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-   -   Class of April 2015 Part 12 (https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/newcomers-daily-support-threads/403264-class-april-2015-part-12-a.html)

Dee74 01-11-2017 06:13 PM

Class of April 2015 Part 12
 
continues from here:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...t-11-a-20.html

D

stargazer016 01-12-2017 06:50 AM

Thanks for the new thread, Dee!

stargazer016 01-12-2017 06:51 AM

Inc, how are things with you and your fiance today?

OMD 01-12-2017 01:07 PM

Thanks D.

Hope it's going well for you all.

OMD

stargazer016 01-12-2017 10:22 PM

Late night at work tonight. There are a lot of differing bugs and flu going around now. I seem to have a little better resistance to a lot of these now since I stopped drinking. Anyone else notice a change in how often you are getting sick?

OMD 01-13-2017 02:24 PM

SG, most definitely as a general rule - I have kept going while others have been dropping - but right now I am sitting with a pounding headache and sore throat. This feels like it's going to be a big one :(

Oh well at least I am not sticking a hangover on top.

Interesting to see folks doing a dry January. Lots to reflect on there.

Anyhow, I hope you all have a wonderful and not too chilly weekend.

OMD

Cauliflower 01-13-2017 03:11 PM

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you!
I am so sorry I have neglected checking in here over the holidays. I hope everyone had a fabulous holiday. We are home now, and it's been bitterly cold -45C cold! The kid has been home for 2 days as the school is closed. brrrrr

Nothing new to report other than the fact that I love my sober life and that I have a tooth ache. Yay.

xo
cauli

Cauliflower 01-13-2017 03:12 PM

PS: going back to the other thread to catch up!

amp123 01-14-2017 03:23 AM

Thanks for the new thread, Dee!

Good to see you Cauliflower! Glad to hear all remains well with you! How's it going, Inc?

I have definitely noticed that I don't seem to get sick hardly ever anymore. Touching wood having said that though!!!

Today we are having our work New Year party (I missed the boat before Xmas and couldn't get a date till now!). We are going somewhere super up-market so I hope everyone has a good time. I want to do something a bit special for my team as on site in the day-to-day there often isn't time to reflect on what a great job they do. I am hoping to take the day in my stride. As I may have mentioned, I have become something of a social recluse since quitting and tend to avoid occasions where alcohol flows freely. Having said that, last weekend I went to a party where there was moderate drinking and had a good time and last night I went out to a concert which I also enjoyed. Maybe I'm reaching a point where I'm ready to engage again. I need to take it very slowly though. I have become much more of an introvert since I quit and find it a real effort to raise my game to be bright and upbeat socially. Well, we all know that this is a long road. I'm not in a rush!

In other news, I am preparing the Cádiz-San Fernando half marathon for the end of March. I did a 16km training session yesterday. Achy legs today!!!

stargazer016 01-14-2017 04:13 AM

Great to see everyone checking in this week!

Welcome back Cauli! I see on my phone the brutal weather you are having up north. I hope the memories of a few weeks in Mexico will get you through the upcoming winter months.

Amp, I agree in that I have little interest in hanging around with people whom are getting sloppy drunk. Does that make me an recluse? I just find drunk people and drunk conversation boring and rather meaningless, since they will have no recollection of anything the next day. I choose to spend my free time growing myself and trying to be a better person.

Always busy OMD. Do you ever have any downtime?

Inc, I hope things are going well with your fiance and you two are moving forward. Please keep us posted.

Have a great day all!

Incontrol15 01-14-2017 07:43 AM

Things going very well here. Fiance and I had a couple more very productive talks. Something I'm not accustomed to is having somebody I can talk to that doesn't take everything personally.

She does an awesome job of listening and trying to understand where I'm coming from. My ex was horrible at it. She would be too focused on how it effects her and would be too busy trying to tell me how she's impacted.

Just talking out my issues was a huge help. There's a lot of things on my mind that replay and are revisited over and over without any resolution. I was able to talk about many of those issues and came away with some resolutions in some cases. In others, I came away with different views or things I can do to move things along.

I'm gearing up for going "all in" to fix my issues. I am making lists for the mind, body, and spirit. My lists so far includes a body cleanse, doctor visit, blood work, psych care, church, meditation, etc.

Ive been searching for an addiction specialist. Thought I found one yesterday, but he's not taking any more patients. Something I thought of after the fact was asking for a recommendation for another doctor. I'll have to call back on Monday for that.

I've also had a revelation recently. I have ADHD. Certified. The best med I took for it was Strattera. But it's $300/month and it completely shuts down my fun factory in my shorts.

Anyway... I'm thinking Im making my ADHD worse by the volume of sugars and caffeine I consume. Well... I know I am making it worse, but I've come to believe I'm making it MUCH worse. It's very possible this may be the root of many evils.

I'm also beginning to believe gluten may be at play. Maybe not so much with ADHD, but more so with depression and anxiety.

Bottom line is, I'm making plans to do a mild body cleanse and eat wholesome while avoiding sugars, caffeine, and gluten. My fiance and I are both making plans to do a juicing regiment. We haven't decided for how long yet. We have a lot of planning to do there to make sure we get the right nutrients. Ultimately, I'll probably buy a book that will lay out a program for us.

