Class of March 2016 part 31
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Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 1,687
Originally Posted by Dee74 
I chose punishment because it was familiar and comfortable...it fitted in with my low self esteem and self hatred and because, basically, I could.
^ There's a year of counselling right there.
But I got better - I learned who sober me was, found out I actually liked the guy and gradually the idea of beating myself up became more and more absurd...
D
^ There's a year of counselling right there.
But I got better - I learned who sober me was, found out I actually liked the guy and gradually the idea of beating myself up became more and more absurd...
D
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Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: northern california
Posts: 740
something I am good at is beating myself up over past mistakes and this just robs me of productive energy and leads to depression and wanting to drink, so what I should do is accept my goodness and nurture it every day, now this would be challenging but a habit worth forming. This would definitely lead to emotional healing, I think this is where CBT will come in handy. Alright love and tolerance need to continue to be my code to live by, an old timer in AA drilled that in my head about 15 years ago and I keep that thought going in my head when times are tough. Lets be good to ourselves I am off to my Sunday AA meeting goodnight.
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 397
Good words, Fred, Dee, thirteenth, Sam.
I'm sober today. My brain is in a funk because I'm still angry about my ex mostly. And my little boy has been pretty challenging.
I took him for a long walk in the stroller. I felt better after the walk, but could have walked longer out of anger. Not a very good feeling. Walks are normally pleasant for me, but this one was fast and furious. Oh well. Tomorrow is a new day.
Thanks everyone for being here.
Turning in early, was on-call this weekend for work, but I am off tomorrow
I'm sober today. My brain is in a funk because I'm still angry about my ex mostly. And my little boy has been pretty challenging.
I took him for a long walk in the stroller. I felt better after the walk, but could have walked longer out of anger. Not a very good feeling. Walks are normally pleasant for me, but this one was fast and furious. Oh well. Tomorrow is a new day.
Thanks everyone for being here.
Turning in early, was on-call this weekend for work, but I am off tomorrow
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Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,673
Thankyou all for the shares. I relate strongly to the honestly and the true want shown here of all wanting to get on with life, to get better.
Well for me this has just been reinforced once again by my very young counsellor (she is very good). Life is now. There is no yesterday any more because it is just that. Reinventing myself is in the now. Life will not be a better, happier place because I want it to be so. I have to make it happen. Yes positive plans are good. Establishing a new identity and role for myself will not happen by osmosis. Life will never be the same as how I wanted it to be or wish that it was. All I have is now. How I use it is up to me.
Well for me this has just been reinforced once again by my very young counsellor (she is very good). Life is now. There is no yesterday any more because it is just that. Reinventing myself is in the now. Life will not be a better, happier place because I want it to be so. I have to make it happen. Yes positive plans are good. Establishing a new identity and role for myself will not happen by osmosis. Life will never be the same as how I wanted it to be or wish that it was. All I have is now. How I use it is up to me.
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Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 5,250
Originally Posted by Applekat
Kiki where are you? HOW are you?
Sorry....haven't read all the posts. Just too tired & pissed at myself. Hopefully I'll have a fresh perspective tomorrow.
Love u all!
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Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 1,687
While I have been posting, I've also chosen to be invisible. Perhaps it was a defense mechanism for when, not if, I screwed up. I changed my settings to be visible again. We'll see how it goes.
Good to see you Kiki, don't beat up on yourself.
Good to see you Kiki, don't beat up on yourself.
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Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 5,250
Originally Posted by Applekat
Thinking of everyone! Check-ins today! Day 14... *1Stepup: *AppleKat *Beerbgone (BBG) *Bobbie *Casey *Clearlyheaded *Fred *immri *Icarus2 *Jemma *Kayak63 *Keets *Kiki *Ladybug2 *LillianGish *LostLilly *ManInTheArena (MITA) *Mish *Missy7 *PeacefulRain *Pelagic263 *Purplrks *Sam *Spacegoat *Thirteenth
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Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: USA
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Originally Posted by Thirteenth
Present, but not early enough for shotgun. How about #7 shotgun? Looks like I'll miss the early meeting as I slept in a bit. Perhaps I'll get to the afternoon one. Glad to see you back and ready to go at it again Kiki. You too Sam. Hope the run was good. Hi Icarus and AK. Happy Sunday all.
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Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 5,250
Originally Posted by Icarus2
Hello world. Just outside where I am doing recovery having a cig. Talk focussed on how got my burns. Lots of awe and unbelieving faces at damage, survival, growth I've achieved in 1 year. Freak on a leash. Mixed feelings- gratitude- am alive. Sadness, regret. Strangely no resentment or anger. After all I built my nest, then soiled it- now I have cleaned it out- up to me to fill it up with good stuff. How are you guys doing on your holiday weekend? Used to be a good excuse for me to drink.
