Upward2Enlightenment

Ugh ... I think tops or Mariah shared their cold with me. My nose keeps getting stuffed up and I just feel achy and tired even after a ton of sleep.

Good to see you here izzy. I hope you can discover the path to your sobriety. I agree that addiction is a progressive disease.

Good job free, and you didn't throw away the bolognaise, you re-purposed it.

izzy8

Good morning everyone

Thanks so much for the encouragement and perspective check. I need that especially coming from you all- Even though we haven't met, I've grown to respect each of you so much. You sharing your stories here helps me with mine.

I did share that I have a problem with my sister- I don't think she believed me. Her alcoholism has progressed to a point that she's never sober. It's very sad.

Yes free, this has affected my self esteem and I do think it's limited me in other areas although I might be labeled as a, " high functioning alcoholic".

Mariah- that really helps- maintaining is a great way to put it. I want to recover, not maintain.

Obo- so happy to hear Anna is doing well. None of our babies were good sleepers! I hope you get some rest. I'm going to take your advice and start being accountable here.

dee- I don't want a catastrophic event either. I love my family and feel a lot of guilt for putting them in harms way. I think I can be very thankful that it hasn't gotten really bad, yet.

Up- I need that reminder. Really.

Thanks for being patient with me even though you may not feel it!

I'm going to be more transparent here- even if it's hard. You may hear more than you're wanting to! But I KNOW I need to do this and I need to commit while I'm feeling strong .

Off to get 5 sleepyheads ready for school!

Upward2Enlightenment

We are here for you izzy.

obosob

Just watched Flight....
Excellent movie.
Very close to the bone.

Catastrophic events, in my opinion, just come to you when you're drinking. It's just a matter of when, not if....

Right back up the front of the wagon now.

Nothing you cant share here Izzy....Good stuff.

stay tuned.....

izzy8

Going to have to watch it Obo, looking for a movie idea. Trying to slow down - movies help

Free- I just threw away the remains of last nites dinner- kale and chicken sausage stew, no guilt. Took forever to make and totally not worth it. I'd rather have a little kale in my salad and sausage with my eggs.

OK so, I remember about 2 years ago logging on here and freaking out when I realized the extent of my problem.

I'm not thankful that I have an addiction problem. But I'm thankful for how this has humbled me, has helped me to acknowledge my imperfectness overall, if that makes sense? There's a freedom in saying, "nope, not perfect- I have problems too- real problems- big problems ...".

For whatever reason, I think I've felt some kind of pressure in life to be perfect.

I'm not perfect.

But I want to be free.

Free, the rare times that I wake up after not drinking ... feels so good.

It just feels like such a battle that I have a hard time believing I can win, long term. So I tell myself that maintaining is enough.

So hard.but I have had enough happen or almost happen that I don't want to play with fire anymore.

Free- are you playing piano? I need to play around on mine.

Obo you crack me up - thinking about you with all your survival antics over there teaching ... I know of a great school district if you're looking for a change!

Mariah- did you get any new cleaning prospects?

Up- how's the sleep?

I have the cold too! Unbelievable

Top(where are you?!) said something a while back about being in the middle of the sea and fighting with everything he had to get to shore- I think that was a comparison to early sobriety ... dang sea ...

Obo- only 2 relapses seems awesome- Way to go on 2 weeks !

izzy8

Also- I think I've hung onto this," well, I'm just not a black and white thinker ... Not a type A personality ..."

Part of life change for me needs to be taking a stand- not being passive and naming it something that feels more noble.

I get tired - and probably haven't gotten over some things.... Which I use as an excuse to continue to be passive ...

If I do nothing else of value in my life, I will give my family a sober wife and mother.

Off to a quiet day and eating lunch with my twins at their middle school - surprised but blessed that they want me to come .

Day 1.

MariahGayle

Freein

have a good day all

Upward2Enlightenment

Events come at all of us, sober or not, even catastrophic ones. The problem is that if you are not sober things seem worse. It is easier to focus on the real problem with a clear mind.

The sleep hasn't been too bad izzy, I have always been a night person so I don't get to sleep until late, maybe I'm part vampire.
Have a great time with your lunch date.

Have a great day everyone.

Upward2Enlightenment

I feel awful.

I'm under the covers in bed watching Harry Potter. Never thought I would be saying that.

I'm thinking of having some soup for lunch but I don't feel like making it.
I'm not going to ask free, she might not have buried everything.

izzy8

Ha! I should have given you ours ... Hope you're feeling better soon Up- enjoy HP

freein14

Yes, Izzy, I'm still humiliating myself by trying to bang out tunes on the piano. No one else is up to the task of listening, so I just play to torment myself when I can!

Btw, it's great to see you're back on the sobriety track. Day 1 and counting

Great work Obo, 2 weeks, you've bounced back fast

I've spent most of the day working out how to cover this sofa of ours. I've had an old sheet draped over it for weeks, pretending that it's a pattern. But today, I've actually cut it out and stitched it together to see if the idea works. I think it'll work, but I just need to work out how it will fit over the scroll back and arms. I think it will need a zip, or an opening of some sort. Tricky little customer, but I've really enjoyed my attempt at upholstery.

I might see if there's any local upholstery courses available.

I'm not attempting anything glorious for tonight's dinner, OH and I both felt it would be less traumatic to aim for beans on toast, maybe with a bit of ground pepper if things look like they're going well.

Tops, how's it going?

Have a great start to the weekend all.

freein14

Oh UP, soup is the one thing I'm really brilliant at! I can definitely help you out with that. If I post it today, you should have it in a week or two. I'll pop it in a flask for you, so the envelope doesn't get soggy. Would you like a brown, white or granary roll with that?

Hope you feel better soon x

izzy8

Ate with my boys- so fun. I'm so proud of the way they've just jumped in and been a part of something new- they were the least excited about the change and are doing great.

No cravings so far. Sorry for the lengthy posts earlier! I figure that if I want different results, I need to be different- which for me means being honest about this deal- even if it's uncomfortable.

One more thought:
If British accents make people sound smarter in Texas, do Texan accents make people sound stupider(lol) in England?

I'm trying to watch "flight" b4 I get the kiddos but my internet suddenly crashed. Shoot!

Upward2Enlightenment

Lol, surprise me.
Good thing I don't go to AA / NA meetings. I imagine I would get some looks drinking soup from a flask.

I fell asleep for a bit, it helped me feel a little better. But, it really freaked me out! I woke up feeling someone stroking my hair. I live alone! And no one has ever done that for me when I'm sick, not my mom or my ex.

It felt nice but scary at the same time.

Upward2Enlightenment

Post as much as you want izzy. I'm glad that your kids are fitting in well at school, sometimes kids can be hard on new kids.

I'm curious too about American accents in other countries, not just Texas accents.

izzy8

Angel maybe, Up?

Things haven't been perfect at their schools but overall it's been great for us all. It is a good school district so that helps.

Ok, so started having my, "no big deal ... This is our pizza movie nite ... time to relax! ... " thoughts ....

Going to make it a sober one!

Upward2Enlightenment

Angel sounds wonderful izzy.

I hope she comes back.

freein14

Accents always make people seem more exotic and attractive to others. I'm considering moving to Texas if an English accent sounds smart - I need all the help I can get!

Btw, American accents sound very cool over here (as do Aussie' s!), Very film star- ish.

UP, that was a strange experience, but very nice though. If it was an angel, hope he/She visits again!

Dee74

In for the bargain - looking for compadres

D

Upward2Enlightenment

Count me in Dee.