Gilmer

((((((((Leshar))))))))

Soberwolf

SnoozyQ

Hi everyone

Never apologise for the way you are feeling Leshar

We love you .

Hope everyone is having a good weekend. Xxx

Dee74

you too Wendy

D

SnoozyQ

Good morning everyone :-)



Having a bit of quiet time in the chapel. Been feeling very strong & loving getting back to my normal life.


Much love to you all on the beautiful Sunday morning xxxx

Leshar

Hello everyone,
I think I've identified something that is bothering me a lot about this CAD diagnosis. I'm ashamed. I feel "dirty", tainted, because I didn't look after myself better after giving up alcohol and of course, drinking heavily for years didn't help. I ate badly, and that is likely, along with family history, a huge factor in why I got this condition. Ice-cream/chocolate/high fat food by the bucket load, bingeing on sweet things, no exercise. I thought I was ok, I didn't ever gain a lot of weight, and I've always had low blood pressure. To be honest, I kind of felt "smug", I can eat rubbish and get away with it, that's the honest truth. Well, it's come back to bite me.
Depression/psoriasis/psoriatic arthritis aren't my fault, but this condition is, I believe. Now, what am I going to do about it? It's in my hands to make changes, but I'm so afraid of what to eat. I walked to a health food store and just browsed after reading things on the internet. I bought some psyillium husks and pinto beans, lord knows what I'm going to make, but I have to try. I got chest pain just walking up a slight incline, nothing horrible, but it's time to make changes and I'm just a bit overwhelmed.People do cope with this, and it's a wake-up call. I wasn't looking after my diet properly. Oh goodness, I'm scared of how to change, but if I want to get well, I have to.
This shame is not nice at all, I don't want to tell anyone about it. I do thank you all for your words of wisdom and for your concern.
It's helped just to write this, helped me identify certain feelings.
Hope you are all doing ok.

Gilmer

Doing well, Leshar. I'm glad that thinking and writing has helped you come to grips with the condition. You sound like you are definitely headed in the right direction.

I hope your readings get better as you incorporate your lifestyle changes.

venuscat

Leshar my darling, I can help you.
And I'm going to.
Best way to begin is with water.
Add more water to your day, and your body will thank you big time.

I have loads of fresh food ideas that are very simple and easy to prepare.

We all messed up our bodies here. It may well be my fault that I have my bone tumor.But we don't need to feel guilty anymore. We are amazing. We are in recovery.

Now we can learn to love ourselves, body and soul.

wpainterw

Venuscat:
I'm a little concerned, Actually more than that. You seem to be responding to everyone's messages, helping many people with their problems in a very loving and compassionate way but somehow, despite all my postings, ten or more private messages to you when you were in the States, I have had no contact with you other than a nice telephone call a month and a half ago, and a promise to visit down here where I live, which was cancelled with no notice to us, (my wife and me). Now everyone on SR but me seems to know that you have arrived safely back in Australia and I had to ask another SR person (Vic) about this and she told me this. It's the only way I could find out, that is by asking Vic, since you haven't responded to me at all for two months other than as I have mentioned. Have I done something to upset you? If so, I'm very sorry but I don't know what it was. Do have a Merry Christmas, wherever you happen to be and I hope you remember me as always

Your fond friend, Bill and his dog, Boswell (both so sad tonight but glad you're feeling better).

venuscat

Bill ~ I'm not understanding this at all. I sent you messages.
I was just very sick.
And Nick messaged you to tell you I was unable to visit.

Of course you did nothing wrong....I have told you this over and over love.

It is extremely upsetting that you feel so hurt....I have indeed responded to you , just as I am now.

I can call you from here if you like.
I do care very much.

Suze ♥

wpainterw

Suze: No point discussing this publicly or at all. Didn't know you were returning to Australia but everyone else seemed to be in the loop. I was puzzled that I could not get through to you by Private Messages, E mail or the telephone number you gave me since there was no message answering hookup. Any misunderstanding could have been avoided if this had been available. Anyway lots of luck to you and Nick and every good wish for Christmas and in the New Year. It's so nice you're feeling better!