I also check out a gym close to work. This would supplement the gym I have near home. This additional gym has sunbeds and water message tables. And it's 24hrs to boot. Would run me only $20/mo. I committed to myself that I would only do it if I can hot my local gym for 3-4 weeks first.

Cauliflower 01-14-2017 10:09 AM

WTG AMP, your goals sound like they are in line with your core values, which is so important.
I too am training for a half marathon, but I have time as it’s in June 2017. I was in fact training for the 10km, but I am feeling great after my runs, so figured I could push myself harder. I hit the 9.5 KM mark while in Mexico! <3
I am more comfortable in the party atmosphere as well. We usually host a Christmas party, save for last year because I knew it would be too soon in my recovery to have a party, and this year’s party was fun. Most people didn’t over do it, and in reality, most people don’t! I’m pretty proud of myself for a decent host this year. Looking back at paste parties, I was a bit of a recluse. I didn’t interact, either because I had too much to drink and I was embarrassed by my slurry speech and really couldn’t hold a decent conversation, or I felt I didn’t have enough to drink to hold a decent conversation. My self confidence was in the tank back then and I really was defined by alcohol. I really am grateful to be free to be myself these days!

I found this video really interesting: https://youtu.be/NzVoQkPswRk
It’s part of a Mind Mastery program that I am completing. Dr. Kelly is a specialist on will power and talks about "I won’t Power VS I Will Power"

She explains how most people view their future self as a stranger….like it’s not really them, and have a hard time visualizing that what you do now, like saving money, quitting smoking, quitting drinking and drugging, benefits your future self. One way to connect with your future self is to look back to a self defining positive moment in your life and relive the feeling of how it felt and how it benefits you now. Now look forward at a future memory, like you have it now, expressing the same gratitude for having the strength and courage to achieve your goal with great compassion. This can be done in a form a letter written from your future self to the present you! It’s further suggested that this letter be placed where you can read it often, like everyday, to keep yourself focused on your goal.

Kinda cool
Do it now! Connect from within with deep breathing to activate your nervous system which connects yourself to your inner biology, and then you can ask yourself what do you want and what you are willing to do for it. Journal. Then start this exercise.

Incontrol15 01-14-2017 06:01 PM

Wow Cauli...I LOVE IT!

Ive been making comments in some of my posts about having a future vision. I completely lack one and it bothers me.

I have a hard time connecting with my future self. If I had a connection with my future self, I would have more will power. It all starts with having a vision to work towards.

Thank you for sending me in this direction.

XOXO

Incontrol15 01-14-2017 08:51 PM

She has an hour long presentation at Google which pretty much sums up the book... Or so I'm guessing.

Very interesting. I love this kind of stuff. Thanks again Cauli.

https://youtu.be/V5BXuZL1HAg

OMD 01-15-2017 08:30 AM

Hi everyone,
This thread reads like runners world or whatever these days! What a great development!
I appreciated your post Cauli - I haven't really connected with my future self. It may seem a bit strange but I am a bit hesitant to do so right now - still getting used to being who I am now as opposed to my future self. Too many skeletons and other stuff in my cupboard that I would need to confront if I was going to write to my future self. I could see it descending into a long diatribe about my past self. Not sure I want to do that. One More Day, then maybe I'll be ready to do that.

Inc, can I make a suggestion? Dont waste money on another gym membership, or indeed on anything! Cleansing is a complete nonsense dreamt up by marketing folks in my view - your body will brilliantly do all the detoxing you need. All you need to do is put the right stuff in. Avoid processed food and low fat food (it usually has high sugar content) and you have 90% of the solution right there. Make a weekly food plan, shop only for that and enjoy!

SG you're right I don't do much downtime. Never had the luxury. Something I need to work on a bit this year, I think. Maybe training for a half marathon would be a nice goal!

OMD

Incontrol15 01-15-2017 02:59 PM

Thanks OMD. Any opinion of yours is a good one. Keep em coming!

This person who specializes in willpower...
Man oh man. I watched to the 1hr lesson she gave at Google. That was the bomb. Came away with a TON of notes!

Oh..as far as writing future self goes, the idea is to do it in reverse. Your future self may write what it's like being X years older. Maybe what it's like being retired. But I believe the main idea is for your future self to thank you for committing to making your future self healthier, more financial stable, or anything else you want to use will power for.

It's an exercise to connect to that person. To sense what it would feel like achieving certain goals and being grateful for it.

In her 1hr video, she gets deeper into the two versions of self. The planner, goal setter, vs the immediate gratification self. She covers how important sleep is and discusses specific studies which prove its value.

Beyond sleep, there's exercise. Specific studies with real results that are very profound. We all know exercise is important, but how it relates to becoming the person you want to be, is very interesting. And real.

For diet, it's following a plant based diet or at least a low glycemic diet. I don't think I can go vegan. But that's really my juicing plan. I've learned a lot about low glycemic diets and would very much be interested in juicing for a couple weeks so I can see how it makes me feel.

