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Class of September 2016 Part 2

Old 09-21-2016, 05:49 PM
  # 261 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by MeSoSober View Post
What I KNOW is true is that that voice is fleeting and I can't trust it -- sitting here now I don't feel that way. In any case I don't have to think about "forever," I am generally better off thinking about TODAY.
Great observation MeSoSober !! That voice can't be trusted. And I totally panic when I think of never having a drink again. Forever. So one day at a time is all I can deal with.
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Old 09-21-2016, 06:04 PM
  # 262 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by MyLadder View Post
This is the EXACT process and feeling I experienced but folded. Do Crossfit tomorrow it said, Make tonight fun it said. Damn it. Grrrrrrrrrrr.
MyLadder....I have no idea what kept me from folding. That voice was telling me the same thing. Have fun tonight, back to it tomorrow. All lies !!

PEACE ✌️☮✌☮
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Old 09-21-2016, 06:28 PM
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Thanks MSS, glad you're on here
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Old 09-21-2016, 06:32 PM
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This has been one of the worst days. I am hungry,angry, lonely, and tired...also broke, thirsty and miserable.
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Old 09-21-2016, 06:37 PM
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Originally Posted by EventHorizons View Post
Hi all, I'm sorry for the rough stretch some of you are having. It seems to be a downer week for some of the September class. I'may not trying to compete, but I also started feeling bad yesterday, and today seems worse. I don't get migraines, or at least I thought, but it feels like someone is stabbing me in the back of the eyeball, and my vision may or may not be getting blurry. WTF is that about. At least drinking I didn't notice this kind of ****. Dark sense of humor seems to be functioning though. (Working at a library for some peace and quiet) I keep imagining my eyeball popping out, because im convinced its going to any second now) and rolling down the aisles, and trying to figure if I could bleed out from that before anyone noticed and tried to revive me. Not sure I want them too right now! ( the eyeball rolling through the books shelves while people are trying to read amuses me though... and if they're playing Pokémon I'm positive nobody would even notice!!) Anyway, I have to give a presentation in like 2 hours, I'm struggling to stay focused at all... and I'm one of those weirdos who really love presenting. Sigh... Sorry some of you are struggling right now... be strong! EH
I'm sorry about your migraine EventHorizons and truly hope that it went away, but thinking about an eyeball rolling across the library floor and no one noticing because they're playing Pokemon is going to keep me chuckling for days!
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Old 09-21-2016, 06:43 PM
  # 266 (permalink)  
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Exclamation

Originally Posted by Red300Hemi View Post
This has been one of the worst days. I am hungry,angry, lonely, and tired...also broke, thirsty and miserable.
Would it be possible to eat something, hang out with someone (call someone, post here etc), have a snooze (or entire good night's rest) and use some coping skills to help your anger?

It seems you are aware of your problems ... just trying to help you with some solutions .

I hope tomorrow is a better day for you.
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Old 09-21-2016, 06:44 PM
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Just about got day 19 wrapped up. Husband came home for all of 5 minutes and is probably at the bar now. I haven't even told him that I quit drinking or am part of this class. Whatever. I don't expect him to quit drinking or smoking green which he does everyday. That's his choice. This is mine.

Congrats Rob on still fighting the good fight!

Stay strong everyone.
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Old 09-21-2016, 06:48 PM
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Rob65: YOU ARE AN INSPIRATION TO ME!!!
So well done ... I hope you are really proud of youself

It's almost 10pm here in Southern Ontario. It's a nice, lukewarm night for September.
I had a much better day today. I was more solution oriented, did some planning for my horses, kept busier, met with my sponsor to do some step work, went to a meeting. I feel better and slightly restored and more grounded and prepared for tomorrow.

Except I drank coffee at the meeting which I don't ever do. Which means I'll be up all night. Ugh. Well I knew better. Perhaps this won't be my goodnight post after all haha.

I look forward to seeing your posts tomorrow.
Hope everyone has a good, sober night and a good sleep.
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Old 09-21-2016, 06:49 PM
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Originally Posted by Martin1 View Post
Thanks MSS, glad you're on here
I'm glad you're on here too!
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Old 09-21-2016, 07:02 PM
  # 270 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Red300Hemi View Post
This has been one of the worst days. I am hungry,angry, lonely, and tired...also broke, thirsty and miserable.
So when I moved into my new place I bought a smart TV. One of the things I've enjoyed most about it is watching YouTube videos on a big screen. Whether you have a smart TV or not, there are a zillion WONDERFUL relaxation videos on YouTube -- some of them a montage of breathtaking nature scenes with relaxing music in the background like this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=62Pk...OL0JkKsPrO-ZiT

There are a bunch, too, that are just a sound effect -- like a babbling brook or rainfall: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=64eIdY9GQN4

I also find it soothing to watch people cook comfort food -- FoodWishes is outstanding -- great sense of humor! Here is his inside-out grilled cheese: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BlTCkNkfmRY And he makes mashed potatoes with about 17 pounds of butter. That one's worth watching too.

And there's music, of course, and comedy (I love LouisCK).

Not sure if settling down with one of these is helpful, but figured I'd put them out there for you or anyone else who might find a little escape in them.

I hope you feel better. Stay strong!
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Old 09-21-2016, 07:21 PM
  # 271 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Sunflowerlife View Post
Sorry EH-that doesn't sound good. Do you get a lot of migraines? Maybe you can visit the doctor? I wouldn't be able to function let alone present like that but you sound like a trooper, rolling eyeballs and all! Hope you feel better soon and good luck this afternoon.
Thanks sunflower. I'm not sure what is/was going on with that. I actually stopped by a drug store on the way to take my blood pressure and it turned out to be about 10 points higher than normal. (Like my high side + 10). Any doctors in the house that know what that means? Or what to do about it in a pinch?