Fondly, Bill and Boswell.

venuscat

Wow Bill....not cool. I'm sorry, but this is just not OK.

venuscat

Bill and I have messaged each other, and hopefully there are no more hurt feelings....I never choose to hurt anyone, especially all of the people here who mean so very much to me. ♥

wpainterw

Hi Suze: Hope you received my P.M. After it was sent it occurred to me that your P.M mailbox was full and that it was not possible to receive messages until you had emptied it. I'm very sorry to have had to post here on SoberRecovery but there was no way I could contact you by any other method. P.M.'s had failed. Telephone calls had failed. Emails had failed. And I was concerned about you and your illness. I think I acted responsibly, carefully and with concern. There has never been any implication on my part that I thought you had "chosen to hurt" me. I never believed that for a moment. I only knew you were ill and that for some reason my private messages, such as the one where I tried to get you to leave New York City and be my guests at the Homestead Inn in Greenwich, Comm. received no reply. Also my p.m.'s offering help to get you a bed and breakfast on the East Side where it was quieter.
Well, anyway I was frustrated and if I have irritated you or upset you in any way I truly apologize. I'm imperfect. I'm old. I try hard and sometimes I just screw up.
Again, let me emphasize. Never for one moment did I believe that you were in any way meaning to hurt me. The most I ever thought was that, to help you recover from your illness you and Nick had decided to put a block on receiving all P.M.s, Emails and other communications until you were feeling better. When it seemed that you must have been feeling better (your trip to Salem, Virginia, etc. and your postings on the 24 Hour Forum, I thought that any blocks might be gradually removed. Since many persons must have been involved, I thought that maybe I might have been overlooked in the mass removal process.
I hope now that it's "O.K." I never was "cool". Back in the 1930's I was a nerd with a big head. Later I became a drunk nerd with a big head. Not "cool", never "awesome". Just a former drunk at sunset. Not paranoid except I may need therapy because of the recent election results. Which leads me to my conviction that my greatest asset now is my limited life expectancy. Perhaps Madam Justice Ginzburg, with her wish to move to New Zealand, joins me in this sentiment. But I want to survive the dog. He's got five more years at best. Hope we can be buried together. At least no one can harm us there. And no more fear, no suffering. No misunderstanding. But love...I look into his eyes and what I see is all I need. All I live for.

Fondly, Bill.

venuscat

You are cool love....and it will all be OK.
How we care about each other trumps everything.
The rest can be easily sorted out. ♥

wpainterw

I just wanted to know that you had received my Private Message sent to you an hour or so ago. Assume you did. That's all. Nothing more needs to be sorted out. You were ill. I understand that. Nick was doing his best to help. I admire him for that. Please tell him so. You had high hopes for your trip and you encountered problems you had not anticipated. And this saddens me. But you are young. You will have other trips. We may never meet but I want to you to know that I admire you and send you my very best wishes for the New Year. A New Year which hopefully will be better than the old one. As the poet said, it will be a time for "fresh woods and pastures new...."
I assume your Email is working properly. I would like to send you a poem or two. Perhaps an occasional memory of my journey of 90 years.

Fondly,

Bill.

wpainterw

Again, I have no wish to be "cool" or "awesome".And I don't wear baseball caps or "hoodies". I must admit that I shave. I take baths. As for "cool", I have a winter bathrobe to help me avoid that and as for "awesome" I have no wish to be either overweight or resemble the Grand Canyon or Niagara Falls (I have enough prostate trouble without having to cope with that "trickle down" situation!) As for the Grand Canyon, I have plenty to deal with merely with increasing dental cavities.

Leshar

Suze, thanks. Yes, I'm increasing my water intake. I took a tsp of psyllium husks stirred in water this morning. Had a glass of water on getting up. The psyllium mix didn't taste very good but I got it down. I'm now eating steel cut oats with a few raisins for breakfast. Like sobriety, one day at a time. I have an indoor grill and have grilled chicken and fish with salad so far for supper. I need to get creative, though and bit by bit, I will try new heart healthy things. Are you vegan? I know you had a hard time with eating when you were away.
I can't imagine that you in any way caused a bone tumour?
I get worried when I think of visiting friends and what they might serve. I'm volunteering again this Christmas at a refugee centre and will be staying with a friend. She loves cooking but with high fat ingredients and I've happily gobbled them up. Oh well, I'm trying not to get too overwhelmed.
Funny and it's a good thing but atm I have no craving for ice cream, chocolate etc.
I still think I will need a stent, but it's not the end of the world.
Love to you, and all the Julyers!

Soberwolf

Thinking of you Leshar

Leshar

Thank you, dear Wolfie! I hope you are doing ok.