CaseyW

Talk to us, KiKi. Remember what's worked for you before--first make sure you're not hungry. Think through that drink to all the negative consequences. Scream at your addiction to go bleep itself. Keep posting in here once a minute. Call your sponsor. Take a walk. Sit on your hands. Just don't take that first drink NO MATTER WHAT. Those thoughts/cravings will subside and you'll never regret not drinking.

ladyboo

still here for another day clean & sober. not as depressed about our situation- which includes issues other than my drinking.....but we are all hanging in there! chugging along! oops! unintentional wording there!

Fabela

Good job, ladyboo.

I'm incredibly restless. Knitting, surfing, watching reruns of NCIS, smelling the residues of Charlie's anal sacs explosions at the vet's, eating chocolate, surfing again... Can't wait until I can go to bed. Very stressful day tomorrow, and then a stressful week ahead. Blæh.

KiKi0615

I'm drinking guys. I don't know what the answer is. Everybody is so far had of me with the recovery time. I'm so proud of everybody for reaching 60 days, 57 days, all the days that you're getting. But on the other hand, I just makes me feel like a failure. Makes me ask "what's wrong with me?" Creates so much shame & guilt! But I AM happy for you guys!

As much as I love you guys, sometimes I feel like maybe I should join the April or May class. And start all over.

I'm getting ready to call some outpatient treatment center to see how expensive they are. I also just got off the phone with someone from AA that has 46 years of sobriety, she said that the best way to stay sober for her was to get really involved in AA.

Do I need to do that again?

Bobbieka

Fabela have you driven on Atlantic Ocean Highway? That looks awesome and scary.

Bobbieka

I think you should stay here. AA whatever. What has been keeping me sober is finding people on SR to help. If I really feel like drinking, I start reading and try and help someone else. When I'm not thinking of myself, the urges go away. But, if staying in our class makes you feel like a failure - you should do what helps you. I know we really miss you when you are not around.

Fabela

Yes I have, but only in gorgeous weather, never in wind. Now THAT's scary! It's one of the most beautiful roads I have seen, along with Highway 1 in California.

Fabela

Hey Kiki, I'm on day 2, so if you want someone to compare with, I'm here! Don't leave us...

Bobbieka

Also, Kiki, if you are looking at my 57 days and thinking you are a failure, remember - I am 50 years old. I was looking at losing my entire family (and myself) if I didn't quit. You definitely don't want to get to the point I did. I still don't know how I got there.

Kayak63sc

Whenever I deal with a slip I like to read these lyrics. This song was written by Nikki Sixx during his recovery from heroin.


Don't give up, it takes a while
I have seen this look before
And it's alright
You're not alone
If you don't love this anymore
I hear that you've slipped again
I'm here 'cause I know you'll need a friend

And you know that accidents can happen
And it's okay,*
We all fall off the wagon sometimes
It's not your whole life
It's only one day
You haven't thrown everything away.

Take some time and learn to breathe
And remember what it means
To feel alive
And to believe
Something more than what you see
I know there's a price for this
But some things in life you must resist

Kayak63sc

I do know what Kiki is talking about.
I'm always so proud of everybody in the room that is doing well but some of you people make it look easy I know it's not but sometimes it makes some of us wonder what the hell's wrong with us

CaseyW

This is not a competition, KiKi. This is our lives we're fighting for. It doesn't matter whether we're on day one or day 3,000, it's being sober today that is of the utmost importance.

Please put down whatever you're drinking now, pour it down a sink or throw it in the trash, and get some water and food in you. Don't continue to feed your addiction. You've proven time and time and time again that drinking is not the answer for you--we've all proven that.

I hope you decide to stick with us. There's no reason to think any of us would make you feel any guilt or shame at all about drinking--I'm sorry you're drinking and feel nothing but empathy for you right now because I've been down that road so many times before and I know how you're feeling right now. I think adding AA or another recovery group or IOP or even inpatient rehab to your recovery plan is a good idea.

Fabela

Casey, you are so right, this is not a competition. Still, it can be demotivating to see others succeed while you're struggling. I don't know, Kiki, what you should do, but you will always have a place in the March Class 2016. Heck, I'm not leaving, you guys are stuck with me.

