Class of April 2015 Part 12
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 2,412
Very true SG. They closed 133 stores. Of course I'd rather look for growth, which I believe I found an option here in Ohio. Still exploring. But it's a furniture and mattress liquidation company. They are a dime a dozen.
JCP does have a few good things going for them, including a very positive debt score upgrade. I'm also reading and hearing from the store manager I know that they take being nimble and pliable seriously. They promote a culture of change.
I've read how analysts appreciate how quickly they can make chain wide changes effectively, like adding appliances to their mix. In one year, they set up buying, logistics, sales training, Mgt training, space allocation, marketing, and getting the product in over 900 stores. And the category has been a huge hit. Thats pretty impressive.
There's note of other changes too like a focus on plus size women's and big/tall for men, how they address omni channel business and comingle stores and web sales as an overall entity with one supporting the other.
Lots of good stuff. But at the end of the day, it's about survival for them, not growth. In an era where all retailers who did their explosive growth in the 80's and 90's are now shrinking in size, that seems to be the norm.
I firmly believe brick and. Morter is not dead. I think it's about being smart with web and store cohesiveness.
We'll see less players in each category. So I guess I have to be careful in picking the company I go with in a particular category.
As big as Sears was, they were too slow and stuck in their ways simply not able to make the quick adjustments needed to meet the changing landscape.
I saw that first hand when I worked for them at Kmart in the 80's. Walmart was just coming up and they were quick and agile. Paved the way and were trend setters in discount retailers.
Meanwhile, Kmart decided the best course of action was investing in a new look and remodeled every store for nearly a decade. I did that job for 5yrs...opened new stores and remodeled existing. Turned Kmart into BigK and Super K, etc.
Meanwhile, nothing changed with its infrastructure or business approach. They were dead by early 90's
JCP does have a few good things going for them, including a very positive debt score upgrade. I'm also reading and hearing from the store manager I know that they take being nimble and pliable seriously. They promote a culture of change.
I've read how analysts appreciate how quickly they can make chain wide changes effectively, like adding appliances to their mix. In one year, they set up buying, logistics, sales training, Mgt training, space allocation, marketing, and getting the product in over 900 stores. And the category has been a huge hit. Thats pretty impressive.
There's note of other changes too like a focus on plus size women's and big/tall for men, how they address omni channel business and comingle stores and web sales as an overall entity with one supporting the other.
Lots of good stuff. But at the end of the day, it's about survival for them, not growth. In an era where all retailers who did their explosive growth in the 80's and 90's are now shrinking in size, that seems to be the norm.
I firmly believe brick and. Morter is not dead. I think it's about being smart with web and store cohesiveness.
We'll see less players in each category. So I guess I have to be careful in picking the company I go with in a particular category.
As big as Sears was, they were too slow and stuck in their ways simply not able to make the quick adjustments needed to meet the changing landscape.
I saw that first hand when I worked for them at Kmart in the 80's. Walmart was just coming up and they were quick and agile. Paved the way and were trend setters in discount retailers.
Meanwhile, Kmart decided the best course of action was investing in a new look and remodeled every store for nearly a decade. I did that job for 5yrs...opened new stores and remodeled existing. Turned Kmart into BigK and Super K, etc.
Meanwhile, nothing changed with its infrastructure or business approach. They were dead by early 90's
Quit 4/17/15
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Pa
Posts: 15,181
I hope you guys get to have some stress free time with your families this weekend despite all that is going on in your lives. I know how difficult it sometimes is to live in the moment, and not worry about the future nor dwell upon the past. I know you guys will land solidly on your feet once again!
Quit 4/17/15
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Pa
Posts: 15,181
Cross post!
I agree. I think that there will always be a place for brick and mortar stores, as people want to see and touch things before buying. You are correct in that there will be a large consolidation continuing, as the buying trends of younger folks today are far different from my parents, whom helped to build the Sears and Penny's and K-Marts of the day.
Have you ever looked into Target? They seem to have a loyal following, and my wife certainly spends a small fortune there.
I agree. I think that there will always be a place for brick and mortar stores, as people want to see and touch things before buying. You are correct in that there will be a large consolidation continuing, as the buying trends of younger folks today are far different from my parents, whom helped to build the Sears and Penny's and K-Marts of the day.
