Class of March 2016 Part 27
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Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 5,250
Originally Posted by Kayak63sc 
Good morning everyone I want to apologize ahead of time I just need to do some personal venting. I really do appreciate everybody's patience, help and kindness :-) I ask myself why I enjoy drinking and I can't come up with a good answer does that make any sense? I think I actually enjoyed it when I was a normal drinker but somehow I became an abnormal drinker :-( For example at a football game I would sneak off to the bathroom and down 3 beers without anyone knowing because I didn't want to stay within their limits and at the same time I would be sneaking shots into the game. Then I slowly noticed that I had friends that were not showing up as much anymore and I found myself drinking alone most of the time locked in my little room drinking almost 24 hours a day during the weekend sleeping here and there and lying about it the whole time. I went 5 weekend's sober this last time, but I blew it last weekend right back to normal well not normal:-(. And I cannot figure out anything that I gained at all last weekend by drinking as normal I lost the whole weekend. This is it I have to make changes I don't want to be a a recluse hiding in my closet drinking my life away. An old friend of mine is a pastor of a local church he is helping me out as a sponsor, and also starting next week I will be seeing a therapist twice a week. And I will be bugging sober recovery people like heck. I've got a really good life if I want it to be. I've got everything that I ever wanted. All that I really need now is sobriety. Sorry for such a long post and poor grammar
You can have sobriety if you work at it and want it. You are worth it!!! You are such a kind soul and we all love you very much. You are soooo worth being happy!! Praying for you.
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,479
Good morning all! Just drinking coffee and watching Tom & Jerry with the kids. This was my favorite cartoon as a kid, my kids love it and I love that they love it 
I'm not sure what the plans are for today but whatever we do it will be done with Neil Diamond and Sweet Caroline in my head.......thanks Kayak
I love Neil Diamond, I got to take my mom 3 times to see him. He was her absolute favorite. He puts on a wonderful show!
I'm not sure what the plans are for today but whatever we do it will be done with Neil Diamond and Sweet Caroline in my head.......thanks Kayak
I love Neil Diamond, I got to take my mom 3 times to see him. He was her absolute favorite. He puts on a wonderful show!
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Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 5,250
Originally Posted by samantha14
Morning everyone. I had a pretty crappy day yesterday - by the time it was all over I came home, ate Taco Bell and watched some Michael Moore documentary on Netflix. Today is sure to be more of the same at work - oh joy ?003f003f?003f003f Sorry guys - just feeling sorry for myself this morning. Enough whining though - on with the day.
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Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 5,250
Originally Posted by Applekat
Good morning Sam, Dee, Kayak - I hope everyone has an awesome day. Sam maybe it will go better than you think! Now I'm craving Tacos, ha! I am off to my sister's college graduation this morning with one kiddo. SOBER. No waking up in a panic and sucking down water and trying to calm the racing heart and taking deep breaths. Wondering how the HECK I'm going to get there without puking or something or at the very least acting completely out of it. Sober and present. Thanks guys!
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Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 1,829
I'm back, baby!
Finally the connection issue is solved. Not entirely, but enough for me to post regularly. Phone reading is great for me at work. It sucks for me posting anywhere. I don't know how you folks do it. Regardless, I hope to get back to being involved and working on my sobriety which remains as a failed work in progress.
You've all been so patient with me and kind when I don't feel I deserve it. I'm hopeful now that I have regular access to successful people and recovery information I'll do a better job. It's not that I couldn't have had it before of course. It's more like I'm still trying to find my way; going to the library for recovery books or to an AA meeting, for two examples, is something I feared doing. And I still do; no change there. Having this community back and all the recovery tools available can only be of benefit. Perhaps I'll finally make the decision to stop.
So often I've felt so close to stopping and yet stopped myself from stopping. That's addiction. I have no idea what I'm trying to say at this point. Trying to convey hope while expressing my gratitude and my fears, and trying to understand my addiction (a fool's errand, I think) and so much more.
When I first came back under this identity I said that everything was on the table: AA, Smart, outpatient, inpatient, whatever. It's been months and none of those things has happened. Those remain on the table yet I haven't made the actual decision. That's what I'm working towards and I hope that you'll be OK with me continuing to struggle with it until I get there.
Finally the connection issue is solved. Not entirely, but enough for me to post regularly. Phone reading is great for me at work. It sucks for me posting anywhere. I don't know how you folks do it. Regardless, I hope to get back to being involved and working on my sobriety which remains as a failed work in progress.
You've all been so patient with me and kind when I don't feel I deserve it. I'm hopeful now that I have regular access to successful people and recovery information I'll do a better job. It's not that I couldn't have had it before of course. It's more like I'm still trying to find my way; going to the library for recovery books or to an AA meeting, for two examples, is something I feared doing. And I still do; no change there. Having this community back and all the recovery tools available can only be of benefit. Perhaps I'll finally make the decision to stop.
