freein14

Oh, that's inspired! Fabulous thought!

Dee74

I think life is too short and I would throw it away Free

D

MariahGayle

Oh no, bad stew penance

izzy8

"Bad stew penance", lol! I've been trying "healthier recipes" lately that my family hates(of course)- it is hard to waste food but I agree with Dee- life is short ...

We are no longer homeschoolers! Kids have been in school since January now and it's been a good change for all.

I still feel like I'm in a rut- can't get past the 3 glasses a nite thing. Makes me feel so stupid! But our family seems to be moving in a healthier direction overall so thats good ... ?

Prayers my way, please!

By the way, loved "the shack"- great book

I

MariahGayle

Hi Izzy....glad things are going well with you & your family. Do you maintain the 3 glasses a night or does it at times go beyond that, if you feel comfortable answering. I bet it is a nice break for you from the home schooling...enjoy before their all home for summer break. So nice to have you posting here again! Prayers on the way!!

MariahGayle

Wow, what a day! I managed to get everything done I had on my list today despite not even wanting to leave the house this am. I have been going for 9 hrs & have cleaning supplies organized, packed in trunk & ready to go to job early in the am. I called my temporary sponsor this am & asked if she would be my permanent sponsor & she said she would be glad to & then made a noon meeting before tackling my to do list.

Yes Freein, I think accepting that I just will not be able to do that type of work until I get my anxiety under control & develop some strong coping skills is just what & where I need to be right now. I'm also going to do my best to put situation with Niece in Gods hands now....I will support my Brother & the little ones if they need me but I cannot continue to let it affect me like it has.

Anyway, waiting for Son to call for a ride from the gym, then going to chill & maybe watch a movie. Happy Friday everyone

obosob

Morning all,
Good stuff Izzy, good to hear from you....!!!!!!

2 weeks here since the last episode.......
Feel much better about everything.
Thanks to all for the support.


Anger is an interesting topic, it's like alcoholism, you're not sure if you have a problem or not, but everyone else is...!
Ha!

In for the bargain.

Hang in there Mariah: a lot to deal with.....

Freein: You maybe right, Eckhart Tolle and hios anger musings are quite accurate for me...

stay tuned................

MariahGayle

Nice going on 2 weeks Obo, those are tough ones to get through! I think your doing a great thing working on the anger issue....I have no doubt it is going to be a big help to you. you should take the Fools on a bus trip, we have t been on one in a while!!

Dee74

Congrats on 2 weeks Obo

D

izzy8

Mariah,

About once a week, the hubs and I go on a date nite and so that usually turns into more ... And then I really feel horrible. But still, 3/ nite(one of those little cartons of "black box" or "vendange") ... Still feels excessive ... We've had beer in the fridge all week I haven't touched so I guess I'm not completely out of control but still ... And I totally don't mind you asking- thx for caring!

Obo ... anger ... I've got it too. Not a lot of people have seen that side of me- but once I get mad, watch out! I do think unresolved ... stuff ... makes mile hills turn into mountains- has been my experience anyway. Are you still teaching? How's baby Anna?

Yes, Mariah- I've definitely enjoyed the time alone and knowing that the kiddos are getting more of what they need ... They need more than just the momma!

I hope things go well with your family. I'm glad you're able to be a support- must be a blessing to them- thx for the prayers ❤️

Dee74

Would you consider a sober date night Izzy? would Hubby?

D

izzy8

Dee, every morning I resolve to never drink again- it's what has killed (literally) much of my family, after all- why would I ever want anything to do with that again? It's illogical! Then, late afternoon rolls around and it's only 3 glasses, right? And for 8 years now, I've replayed that same stupid(for lack of a better word) song and dance ... Clearly this *crap* is hereditary although I know thats no excuse ... Yes, short answer- a sober date nite would be the right answer but honestly, when it comes time, I'm never strong enough to make that right decision. And I know that is so lame(I have teenagers- so that word comes to mind). But being honest here is all I know to do at this point. I don't want to hit "rock bottom" before I make needed changes and I envy people like freein who didn't have to do that to just decide! To be better. I feel very weak.

Congrats obo- 2 weeks is awesome!

izzy8

I will say, that I've read all of the "recovery hero" stories. That has given me inspiration to quit. I didn't drink one evening after reading those. Something about needing to change my whole life- not just quitting a "bad habit" spoke to me.

When I was 14, my high school boyfriend wrote a poem about alcohol and the title was my name.

Clearly, this has been a problem for a while!

obosob

Izzy, for what it's worth.

If you really are sure you want to make some changes, posting here and being accountable to the fools has helped me.
Also to bring up issues that are bothering me has been the best counseling I've ever had.
It's like speaking with people who know you....

I've fallen over 3 times in the last 2 years.
Despite the relapses, which have been a day back in the ring, I've learnt so much about myself through the fools and reading posts on SR.

I think just being around here is a start.
I knew at 30 there was a big problem, didn't get sober until 39....

Yes working 12 hour days at school still....
Baby Anna put on a real show last night.
Her mother and I are exhausted, I try to sneak in a nap on the couch in the classroom here, with the door locked!
I'm sure the cleaners are on to me, but they dont speak English and I dont speak Chinese.

Good luck Izzy, take it easy, my thoughts are with you!

MariahGayle

Yes Izzy & if your like me, I managed to maintain for a long time mainly because of the kids but as they got older & I didn't have quite the responsibility I had when they were younger is when my alcoholism took on a whole new faze, so Definately keep looking at total abstinence because it grabs hold as is incredibly powerful. (big Hug to you)

obosob

Life is far too short...................

Dee74

I don't want some catastrophic event to be your impetus either Izzy - but I really do think this is a progressive condition, and trust me...catastrophes can emerge without warning and change lives forever.

The sooner you can quit the better off you'll be

D

freein14

Izzy, it's so good to hear how you're getting on. I had to smile, though when you mentioned about me "just making the decision..." It wasn't quite like that, because the "decision" took me years of emotional turmoil to make. What you're describing, really was how I was also feeling, while I was drinking. I'd also managed to limit myself to just a few glasses a night. But I still had that dreadful craving for more, it's an awful feeling, fighting against yourself, constantly arguing with yourself. At those times I used to hate myself for being so weak and stupid.

But it's not weakness or stupidity, it's addiction. For me, the only way out of that endless cycle was total sobriety. Any amount of alcohol just triggered that destructive response, so it had to be a total commitment.

I used to think "if only my OH would stop drinking, then I'd be able to quit too", "how can I give it up while he's still drinking" etc etc...

Funny thing is, once I'd stopped, he also stopped (after a little while)

I think, giving up alcohol is the single most difficult but important thing I've ever done. Yet, because it was so challenging, I honestly feel I can tackle pretty much anything now if I set my mind to it.
Since making that decision, I haven't once woken up and thought "I wish I'd had a drink last night", every morning I wake up and feel great about myself. Day after day, self esteem grows, and before you know it, that's the norm. The thought of destroying yourself again with alcohol isn't an option.

I hope this helps you while you're making your own decision Izzy. Love a blessings to you and your family x

freein14

I've made the executive decision to bury the (now frozen) bolognaise in the veg patch. You're so right, life's too short, and I'm an adult so I can jolly well do what I want with my appalling culinary creations. I just hope it doesn't poison the worms!
Thanks everyone for the reality check

freein14

There, the dirty deed is done.
That was incredibly satisfying.