Have you ever looked into Target? They seem to have a loyal following, and my wife certainly spends a small fortune there.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 2,412
Ya know what SG? Target definately has it going on. The pisser with them, is they hire young and easy to mold kids out of college then make them team leaders. They feel very strongly about their culture and believe hiring somebody with a clean slate is more beneficial than somebody with diverse and remarkably successful experience.
I've tried a couple times them gave up. But screw that, I'm gonna try again. The pay is very high there, as is the workload, but I'm not afraid of that.
If I can get in front of the right person, I think I have a better shot. Although my experience is diverse and successful, I have achieved that by becoming part of the cog.
I think one way for a business to succeed is to have a team of entrepreneurs. But in other environments, a team like that can be too clunky. I can roll both ways.
I appreciate the fact that Target has a pulse, it's own energy force. A good leader for them can plug into that energy and effectively pass it to the team without interference or insulation.
I think that's very important trait to have and honestly why I am successful. Even if the environment is to foster individual thinking. I'm all about that too.
The easiest approach is to have an energy form provided for you that you pass on to others. Very easy to succeed in that environment. And success is rewarding. In the other hand, it's way more fun to be creative.
I think if I had the choice today, I'll take creative. I like having fun. But at the end of the day, what I really want is a good pay that I have earned. That's enough reward. I just become stagnant if I stop growing or earning more pay. Once I peak out, game over.
I've tried a couple times them gave up. But screw that, I'm gonna try again. The pay is very high there, as is the workload, but I'm not afraid of that.
If I can get in front of the right person, I think I have a better shot. Although my experience is diverse and successful, I have achieved that by becoming part of the cog.
I think one way for a business to succeed is to have a team of entrepreneurs. But in other environments, a team like that can be too clunky. I can roll both ways.
I appreciate the fact that Target has a pulse, it's own energy force. A good leader for them can plug into that energy and effectively pass it to the team without interference or insulation.
I think that's very important trait to have and honestly why I am successful. Even if the environment is to foster individual thinking. I'm all about that too.
The easiest approach is to have an energy form provided for you that you pass on to others. Very easy to succeed in that environment. And success is rewarding. In the other hand, it's way more fun to be creative.
I think if I had the choice today, I'll take creative. I like having fun. But at the end of the day, what I really want is a good pay that I have earned. That's enough reward. I just become stagnant if I stop growing or earning more pay. Once I peak out, game over.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Spain
Posts: 2,004
Hope you guys are having a good weekend!
I don't know so much about American retail, but I like the way you talk about the culture of companies. It's something I have become aware of the last couple of years (since I got sober!) and have begun trying to instill a positive culture within my own small company.
There has been some resistance to this as I am asking different things of my employees which perhaps they feel are unnecessary or designed to trip them up. For example, we now offer free development days where staff can acquire new skills or enhance those that they already have but perhaps some people feel that this is an imposition. It is, after all, hard to learn anything when you already know it all! Other things we now do that we didn't used to are appraisals and observed lessons for development/quality control. Life is, of course, much more simple for management and the team if they are left to their own devices, but if you're trying to take your company to the next level (especially as, in my case, "quality" has been identified as one of our core values), you cannot just let things ride and hope for the best!
In part, I think that the recent problems I experienced at work were about people not getting on board with the new culture. One thing is receiving a job description outlining your obligations and another is being consistent with that every day of the week. Resistance is always a massive factor in any culture change.
I have recruited with that in mind this year and have brought in one young but experienced professional and two newly qualified teachers who will hopefully embrace our philosophy.
Maybe this year will be better than the last...
Take care all!
I don't know so much about American retail, but I like the way you talk about the culture of companies. It's something I have become aware of the last couple of years (since I got sober!) and have begun trying to instill a positive culture within my own small company.
There has been some resistance to this as I am asking different things of my employees which perhaps they feel are unnecessary or designed to trip them up. For example, we now offer free development days where staff can acquire new skills or enhance those that they already have but perhaps some people feel that this is an imposition. It is, after all, hard to learn anything when you already know it all! Other things we now do that we didn't used to are appraisals and observed lessons for development/quality control. Life is, of course, much more simple for management and the team if they are left to their own devices, but if you're trying to take your company to the next level (especially as, in my case, "quality" has been identified as one of our core values), you cannot just let things ride and hope for the best!