So often I've felt so close to stopping and yet stopped myself from stopping. That's addiction. I have no idea what I'm trying to say at this point. Trying to convey hope while expressing my gratitude and my fears, and trying to understand my addiction (a fool's errand, I think) and so much more.
When I first came back under this identity I said that everything was on the table: AA, Smart, outpatient, inpatient, whatever. It's been months and none of those things has happened. Those remain on the table yet I haven't made the actual decision. That's what I'm working towards and I hope that you'll be OK with me continuing to struggle with it until I get there.
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Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 5,250
Originally Posted by Bobbieka
Morning, guys! I'm at orientation for DD1. Have to go for DD2 on Monday. Kayak- I like your plan. Drinking was anything but enjoyable my last year. I still couldn't quit without help. Samantha- ditto Kayak's words. Wishing you a day as beautiful as you are. Applekat- starting HP this evening. Have fun at the graduation party. Have a great sober day, people!
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Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 5,250
Originally Posted by PeacefulRain
Good morning all! Just drinking coffee and watching Tom & Jerry with the kids. This was my favorite cartoon as a kid, my kids love it and I love that they love it I'm not sure what the plans are for today but whatever we do it will be done with Neil Diamond and Sweet Caroline in my head.......thanks Kayak I love Neil Diamond, I got to take my mom 3 times to see him. He was her absolute favorite. He puts on a wonderful show!
I'm not sure what the plans are for today but whatever we do it will be done with Neil Diamond and Sweet Caroline in my head.......thanks Kayak I love Neil Diamond, I got to take my mom 3 times to see him. He was her absolute favorite. He puts on a wonderful show!
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Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 5,250
Originally Posted by Thirteenth
I'm back, baby! Finally the connection issue is solved. Not entirely, but enough for me to post regularly. Phone reading is great for me at work. It sucks for me posting anywhere. I don't know how you folks do it. Regardless, I hope to get back to being involved and working on my sobriety which remains as a failed work in progress. You've all been so patient with me and kind when I don't feel I deserve it. I'm hopeful now that I have regular access to successful people and recovery information I'll do a better job. It's not that I couldn't have had it before of course. It's more like I'm still trying to find my way; going to the library for recovery books or to an AA meeting, for two examples, is something I feared doing. And I still do; no change there. Having this community back and all the recovery tools available can only be of benefit. Perhaps I'll finally make the decision to stop. So often I've felt so close to stopping and yet stopped myself from stopping. That's addiction. I have no idea what I'm trying to say at this point. Trying to convey hope while expressing my gratitude and my fears, and trying to understand my addiction (a fool's errand, I think) and so much more. When I first came back under this identity I said that everything was on the table: AA, Smart, outpatient, inpatient, whatever. It's been months and none of those things has happened. Those remain on the table yet I haven't made the actual decision. That's what I'm working towards and I hope that you'll be OK with me continuing to struggle with it until I get there.
We love you!
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Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 505
Kayak seeing a therapist really helped me out. After a session I would start questioning things and it was easy to pick apart my problems. We have talked about the thought process and that was very helpful. I am able to stop and think a little more clearly than be compulsive.
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Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 5,250
Official check in: ha!
Day 37. I am soooo glad I didn't drink yesterday! Omg! I would be in a world of hell right now. Who knows...I may be in jail or dead!
I had a really bad craving at about 7:00 pm last night. Basically my daughter went somewhere with some older girls from high school and I was on my way to pick up carryout for dinner and I saw them driving erratically!!! I was like "WTF?!? My daughter is in that car!!!"
I proceeded to follow them for several miles and pray as I watched the stupid driver squeal her tires! Once they got to their location I called the driver (a teen from my daughters high school) over and gave her a piece of my mind! I told her she was never allowed to drive my daughter anywhere ever again and she could have killed herself and all the girls in the car. I was extremely stern!
She looked very nervous and quickly apologized and admitted that she shouldn't have driven like that. I left and immediately had a huge craving! In that moment, I was serious about drinking!
ANY type of conflict triggers me! Conflict and anger are the top 2 triggers for me!
My AV said "Jen, F it! Just drink! You will feel sooo much better! You can fire your sponsor so you don't have to tell her and just disappear from SR!" I even drove home and told my boys I wasn't getting carryout anymore. I was planning to go to a BAR!!! The entire craving, planning etc lasted about 5-7 minutes.
All of a sudden I snapped out of that moment of insanity and said to myself "No way am I drinking! I'm driving straight to get the carryout and straight home to eat!!!" As soon as I made that decision the craving left me. I came home with the food and ate. I didn't drink!
It DID scare me that my AV is still so strong and present though. It's waiting! It's always waiting to catch me at a weak moment so it can pounce!!!
Anyway...I woke up this morning and was sooooo grateful I didn't drink. It would NOT have been worth it! It will NEVER be worth it!!!
Day 37. I am soooo glad I didn't drink yesterday! Omg! I would be in a world of hell right now. Who knows...I may be in jail or dead!