Anyway, I popped a few ibuprofen for the pain, and by the time the presentation rolled around I felt ok again. I'm not sure if it's the adrenaline or ibuprofen but I almost always enjoy teaching/presenting.

Eyeball maintained its position by the way! Thanks for the good wishes!

EH
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Old 09-21-2016, 07:38 PM
  # 272 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Rob65 View Post
... I mustered up enough strength and willpower to pull out of the parking lot without going in. I drove straight home, put some music on, poured me a La Croix sparkling water, and sat down to type this and read updates from some of my fellow September classmates...
Congratulations!!!!

I'very read several different philosophies on not drinking each with their own spin on things. One thing that seems consistent though is that in order to drink, you actually have go through quite a few steps to achieve that goal. You have to get your keys, your wallet, drive to the store, pay, go home (maybe I guess) open it, etc etc. And even those steps can probably broken down further.

The one philosophy that seems similar (in the moment, not big picture mind you) is that it only takes you having the strength to interrupt one of those actions, any single one.

On the flip side though, I think that is why I feel like a failure sometimes. I had the resolve to do all of these things in order to drink, but i couldn't do one thing to break the chain of events at a single link?

Anyway, I am inspired by those of you who can!

EH
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Old 09-21-2016, 07:41 PM
  # 273 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by LastDrinks View Post
For those interested, today is the last day of the Mercury Retrograde cycle. Time for new beginnings tomorrow.
I generally am not a superstitious person, but the last couple days have sucked! Let's go, whatever comes after retrograde mercury!

EH
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Old 09-21-2016, 07:45 PM
  # 274 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by MyLadder View Post
Wow. I just blew my day 4 and best streak and have to start over. I wish I had checked this before and read this post. This is the EXACT process and feeling I experienced but folded. Do Crossfit tomorrow it said, Make tonight fun it said. Damn it. Grrrrrrrrrrr.

But we are getting back up tomorrow with some new tools and a reminder to check SR in a moment of weakness.

I f'd up my streak tonight but I can do this.
Keep chipping away ladder! I'm hoping that when my AV comes calling (I'm really dreading this weekend... I can just sense it) that I will have the wherewithal to come and read/post here.

Good luck, don't give up!

EH
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Old 09-21-2016, 08:02 PM
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Originally Posted by MeSoSober View Post
Eventhorizons -- you love presentations?! Yes, you are a weirdo. It takes one to know one. Keep your eyeball where it belongs. :-P

I have had some of what I'm going to call "flash cravings." Here for just an instant and then gone. But last night I was looking through a Food Network magazine and there was a close-up of this very refreshing-looking fruity cocktail and a quote from a celebrity chef -- "This cocktail float makes the gin lover in me happy." And for a second my AV said, "There is no WAY that you're never going to drink again." Maybe that's true. What I KNOW is true is that that voice is fleeting and I can't trust it -- sitting here now I don't feel that way. In any case I don't have to think about "forever," I am generally better off thinking about TODAY.

I think I'm going to make myself a luscious grilled cheese later.

That's it for now -- have a great and sober day and night, everybody.
Haha! I know it's weird, especially since I feel such strong social anxiety. It's one of the reasons I really started drinking so much. I can be pretty funny occasionally (laughing at my own jokes counts right) but I feel so awkward around people, and especially groups. A drink here and there clears that right up, right until I turn into an obnoxious douche. It doesn't happen all the time or everytime, but there is no rhyme, reason, or predicting it, other than to say, if I drink, this is a real risk, and could end poorly. Which is a bummer... makes me feel scared to be around most of the people all the time. But presenting? No problem! What's that about???

I know what you're talking about with flash cravings. But even more so, I totally get that voice that says, "this sobriety thing is good for now, give it a little while longer, and thenot we'll get back to the business of enjoying ourselves with all these wonderful concoctions. We'll even take it easy next time" When you consider the possibility of never drinking again, instead of viewing it as a golden opportunity, it's almost like morning the loss of a loved one, or a part of yourself. They talk about it alot here... not drinking alcohol is easy, it's everything else that takes the real work and effort.

Anyway, I love me some grill cheese! Now you've made me kinda hungry!!

Thanks, and have a good night!

EH
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Old 09-21-2016, 08:05 PM
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I'll be starting a new Weekenders thread in a few hours EventHorizon

D
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Old 09-21-2016, 08:05 PM
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Originally Posted by Red300Hemi View Post
This has been one of the worst days. I am hungry,angry, lonely, and tired...also broke, thirsty and miserable.
I'm really sorry Red300Hemi! Did you ever make it to the ocean?

Keep posting here and don't give up! You may be lonely, but you're not alone.

EH
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Old 09-21-2016, 08:06 PM
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Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
I'll be starting a new Weekenders thread in a few hours EventHorizon

D
HI Dee, sorry I don't know what that means.
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Old 09-21-2016, 08:09 PM
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Originally Posted by Pirene View Post
I'm sorry about your migraine EventHorizons and truly hope that it went away, but thinking about an eyeball rolling across the library floor and no one noticing because they're playing Pokemon is going to keep me chuckling for days!
Thanks! I survived!

I think that's one of the hardest things... maintaining a sense of humor through all of this. I had a rotten couple of days, but stayed on it, and if I can make one or two people have a grin, then that's a happy note in my heart too!

Thanks so much!

EH
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Old 09-21-2016, 08:13 PM
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Last post, probably! Sorry for hogging the board.

I had a rough couple of days. I may be sick. It may be alcohol. Or maybe it's a combo, who knows. Whatever it was, even though I didn't post much, I thought about you all!

Good luck! Keep working on it! Your stories are all incredibly inspiring to me. Today is day 15 for me, and I owe to you all.

Thanks!

EH (OK, I'll shut up already)
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