In part, I think that the recent problems I experienced at work were about people not getting on board with the new culture. One thing is receiving a job description outlining your obligations and another is being consistent with that every day of the week. Resistance is always a massive factor in any culture change.
I have recruited with that in mind this year and have brought in one young but experienced professional and two newly qualified teachers who will hopefully embrace our philosophy.
Maybe this year will be better than the last...
Take care all!
Quit 4/17/15
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Pa
Posts: 15,181
It is difficult to get employees, especially tenured ones, aboard with new ideas and ways of thinking sometimes. They tend to think that the way they know is the best way, and any new ways of looking at problems are merely gimmicks. Hopefully, new employees will help to breed new attitudes!
Have a good day all!
Have a good day all!
Quit 4/17/15
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Pa
Posts: 15,181
Hope everyone is doing well!
Long week for me with rapid turnarounds has me pretty gassed by this morning. I also have my annual company party tonight. Will hang for the food then try to graciously exit when all the twenty and thirty somethings start to get wasted and the DJ cranks the music so loud that conversations become impossible. Didn't have to explain my not drinking to anyone last year, which came as a relief. Staying awake may be more of a struggle.
Enjoy your weekends everyone!
Long week for me with rapid turnarounds has me pretty gassed by this morning. I also have my annual company party tonight. Will hang for the food then try to graciously exit when all the twenty and thirty somethings start to get wasted and the DJ cranks the music so loud that conversations become impossible. Didn't have to explain my not drinking to anyone last year, which came as a relief. Staying awake may be more of a struggle.
Enjoy your weekends everyone!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Spain
Posts: 2,004
Hope you manage to enjoy the party, SG! We had a barbecue at my place last weekend which I enjoyed. The people I know are used to me not drinking now so it's not awkward anymore. I don't think I miss drinking anymore although I sometimes miss the idea of it... That glass of wine... That cold beer... But,.of course it was never about the drinks I get nostalgic about. It was about the rest of them!!
In my place out in the country we've got a main house and a pool-side apartment. We've just fixed up the pool apartment and put it on Airbnb. It's a great way to keep our place sustainable and paying for itself. It's been hard work, but I've learned how to fit a kitchen myself and feel really proud of the way it looks. The first paying guests checked in yesterday.
I doubt I'd have managed to get this off the ground if I'd been drinking... Or I'd have injured myself with a power tool!!! So many ideas used to stay on the drawing board. Sometimes I feel like anything is possible now. Underline sometimes in that last sentence as most of the time it's still a grind to get from a to b!!!
Anyway, hope you all enjoy the weekend!
In my place out in the country we've got a main house and a pool-side apartment. We've just fixed up the pool apartment and put it on Airbnb. It's a great way to keep our place sustainable and paying for itself. It's been hard work, but I've learned how to fit a kitchen myself and feel really proud of the way it looks. The first paying guests checked in yesterday.
I doubt I'd have managed to get this off the ground if I'd been drinking... Or I'd have injured myself with a power tool!!! So many ideas used to stay on the drawing board. Sometimes I feel like anything is possible now. Underline sometimes in that last sentence as most of the time it's still a grind to get from a to b!!!
Anyway, hope you all enjoy the weekend!
Quit 4/17/15
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Pa
Posts: 15,181
Woke up with a drinking dream this morning. I was handed a beer by a neighbor of my parents, and I took a small drink. I then was holding the bottle next to a full one and trying to decide whether I had to reset my start date. I am glad that drinking thoughts still trouble me even in my dreams. Though my trying to rationalize it is pure alcoholic thinking.
I haven't had a drinking dream in a long time. I guess being around hundreds of folks drinking last night put that into my subconscious . Glad to wake up just tired, but not hungover today!
I haven't had a drinking dream in a long time. I guess being around hundreds of folks drinking last night put that into my subconscious . Glad to wake up just tired, but not hungover today!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 2,412
Originally Posted by amp123 
Hope you guys are having a good weekend!
I don't know so much about American retail, but I like the way you talk about the culture of companies. It's something I have become aware of the last couple of years (since I got sober!) and have begun trying to instill a positive culture within my own small company.