I had a really bad craving at about 7:00 pm last night. Basically my daughter went somewhere with some older girls from high school and I was on my way to pick up carryout for dinner and I saw them driving erratically!!! I was like "WTF?!? My daughter is in that car!!!"
I proceeded to follow them for several miles and pray as I watched the stupid driver squeal her tires! Once they got to their location I called the driver (a teen from my daughters high school) over and gave her a piece of my mind! I told her she was never allowed to drive my daughter anywhere ever again and she could have killed herself and all the girls in the car. I was extremely stern!
She looked very nervous and quickly apologized and admitted that she shouldn't have driven like that. I left and immediately had a huge craving! In that moment, I was serious about drinking!
ANY type of conflict triggers me! Conflict and anger are the top 2 triggers for me!
My AV said "Jen, F it! Just drink! You will feel sooo much better! You can fire your sponsor so you don't have to tell her and just disappear from SR!" I even drove home and told my boys I wasn't getting carryout anymore. I was planning to go to a BAR!!! The entire craving, planning etc lasted about 5-7 minutes.
All of a sudden I snapped out of that moment of insanity and said to myself "No way am I drinking! I'm driving straight to get the carryout and straight home to eat!!!" As soon as I made that decision the craving left me. I came home with the food and ate. I didn't drink!
It DID scare me that my AV is still so strong and present though. It's waiting! It's always waiting to catch me at a weak moment so it can pounce!!!
Anyway...I woke up this morning and was sooooo grateful I didn't drink. It would NOT have been worth it! It will NEVER be worth it!!!
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Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 5,250
Originally Posted by Keets
I doing great thanks, how are you today? I got some good sleep last night so I feel like I'm thinking a little more clearly today.
Exhausted from my busy week and plan to chill on the couch and watch Olympics today! Relaxation sounds amazing today. It's supposed to storm too so even better. :-)
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 7,919
Keets, for about four years now I've been reading all of Stephen King's books in the order they were published. Decided I wanted to do that since so many of the minor characters in one book are major characters in another and how they almost all play at least some role in the Dark Tower series. Been reading like one book of his every month or 6 weeks since the summer of 2012. Just finally finished the Dark Tower series a couple of months ago and definitely enjoyed it. I kept hearing for years about how many longtime fans were disappointed by the Dark Tower ending but I liked it a lot. I've still got about 14 or 15 books of his to go so I'm guessing I've got about a year and a half on this project until I'm caught up to the present with him. Last one I read was "Lisey's Story" a few weeks ago. I really didn't like it very much, one of my least favorite of his that I've read so far. I just didn't care about any of the characters in that one. Anyways, glad you're getting some better sleep the last couple of days.
Congrats on 37 days, KiKi, and on realizing that a drink was not the answer to that problem last night. In fact, it would have been the opposite of the correct solution.
Glad to see you check in, PeacefulRain. Have a wonderful sober day!
That's good you've got your internet connection situation fixed, Thirteenth. Hope you'll start giving us a chance to help you before you take that first drink.
Congrats on 37 days, KiKi, and on realizing that a drink was not the answer to that problem last night. In fact, it would have been the opposite of the correct solution.
Glad to see you check in, PeacefulRain. Have a wonderful sober day!
That's good you've got your internet connection situation fixed, Thirteenth. Hope you'll start giving us a chance to help you before you take that first drink.
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Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 505
Originally Posted by CaseyW
Keets, for about four years now I've been reading all of Stephen King's books in the order they were published. Decided I wanted to do that since so many of the minor characters in one book are major characters in another and how they almost all play at least some role in the Dark Tower series. Been reading like one book of his every month or 6 weeks since the summer of 2012. Just finally finished the Dark Tower series a couple of months ago and definitely enjoyed it. I kept hearing for years about how many longtime fans were disappointed by the Dark Tower ending but I liked it a lot. I've still got about 14 or 15 books of his to go so I'm guessing I've got about a year and a half on this project until I'm caught up to the present with him. Last one I read was "Lisey's Story" a few weeks ago. I really didn't like it very much, one of my least favorite of his that I've read so far. I just didn't care about any of the characters in that one. Anyways, glad you're getting some better sleep the last couple of days.
Congrats on 37 days, KiKi, and on realizing that a drink was not the answer to that problem last night. In fact, it would have been the opposite of the correct solution.
Glad to see you check in, PeacefulRain. Have a wonderful sober day!
That's good you've got your internet connection situation fixed, Thirteenth. Hope you'll start giving us a chance to help you before you take that first drink.
Congrats on 37 days, KiKi, and on realizing that a drink was not the answer to that problem last night. In fact, it would have been the opposite of the correct solution.
Glad to see you check in, PeacefulRain. Have a wonderful sober day!
That's good you've got your internet connection situation fixed, Thirteenth. Hope you'll start giving us a chance to help you before you take that first drink.
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