Applekat

Kiki - check out my SR join date. Then add two years to that of lurking on SR before even joining. This ain't easy!! I think I come on here and have a mini pity party every other day!!

LoftyIdeals

There's nothing easy about this! Hang in there Kiki, and its okay to join other groups or to lurk, but I sure wouldn't leave the fine folks on this thread if you do so. I am on another Day 1 as well, but I am hopeful it will be the first of a long string of days. Hopeful, because I found a great recovery counselor who sees this thing just the way I do, it seems, and is going to help me fill my toolbox with great techniques that include mindfulness, urge surfing and more. We will meet weekly. In addition to that Im adding a SMART recovery meeting once a week, possibly an AA meeting once or twice a week, and eventually an addiction therapy group. So the toolbox is under construction. Now, I have to identify those obstacles and hurdles we all know are in our paths and make plans to overcome, face, or avoid them along the way.

Why do we go through this work? Because we believe that there is more to life than living in altered states, and we want our lives back. Maybe we are motivated by the effect of our substance abuse on others as well as ourselves, maybe, like me, a loss hit us over the head like a 2x4, and we gained a lucid moment from it that allowed us to see how far we've gone down the rabbit hole. Maybe we are threatened by the loss of family, job, financial security or our health or a combination of all those. But, the fact is that this is a deadly disease that kills by inches or thousands of little cuts, and causes suffering to us and to those around us. It needn't be that way.

So, I am deciding that, at 53 yrs old, I am going to find the happiness that has eluded me since I was a child. I wont paint it on with drink or drugs any longer; I'll find it once and for all and greedily embrace it, and let my new happiness shine through to others. That's my declaration. Starting now.

LillianGish

Lofty, you sound like you're on a great path. That's wonderful!

CaseyW

Sounds like some great steps forward there, Lofty. Good job starting to set up a solid foundation for your recovery.

clearlyheaded

Kiki - you are not alone! Just last night AV was whispering in my ear that it was the last chance to drink before surgery. I get really annoyed about having to shut it down constantly. It isn't easy for any of us, even those who are seemingly breezing through right now. Always remember that what you see from the outside is not always reflective of what is going on on the inside. So it doesn't do any good to compare yourself to anyone else. I don't heavily focus on what day I'm on, even though I do recognize it. The way I see it is that I've had far more sober days since joining than I've had drinking days. That is what I am fighting for. Learning how to live life sober. Even when I fall, I learn something that seems to make me a little stronger going forward. That's what keeps me coming back. We're in this together.

Bobbieka

Lofty, out of all of that, what really stood out to me is that you are older than me!! I thought I was the old one of the bunch. That makes me happy!

Just kidding. I have done the same things. I made a binder (with a really cool cover that I made) practice urge surfing and read a lot. I don't know what the answers are. I know that when my husband quit drinking with me, it really made all of the difference in the world. I was so desperate I started going back to church. I pray more now. Call it meditating or whatever you want, I just feel that the mental reinforcement is a big thing.

Until I got actively involved, I had 0 (zero) sober days. Couldn't do it.

CaseyW

This is most definitely not easy for me either. I went to my first AA meeting in July 2002, almost 13 years ago. I've got 46 days sober today. Just because I'm not fighting cravings today or yesterday doesn't mean that I'm not very much an alcoholic and that I don't have a whole lot of work to do in my own life and recovery. I've told my story in here and on the rest of this forum many times before, not going to repeat it all here now. One of the important lessons I have learned over these 13 years is to look for the similarities I have with others in recovery instead of focusing on the differences. I'm doing good today, but I'm also working very hard on keeping my sobriety as my #1 priority right now because I know that today is all I have.

And I post my day count every morning because it's my way of staying accountable to you and, maybe even more importantly, to myself. I'm telling each and every one of you and myself that I didn't drink yesterday and I'm not planning on doing so today either. When I stop posting my day count, you folks should start worrying about me.

Leaving for work now. Wishing you all a safe and sober Wednesday evening or Thursday morning for our Australians!