do everything Nick.
You didn't love.
I can, and I do. As you know.

But honesty is paramount. Always.
And I know you know that now.

I am seriously proud of this guy..... the one who is real, and not wearing a mask. I did not recognise that guy and I was very confused.

This morning I awoke to the man I love, the man I intend to spend my life with.

Thank you.

Thank you for your honesty and your humility.
Thank you for saving us.

I love you so very much. ♡♡♡♡♡♡♡
Ok, I am at work... I should not have tears in my eyes here...

But I do. The people at my office know how much I love you, that is for sure.

I am no longer alone, and I no longer have to do everything myself. I realize now that my solitary life before I met you was as much as result of my own choices as it was a result of my circumstances.

I don't ever want to be alone again, and moreover, I do not ever want to leave you alone again.

Thank you for not giving up on us.

I love you more every day. ♡♡♡♡♡♡♡
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Old 04-05-2017, 10:42 AM
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Tears here as well....far out. I think we have seen enough of my tears for a while.

I love you.
Onward my darling, one day at a time.
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Old 04-05-2017, 10:44 AM
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Tears here, too.
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Old 04-05-2017, 10:44 AM
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Thank you darling Leigh ~ for your love, support and wonderful advice.
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