There has been some resistance to this as I am asking different things of my employees which perhaps they feel are unnecessary or designed to trip them up. For example, we now offer free development days where staff can acquire new skills or enhance those that they already have but perhaps some people feel that this is an imposition. It is, after all, hard to learn anything when you already know it all! Other things we now do that we didn't used to are appraisals and observed lessons for development/quality control. Life is, of course, much more simple for management and the team if they are left to their own devices, but if you're trying to take your company to the next level (especially as, in my case, "quality" has been identified as one of our core values), you cannot just let things ride and hope for the best!
In part, I think that the recent problems I experienced at work were about people not getting on board with the new culture. One thing is receiving a job description outlining your obligations and another is being consistent with that every day of the week. Resistance is always a massive factor in any culture change.
I have recruited with that in mind this year and have brought in one young but experienced professional and two newly qualified teachers who will hopefully embrace our philosophy.
Maybe this year will be better than the last...
Take care all!
I don't know so much about American retail, but I like the way you talk about the culture of companies. It's something I have become aware of the last couple of years (since I got sober!) and have begun trying to instill a positive culture within my own small company.
There has been some resistance to this as I am asking different things of my employees which perhaps they feel are unnecessary or designed to trip them up. For example, we now offer free development days where staff can acquire new skills or enhance those that they already have but perhaps some people feel that this is an imposition. It is, after all, hard to learn anything when you already know it all! Other things we now do that we didn't used to are appraisals and observed lessons for development/quality control. Life is, of course, much more simple for management and the team if they are left to their own devices, but if you're trying to take your company to the next level (especially as, in my case, "quality" has been identified as one of our core values), you cannot just let things ride and hope for the best!
In part, I think that the recent problems I experienced at work were about people not getting on board with the new culture. One thing is receiving a job description outlining your obligations and another is being consistent with that every day of the week. Resistance is always a massive factor in any culture change.
I have recruited with that in mind this year and have brought in one young but experienced professional and two newly qualified teachers who will hopefully embrace our philosophy.
Maybe this year will be better than the last...
Take care all!
For starters, make it about them. Which it appears you are. But keep exploring that and making sure that first, that is your mindset, and second that they see that.
Having the approach of what can you do to help them achieve their goals is key. Again though... Seems like you have that, at least to a degree.
The way to know for sure, is to get in their heads. But to get their true thoughts on the table, they need to feel trusted and respected. Keeping in mind at least 20% does not deserve the time and energy.
Not only trust and respect, but a genuine feeling that you have THEIR best interests in mind. Not the business, or yours. THEIRS. That can come from spending quality time with them and let them talk about what's important to them. Somehow doing that without asking directly too.
It comes out the more time you spend. But you can ask probing questions like "how's the family (better to know names)".
An approach I have huge success with in getting people to do things MY way, is to get them to come to the same conclusion on their own by guiding.
"man... Seems this process could be a whoke lot better". IDK... What do you think? No? I guess it feels like we could so the same thing in less time to me. Maybe not. But if we could do it in less time, would that benefit you?
Get them to talk about the possible ways to improve the process (for example). Might even learn a thing or two along the way. Every idea they have is a golden one. "Yes! Awesome! Llkve it! Let me write that down"
Right there, they are bought in and now wants to find an even BETTER idea. Baring in mind the bottom 20% won't. Write it down and ask "that is a great idea. I'd love to hear more. Does anything come to mind?" guiding them to look st it from different angles.
Takes a long ass time. More efficient in a group setting. But ultimately, make it about them so they feel part of the solution.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 2,412
I am quiet because I am juggling a few things emotionally and physically. Sorry.
More later. Gotta go get **** done, but felt bad for not swinging by last few days.
SG...
Drinking dreams. Good times, right? They seem to do a good job reminding us that drinking wasn't all we thought it was. At least for me. Never have I thought that I missed drinking after a dream like that. I always wake up thankful.
Is that true for you guys too?
More later. Gotta go get **** done, but felt bad for not swinging by last few days.
SG...
Drinking dreams. Good times, right? They seem to do a good job reminding us that drinking wasn't all we thought it was. At least for me. Never have I thought that I missed drinking after a dream like that. I always wake up thankful.
