Kiki - you are not alone! Just last night AV was whispering in my ear that it was the last chance to drink before surgery. I get really annoyed about having to shut it down constantly. It isn't easy for any of us, even those who are seemingly breezing through right now. Always remember that what you see from the outside is not always reflective of what is going on on the inside. So it doesn't do any good to compare yourself to anyone else. I don't heavily focus on what day I'm on, even though I do recognize it. The way I see it is that I've had far more sober days since joining than I've had drinking days. That is what I am fighting for. Learning how to live life sober. Even when I fall, I learn something that seems to make me a little stronger going forward. That's what keeps me coming back. We're in this together.