I'm so glad your survived your accident last year! I get a lot out of your posts and it wouldn't be the same without you here.
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Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 5,250
Originally Posted by Jemma44
Hi guys, I drank wine last night at friend's house with dinner. About 3 glasses. Enough to wreck my stretch, make me hang my head in shame, and have a headache this morning. Hugs, Kiki. Let's dust ourselves off and get right back up. I just read through your whole post. I wish I had read it yesterday. I had a bad day yesterday full of triggers. I had all of HALT and didn't use my tools 
I waited way too long to eat (dinner at my friend's took very long to prepare for reasons out of my control) and I gave in and had wine while waiting. I was extremely tired because my baby had a bad night previously and was awake a lot and then whined all day long. I fought with my ex because he promised to build a fence since our son had recently escaped my house, and of course now he bailed because he said my ad looking for a roommate on Craigslist and because he is still pretty much homeless (staying at his family's cottage after I kicked him out 3 months ago...) my ad made him angry. So no fence to help protect his son. Lonely? Well, yes. I would love to share my son's milestones with someone other than my family. I could go on....but not in the mood now. Thanks for listening and for your never-ending support. I'm not drinking today and this is not the start of a binge. Luckily I feel ok now, not hungover. I will get outside, get some exercise, eat healthy food. I will recognize HALT and do something about it next time. At the very least, I should have had a snack while waiting so long for dinner. And drank extra water. Xoxox
I waited way too long to eat (dinner at my friend's took very long to prepare for reasons out of my control) and I gave in and had wine while waiting. I was extremely tired because my baby had a bad night previously and was awake a lot and then whined all day long. I fought with my ex because he promised to build a fence since our son had recently escaped my house, and of course now he bailed because he said my ad looking for a roommate on Craigslist and because he is still pretty much homeless (staying at his family's cottage after I kicked him out 3 months ago...) my ad made him angry. So no fence to help protect his son. Lonely? Well, yes. I would love to share my son's milestones with someone other than my family. I could go on....but not in the mood now. Thanks for listening and for your never-ending support. I'm not drinking today and this is not the start of a binge. Luckily I feel ok now, not hungover. I will get outside, get some exercise, eat healthy food. I will recognize HALT and do something about it next time. At the very least, I should have had a snack while waiting so long for dinner. And drank extra water. Xoxox
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Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: USA
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Originally Posted by Thirteenth
Jemma and Keets, I'm sorry you both had slips. It happens and it sucks. It doesn't have to happen, but sometimes it does anyway. The important thing is that you're here, I'm here, we're all here. We're learning and growing and not perfect. Our falls won't define us for we pick ourselves up and keep going until slips are no longer part of our vocabulary. 
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Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: USA
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Originally Posted by Bobbieka
Good morning, guys. Sorry you guys are struggling. Use this slip to reenforce your quest for sobriety. Hate the iPad. Have appointment with apple at 12:15. Will write more later. Thirteenth- it was totally funny. Just frustrating because I haven't used iPad in a long time, I don't remember all passwords and they are on my phone!! 1st world problems. Lol. Can't wait to get to the Apple Store and tell them I peed on my phone while they are holding it! Lol
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Join Date: Nov 2015
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Originally Posted by samantha14
Kiki - thanks for re-posting....it's a powerful message that we can all take something from Jemma - sounds like a frustrating day for you all around. I am glad you're here and back with us so quickly - sending you love and positive thoughts today Keets - I'm sorry you had a bad week but I do love your positive attitude....one day at a time we can do this together.
Jemma - sounds like a frustrating day for you all around. I am glad you're here and back with us so quickly - sending you love and positive thoughts today Keets - I'm sorry you had a bad week but I do love your positive attitude....one day at a time we can do this together.
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Join Date: Nov 2015
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Originally Posted by PeacefulRain
Hi guys! Still here. Running around like mad, school starts on Tue. For some reason sleep sucks lately so lots of coffee flowing.
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Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 5,250
Originally Posted by clearlyheaded
I need to be careful today. I am in a foul mood, and feeling full of resentment. It's a recipe for not caring about staying sober. Today is going to be really, really hard.
Perfectly said.Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 5,250
Originally Posted by samantha14
This afternoon DH and I went to a Caribbean-African festival that's being held at a local park here - we got to see a pretty cool drum circle Then it was off to good old Wal-Mart and man was it packed with moms and kids getting ready for back to school....pandemonium....lol...I miss it
Then it was off to good old Wal-Mart and man was it packed with moms and kids getting ready for back to school....pandemonium....lol...I miss it
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