Is that true for you guys too?
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Spain
Posts: 2,004
Drinking dreams... Always, always relieved. No question...
Weird thing happened today. A guy who used to work for me disappeared a couple of years ago. Just didn't show up one day. I was concerned. Thought he'd maybe got sick or had an accident. I looked up his address and it turned out he was staying at half-way house belonging to a state run rehab centre. He was an American guy and he got the job with us just showing up at work and helping out. In the end when a vacancy came up I asked him to step up. Anyway, I guess he was so close to making it that self-destruct kicked in and he went off on a bender. I tried to "save" him and actually succeeded for a while. He sent me a card one Thanksgiving saying that he was clean and had a job and he owed it to us for helping him out, but then I heard he was back on the skids. Shame.
This morning I was having a coffee in a bar at around 10'30 and a guy came in looking pretty rough and ordered a whiskey. I didn't give it too much thought and didn't really look up. You know. Felt sorry for the guy but didn't want to get too involved. When it was time to settle up the guy had already left and the barman told me he had settled my tab and asked if I knew him... Guess it was probably the same guy. He was actually a main motivator in me getting off the booze. It was a clear indicator of where I could end up if I carried on. Don't know what I'll do if I see him again. You can't be saving people again and again... Is that really selfish? It's too close to home for me maybe...
Hope things are ok with you Inc. nice to hear from you, SG!
Weird thing happened today. A guy who used to work for me disappeared a couple of years ago. Just didn't show up one day. I was concerned. Thought he'd maybe got sick or had an accident. I looked up his address and it turned out he was staying at half-way house belonging to a state run rehab centre. He was an American guy and he got the job with us just showing up at work and helping out. In the end when a vacancy came up I asked him to step up. Anyway, I guess he was so close to making it that self-destruct kicked in and he went off on a bender. I tried to "save" him and actually succeeded for a while. He sent me a card one Thanksgiving saying that he was clean and had a job and he owed it to us for helping him out, but then I heard he was back on the skids. Shame.
This morning I was having a coffee in a bar at around 10'30 and a guy came in looking pretty rough and ordered a whiskey. I didn't give it too much thought and didn't really look up. You know. Felt sorry for the guy but didn't want to get too involved. When it was time to settle up the guy had already left and the barman told me he had settled my tab and asked if I knew him... Guess it was probably the same guy. He was actually a main motivator in me getting off the booze. It was a clear indicator of where I could end up if I carried on. Don't know what I'll do if I see him again. You can't be saving people again and again... Is that really selfish? It's too close to home for me maybe...
Hope things are ok with you Inc. nice to hear from you, SG!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 2,412
It's time to be honest. Past the time, but I'm finally ready to share.
I am an addict. A suffering addict. I have not been able to completely walk away from kratom and got myself physically dependent on it. It's a drug that can have euphoria at high doses, but I use it for mood and energy.
I've been exploring myself on the spiritual front and making huge progress. There's some mind-blowing life changing **** there. But I felt that kratom was a barrier to discovering and communicating with my true self. My own inner higher power.
I've been taking multiple times a day for a while now. Tolerance has built. WD sets in between doses. I was on an automatic pilot that was working simply to keep WD at bay. I've been trying to quit CT but can't. So, now I'm on a taper program. Just like I failed at a few months ago. All this time..well..most this time I've been hiding and lying to you guys.
I never really accepted I was addicted until a month ago. I knew I was physically addicted due to WD and tolerance, but I didn't accept just how deep I was emotionally addicted and still living the addicts life FULL BLOWN complete with lying, self punishment, Manipulation, extreme selfishness...all of it.
I've been doing a **** ton of reflection on this. Surprise. I don't know why this would not be the first place to speak. Yeah...actually I do. Shame. My ego. I still put my ego above all things.
I am on a different journey this time and am making great progress on destroying my ego. I want my ego to die, and my spirit / true self to thrive. I have also committed to NA meetings. 30mtgs in 30 days. Been to 3 so far. And HOLY ****...they are awesome. Nothing like AA. Well kinda, but no religion, only a spiritual awareness and that higher powers are within reach. Even that is hardly spoken about. I'm sure some meetings will be focused on that, but so far, it's on overall addiction issues. No answers provided either. They don't suggest how not to lie, for example. Just have it as a topic which may have literature on the effects of lying on ourselves and others. Then it's open discussion. Addicts sharing with addicts how lying ****** them up, or shared progress in the area. Meanwhile, you can relate 100% to every story.