At my old job, they committed to 1 month of a juicing plan. Many loved how they felt. Several lost weight of course. Of the 8 or so people I knew who did it, only 1 stuck with it and turned vegan. I know her still today as she's my fiance's boss. She's still vegan today (5yrs) and now a marathon runner.

FWIW... That will not be me. Lol. Nope. I would rather die a few years earlier than give up steak, bacon, BBQ, or seafood.

But I would like a "reset" in a way. Get a feel for how my mind and body responds. Maybe I will like it so much that I'll drastically reduce other foods and increase vegan style foods.

OMD 01-16-2017 12:04 AM

Thanks Inc, great post. Thanks for the explanation. My future self can't write to my present self because I am not sure my future self will be all that happy if things go along in their current direction. Like Amp I have turned into a recluse (the opposite of my former self) and even my wife who never sees me tells me I need to get some friends. So Amp I really understand you. Sure I am healthier, have better relationships with my kids and don't put myself in dangerous situations etc. My future self will say though why couldn't I just have drunk in moderation or whatever, so as to maintain a social circle and a more balanced existence. I think my future self just wouldn't understand. I don't subscribe to the idea that alcohol is a disease and that we are powerless etc. so ultimately my future self would say it's down to a weakness in me not to have been able to control something that was literally central to my existence on this planet. My entire upbringing, have social and professional circles have, for whatever it's worth, revolved around drinking and its social aspects. Anyway, it's complex and a bit of a mess for me.

OMD

stargazer016 01-16-2017 06:26 AM

I haven't had the opportunity to check out the video yet Cauli, but the whole future self concept is interesting.

I really can relate to what Amp and OMD have said about becoming a recluse since we quit drinking. Like yourself OMD, I am healthier, have much better relationships with my kids, and don't put myself in dangerous situations anymore. But most of my social life with my friends always started with a "Stop over for a beer" or "Meet us at this bar for a drink" kind of thing. I no longer get those invites not because of any falling out, I just think people don't want to feel that they are putting me in an awkward situation around alcohol. Alcohol was both the key to opening and the bond to keeping friendships for me. I don't know how to have a social life without alcohol and that makes me sad at times. Like you said OMD, I am not sure my future self wants me to continue on the path that I am on for the rest of my life. It envisions me being a grumpy old man alone in the world, and that's really not my true nature.

Today is my birthday, and for all but the last two years, it meant a day starting with early drinking and continuing all day long with various groups of people. Birthdays are another "Get out of jail free card" given by society where it is ok and acceptable to be trashed. Oh, it's his birthday, it's cool. I am slightly nostalgic for the old days of hanging with friends and partying. I realize it's just my AV talking. I will settle for dinner and desserts with my family and remembering things tomorrow morning and feel good upon awakening.

My future self will also say why couldn't I just have drunk in moderation? I read on other threads about folks who wish that they could have one beer or one glass of wine. That's pure bs for me. If I ever drink again, I know that I am going to get rip roaring drunk. I will drink the next day to feel better. Before I know it, I will be back to morning drinking.

I am a dopamine junkie. I crave that feeling, that rush that washes over my brain. That's why our brains continually cut back on our dopamine production when we drink alcoholically and we need more and more to get less and less of a buzz. One will never ever be enough for me.

I am for the first time in my life actually trying to live in the present. As the years slip by, it is even more important than ever to make the most of each 24 hour period. Today is the chance for me to learn how to better socialize and make new friends and to actually be happy with myself and the choices that I have made and am currently making in life. My future will likely be far different than I imagined that it would be for most of my life. I am a constantly evolving enigma living life one step at a time and I know that ultimately, it will be a better life than the one I was preparing to lead, most likely ending up in jail or dead from liver damage.

It is easy to mourn the things that we have lost by not drinking. Sometimes, it is hard to remember why all of us did so in the first place. We are all good people and have to figure out how to reinvent ourselves after living most of our lives as addicts. It is scary, saddening but ultimately, joyful. We have control of how our timelines will unfold. Future self is just going to have to chill a bit to see how things turn out.

Have a great day all!

amp123 01-16-2017 10:39 AM

I am doing a bit of coaching for leadership at work at the moment. I am trying to break a cycle in which I allow myself to become a victim and instead take charge of situations. I need to work on self-belief and self-esteem.

It's making me realise that my main strategy to disconnect from problems in the past was to drink. Now I am like an infant, trying to carve new coping strategies out of nothing. Alcohol was such an integral part of my switching off system that I now find it hard to separate and compartmentalise. As a result, I sometimes feel suffocated by the weight of carrying challenging situations and problems around with me and being unable to switch off. They rob me of my sleep and preoccupy my mind when I should be relaxing.

I sometimes think of the post-drinking me as a baby of 21 sober months. I'm learning to walk a sober walk and become comfortable in a sober frame. I am understanding the world around me in new, vivid and often alien ways. Sure there are transferable skills from old me but there is also dangerous learned behaviour!

My future self would tell me to stick with it because what I'm doing now is what paved the way for my future success and happiness. Fingers crossed!

OMD 01-16-2017 12:03 PM

Happy Brithday SG!

Thanks guys
OMD


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