I believe the idea is simply just to keep this crap in awareness. There's no answer to stop lying. Just have to be aware that it's happening, so you can react accordingly. And if your thoughts aren't to stop right away, that changes as you hear how it's impacted others.
My addiction to kratom is strong, but nothing like alcohol. HOWEVER...my addiction to finding solutions, thinking I can work MYSELF out of this, or thinking that I know better was a strong as ever. Of not stronger. That is until recently.
And damn...does it feel good to let that go. I no longer trust myself and believe I know better for myself. I no longer trust Google, that's for darn sure since you only see what you're looking for. You definately don't want to search for something organic that can help with mood, energy, and focus!
So much so, that I don't trust guiding myself in spiritual growth. I am saw a spiritual teacher last week for that. Fortunately for me, he mandated that I go to a support group like NA before moving forward. That and find a job. He made it clear and reminded me of the ALL-IN addict mind and that may very well be at play with spiritual growth. Made me step back a bit.
What's important is ALL of it. And that I need guidance and structure to learn and grow. I shouldn't determine what's screwed up with the most and find a way to fix it. It's ALL screwed up, and I need to fix it ALL.
So...I'm taking some steps and making a quit plan. This is a plan to quit being an addict, which will include kratom, lying, thinking I know the answers or can find them, tunnel vision / all-in approach to one issue, selfishness, self hate / punishing, isolation, on and on.
And my plan is simple:
1. Open and honesty. Let my ego take the beating so hopefully it will cower into a corner somehwere and die.
2. Put myself in position to be exposed to addict issues / teachings on a regular basis. I am currently commited to 30 in 30, but ready to for more. Keeping it real for now.
3. Find my SMART recovery book and work it.
4. Grow spiritually through meditation by jest trying to connect with my own higher power and stay close to it so it's the driving force behind my words and my actions instead of my ego.
5. Find a job. Which should probably be in top 3.
Thanks for listening and being there. I'm sorry I did not give you guys the chance to help my get to where I am. I am sorry for that. And I know you guys know that. I am 100% confident that you will help me, even though I'm asking late, and I sincerely appreciate that.
It's obvious you love me.
I am an addict. A suffering addict. I have not been able to completely walk away from kratom and got myself physically dependent on it. It's a drug that can have euphoria at high doses, but I use it for mood and energy.
I've been exploring myself on the spiritual front and making huge progress. There's some mind-blowing life changing **** there. But I felt that kratom was a barrier to discovering and communicating with my true self. My own inner higher power.
I've been taking multiple times a day for a while now. Tolerance has built. WD sets in between doses. I was on an automatic pilot that was working simply to keep WD at bay. I've been trying to quit CT but can't. So, now I'm on a taper program. Just like I failed at a few months ago. All this time..well..most this time I've been hiding and lying to you guys.
I never really accepted I was addicted until a month ago. I knew I was physically addicted due to WD and tolerance, but I didn't accept just how deep I was emotionally addicted and still living the addicts life FULL BLOWN complete with lying, self punishment, Manipulation, extreme selfishness...all of it.
I've been doing a **** ton of reflection on this. Surprise. I don't know why this would not be the first place to speak. Yeah...actually I do. Shame. My ego. I still put my ego above all things.
I am on a different journey this time and am making great progress on destroying my ego. I want my ego to die, and my spirit / true self to thrive. I have also committed to NA meetings. 30mtgs in 30 days. Been to 3 so far. And HOLY ****...they are awesome. Nothing like AA. Well kinda, but no religion, only a spiritual awareness and that higher powers are within reach. Even that is hardly spoken about. I'm sure some meetings will be focused on that, but so far, it's on overall addiction issues. No answers provided either. They don't suggest how not to lie, for example. Just have it as a topic which may have literature on the effects of lying on ourselves and others. Then it's open discussion. Addicts sharing with addicts how lying ****** them up, or shared progress in the area. Meanwhile, you can relate 100% to every story.
I believe the idea is simply just to keep this crap in awareness. There's no answer to stop lying. Just have to be aware that it's happening, so you can react accordingly. And if your thoughts aren't to stop right away, that changes as you hear how it's impacted others.
My addiction to kratom is strong, but nothing like alcohol. HOWEVER...my addiction to finding solutions, thinking I can work MYSELF out of this, or thinking that I know better was a strong as ever. Of not stronger. That is until recently.
And damn...does it feel good to let that go. I no longer trust myself and believe I know better for myself. I no longer trust Google, that's for darn sure since you only see what you're looking for. You definately don't want to search for something organic that can help with mood, energy, and focus!
So much so, that I don't trust guiding myself in spiritual growth. I am saw a spiritual teacher last week for that. Fortunately for me, he mandated that I go to a support group like NA before moving forward. That and find a job. He made it clear and reminded me of the ALL-IN addict mind and that may very well be at play with spiritual growth. Made me step back a bit.
What's important is ALL of it. And that I need guidance and structure to learn and grow. I shouldn't determine what's screwed up with the most and find a way to fix it. It's ALL screwed up, and I need to fix it ALL.
So...I'm taking some steps and making a quit plan. This is a plan to quit being an addict, which will include kratom, lying, thinking I know the answers or can find them, tunnel vision / all-in approach to one issue, selfishness, self hate / punishing, isolation, on and on.
And my plan is simple:
1. Open and honesty. Let my ego take the beating so hopefully it will cower into a corner somehwere and die.
2. Put myself in position to be exposed to addict issues / teachings on a regular basis. I am currently commited to 30 in 30, but ready to for more. Keeping it real for now.
3. Find my SMART recovery book and work it.
4. Grow spiritually through meditation by jest trying to connect with my own higher power and stay close to it so it's the driving force behind my words and my actions instead of my ego.
5. Find a job. Which should probably be in top 3.
Thanks for listening and being there. I'm sorry I did not give you guys the chance to help my get to where I am. I am sorry for that. And I know you guys know that. I am 100% confident that you will help me, even though I'm asking late, and I sincerely appreciate that.
It's obvious you love me.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Spain
Posts: 2,004
Inc, thank you for your honesty. We'll help any way we can. You're right when you say we love you. Because we get you. Because we went through so much together...and the journey is still opening out before us.
I've got a house full of people right now but just wanted to answer quickly. Take care, man! Coming clean with yourself and those you care about can only be a good sign!
I've got a house full of people right now but just wanted to answer quickly. Take care, man! Coming clean with yourself and those you care about can only be a good sign!
Quit 4/17/15
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Pa
Posts: 15,181
Inc, the hardest step , just as it was with alcohol, is finally admitting that we are addicts and are slipping right back into the same mindset that kept us using for years and years. Hopefully, it won't take long to quit the kratom and break its hold on you. I love the 30 meetings in 30 days model you have set for yourself. It's back to one day at a time. You know the drill.
You have a lot of work ahead of you Inc. Time to roll up your sleeves and get started. I know you can do this!
You have a lot of work ahead of you Inc. Time to roll up your sleeves and get started. I know you can do this!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 2,412
Thanks guys. And I felt selfish for assuming you'd support me. Been chewing me all night. It's not what I really feel. It is...but only because you're addicts. I just don't want you thinking I automatically believe you guys are behind me 100% because that is not the case. But it is. IDK what I'm trying to say. I don't feel I automatically get a free ride I guess.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 2,412
Another awesome NA meeting last night. This was a big one with 25 or so. A few more tatoos and biker gear than what I'm comfortable with, but even then there was an energy that was magnetic. We were brothers. A few guys in business attire too.
One guy was 34 years clean. And the cool part was he cried during the applause and the huge line of hugs that followed. I want that.
Something that's cool is that men support men there. Yes, everyone supports everyone. But during milestones, the guys get up to hug and congratulate the guys. Some girls too. But mostly is same sex. As though they understand at a deeper level what it took to get there. Very moving.
I cannot explain the level of belonging I have there. I have not experienced that before. There's a few guys that I can't wait to see again. The last time I felt that was with my fiance 5yrs ago. Before that? No idea. And NEVER have I felt that way for a group. Again...moving.
The other day, somebody "reintroduced" herself to the group. Now when I relapse, I go through a **** ton of emotions and thoughts. Same for my fiance along with days fo explanation, apologies, and begging. Not at NA. All it took was just a few words and they knew the feelings, thoughts, and struggles. You could see it in their eyes. It is genuine. I didn't have to take one second to explain what my addiction is, or how screwed up I feel about it, or how bad it is, nothing like that. They already knew. All in just FOUR words: I am an addict. Very moving.
I think what I appreciate about NA as a whole is a never ending supply of reminders of what addiction is. That the treatment involves multiple facets. It's not just the spiritual growth that I am exploring now. It's ALL of it ALL the time. Going to meetings like that keeps it ALL real and up front and center.
I now longer have to worry about what is messed up with me, what I need to work on, or how. I just have to go in with a willingness to accept the weaknesses that come up in a meeting. Absorb them and keep them alive in my mind until the next meeting.
Super cool and super appreciative I am where I am.
One guy was 34 years clean. And the cool part was he cried during the applause and the huge line of hugs that followed. I want that.
Something that's cool is that men support men there. Yes, everyone supports everyone. But during milestones, the guys get up to hug and congratulate the guys. Some girls too. But mostly is same sex. As though they understand at a deeper level what it took to get there. Very moving.
I cannot explain the level of belonging I have there. I have not experienced that before. There's a few guys that I can't wait to see again. The last time I felt that was with my fiance 5yrs ago. Before that? No idea. And NEVER have I felt that way for a group. Again...moving.
The other day, somebody "reintroduced" herself to the group. Now when I relapse, I go through a **** ton of emotions and thoughts. Same for my fiance along with days fo explanation, apologies, and begging. Not at NA. All it took was just a few words and they knew the feelings, thoughts, and struggles. You could see it in their eyes. It is genuine. I didn't have to take one second to explain what my addiction is, or how screwed up I feel about it, or how bad it is, nothing like that. They already knew. All in just FOUR words: I am an addict. Very moving.
I think what I appreciate about NA as a whole is a never ending supply of reminders of what addiction is. That the treatment involves multiple facets. It's not just the spiritual growth that I am exploring now. It's ALL of it ALL the time. Going to meetings like that keeps it ALL real and up front and center.
I now longer have to worry about what is messed up with me, what I need to work on, or how. I just have to go in with a willingness to accept the weaknesses that come up in a meeting. Absorb them and keep them alive in my mind until the next meeting.
Super cool and super appreciative I am where I am.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 2,412
Oh...didn't finish the story of the girl who reintroduced herself.
So, she stands up, and says that she wants to reintroduce herself. She then begins to cry. Every single person stands and claps and many begin to cry themselves. I find myself holding back the tears, then decide to let a few go.
The people closest meanwhile hug her. And out of the 25 or so people there, about 20 of them all go up to her. A hug with one, turns to a hug with two, then three, then four, then five. People start breaking off and new people enter. Before long, there is a line of people hugging her. Tears everywhere.
No stories. No explanations. Don't even know what she was addicted to. I didn't have to know because the feelings are the same no matter what. The physical battle might be different, but that is short lived and does not hold a candle to the emotional battle.
That was a couple days ago. I saw her again last night in a different meeting in a different town. She was smiling and engaged now. Happy. Even though I could see her body was suffering from something. If you look past the eyes, she looked rough. But the eyes said it all. She was happy.
So, she stands up, and says that she wants to reintroduce herself. She then begins to cry. Every single person stands and claps and many begin to cry themselves. I find myself holding back the tears, then decide to let a few go.
The people closest meanwhile hug her. And out of the 25 or so people there, about 20 of them all go up to her. A hug with one, turns to a hug with two, then three, then four, then five. People start breaking off and new people enter. Before long, there is a line of people hugging her. Tears everywhere.
No stories. No explanations. Don't even know what she was addicted to. I didn't have to know because the feelings are the same no matter what. The physical battle might be different, but that is short lived and does not hold a candle to the emotional battle.
That was a couple days ago. I saw her again last night in a different meeting in a different town. She was smiling and engaged now. Happy. Even though I could see her body was suffering from something. If you look past the eyes, she looked rough. But the eyes said it all. She was happy.
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